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Thread: So/sx or sx/so?

  1. #11
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Last thought, I think!

    I have this notion that so-last folks, esp Fi users, tend to be mostly oblivious to social groups/ nuances /group dynamics. As such, I think they're less affected by standing out, in fact they may revel in it. vs So-dom is going to be much more affected and anxious about īt, because they're aware of what everyone else will think and how they'll react and so on. Think of Sx dom stereotypical rockstar, who could care less what others think, vs so-dom who will do their thing (esp a 4 or a few other enneagram types) but will be self conscious or much less carefree and unaffected by doing so. So-aux is prob most balanced, in terms of this, as they have some awareness but it doesn't preoccupy them like it does an so-dom.

    So-doms I think want to be part of something, a connection to some like-minded group, though they may never find it.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  2. #12
    Dust and Shadow Lia_kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I think so-dom can commonly be kind of counterphobic, especially 4's. So dom doesn't mean one is involved in tons of stuff, it can mean being aware of the social elements but also being super self conscious of not easily fitting into any of those things. So so-dom can isolate because of that. Like, the hyper focus/awareness makes one withdraw. With 4 I think there's an awareness of it but shame in knowing it's not really 'you'. Like, being good at picking up those things but shying away from it too, or not liking it. Being bothered on some level by not fitting in/having a 'group' of peers, but also never forcing it and staying true to self (the 4 does). 4 so-dom I think is often called a 'social critic', if I remember correctly. A bit of an outsider but also yeah, ability to be 'sweet' and get along well with others, in day to day stuff/on the job.
    I've always been the outsider, the observer. I am the sweet person, the team-player who goes out of her way to help anyone BUT I do like to keep my distance. In all settings. I like to do my own thing and be left alone. I can be very social when it's needed or in the right group/with the right person but I have a quiet confidence and love my solitude. I am often on a "I don't need anyone" mode. Not in an arrogant way just because I am possessive of my time and don't want to mingle if I don't want to (and hate if I feel obligated). I can see myself critiquiting certain social norms, behaviors, or office routines.
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  3. #13
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by florpoetis View Post
    I've always been the outsider, the observer. I am the sweet person, the team-player who goes out of her way to help anyone BUT I do like to keep my distance. In all settings. I like to do my own thing and be left alone. I can be very social when it's needed or in the right group/with the right person but I have a quiet confidence and love my solitude. I am often on a "I don't need anyone" mode. Not in an arrogant way just because I am possessive of my time and don't want to mingle if I don't want to (and hate if I feel obligated). I can see myself critiquiting certain social norms, behaviors, or office routines.
    I relate very much to what you write. I'm not saying you're so-dom, as I don't know you, just wanted to say I relate.

    Try to find the ocean moonshine e4 stacking descriptions, I found them very useful in determining I was so-dom. Most tests equate so-dom with extroversion, and I think e3 schmoozing organization-joining and so on, but it takes on different flavors by type. I'm logging off now but I can try go find the description tomorrow and post it here if you don't find it.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  4. #14
    Spoiled Brat 🍒 Masokissed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    So-doms I think want to be part of something, a connection to some like-minded group, though they may never find it.
    Sx-dom wants to be part of something too, but for the sake of intimacy and intensity.
    I want my cake and I wanna eat it too
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  5. #15
    The more you know.. geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by florpoetis View Post
    I can relate to this. I'm a kind-natured person and I can be very sweet (even with strangers), playful/silly, charming, and just easy-going & nice in general. This is one of the main reasons I thought so-dominant. However, now reading your post... I definitely have the "resting bitch face" (lol) so I constantly get asked if I'm doing ok, is something wrong, etc because others just assume I'm upset. I'm also quick-tempered, have an extremely mean side when the right buttons are pushed, and some friends have told me I have an intense stare.
    I don't have a resting bitch face because I'm naturally expressive person, but I have that dark side of me just as you described it, and your avatar is giving a lot of that already btw
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  6. #16
    Dust and Shadow Lia_kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post


    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Last thought, I think!

    I have this notion that so-last folks, esp Fi users, tend to be mostly oblivious to social groups/ nuances /group dynamics. As such, I think they're less affected by standing out, in fact they may revel in it. vs So-dom is going to be much more affected and anxious about īt, because they're aware of what everyone else will think and how they'll react and so on. Think of Sx dom stereotypical rockstar, who could care less what others think, vs so-dom who will do their thing (esp a 4 or a few other enneagram types) but will be self conscious or much less carefree and unaffected by doing so. So-aux is prob most balanced, in terms of this, as they have some awareness but it doesn't preoccupy them like it does an so-dom.

    So-doms I think want to be part of something, a connection to some like-minded group, though they may never find it.
    I'm a very intuitive and hyperware person in general so I'm always "in the know" of everything that's going on, including social happenings / group dynamics. But do I care if I fit in? Professionally, yes. Personally, no. Does that make sense? It's nice to belong to a group with similar interests but it's not something I long for or need.
    "..But my dreaming self refuses to be consoled."- M.Atwood
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  7. #17
    Senior Member 1487610420's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by florpoetis View Post
    I've always been the outsider, the observer. I am the sweet person, the team-player who goes out of her way to help anyone BUT I do like to keep my distance. In all settings. I like to do my own thing and be left alone. I can be very social when it's needed or in the right group/with the right person but I have a quiet confidence and love my solitude. I am often on a "I don't need anyone" mode. Not in an arrogant way just because I am possessive of my time and don't want to mingle if I don't want to (and hate if I feel obligated). I can see myself critiquiting certain social norms, behaviors, or office routines.
    can rel8
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  8. #18
    Dust and Shadow Lia_kat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corn Dispenser View Post
    Sx-dom wants to be part of something too, but for the sake of intimacy and intensity.
    Oh yess. This is far more important to me. Friendships, relationships, music, even with myself and my art.
    "..But my dreaming self refuses to be consoled."- M.Atwood
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  9. #19
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corn Dispenser View Post
    Sx-dom wants to be part of something too, but for the sake of intimacy and intensity.
    Yeah, friendships are super important to me and I will always prefer 1:1 connections to group, but that's the introvert in me. But I don't think I am on the prowl for intimacy and intensity in relationships. I think I define connection differently, and don't seek or yearn for that rush 24/7. I love the rush of new experiences and the rare brief 'intense' moments with people but I don't seek those out really, or think people can fulfill that; also those moments/that level of intensity can't last.

    But yeah I think you raise an important point, each instinct is preoccupied with different things. (also you as an sx dom 7, that intensity element will be heightened compared to sx doms of other types I think)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #20
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    e4 descriptions, from this site: https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/four-stacks/

    Social/Sexual

    This is overall the “lightest” type Four when it comes to social interaction. They are likely to utilize charm and humor. This type is more scattered and can be down right disorganized. They can drift through life always feeling like an outsider, yet they usually have friends. They can alternate from being the life of the party to withdrawing. Intimates will know of their insecurities and dark moody side while acquaintances will see a softer, friendlier side. This subtype’s energy is geared towards people, but they never feel as though they really fit in. They are often quite creative, talented people who have many interests, but they frequently lack the energy to actually accomplish what they would like. They can drift and withdraw very easily. When healthy and with the right support from friends (and perhaps a little push) they tap into their instinctual energy. When they do this, they begin to see how much they can accomplish. A positive connection to others helps them stay focused.

    Sexual/Social

    This subtype is able to connect with others and with life itself, but always with an undertone of volatility and a tendency to dramatize. They are the most involved and connected of the subtypes of Four. They can go from relationship to relationship, seemingly tortured by each one. They are the most driven of the subtypes of Four to express themselves publicly and type Four celebrities are commonly found with this stacking. This subtype has a real difficulty remaining grounded, partly due to the undeveloped self-pres instinct. Although they can appear almost Eight-like at times with their lust for life and desire for passionate experience, they lack the focus of the Eight and the instinctual energy that would keep them grounded. Sometimes alcohol or substance abuse can be a problem. These Fours become more healthy when they learn to control their impulsivenss and focus their energies.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints

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