[sx] Do SX doms get bored if their relationship is too peaceful?

[Qlip]

I'm actually more concerned about whether or not I can handle the *extreme ecstasy* that cockburn's describing over anything else. Other than that 2 just sound like "a relationship between two humans... as opposed to two pod-people."

I picked the second, because if you hope for it, it won't really happen anyway. Not if you're real people, and especially if you're sx anyway.
The first is easily achievable and prone to self destruction.

 

[Starry]

The first is easily achievable and prone to self destruction.

^^I'm so glad you said this...
My parents have been married for decades in a "cockburn 2" relationship. And I can remember so vividly as a child having one of those *omfg my parents are so embarrassing and weird and abnormal compared to every other couple I encounter in my neighborhood, the community, my friends parents, couples on primetime television...* and gathering the confidence to directly question my mother about it.

And she said to me... "Watch, young Starry, as the years go by... These couples that seem so loving and agreeable... I promise you that long after most of those relationships and marriages have fallen-apart and ended... your father and I will still be going strong." And I'll be damned... she was right.

 

[mrcockburn]

^^I'm so glad you said this...
My parents have been married for decades in a "cockburn 2" relationship. And I can remember so vividly as a child having one of those *omfg my parents are so embarrassing and weird and abnormal compared to every other couple I encounter in my neighborhood, the community, my friends parents, couples on primetime television...* and gathering the confidence to directly question my mother about it.

And she said to me... "Watch, young Starry, as the years go by... These couples that seem so loving and agreeable... I promise you that long after most of those relationships and marriages have fallen-apart and ended... your father and I will still be going strong." And I'll be damned... she was right.

Maybe those calm couples avoided bringing up issues altogether though. If people let things fester, then yeah eventually someone or both will have had enough and will axe things.

But what I'm referring to is relationships where the person is legitimately so easygoing and reasonable that arguments never really happen. Anything that does come up is immediately and genuinely resolved in a friendly manner.

This is my idea of heaven, but would it be for SX doms?

 

[Winds of Thor]

^ That's entirely possible to achieve - it just takes some conscious effort to actually keep your focus on each other amidst all the things that life throws at you.


So, you can keep your two imperfect options

Agreed. We're going to dance horizontally tonight. You're of course female right? ;p

 

[HongDou]

I feel like the first option is underwhelming and the second is exaggerated, but I'm going with neither.

Don't want a relationship that's routine where everything is the same every day and there is no "spice." I also would not feel comfortable committing to a life-long exclusive relationship if we never got into arguments, friction, or drama.

On the flip side, I also wouldn't really feel comfortable with someone that made the relationship incredibly dramatic. I like my independence and I don't want people burdening me with their melodrama. The intense connection is a must-have but if there's no stability of there I'd never feel safe with that person despite the attraction.

So really neither option is preferable to me. Both have ups and downs. I'd prefer some sort of compromise in between.

I'm darkside so/sx btw.

 

[tinker683]

1, easily. I am SO over drama

 

[brainheart]

But what I'm referring to is relationships where the person is legitimately so easygoing and reasonable that arguments never really happen. Anything that does come up is immediately and genuinely resolved in a friendly manner.

This is my idea of heaven, but would it be for SX doms?

How on earth do you have a longtime relationship and not have things you disagree about so strongly that you don't argue? You know, I say this, but I know a sp/so couple and they are like how you say and they both seem to be happy about it. My husband and I are kind of amazed by them. We both agree that it's cool for them, but it's definitely not what we want. It seems reeeallllyyyy boring.


Like [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] says, I'm glad my kids see their parents fight. I'm glad that they see us openly express our disagreements, because then they also see us dealing with it/ resolving our issues and making things better because of it. It's an incredibly important life skill to learn, that people can still love each other but get angry and strongly disagree about things at the same time. My parents were like this too and I am super grateful. As my mom said to me, "You may hate that person for a few hours and want to change the locks on the house so they can't ever come back in, but you don't run away. You deal with it and make it better."

 

[Starry]

Maybe those calm couples avoided bringing up issues altogether though. If people let things fester, then yeah eventually someone or both will have had enough and will axe things.

But what I'm referring to is relationships where the person is legitimately so easygoing and reasonable that arguments never really happen. Anything that does come up is immediately and genuinely resolved in a friendly manner.

This is my idea of heaven, but would it be for SX doms?

Well, I think it's misguided to imagine that sx doms are..."individuals that prefer tragic/combative relationships" ...if that's sorta what you're attempting to get a read on. My sister is a 6w5cp (sx/so)...now married to one of the most calm, accepting, peaceful people I've ever met (IxxP e9...I actually believe she needed to find someone she couldn't scare and with him she did.) They have a very peaceful relationship in spite of her nature keepin it very *real.*

And honestly, while I've attracted to myself some serious crazies...I consider myself to be fairly peaceful in my relationships so...

 

[Zarathustra]

How on earth do you have a longtime relationship and not have things you disagree about so strongly that you don't argue? You know, I say this, but I know a sp/so couple and they are like how you say and they both seem to be happy about it. My husband and I are kind of amazed by them. We both agree that it's cool for them, but it's definitely not what we want. It seems reeeallllyyyy boring.

One of my best friends since I was 7 or 8 is getting married this month, and that's exactly how I feel about him and his fiance.

They are awesome people, and get along super smoothly, probably never fight... but the sex... I imagine, it's boring as all hell.

I'm pretty sure they're both sp/so (sx last, for sure).

 

[FDG]

Like [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] says, I'm glad my kids see their parents fight. I'm glad that they see us openly express our disagreements, because then they also see us dealing with it/ resolving our issues and making things better because of it.

Lol. You don't solve issues by fighting, you solve issues by saying "I don't like X, let's do it differently". When you get to the point of fighting, it means the disagreement cannot be solved in a more civil way (IMHO). And, for me, when you get to the point of fighting, there is no possible compromise: I want something, and you want something else, and one of the two has either to change its mind or the relationship will end.

 

[brainheart]

Lol. You don't solve issues by fighting, you solve issues by saying "I don't like X, let's do it differently". When you get to the point of fighting, it means the disagreement cannot be solved in a more civil way (IMHO). And, for me, when you get to the point of fighting, there is no possible compromise: I want something, and you want something else, and one of the two has either to change its mind or the relationship will end.

Ok, I'll say 'strongly disagreeing'- is that better? It's not like we're throwing chairs at each other or anything. I can see how that would be misconstrued.

 

[brainheart]

double

 

[Amargith]

We barely fight as well. We blow gaskets, for sure, but thats about other things that frustrate us that we bring home. And we know that it aint about the other, so we just let the other rant, or scream at each other to vent without it being a big deal. As FDG said, if we face a problem together and we disagree on how to handle it, it is a matter of discussing it, comparing notes, finding a win-win solution for each one of us and knocking it out of the park as a team. And whoever's field of specialty the problem lies in takes point. It's as simple as that. Saves us a looooot of unnecessary head aches and butthurt.

In fact, I never met a man that got the concept of arguing with your partner so well. It aint about the fighting or winning, it's about coming to a solution, together as team - as swiftly and efficiently as you can. And sure, being completely honest with each other is a part of that, but it doesn't have to result into a contest or verbal boxing match. In fact, if you've got good communication and make the effort to actually understand where the other is coming from...I don't see why it should.

 

[Zarathustra]

Lol. You don't solve issues by fighting, you solve issues by saying "I don't like X, let's do it differently". When you get to the point of fighting, it means the disagreement cannot be solved in a more civil way (IMHO). And, for me, when you get to the point of fighting, there is no possible compromise: I want something, and you want something else, and one of the two has either to change its mind or the relationship will end.

This is a pretty poor understanding of conflict in relationships, imo.

Sometimes fighting just means that each side is airing its issues.

And airing of issues then allows understanding to arise.

And, after understanding grows, compromise can begin.

 

[Starry]

Lol. You don't solve issues by fighting, you solve issues by saying "I don't like X, let's do it differently". When you get to the point of fighting, it means the disagreement cannot be solved in a more civil way (IMHO). And, for me, when you get to the point of fighting, there is no possible compromise: I want something, and you want something else, and one of the two has either to change its mind or the relationship will end.

The day before yesterday my sister and I got into a fight and fought it straight on through to solution/resolution. We both recognized that we had each unknowingly trampled upon some old wounds...and it hurts when this happens. Neither of us were trying to cause drama (and frankly we were both very reasonable in our fighting)...but because we love and trust each other we can safely show each other the extent of our pain and humaness. And I feel so good about her as I type this I'm actually getting tears in my eyes right now.

Please don't suggest that something is uncivilized merely because human emotions are in play...and the individuals choose not to hide or stuff them. I could make an argument that it's rather more civilized.

 

[FDG]

This is a pretty poor understanding of conflict in relationships, imo.
.

I'm just stating my preference in romantic relationships. I don't act like that in my professional life, of course.

 

[FDG]

This is a pretty poor understanding of conflict in relationships, imo.
.

I'm just stating my preference in romantic relationships. I don't act like that in my professional life, of course.

If someone has a different preference, she'll find another partner.

 

[FDG]

The day before yesterday my sister and I got into a fight and fought it straight on through to solution/resolution. We both recognized that we had each unknowingly trampled upon some old wounds...and it hurts when this happens. Neither of us were trying to cause drama (and frankly we were both very reasonable in our fighting)...but because we love and trust each other we can safely show each other the extent of our pain and humaness. And I feel so good about her as I type this I'm actually getting tears in my eyes right now.

Please don't suggest that something is uncivilized merely because human emotions are in play...and the individuals choose not to hide or stuff them. I could make an argument that it's rather more civilized.

You may do that with your blood relatives but for me I can't do that with gf-wife-friends. I simply wish to end the relationship if that point is reached.

 

[Zarathustra]

You may do that with your blood relatives but for me I can't do that with gf-wife-friends. I simply wish to end the relationship if that point is reached.

I don't mean this in a nasty way -- I've always liked you -- but...

Don't you find that to be rather cowardly?

It is clearly due to inferior Fi.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I'm not sx-dom, but I like a "healthy" argument. It might be cultural, as my mom's side is Latin in origin, but when you CARE about stuff you wave your arms around & a passionate tone enters the voice. Arguing in an animated manner (arguing is NOT the same as "fighting") is "normal". I think it bonds us as a family, because we can operate on that level & know we still have each other's back in any situation where we need to be a united front. You also really learn someone's real feelings & inner workings in these moments. Nothing is taboo. There can be something kind of shallow about not ever arguing.

I've never had jealousy issues or that kind of drama in relationships, but not being able to rant or disagree passionately would be a problem. Attraction seems to require a kind of "tension" at times & I guess creating some healthy tension here & there can maintain attraction.