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[so] So/sx or sx/so?

Lia_kat

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Look at your tumblr. It clearly looks like you're not happy with many of society's things. Some that I had a hard time just easily accepting. You have Marilyn Manson as your avatar. Your signature. Your IG. I don't believe you're there to try to find common anything with anybody. But you're not rude either and it seems you're fine with that. ;)

True. True.
 

Lia_kat

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When I was deciding between being so/sx and sx/so my reasons why I decided I am so/sx are : low assertivity, low energy levels, no need for external drama, low need for emotional intimacy, dispassionate and go with the flow nature... You seem kinda a bit of an opposite of this to me...at least to a point. But then I only know you online, so I can't really see behind what is happening here on the forum.

Hmm.. I'm actually kind of similar. Low assertivity, low energy levels (this tends to change on my mood though and can get crazy high), no need for external drama, go with the flow.. All of those except the no need for emotional intimacy and dispassion. Maybe I come across differently online..? Lol.
 

hjgbujhghg

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Hmm.. I'm actually kind of similar. Low assertivity, low energy levels (this tends to change on my mood though and can get crazy high), no need for external drama, go with the flow.. All of those except the no need for emotional intimacy and dispassion. Maybe I come across differently online..? Lol.

You seem as a quite assertive and passionate person to me and that relates more to sx
 

Lia_kat

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You seem as a quite assertive and passionate person to me and that relates more to sx

I'm very passionate but I don't think I'm really assertive irl. I'm actually very go with the flow and easygoing. That's my default. Now can I be assertive in the right situation or if it's needed? Most definitely. I don't know if that makes any difference... You guys are so much more knowledgeable than me.
 

Lia_kat

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And thank you all for your input so far, it's been very interesting & helpful! :hug:
 

hjgbujhghg

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Look it's easy:
sx - seeks intimacy and oneness not only in a relationship, but it everything they do. They want to feel deeply connected to the object of their passion (can be person, art, work etc...). Sx people need to feel attached, if they lack attachment in their lives they feel hopeless and lacking.

so - need to be a part of a community, a social system, need to feel like they belong somewhere and are part of something bigger and more important than themselves. So first people can be more emotionally detached and formal in their style of communication. Sx are far more warm and they seem like they want to "get into you" while so people don't really need to get into your persona or form a relationship, they can be more reserved in one on one communication.

so/sx 4 - The lightest type of 4. There is a need for social recognition and status mixed with the feeling of being an outsider. So/sx mostly seem like type 7 and often mistype themselves as one (like in my case), they can be funny, charming and foolish people. They like to play and can be goofy or childlike unlike the more dramatic sx 4s or more serious sp 4s.

sx/so 4 - Is very intense, cares about both social status and intimacy, can have very high demands on people and relationships. Sx/so can desire fame even more than so/sx, they can be very dramatic and expressive individuals. Sx 4s are passionate, assertive and very individualistic. They are the stereotype of a an enneagram 4 (sx/sp even more).
 

1487610420

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Look it's easy:
sx - seeks intimacy and oneness not only in a relationship, but it everything they do. They want to feel deeply connected to the object of their passion (can be person, art, work etc...). Sx people need to feel attached, if they lack attachment in their lives they feel hopeless and lacking.

so - need to be a part of a community, a social system, need to feel like they belong somewhere and are part of something bigger and more important than themselves. So first people can be more emotionally detached and formal in their style of communication. Sx are far more warm and they seem like they want to "get into you" while so people don't really need to get into your persona or form a relationship, they can be more reserved in one on one communication.

so/sx 4 - The lightest type of 4. There is a need for social recognition and status mixed with the feeling of being an outsider. So/sx mostly seem like type 7 and often mistype themselves as one (like in my case), they can be funny, charming and foolish people. They like to play and can be goofy or childlike unlike the more dramatic sx 4s or more serious sp 4s.

sx/so 4 - Is very intense, cares about both social status and intimacy, can have very high demands on people and relationships. Sx/so can desire fame even more than so/sx, they can be very dramatic and expressive individuals. Sx 4s are passionate, assertive and very individualistic. They are the stereotype of a an enneagram 4 (sx/sp even more).

7233799.gif
 

fetus

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I agree with [MENTION=18559]Inis Mona[/MENTION], although I would say so-dominants are more likely to be warm and personal than sx-dominants. Sexuals are intense, I think. Socials are lighter.

And I agree with so/sx being the lightest 4, especially with a 3 wing. So/sx 4 might be prone to a me vs the world mentality, because they're highly aware of all the social hierarchies and such, but they're still 4s, which are by nature individualistic.

I'm a 6w7 so/sx, and I mistyped as a 4w3 so/sx when I first got into all of this.
 

Lia_kat

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I get all that. I guess it's just a bit difficult for me to decide because I feel and see traits of both sx/so and so/sx. I'm the funny, charming, silly one, warm in communication, dramatic and expressive, the outsider, and also seek intimacy and oneness with everything I do or create.
 

small.wonder

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[MENTION=27014]florpoetis[/MENTION] I think oftentimes with instincts, it's very easy for us to confuse/blend core and wing traits in with our understandings of instincts, and really get too caught up in "trait descriptions" in general (that really have nothing to do with the meaning of instincts). For myself, I think it's helpful to understand instincts for what they are alone, in addition to th core specific combinations.

The Social instinct tends to be most focused on contribution-- to the group, whatever that may be. In 4's this tends to manifest as a fixation with an inability to contribute to the group, almost bemoaning (vocally) the lack of the contribution/involvement that they wish they could make. The Sexual instinct on the other hand is more about merging, moving towards individuals, and manifests in 4's like vengeful envy-- "I envy you, so I kill you" as Naranjo puts it, or making others suffer.

I do think the core specific instinctual descriptions are great and important too. With 4, the general theme is suffering: SO suffers vocally, SP is long suffering, and SX makes others suffer. Here's some work I've done on the instincts of 4 and 3 if it helps at all (I do think looking at wing helps too).
 

D'Ascoyne

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so/sx types across the board have an indelible quality of amiability. Personally, I find them very difficult to dislike; I let them get away with more than most.
 

Forever

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so/sx types across the board have an indelible quality of amiability. Personally, I find them very difficult to dislike; I let them get away with more than most.

:newwink:
 

Forever

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[MENTION=27014]florpoetis[/MENTION] I think oftentimes with instincts, it's very easy for us to confuse/blend core and wing traits in with our understandings of instincts, and really get too caught up in "trait descriptions" in general (that really have nothing to do with the meaning of instincts). For myself, I think it's helpful to understand instincts for what they are alone, in addition to th core specific combinations.

The Social instinct tends to be most focused on contribution-- to the group, whatever that may be. In 4's this tends to manifest as a fixation with an inability to contribute to the group, almost bemoaning (vocally) the lack of the contribution/involvement that they wish they could make. The Sexual instinct on the other hand is more about merging, moving towards individuals, and manifests in 4's like vengeful envy-- "I envy you, so I kill you" as Naranjo puts it, or making others suffer.

I do think the core specific instinctual descriptions are great and important too. With 4, the general theme is suffering: SO suffers vocally, SP is long suffering, and SX makes others suffer. Here's some work I've done on the instincts of 4 and 3 if it helps at all (I do think looking at wing helps too).

LOL no wonder [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] said I was a so/sx 4. I mean if I was a 4 that is.

I couldn't make anyone else suffer. </3

I relate on your "instincts" most with 5 then 8.
 

small.wonder

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LOL no wonder [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] said I was a so/sx 4. I mean if I was a 4 that is.

I couldn't make anyone else suffer. </3

I relate on your "instincts" most with 5 then 8.

For the record, they aren't mine, they are Naranjo's (just the presentation is mine)-- he's my fav. :heart:

And yeah, that's a huge difference between So and Sx, the latter really can be vicious (which I think people often ignore when they self type as Sx-first). I do want to note that Sx 4 doesn't walk around level headedly making other people hurt, it's in the throes of their anger-tinged envy that they cause others to suffer. They are sometimes called the "shameless 4" (out of irony because 4 is so shame filled) because instead of being caught in the despair of *mope* "I feel so wronged and will never have/be what I desire", they start there and then ignite in an enflamed envy/anger that says "wait a freaking minute, I will have and deserve what I want and will take it". That's when things get smashed (including other people's feelings). To be fair, those episodes are followed by feeling like a total monster and intense self loathing. Beast from "Beauty and The Beast" is a decent example.

:ack!: It ain't pretty, I know because I am one. Each variety has its own ugliness though, I suppose.
 

Lia_kat

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so/sx types across the board have an indelible quality of amiability. Personally, I find them very difficult to dislike; I let them get away with more than most.

That sounds like me in most social situations (after people approach me -- I have the resting bitch face so a lot of people don't lol). I'm very easygoing and try to make people feel comfortable.

For the record, they aren't mine, they are Naranjo's (just the presentation is mine)-- he's my fav. :heart:

And yeah, that's a huge difference between So and Sx, the latter really can be vicious (which I think people often ignore when they self type as Sx-first). I do want to note that Sx 4 doesn't walk around level headedly making other people hurt, it's in the throes of their anger-tinged envy that they cause others to suffer. They are sometimes called the "shameless 4" (out of irony because 4 is so shame filled) because instead of being caught in the despair of *mope* "I feel so wronged and will never have/be what I desire", they start there and then ignite in an enflamed envy/anger that says "wait a freaking minute, I will have and deserve what I want and will take it". That's when things get smashed (including other people's feelings). To be fair, those episodes are followed by feeling like a total monster and intense self loathing. Beast from "Beauty and The Beast" is a decent example.

:ack!: It ain't pretty, I know because I am one. Each variety has its own ugliness though, I suppose.

I've had a lot of those moments actually, except I have not really noticed (maybe I was unaware?) where I've hurt other people's feelings, I just get very stubborn and have the "I'm going to do whatever I want because I deserve it" attitude. This is usually followed with not having enough motivation to actually do anything, I'm afraid. So then I just end up hating myself.
I think I'm more so/sx.
 

Dreamer

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I think so-dom can commonly be kind of counterphobic, especially 4's. So dom doesn't mean one is involved in tons of stuff, it can mean being aware of the social elements but also being super self conscious of not easily fitting into any of those things. So so-dom can isolate because of that. Like, the hyper focus/awareness makes one withdraw. With 4 I think there's an awareness of it but shame in knowing it's not really 'you'. Like, being good at picking up those things but shying away from it too, or not liking it. Being bothered on some level by not fitting in/having a 'group' of peers, but also never forcing it and staying true to self (the 4 does). 4 so-dom I think is often called a 'social critic', if I remember correctly. A bit of an outsider but also yeah, ability to be 'sweet' and get along well with others, in day to day stuff/on the job.

This is very inciteful for me since I have been curious in finding out how my enneagram and instinctual preferences may influence my particular "flavor" of personality. I pick up on social cues and "standards" fairly easily, ok well, if I think about it and not just lost in my own thoughts, and I will even go out and perform these dances around others, but inside, I'm just disgusted with it and feel like such a fraud. I think I just do it since I see the practical value in doing such things. It's really, a way to get what you want, by playing the game so to speak. I know this makes me seem like some coniving manipulator, but my deep Fi values keeps that in check long before I entertain those sorts of thoughts.
 

her-space-holiday

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hmmm, this thread is making rethink and re-evaluate myself as a sx/so. I'm much more of a peace-keeper than someone who wants to stir the pot, when it comes to my friends and external drama I might unwittingly get dragged in by friends - in which case I take a somewhat detached approach and normally become Switzerland.

A person is never truly objective, but I try very hard to see things from all perspectives and optimize my objectivity.

At the same time, I give in to worldly pleasures if the opportunity presents itself - drugs(mainly psychedelics, alcohol and weed), sex, good food and exhilarating experiences - but usually they tend to fall in my lap instead of me seeking it out(ok...that's not ALWAYS true, but I'm usually the one looking for enablers instead of being the one to enable). I'm also as much of a risk taker as a J can be, I suppose - I will weigh it and calculate the pro's and and the cons to an extent - but..I certainly have some stories :D:doh:
 

Forever

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For the record, they aren't mine, they are Naranjo's (just the presentation is mine)-- he's my fav. :heart:

And yeah, that's a huge difference between So and Sx, the latter really can be vicious (which I think people often ignore when they self type as Sx-first). I do want to note that Sx 4 doesn't walk around level headedly making other people hurt, it's in the throes of their anger-tinged envy that they cause others to suffer. They are sometimes called the "shameless 4" (out of irony because 4 is so shame filled) because instead of being caught in the despair of *mope* "I feel so wronged and will never have/be what I desire", they start there and then ignite in an enflamed envy/anger that says "wait a freaking minute, I will have and deserve what I want and will take it". That's when things get smashed (including other people's feelings). To be fair, those episodes are followed by feeling like a total monster and intense self loathing. Beast from "Beauty and The Beast" is a decent example.

:ack!: It ain't pretty, I know because I am one. Each variety has its own ugliness though, I suppose.

I've done that sometimes. I like to think myself infamous for destroying connections of those who I subjectively see to oppress me. I really understand what you mean here. I just don't think people should be part of my circle, if they don't deserve the self I give. Earlier I did feel like that, but when you do it more often it seems to not be so bad when time goes on. I am not someone to let other's give the right: I am Forever's friend blah blah he's so cool/mean/weird. I feel as if people don't have the right to compliment/insult me if they're not worthy of it. It's illogical to those who haven't experienced it really.
 

D'Ascoyne

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hmmm, this thread is making rethink and re-evaluate myself as a sx/so. I'm much more of a peace-keeper than someone who wants to stir the pot, when it comes to my friends and external drama I might unwittingly get dragged in by friends - in which case I take a somewhat detached approach and normally become Switzerland.

A person is never truly objective, but I try very hard to see things from all perspectives and optimize my objectivity.

At the same time, I give in to worldly pleasures if the opportunity presents itself - drugs(mainly psychedelics, alcohol and weed), sex, good food and exhilarating experiences - but usually they tend to fall in my lap instead of me seeking it out(ok...that's not ALWAYS true, but I'm usually the one looking for enablers instead of being the one to enable). I'm also as much of a risk taker as a J can be, I suppose - I will weigh it and calculate the pro's and and the cons to an extent - but..I certainly have some stories :D:doh:

Valuing objectivity is, I think, more an indication of psychological maturity than linked to instinctual variant. It might be, for all I know, but in my readings on it, there doesn't seem to be any meaningful link.

You could be an sx/so and link up your Swiss-ness to Fe/INFJ and 5 wing. I know sx/so types who are situational peacekeepers; what makes them sx/so vs so/sx is how they approach the conflict.

sx/so has a "fuck it" energy, they're gamblers. If an sx/so steps into a conflict situation involving their friends, but in which they're an outsider, their role as mediator is not really going to look that way, unless they do it professionally or something. They're more likely to be "on the side" of the conflict energy itself, seeing it as something natural and maybe necessary. It really does come down to "fuck it" with sx/so, though their expression of the instinct really depends on the specifics. They might say, "Just let it go/let it be" rather than "fuck it," for example. They're more likely peacekeepers in situations they feel merit peacekeeping. A dying cause, they'll simply nudge along the death process.

so/sx has a "let's see how we can all cooperate through this together" energy; more nimble. They have a goal of cooperative resolution, but it won't appear so clinical on the outside. An so/sx entering a conflict situation would bring an amiable energy to it, and might even contribute to calming things down to a lower level of struggle. They'll inject lightness and their goal would probably be to get the warring parties involved in interaction to diffuse the conflict. In a scenario where an sx/so would feel it best if the parties when their separate ways, an so/sx would find a parting of ways to be upsetting.

sx/so: bloodletting
so/sx: dialysis
 
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