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  1. #21
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008


    I was hoping for more So-Sx's and So-Sp's. You know, to help me decide what I am . Maybe I'll just post something like what you guys have, and you can decide what I am.

    I love people. Having a Master's in philosophy makes me hate how dumb people are a lot of times, but still, I love people. I've been withdrawn in the past because of my health, but part of that is because I don't want people to see me when I'm physically ill. I don't want them to judge me when I'm not physically in good shape. I really hate that I've missed out on things because of my health. I've often told myself that I should care less about what other people think; that I should stop wondering what it's like to be someone else, even if it's just as a casual hobby. Someone who's truly confident won't second-guess themselves because of what they imagine other people are thinking, right? But then again, I wonder if I should just embrace the fact that what other people say mean a lot to me, and just use it to my advantage. You know, try and climb the social ladder and whatnot. My favourite concepts tend to be social ones like morality, political ideologies, sheep mentality and so on.

    I've never had a real relationship and I don't know if I've made a friend I can share the world to since high school. Oh but boy do I wish I have. I'm a hopeless romantic and I have a bad habit of falling in love with the thought of someone, obsessing over an entity that may or may not reflect reality. I do care about physical things, but mostly, I just want to be healthy. When I'm healthy I feel like I can take on the world. When I'm ill, my body serves as a constant reminder of my imperfections, of how someone may judge me, and my confidence goes with it.

    Just typing all this out has made me figure out my stacking lol. So much for that.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  2. #22
    don't ask me Flâneuse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    9w1 sp/sx


    Some of this might be specific to sp/sx Nines. I found it difficult to completely separate the workings of my instinctual stacking from that of my E-type.

    I experience my sp/sx stacking as two forces that pull in different directions, the dominant one pulling me in towards myself and the other pulling me outward, towards someone or something that I feel a fascination and/or longing for and that triggers my merging instinct.

    My dominant Self-Preservation instinct functions as an anti-merging instinct, a strong self-focus and an inertia against outside influence. When it's kept in check by the other instincts, it's a strength; I'm pretty good at setting boundaries (especially for a 9), and I'm reluctant to let anyone divert me from my goals unless they have urgent needs. When it starts to overpower the Sx and So instincts, however, there's nothing to provide that strong counter-pull towards the outer world, and I sink into a state of extreme selfishness, even solipsism. It becomes a need to shut out the world as much as possible, to build a wall around my inner state. Most often (but not always), this involves clinging to or trying to obtain a sense of peace or stillness. When I'm like this, my Sp instinct completely eclipses my Sx instinct, and intensity becomes a threat rather than something desirable. I so desperately want to feel still and complete that I repress the need to merge because that means also feeling the sense of incompleteness that is driving it. I think this is a large part of where my occasional complacency comes from. Wanting is too painful, so I try to force myself not to want anything.

    Thankfully, it's not that often that the Sp instinct completely takes over like that; normally the 'Sx pull' draws me out of myself to a degree. The desire to merge is most intense when it's directed towards a romantic partner (or a potential one), but its object can also be a friend or even an experience. (Being out in nature, exploring a new place or viewing/reading/listening to art, for example, can trigger that thrill of being one with my experience.) Sometimes I'm genuinely seeking depth of intimacy and understanding (the healthy side of my Sx instinct), but at others it's just shallow, self-forgetful thrill seeking. I've used people as tickets to my own emotional thrill-ride, reveling in the passion they inspired in me but holding back from actually being solid and present for them and from forming real empathic connections. Ultimately, my instinct to protect myself is stronger than my instinct to achieve intimacy, and there's a part of me that fears the vulnerability and inevitable degree of emotional messiness that come with a true, open-hearted connection. I seek "safe" ways to achieve intensity of feeling, which don't involve getting all the way out of my comfort zone. This also accounts for my thankfully decreasing tendency to live through daydreams/fantasy more than real-life experiences.

  3. #23
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    2w3 so/sp
    ESFj Ti


    Another So/sp video

    {The Diplomat}

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