[sx] sx-doms: do you overvalue sex in your relationships?

[psyche]

Do you find yourself overfocusing on the quality of your sex and sexual connection, and/or worrying about your (or your partner's) ability to sustain passion over the months or years? Do you tend to get uncomfortable when you go through a period of feeling less sexual?

As per conversations with sx-doms (and I should note, sx4s in particular) I have become curious about this possible phenomenon....

 

[tinker683]

Not exactly that...I do worry about whether the passion will remain in the relationship, whether she'll still find me attractive or desire me sexually. If she doesn't anymore...then I'd end things immediately. Been there, done that, don't ever want to go back there again...

 

[NK258]

Probably. I'm demisexual. To me, sex is a way of expressing affection. I have a high sex drive in a relationship and tend to be sexual as a form of love language. My love language scale was 10: acts of service. Then physical touch and quality time. Then gifts. And words was a whopping 1.

I think my MBTI and placing meaning on things also plays into it. Being sexual with my partner and vice versa means he loves me and wants to bond with me intimately.

So maybe considering others are wired different. I guess the answer is yes.

 

[five sounds]

I'm demisexual too. And I feel similarly as NK and tinker. I don't focus on sex as much as health of relationship. I want to always be close with my partner. I do worry about complacency and if my partner will still want to share his life with me, himself with me forever. What I fear most is being lonely in my relationship.

That said, when I feel close with someone my sex drive is higher. So it's more of a related symptom than a core issue. I also hope I'm having sex well into my older years. I imagine being so in love and comfortable with my partner by then that we enjoy it just as much as ever.

Also I'm totally fine with periods of distance and sexual inactivity. If they last too long I start to become concerned about the health of the relationship.

 

[Poki]

I believe I am SX dom, I dont focus on it, its just always at the forefront. Sex will slow down and speed up at times. I have been laughed at because I think its been forever and its been 24 hours or *gasp* 48 hours. I listen to alot of sexual songs and my mind is in the gutter 23/7, maybe 23.5/7. I had a guy tell me I screamed sexual energy or something like that, I just smiled, nodded and changed the subject. I dont worry about things slowing down or stopping, have been there before and I died inside. This is when sex dropped down to between 2-4 times a month. Will never do it again, not really worried. Maybe when I get older my drive will diminish, I dont know, but if it does it does.

 

[OrangeAppled]

By this reasoning, an sp or so type may overvalue physical security/needs or social/familial/friend connections, respectively. But there are many core types who may actually undervalue these, be critical or rejecting of them, or have different issues altogether related to those instincts.

Taking the instinctual stack literally is a poor interpretation, IMO.

But carry on with your conversation....

 

[Poki]

By this reasoning, an sp or so type may overvalue physical security/needs or social/familial/friend connections, respectively.

Yes, but I dont think the OPs worries are correct. I dont think an SP will worry excessively about security, it will be a dominant force in there life...which may even mean they dont really worry about it, its just there.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Yes, but I dont think the OPs worries are correct. I dont think an SP will worry excessively about security, it will be a dominant force in there life...which may even mean they dont really worry about it, its just there.

Nope and nope.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I have sx as a subtype. As I wrote in another thread I used to have many partners.
I discovered at the age of 24 that I can enjoy some sexual (and intellectual) adventures with some women
(when I was thinking men to be too disappointing for my happiness, I decided to try something else ! And I just liked it.).
I've been focused on sex for many years.
Some years later, sex was just not part of my life FOR A VERY LONG WHILE........


Now I'm into a relationship with a person who has known me for almost 10 years.
Intense sex is important, not only for pleasure, it is both a way to explore desires and show affection (I don't express it much another way).

Yes, I know I can be quite at the opposite of having intense sex (no sex at all until I am fed up). As time goes by I am becoming very selective.

 

[Avocado]

I'm demisexual too. And I feel similarly as NK and tinker. I don't focus on sex as much as health of relationship. I want to always be close with my partner. I do worry about complacency and if my partner will still want to share his life with me, himself with me forever. What I fear most is being lonely in my relationship.

That said, when I feel close with someone my sex drive is higher. So it's more of a related symptom than a core issue. I also hope I'm having sex well into my older years. I imagine being so in love and comfortable with my partner by then that we enjoy it just as much as ever.

Also I'm totally fine with periods of distance and sexual inactivity. If they last too long I start to become concerned about the health of the relationship.

I wonder how much is demisexuality and how much is simply placing sex as an expression of absolute love. I think that we NFs would blur those lines a little.

 

[Poki]

I on the other hand Havnt been with very many people, but when things aren't crazy busy avg about 2-3 times a day. When things are busy about 1-2 times a day on avg. Its an outward expression, for me its not love, its more driven by a passion within. I can probably easily confuse people who would associate sex with love because of it.

 

[The Great One]

By this reasoning, an sp or so type may overvalue physical security/needs or social/familial/friend connections, respectively. But there are many core types who may actually undervalue these, be critical or rejecting of them, or have different issues altogether related to those instincts.

Taking the instinctual stack literally is a poor interpretation, IMO.

But carry on with your conversation....

Different types tend to be more sexual in the literal sense. Sexual 6 is VERY physically sexual in the literal sense, and in fact many times will have sex like raw animals. For many sexual 6's sex comes first, love second, and this is also true to for sexual 8. Sexual 2's tend to be absolute masters of seduction and many times have sex with everything that moves. Sexual 5's many times don't put as much as an emphasis on sex as a physical act, but tend to have sex for deep and intense connection. Sexual 5's are like Twilight mofos. Sexual 3's can be sexual in the literal sense put for them it's more about becoming as attractive to the opposite sex as possible. Then, there are sexual 1's; sexual 1's can be sexual, but the funny thing is that sexual ones many times try to repress their sexual desires. Many sexual 1's tend to repress their sexual desires because they view them as "evil" or "worldly". In fact, many sexual ones tend to be celibate and tend to be things like preachers and such. However, you can tell that many times that desire is still there. How literally sexual a type is really depends on the type. However, I do STRONGLY disagree with Naranjo that sexual 7's aren't sexual in the literal sense. From the dealings I have had with sexual 7's in real life, they are VERY sexual in the literal sense. Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7.

 

[The Great One]

Yes, but I dont think the OPs worries are correct. I dont think an SP will worry excessively about security, it will be a dominant force in there life...which may even mean they dont really worry about it, its just there.

It depends on the type. For instance, sp 4's are very often not sp in the literal sense and don't tend to worry about things such as security very much. However, take a type like sp 6 or sp 5, and they constantly need security, and it is a BIG part of their life.

 

[five sounds]

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]: " Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7."

I think that is very true. Sexual 7s are much less carnal and a lot more interested in intensity of experience. Otherworldliness. We want more than the mundane physical satisfaction that is easily experienced by most, we want something ethereal and beautiful.

Sp 7 is the true hedonist. My sp side definitely wants to feel good, whether in food or drink or sex or comfort.

 

[Poki]

Different types tend to be more sexual in the literal sense. Sexual 6 is VERY physically sexual in the literal sense, and in fact many times will have sex like raw animals. For many sexual 6's sex comes first, love second, and this is also true to for sexual 8. Sexual 2's tend to be absolute masters of seduction and many times have sex with everything that moves. Sexual 5's many times don't put as much as an emphasis on sex as a physical act, but tend to have sex for deep and intense connection. Sexual 5's are like Twilight mofos. Sexual 3's can be sexual in the literal sense put for them it's more about becoming as attractive to the opposite sex as possible. Then, there are sexual 1's; sexual 1's can be sexual, but the funny thing is that sexual ones many times try to repress their sexual desires. Many sexual 1's tend to repress their sexual desires because they view them as "evil" or "worldly". In fact, many sexual ones tend to be celibate and tend to be things like preachers and such. However, you can tell that many times that desire is still there. How literally sexual a type is really depends on the type. However, I do STRONGLY disagree with Naranjo that sexual 7's aren't sexual in the literal sense. From the dealings I have had with sexual 7's in real life, they are VERY sexual in the literal sense. Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7.

What about 9s?

Its funny because I am extremely sexual, dont value it anymore then others value hanging out or parties and stuff. Its just something enjoyable that feels good. That being said, I have been proposed to during sex and have made others feel like nymphos around me. So maybe its something valued in me and not the other way around.

 

[Chthonic]

No. I don't rate sex much at all. My dom sx, is all about deep connections rather than nudie stuff.

 

[grey_beard]

Different types tend to be more sexual in the literal sense. Sexual 6 is VERY physically sexual in the literal sense, and in fact many times will have sex like raw animals. For many sexual 6's sex comes first, love second, and this is also true to for sexual 8. Sexual 2's tend to be absolute masters of seduction and many times have sex with everything that moves. Sexual 5's many times don't put as much as an emphasis on sex as a physical act, but tend to have sex for deep and intense connection. Sexual 5's are like Twilight mofos. Sexual 3's can be sexual in the literal sense put for them it's more about becoming as attractive to the opposite sex as possible. Then, there are sexual 1's; sexual 1's can be sexual, but the funny thing is that sexual ones many times try to repress their sexual desires. Many sexual 1's tend to repress their sexual desires because they view them as "evil" or "worldly". In fact, many sexual ones tend to be celibate and tend to be things like preachers and such. However, you can tell that many times that desire is still there. How literally sexual a type is really depends on the type. However, I do STRONGLY disagree with Naranjo that sexual 7's aren't sexual in the literal sense. From the dealings I have had with sexual 7's in real life, they are VERY sexual in the literal sense. Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7.

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]: " Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7."

I think that is very true. Sexual 7s are much less carnal and a lot more interested in intensity of experience. Otherworldliness. We want more than the mundane physical satisfaction that is easily experienced by most, we want something ethereal and beautiful.

Sp 7 is the true hedonist. My sp side definitely wants to feel good, whether in food or drink or sex or comfort.

Given that sx 5's want sex for deep and intense connection (according to [MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] and confirmed by myself *as* an sx-5) and sx 7's are "a lot more interested in intensity of experience"...
what is your prediction or experience of an sx-5 in a relationship with an sx-7? Meltdown of the reactor core?

...and since I hadn't seen them mentioned yet, what do sx-4's act like with respect to sex?

 

[Chthonic]

what do sx-4's act like with respect to sex?

Kinky, but only because we're special snowflakes with our own style.

 

[The Great One]

What about 9s?

Its funny because I am extremely sexual, dont value it anymore then others value hanging out or parties and stuff. Its just something enjoyable that feels good. That being said, I have been proposed to during sex and have made others feel like nymphos around me. So maybe its something valued in me and not the other way around.

Sexual nine's are often sexual in the literal sense as well. The sexual 9's tend to look like the sexual 5 as they are often on a quest to find that one perfect person. Sexual 9's generally connect so strongly to their significant other that they view themselves and their partners as two parts of one whole.

Given that sx 5's want sex for deep and intense connection (according to [MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] and confirmed by myself *as* an sx-5) and sx 7's are "a lot more interested in intensity of experience"...
what is your prediction or experience of an sx-5 in a relationship with an sx-7? Meltdown of the reactor core?

...and since I hadn't seen them mentioned yet, what do sx-4's act like with respect to sex?

Usually sexual 7's and sexual 5's go together very well, and it's a good combo. The only thing is that the sexual 7's tend to often be adventurous and often times have problems sticking to the same partner. 7's tend to have "the grass is greener" syndrome, and tend to commonly be afraid to commit to just one person because they think that there is always something better. This can come into conflict with the sexual 5, because they tend to have the mindset that they want to find the perfect mate, and one to find this one special muse that they can be with for the rest of their life.

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]: " Also, I find that many sp 7's tend to be even more sexual in the literal sense than the sexual 7."

I think that is very true. Sexual 7s are much less carnal and a lot more interested in intensity of experience. Otherworldliness. We want more than the mundane physical satisfaction that is easily experienced by most, we want something ethereal and beautiful.

Sp 7 is the true hedonist. My sp side definitely wants to feel good, whether in food or drink or sex or comfort.

Sexual 7's tend to be ExFP types and are usually very dreamy, playful, and hedonistic. When I think of the sexual 7, one of the first types that comes to mind is Ted from, "How I Met Your Mother". Self-preservation 7's tend to be ExTP's and tend to be fast talkers, many times hustlers, very materialistic, they tend to often be smooth talking Don Juans, and they tend to screw everything that moves. When I think of the sp 7, I'm thinking of like Snoop Dogg or something.