Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Write a description of your instinctual stacking based off your own experience

[animenagai]

I was hoping for more So-Sx's and So-Sp's. You know, to help me decide what I am . Maybe I'll just post something like what you guys have, and you can decide what I am.

I love people. Having a Master's in philosophy makes me hate how dumb people are a lot of times, but still, I love people. I've been withdrawn in the past because of my health, but part of that is because I don't want people to see me when I'm physically ill. I don't want them to judge me when I'm not physically in good shape. I really hate that I've missed out on things because of my health. I've often told myself that I should care less about what other people think; that I should stop wondering what it's like to be someone else, even if it's just as a casual hobby. Someone who's truly confident won't second-guess themselves because of what they imagine other people are thinking, right? But then again, I wonder if I should just embrace the fact that what other people say mean a lot to me, and just use it to my advantage. You know, try and climb the social ladder and whatnot. My favourite concepts tend to be social ones like morality, political ideologies, sheep mentality and so on.


I've never had a real relationship and I don't know if I've made a friend I can share the world to since high school. Oh but boy do I wish I have. I'm a hopeless romantic and I have a bad habit of falling in love with the thought of someone, obsessing over an entity that may or may not reflect reality. I do care about physical things, but mostly, I just want to be healthy. When I'm healthy I feel like I can take on the world. When I'm ill, my body serves as a constant reminder of my imperfections, of how someone may judge me, and my confidence goes with it.

Just typing all this out has made me figure out my stacking lol. So much for that.

 

[Flâneuse]

Some of this might be specific to sp/sx Nines. I found it difficult to completely separate the workings of my instinctual stacking from that of my E-type.

I experience my sp/sx stacking as two forces that pull in different directions, the dominant one pulling me in towards myself and the other pulling me outward, towards someone or something that I feel a fascination and/or longing for and that triggers my merging instinct.

My dominant Self-Preservation instinct functions as an anti-merging instinct, a strong self-focus and an inertia against outside influence. When it's kept in check by the other instincts, it's a strength; I'm pretty good at setting boundaries (especially for a 9), and I'm reluctant to let anyone divert me from my goals unless they have urgent needs. When it starts to overpower the Sx and So instincts, however, there's nothing to provide that strong counter-pull towards the outer world, and I sink into a state of extreme selfishness, even solipsism. It becomes a need to shut out the world as much as possible, to build a wall around my inner state. Most often (but not always), this involves clinging to or trying to obtain a sense of peace or stillness. When I'm like this, my Sp instinct completely eclipses my Sx instinct, and intensity becomes a threat rather than something desirable. I so desperately want to feel still and complete that I repress the need to merge because that means also feeling the sense of incompleteness that is driving it. I think this is a large part of where my occasional complacency comes from. Wanting is too painful, so I try to force myself not to want anything.

Thankfully, it's not that often that the Sp instinct completely takes over like that; normally the 'Sx pull' draws me out of myself to a degree. The desire to merge is most intense when it's directed towards a romantic partner (or a potential one), but its object can also be a friend or even an experience. (Being out in nature, exploring a new place or viewing/reading/listening to art, for example, can trigger that thrill of being one with my experience.) Sometimes I'm genuinely seeking depth of intimacy and understanding (the healthy side of my Sx instinct), but at others it's just shallow, self-forgetful thrill seeking. I've used people as tickets to my own emotional thrill-ride, reveling in the passion they inspired in me but holding back from actually being solid and present for them and from forming real empathic connections. Ultimately, my instinct to protect myself is stronger than my instinct to achieve intimacy, and there's a part of me that fears the vulnerability and inevitable degree of emotional messiness that come with a true, open-hearted connection. I seek "safe" ways to achieve intensity of feeling, which don't involve getting all the way out of my comfort zone. This also accounts for my thankfully decreasing tendency to live through daydreams/fantasy more than real-life experiences.

 

[Haven]

Another So/sp video

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

Sp/So

This type wants the best for themselves materially. They appreciate fine dining, beautifully furbished spaces, and clothes of the finest prints. This subtype fears being deprived materially, as they want truly want to flourish in life. Despite their health and safety concerns, they have a need to look strong in the face of danger and are resilient to most of the obstacles in their way. Those of this subtype tend to be easy around and want to be liked and to fit in, but won't bend to any one when it comes to opinions about their life styles. While generally well-liked, this type forms few close relationships as too much close contact can drain them of their energy. They tend to keep their dearest passions private and close to their heart, until the right person comes along and earns their trust.

 

[Morpeko]

sx/sp for me means that I want to live a fully passionate life. It is not living unless I am constantly doing things that give me energy because I love doing them, and feel a connection with them. I do not want to waste time talking to just anyone or letting them into my life, I choose people carefully. But when I hold great interest in a person or thing, I want to get to know them as intimately as I can (not necessarily sexual, just deep). I don't have much experience with people yet, which makes my sx very sad, but with ideas and activities that I connect to, I prioritize them over all else and want them to become a part of me.

It also means that the way for me to keep up my pursuit for things with which I can merge and allow to become a part of my integral identity, is to take care of myself as best I can. I am not preoccupied with things like health or physical personal space, and I am not materialistic, but I am cautious about the things I do and say because I don't want to fuck up and make my life even more meaningless than it is. I am someone who wants to find meaning in my life despite the obstacles and despite wanting to give up. One of the best ways for me to take care of myself is to avoid large groups and to disregard larger relational spheres such as society and interactions between humans who aren't me, because all they do is get in the way of what I really want to do and make me feel bad.