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[so] Do Any of You Enjoy/Encourage Being Hard On People?

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Like an alpha keeping people in their place. I could see SOs with some affiliation with the type 8 being a little like this at least.
 

á´…eparted

passages
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I both enjoy and encourage being hard on others. The key is to be fair and honest about it. It has served me well in many different ways, and continues to do so.
 

Opal

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I'm soft, and avoid implying the thing is their fault (because I care enough to help them). Only a few close relationships are comfortable/secure enough to be hard.
 
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I both enjoy and encourage being hard on others. The key is to be fair and honest about it. It has served me well in many different ways, and continues to do so.

There can only be one way at one time. Decisiveness trumps by default. I do expect bluntness and sternness from many SX and SP doms more often than from SOs.

I'm soft, and avoid implying the thing is their fault (because I care enough to help them). Only a few close relationships are comfortable/secure enough to be hard.

People take a mile for every inch. That's dangerous. Do you identify with a variant?
 

ceecee

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It depends entirely on the person. If I have to be hard on someone, there is a reason. I don't enjoy it, however, I don't shy away from telling a person it's their fault when it actually is, and why.
 
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It depends entirely on the person. If I have to be hard on someone, there is a reason. I don't enjoy it, however, I don't shy away from telling a person it's their fault when it actually is, and why.

Don't like conflict? It can be thrilling to test your own mettle.
 
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Where did I say I don't like conflict? I said I don't enjoy being hard on a person. Not the same thing.

Questions and assumptions also aren't the same thing. By asking I invited you to clarify. Conflict is a popular deterrent for speaking up, so I hypothesized.
 

Totenkindly

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I don't "like" being hard on people.
I am hard on people when I think the situation calls for it.
And otherwise I try to live in peace / make the relationship accommodating for the both of us.

it's all driven by the needs of the situation.
My default, though, is accommodation.
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
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I don't know. For most people, if they break down on me, I just tend to be matter of fact, my friends call it being blunt and frigid-frosty. The bluntness is not intentional, I generally don't even notice or realize it, but sometimes the message given through it generally is.

If people try to make make excuses for themselves, excuses that at the end of the day seem to just serve to increase their problems, then I have no problem suggesting that there might be a different cause. I made one kid burst into absolute hysterics when I offered my opinion on what he was doing to himself in his situation, and in the long run he came back and thanked me for that honesty. If that is what needs to be done, it is no issue for me to do it. This backfires often though, and I do try to temper honesty with compassion.

People don't always need sugarcoating. If they have a legitmate issue that they really seem to be trying to work towards getting past, then I am as soft as a feather. I just try to see what the other person truly needs, and although at times it can be quite awkwardly done-especially if it involves strong emotion/crying/crying/crying, I dislike these situations immensely but once you are in generally something has to be done to get you both out-, but I try to be there.

So no, I don't encourage being hard on people-but judging a situation and not being afraid to be hard on someone if it is necessary-though hard is a bit too strong for me. I dislike situations like that in general. Playing with people's deep seated emotions, is something I usually try to avoid-I don't really have the skills to trust myself not to make things worse.
 

senza tema

nunc rosa cras fex
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No, and I hate the idea of keeping someone "in their place."

If it has to be done, it has to be done, but it seems a weird thing to take pleasure in. I feel like only people who are really insecure would enjoy this kind of pissing contest.
 

DiscoBiscuit

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Coming from a coddled generation of snowflakes to delicate for the real world, yes I enjoy shattering peoples expectations of what the world should be and how hard making your way in it is. I include myself there. I wish the boomers had been tougher on us as parents.

It took me a while to gain my footing as a functional adult who contributes something, but now that I have, I like paying it forward and pushing others to achieve what they can for themselves instead of asking for help.

And soon my I'll be moving into management and will get to do just that at my new job!
 

Poki

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Depends on person. Some need it others dont. The person who is hard on themselves don't need it, the people who are not may or may not. Depends on how much they push themselves. It's possible for someone to push themselves hard without being hard on themselves. They do what they can and they are happy with it. Also, people are hard on themselves in certain ways and not others, so that comes into play as well.
 

Galena

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To me, it's not so relevant whether anyone believes in being hard on others or encourages it...it's just about whether the situation calls for it. Either it has to be done, or it doesn't. As for enjoying it - when it must be done, the person who will enjoy it is the wrong person to do it.

That said, I have wished my family had been harder on me about some lessons before people outside the family had to be instead, because it worked. That was when I finally responded and changed my ways for the better. Also, while growing up, I took it upon myself to become the tough motivator my parents wouldn't be. I'm my own responsibility anyways, now. They kept telling me how I was just peachy the way I was, but parts of me clearly were not working in measurable real life ways - the difference between me and healthier people was right up in our faces, and I couldn't take the unconditional encouragement seriously as authoritative. Sometimes we really do need to change.
 

small.wonder

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I have a history of being overly hard on people (and myself, really). I think it can be a good or bad thing based on motivation for doing so. My younger, less health seeking self did it out of bitterness and exasperation at the stupidity or shallowness of others. It was neither pretty, nor productive.

These days, I have much more balance. I'm hard on people, especially those I love or know are capable-- I like the analogy of "throwing people in the pond" when I know they can swim. ;) I am, however, also full of humily and grace. I acknowledge my own crap alongside the shortcomings of others, and beacause I own my own faults my "being hard" is mostly received well (or as well intented, anyway).

In terms of "keeping people in their place": to me, everyone's "place" is one of humility and honest perception of themselves and others. In this sense, I'm not hard on people who display humility and own their own faults. It's those who pat their own backs, fancy themselves as above, and step on others that I tend to take issue with.
 

á´…eparted

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There can only be one way at one time. Decisiveness trumps by default. I do expect bluntness and sternness from many SX and SP doms more often than from SOs.

I don't quite understand what you're saying. What "one way" at a time are you referring to? The fact that I said being hard and fair? Of course you can be both of those at the same time (unless I am misunderstanding what you're referring to).

Depends on person. Some need it others dont. The person who is hard on themselves don't need it, the people who are not may or may not. Depends on how much they push themselves. It's possible for someone to push themselves hard without being hard on themselves. They do what they can and they are happy with it. Also, people are hard on themselves in certain ways and not others, so that comes into play as well.

This is an important point to clarify. Being hard on everyone all the time without discernment on when it should be used is paramount. Further, being hard on some people is completely unproductive. The only time to go against that is if they need to be punish or something like that, and even then that still needs to be judged carefully.

I'll use my research adviser, and another professors down the hall as points of comparison and contrast with respect to this. Both of them are quite hard on their students, though I'd argue my adviser is a little more hard than the other. It would depend on how you look at it though. Either way, my adviser expects a lot out of us. He's constantly pressing for us to be productive, get results, get to the next step, and make significant progress. If we're doing poorly, he will bluntly tell us, and tell us that we need to do better. Usually he'll be specific on what's wrong and how it should be improved.

The other research adviser down the hall is the same. He's also very hard on his students and expects a lot. However, each go about it differently. My adviser has the standard of "get the work done". He doesn't care how you do it, when you do it (within reason of course), and sometimes even how you do it. It's a simple question: "is work getting done? yes? great!". The other adviser, not so much. He has much more rigid rules. Benchmarks of hours one needs to be working, number of reactions that need to be done, logged and scheduled vacation time, and does not tolerate or care to understand when someone is upset in a way that is not immediately apparent to him. Where as, my adviser is understanding and will consider if and how someone is upset, and attempt to accomidate to it. He looks at the individual and determines exactly how to be hard on someone that is helpful to them. The other adviser has a universal measure applies the same to everyone.

Both are hard, but one is much more "appealing" to work for. Granted, some people prefer the other one, but it's often for other reasons outside of this. It comes down to understanding of the individual, and recognizing that being hard on someone is most effective when it's done in a broad big picture setting. That's not to say that he doesn't have universal standards, he does, he just sees where they can go wrong and will work around them for a given situation.

As for enjoying it - when it must be done, the person who will enjoy it is the wrong person to do it.

Why? Just because someone is being hard doesn't mean they're being sadistic about it. There can very well be very virtuous well founded reasons for enjoying being hard on someone. If they're spawned of ill-will or unjustified reasons, then yes it can be bad. Otherwise, I don't think so.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Coming from a coddled generation of snowflakes to delicate for the real world, yes I enjoy shattering peoples expectations of what the world should be and how hard making your way in it is. I include myself there. I wish the boomers had been tougher on us as parents.
I agree. We reward effort too readily, rather than actual accomplishment. I was always much harder on myself than my parents or teachers; probably why I have been able to accomplish as much as I have. Not everyone has that internal drive, though. I have no problem being hard on people when they need it, or when I suspect they can take it and will benefit as a result. I will push people if I think they are capable of doing more and achieving more, especially the students and junior employees I work with and mentor.

As for putting people in their place, I will do this only if their behavior is egregiously unprofessional or counterproductive. Again, I don't mind doing it, but prefer a more constructive interaction.

I'll use my research adviser, and another professors down the hall as points of comparison and contrast with respect to this. Both of them are quite hard on their students, though I'd argue my adviser is a little more hard than the other. It would depend on how you look at it though. Either way, my adviser expects a lot out of us. He's constantly pressing for us to be productive, get results, get to the next step, and make significant progress. If we're doing poorly, he will bluntly tell us, and tell us that we need to do better. Usually he'll be specific on what's wrong and how it should be improved.

The other research adviser down the hall is the same. He's also very hard on his students and expects a lot. However, each go about it differently. My adviser has the standard of "get the work done". He doesn't care how you do it, when you do it (within reason of course), and sometimes even how you do it. It's a simple question: "is work getting done? yes? great!". The other adviser, not so much. He has much more rigid rules. Benchmarks of hours one needs to be working, number of reactions that need to be done, logged and scheduled vacation time, and does not tolerate or care to understand when someone is upset in a way that is not immediately apparent to him. Where as, my adviser is understanding and will consider if and how someone is upset, and attempt to accomidate to it. He looks at the individual and determines exactly how to be hard on someone that is helpful to them. The other adviser has a universal measure applies the same to everyone.
Your advisor is goal-oriented, while the other professor is more process-oriented. I don't do well under the second kind of supervisor, but I can usually reach any goal I'm given, as long as I have enough leeway to work as I work best.
 

great_bay

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Ehhhh I don't care about being hard on people. I just put them in my ignore list. Problem solve!
 

Bush

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Haha

"Enjoy" keeping people in their place? As a goal in and of itself?

That's extremely pathetic.
 

hjgbujhghg

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Not really ... I think this is more or less an Fe trait... A lot of Fe users are so first, though it's wrong to assume all of them to be like that.
 
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