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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts What constitutes a serious relationship for you? (Include your instinctual subtype)

Turtle

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2014
Messages
45
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
so
I am wondering if what constitutes a "serious" relationship (as opposed to a regular/casual one) is different based on instinctual subtype.

What does a serious relationship feel like for you?

How many have you had?

How long does it take?

What kind of relationship do you want?

I am also interested in seeing if sx-firsts and sx-lasts answer differently. :)

I am a sp/sx, and for me, a serious relationship is when we have covered certain milestones that haven't yet been covered (and in a real, profound way). I typically don't enter a relationship with someone unless I assume that it will be a serious one. The relationship gets even more serious once my s/o is introduced to my family and is taken on family trips. I'm on my second serious relationship.
 

SD45T-2

Senior Jr.
Joined
Feb 18, 2012
Messages
4,229
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Do you mean romantically?
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I promise, I'm not smarting off as I write this.

What does a serious relationship feel like for you?
I don't know. I'd guess it would happen when I felt significantly vested enough in the other person to let that start influencing my life decisions.

How many have you had?
Zero.

How long does it take?
Given my pool of experience, I am rather unable to answer this. I'd imagine it would be a case-by-case thing, though.

What kind of relationship do you want?
Again, I don't have the experience to really know what I want on those grounds. I keep an open mind, though I'm reaching an age where I realize that I might have to just stick with "any" relationship because pickings are getting pretty slim.

I'm supposedly sx/soc, though you wouldn't believe it from these answers.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
What does a serious relationship feel like for you?

Like both parties are taking it seriously. No push pull power games. Both are committed and see themselves being with their partner potentially forever.

How many have you had?

This would be my first serious one.

How long does it take?

I would say it varies. It didn't take me long at all to know. She's younger and doesn't have the same amount of experience so she took a little longer to "know".

What kind of relationship do you want?

It's not the style or kind of relationship that I want. It's the person. I want whatever kind of relationship results from being with that person. Obviously there is a type of person I was looking for and that type will color the nature of any resulting relationship. You don't really have any control over it. You just find the right person and give yourself to them and see how it goes.

I am also interested in seeing if sx-firsts and sx-lasts answer differently. :)

The whole serious relationship question for me revolves around whether or not both parties could see themselves together potentially forever. In the past, I've only stayed with people as long as I could entertain the long term prospects of being with them. When I realized they weren't right things fizzled.

All that being said, the experience of being with my current girl friend has been nothing like any of the others. It's been effortless and organic. It's like you don't have to try to be right for each other, you just are. It's changed me profoundly.
 

Honor

girl with a pretty smile
Joined
Jul 11, 2012
Messages
1,580
MBTI Type
?
Instinctual Variant
so
All that being said, the experience of being with my current girl friend has been nothing like any of the others. It's been effortless and organic. It's like you don't have to try to be right for each other, you just are. It's changed me profoundly.
This is what I wanna find, and I think this is the only way it can really work for the long-haul.
 
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