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[so] Are Social-lasts arguably 'better' at socializing?

Thalassa

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Im pretty sure so doms are the kind who are more gifted in dealing with people, though frankly sometimes an so dom individual may annoy me because they play over diplomatic with awful people, the fact still remains that they are typically the ones who are either universally liked, or at least seen with a benevolent neutrality i.e. harmless.

I have found being an sx/so and knowing other sx/so types we generally have some kind of charisma in some groups, but are more likely to incur hate, disgust or annoyance as well as love.


I think so last are simply the least visible. I guess it has its perks.
 

skylights

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Im pretty sure so doms are the kind who are more gifted in dealing with people, though frankly sometimes an so dom individual may annoy me because they play over diplomatic with awful people, the fact still remains that they are typically the ones who are either universally liked, or at least seen with a benevolent neutrality i.e. harmless.

I have found being an sx/so and knowing other sx/so types we generally have some kind of charisma in some groups, but are more likely to incur hate, disgust or annoyance as well as love.


I think so last are simply the least visible. I guess it has its perks.

I think these are all good solid points.

And visibility... I don't know if I can speak for everyone, but for me it's one of the pains of so-dom that I almost always feel visible... not as in "out there" or "loud" visible, but as in I can't hide from the world even if I try because everything is so interconnected.

frankly sometimes an so dom individual may annoy me because they play over diplomatic with awful people

Yeah, totally. I do this. I guess in my head it's like, maybe if I try to be diplomatic, I can win them over to the light side - a "catch more flies with honey" type of thinking. Like earlier today this girl was going off about smokers in my university Facebook group - does she think that anyone is going to stop smoking because they read the nasty things she was saying about them in a public group? It's kind of in delicate balance with Fi in my head, because I do understand that sometimes you just have to come out and say something. I think that was part of why I felt sx/so at first, because I'd hit that Fi tipping point and would just let it go. But in more recent years I've striven to make the things I come out and say more palatable so that they might have a chance of actually changing something.

People have told me I'm crazy for trying to be nice to certain people... but sometimes, in the very best of circumstances, it turns out that you hear sides of someone's story that they haven't felt comfortable talking about with anyone because they're repressing, and by getting them to open up, you can help them heal and get to a better place.

Though sometimes it plays out that I get screwed. But, I feel like if and when I do get screwed after having tried hard to be diplomatic, I am fairly justified in telling them off, and you should see people's faces when the "nice girl" tells them what's been coming. :blush:
 

Haven

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Yeah I change myself to fit my environment as well. However, as a sx/so I change just enough to not be seen as WAY TOO different from everyone else. I am not as concerned with fitting in as the social doms often are.
Being social dom just means you are aware of how much something does or does not fit in. It doesn't mean you are concerned with fitting in. Someone that keeps running afoul of social rules on accident and doesn't understand why or how not to could have a weak social instinct.
 

The Great One

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Being social dom just means you are aware of how much something does or does not fit in. It doesn't mean you are concerned with fitting in. Someone that keeps running afoul of social rules on accident and doesn't understand why or how not to could have a weak social instinct.

That's not what I keep hearing from the social doms that I have seen on this forum, they all tend to say that "fitting in" is a big part of the social instinct.
 

Haven

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That's not what I keep hearing from the social doms that I have seen on this forum, they all tend to say that "fitting in" is a big part of the social instinct.

I think it depends more on the type than the instinct though, and who you're trying to fit in with.
 

The Great One

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I think it depends more on the type than the instinct though, and who you're trying to fit in with.

True. I would think that fitting in would be important to suck social doms as the 2, 6, and 9. However, I doubt it's that important for like the social 8w7 and 7w8.
 

EJCC

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Im pretty sure so doms are the kind who are more gifted in dealing with people, though frankly sometimes an so dom individual may annoy me because they play over diplomatic with awful people, the fact still remains that they are typically the ones who are either universally liked, or at least seen with a benevolent neutrality i.e. harmless.

I have found being an sx/so and knowing other sx/so types we generally have some kind of charisma in some groups, but are more likely to incur hate, disgust or annoyance as well as love.


I think so last are simply the least visible. I guess it has its perks.
Hoo boy, am I guilty of the bolded or what? :laugh:

Great post. The only thing I'd argue with is that to a social-dom (from my experience, which is heavily SJ biased), no one is invisible. I've found that social-lasts are very likely to mistakenly see themselves as invisible, and thus act like they are. Which annoys the shit out of me sometimes.
 

entropie

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Hoo boy, am I guilty of the bolded or what? :laugh:

Great post. The only thing I'd argue with is that to a social-dom (from my experience, which is heavily SJ biased), no one is invisible. I've found that social-lasts are very likely to mistakenly see themselves as invisible, and thus act like they are. Which annoys the shit out of me sometimes.

Want a bat for the beating ?
 

entropie

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Hoo boy, am I guilty of the bolded or what? :laugh:

Great post. The only thing I'd argue with is that to a social-dom (from my experience, which is heavily SJ biased), no one is invisible. I've found that social-lasts are very likely to mistakenly see themselves as invisible, and thus act like they are. Which annoys the shit out of me sometimes.

Want a bat for the beating ?
 
S

Stansmith

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While I'm aware of my visibility on a practical level, it has little to do with some abstract, overarching concept of social responsibility (or allegiance to a group), nor do I concern myself with whether or not others get the memo. A person could very well be 'invisible' in my eyes.

It almost sounds like an NF idealism-thing based on some of the sentiments that seem to be shared among some of the ENFPs and INFJs on here, which although generally well-meaning, isn't how I typically rationalize things.
 

entropie

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While I'm aware of my visibility on a practical level, it has little to do with some grand, overarching concept of social responsibility, nor do I concern myself with whether or not others get the memo.

It almost sounds like an NF idealism-thing based on some of the sentiments that seem to be shared among some of the ENFPs and INFJs on here, which although generally well-meaning, isn't how I typically view things.

And whats your partake then in social responsibility ?
 

skylights

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That's not what I keep hearing from the social doms that I have seen on this forum, they all tend to say that "fitting in" is a big part of the social instinct.

I do echo Haven, it's just you're very aware of what you want to fit in with and what you don't. And you have a good idea of when you're fitting in and when you're not. So you do have a strong emphasis on fitting in, but it's not really always about fitting in so much as understanding that due to the overwhelming level of interconnectedness in the world, you're going to be aligned with something, so you might as well choose it consciously. The social instinct doesn't choose for you to want to fit in anywhere in particular, it just gives you a really clear picture of how you do and don't fit in (which may well be too anxious to be entirely accurate).
 

The Great One

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I do echo Haven, it's just you're very aware of what you want to fit in with and what you don't. And you have a good idea of when you're fitting in and when you're not. So you do have a strong emphasis on fitting in, but it's not really always about fitting in so much as understanding that due to the overwhelming level of interconnectedness in the world, you're going to be aligned with something, so you might as well choose it consciously.

I sort of do this, but I do it just to not be so far out of the social sphere that I'm just totally wierd, if that makes sense. For instance, [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] is social last, and he is the type of dude that would walk around with a white hat, and a white fur coat, and look like a member of the "Playa Haters Club" from Dave Chapelle. I wouldn't want to push my outfits to THAT extreme.
 
B

brainheart

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Hoo boy, am I guilty of the bolded or what? :laugh:

Great post. The only thing I'd argue with is that to a social-dom (from my experience, which is heavily SJ biased), no one is invisible. I've found that social-lasts are very likely to mistakenly see themselves as invisible, and thus act like they are. Which annoys the shit out of me sometimes.

What invisible behavior annoys the shit out of you? Curious.
 

cascadeco

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I do echo Haven, it's just you're very aware of what you want to fit in with and what you don't. And you have a good idea of when you're fitting in and when you're not. So you do have a strong emphasis on fitting in, but it's not really always about fitting in so much as understanding that due to the overwhelming level of interconnectedness in the world, you're going to be aligned with something, so you might as well choose it consciously. The social instinct doesn't choose for you to want to fit in anywhere in particular, it just gives you a really clear picture of how you do and don't fit in (which may well be too anxious to be entirely accurate).

Highlighting what I see as really key. Like skylights says, so's have a really good sense of when they do or don't fit in, and what it would take for them to fit in. It doesn't mean though that their authentic self WILL fit in, or that they ever really find a 'group' they feel they actually truly fit in with. Perhaps for so-doms that's like this lifelong mission that they may never find. So there's often a huge dissonance. The awareness of 'fitting in', but also awareness of how being true to yourself means you won't fit in. That sort of thing. (At least my own experience, and probably half of what I'm writing is flavored with e4 stuff too) Also - yeah, the anxiety element. Think so dom's can have an oversensitivity to this, so, at times it can work against them, or, the oversensitivity can result in just being wrong.
 
L

LadyLazarus

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No I suck ass at socializing as it would require me to focus my attention on someone other than myself and that's just too big of a deal breaker.
 
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