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[so] How did we become So-first?

So-firsts: what are the dominant instincts of your parents?

  • Sx-first (both parents)

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • So-first (both parents)

    Votes: 2 11.1%
  • Sp-first (both parents)

    Votes: 5 27.8%
  • Sx-first + So-first

    Votes: 1 5.6%
  • So-first + Sp-first

    Votes: 8 44.4%
  • Sp-first + Sx-first

    Votes: 2 11.1%

  • Total voters
    18

Yama

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 1, 2014
Messages
7,684
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Maybe it has something to do with how I was socially ostracized by my peers throughout all of elementary/middle school.
 

Psyclepath

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2016
Messages
122
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
541
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Well, like I posted in the sx thread, I think a big part of my so awareness and prioritization was my wanting to do my utmost not to be like my sp/sx mother, who embarrassed me in public or social settings growing up due to her being oblivious to other peoples' body language and social dynamics in general. So I had a strong desire to not be like her. (am not saying I don't have some similar issues, as maybe I do, but I'm saying via observation I saw this stuff unfold) Also, my family was for the most part very socially isolated and closed off, and that always bothered me to a degree, and I felt I was 'stunted' and lacking in those skills and awareness growing up. So via observation and preoccupation with that I think I became a little hyper aware of social stuff and relationships as a result. (fwiw my dad is either an sp/so or so/sp, but, I am of a family of all introverts)

(Also, some context, there was never a lacking in sp elements, I felt 100% secure on a tangible safety and provision level while growing up. Social element was very much lacking, and to maybe an equal degree, sx intimacy and rawness was lacking, though, social was maybe felt stronger by me)

Interesting. I spent a long time having no friends, and became fascinated to understand the social codes of humanity - as I struggled to bond with anyone.

As I've become better at understanding the ways of humanity however, it seems more likely that I'm really sp/sx. It's just that I felt extremely alone and desolate for a long, long time and was frantically trying to fit in just to establish some kind of human connection.
 

Lord Lavender

Bluered Trickster
Joined
Oct 21, 2016
Messages
5,851
MBTI Type
EVLF
Enneagram
739
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
For me I suppose I became so dom as I always have felt good from being included with others and I seek security and happiness from being like and respected by others. Being alone and disliked by others is a very deep fear of mine which I think roots from childhood memories of being bullied by others.
 

Luigi

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2015
Messages
1,310
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
For me I suppose I became so dom as I always have felt good from being included with others and I seek security and happiness from being like and respected by others. Being alone and disliked by others is a very deep fear of mine which I think roots from childhood memories of being bullied by others.

I'm the same way, or at least almost the same way, about 95% :)
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
As a So-first individual, do you feel like you were deprived/wounded in your emotional need for social interaction, or the opportunity to contribute socially growing up? What did that experience look like?[/B] Feel free to share your own scenario of how you think your upbringing caused you to prefer So, regardless of what that looks like. :)

I think that my mother is also so/sp and my father is sp/sx.

I'm not exactly sure what may have caused me to become so-first. To be honest, I don't really think it was my parents. I've had a vast interest in how I fit in and what my reputation is like, ever since I started attending school. I've always been different from my classmates and the way I reacted to this was to become more aware about my position in social groups, and analyze how I can either stand out or get along better with others, whichever fits my mood more at the moment.
 
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