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  1. #131
    heel turn 2 Obfuscate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    Not to shite on you or your knowledge, but mutual understanding and respect fall into the realm of the social instinct. The sexual instinct is actually more about objectification (plugging into a "fix", like a drug) and doesn't involve any goal of reciprocation.
    sure, so dom are focused on how that operates in a group context... calling it a "fix" works right into what i am saying.. what sort of junkie doesn't have a laser focus on how to satiate their addiction? the methods i mention are very effective in obtaining a "steady supply"... so doms (in my experience) often focus on the fast and superificial methods of creating comraderie... sx doms (in my experience) are more likely to put in substantial effort in cultivating a small number of well developed relationships...
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  2. #132
    somnium tenebris Powehi's Avatar
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    I think sx-doms are assumed to be people focused on sex and connection, and lots of lonely people are online, so it could even be influenced by stuff like that and not abstract and complex in terms of understanding theory.

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  3. #133
    Senior Member cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ravenetta View Post
    I think sx-doms are assumed to be people focused on sex and connection, and lots of lonely people are online, so it could even be influenced by stuff like that and not abstract and complex in terms of understanding theory.
    Very true; I'd say most people who actively forum (at least in this sort of forum) are those who lack many 'meaningful' connections irl (however they define that personally), and seek to find comfort or hope for understanding, common ground, or closeness/connection online. So yeah, lots of lonely people.
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  4. #134

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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Very true; I'd say most people who actively forum (at least in this sort of forum) are those who lack many 'meaningful' connections irl (however they define that personally), and seek to find comfort or hope for understanding, common ground, or closeness/connection online. So yeah, lots of lonely people.
    As a sample size of one, that's not why I forum. The social aspect isn't part of my reasoning for active foruming since my husband, parts of my family and decades long friendships take care of that aspect.

  5. #135
    Senior Member cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bechimo View Post
    As a sample size of one, that's not why I forum. The social aspect isn't part of my reasoning for active foruming since my husband, parts of my family and decades long friendships take care of that aspect.
    Well, tbh when I wrote what I wrote I wasn't even thinking of the social aspect, I was thinking more of the draw for 'connection' and lonely people, maybe especially introverts, seeking that online. And, I think psychology/relationship forums especially will draw in a higher percentage of those who lack people irl. I definitely wouldn't say it applies to everyone, though.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #136

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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Well, tbh when I wrote what I wrote I wasn't even thinking of the social aspect, I was thinking more of the draw for 'connection' and lonely people, maybe especially introverts, seeking that online. And, I think psychology/relationship forums especially will draw in a higher percentage of those who lack people irl. I definitely wouldn't say it applies to everyone, though.
    Fair enough. Prior to retirement, I was seeking knowledge of myself since I would soon become a retired empty nester. That's when I learned about MBTI and have stuck around since MBTI wasn't the only theory being bandied around. As a generality, my focus is on theory, rather than people, whether it's typology, political, scientific, etc.

  7. #137
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    I'm sx af tho

  8. #138

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    Quote Originally Posted by bechimo View Post
    Can you expand on this, including providing which enneagram expert forwards this view? The reason I ask is that it's not something that I've heard of before and am curious where I might find the information within context.
    The comment I was writing just disappeared somehow on my phone, and I'm tired, so I'm gonna keep it concise.

    I've read this in many places, but I'll leave you with one resource that I can't really criticize much. He cites his sources on the bottom of the home page.

    The Three Instincts - Enneagram Universe

    Social:
    "Possible examples of thoughts: Who are we? What do we have in common? What connects us? Are we an item? How close are we? Are we close enough that I can call them after 9 pm? Will anyone be there for me? Does that person have germs? Why isn’t she responding to my text? Why can’t I find anyone to hang out with? Did my boss get me a birthday card? Why can’t we spend quality time? Do I have these people under control?

    Concrete examples: Asking a person how they are, active listening, friendships and close bonds, family, power seeking, group leading, group control, teaching, lecturing, imparting, social media, providing, making a difference, making an impact."

    Sexual:
    "Possible examples of thoughts: Is this exciting to me? Do I crave it? Do they crave me? How deep can I penetrate this? Why aren’t they hooked on me? Will they be turned off if I do this?

    Concrete examples: Pushing a person’s boundaries, trying to get a rise out of someone, invading their comfort zone, locking someone into you."

    As you can see, connection is not the same as chemistry. That's why I refer to sexuals as "seeking an outlet to plug into." They want juice. Socials on the other hand are looking for connection and reciprocity of care. That's not to say sexuals don't care about their intimates or want to be cared about, but social blinds drastically neglect to nurture their connections.

    You can think of it similarly to (one of) the descriptions of Fe vs Fi, the space between vs. the space within. Fe wants things between people to be cohesive, and Fi wants inner cohesion. Similarly, social wants the space between people to be mutually supported, and sexual wants to feel enlivened by the other.

    That is why Sp/Sx has been loosely accused of being the most selfish/self-centered instinctual stack. It's using Sx to meet the needs of Sp, so it's using seduction and objectification to serve self-preservation, which very roughly translates into "I'm willing to use you for juice in order to meet my need for security."

    Vampires are a wonderful archetypal example of Sp/Sx, seducing a vixen in order to suck her blood and continue to thrive.

    Now obviously, some people like that sort of thing, and none of the above means that sexuals don't care about their relationships, it just that they measure the health in terms of "juice" and not reciprocity of care.

  9. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    Not to shite on you or your knowledge, but mutual understanding and respect fall into the realm of the social instinct. The sexual instinct is actually more about objectification (plugging into a "fix", like a drug) and doesn't involve any goal of reciprocation.
    Um...I guess my massive, seemingly lifelong goal of reciprocity kicks me out of the sx dom camp...

  10. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    I'm sx af tho
    I am social dom af dude whoo
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