[sp] Is this Sp-last or Unhealthy Sp-dom?

[Cloud of Thunder]

I realized earlier today that I have only a marginal interest in Sp-related issues and I get a bit annoyed when I absolutely must address them, whether it's needing to eat or drink when I'm hungry or thirsty, needing to take a shower after several days, constantly forgetting to pay bills or pump gas, or endlessly putting off repairs on my car in favor of other purchases (namely used books). Other things/people/experiences are simply more interesting to me than my own personal care.

Is this a sign of being Sp-last or an unhealthy Sp-dom? I don't feel particularly unhealthy, but what do you think?

 

[valaki]

I don't understand & I'm curious, why did you think of the sp-dom possibility?

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

I read that when Sp-doms go unhealthy, all of their usual concern for Sp-related things like money, health, personal hygiene, etc. deteriorates.

 

[entpersonal]

I realized earlier today that I have only a marginal interest in Sp-related issues and I get a bit annoyed when I absolutely must address them, whether it's needing to eat or drink when I'm hungry or thirsty, needing to take a shower after several days, constantly forgetting to pay bills or pump gas, or endlessly putting off repairs on my car in favor of other purchases (namely used books). Other things/people/experiences are simply more interesting to me than my own personal care.

Is this a sign of being Sp-last or an unhealthy Sp-dom? I don't feel particularly unhealthy, but what do you think?

That sounds more heavy Sx than anything. That's how I get when I'm turned on…by a conversation, piece of music, woman, whatever.

 

[valaki]

I read that when Sp-doms go unhealthy, all of their usual concern for Sp-related things like money, health, personal hygiene, etc. deteriorates.

hmm okay but you say you're not too unhealthy
I'll go guess Sx-dom for you

 

[011235813]

I read that when Sp-doms go unhealthy, all of their usual concern for Sp-related things like money, health, personal hygiene, etc. deteriorates.

Speaking as an sp-dom who's gone unhealthy on occasion, it's not that my concern for sp-related things deteriorates, as such. It's more that I get mad at being controlled by them and decide to throw caution to the winds and deliberately engage in self-destructive behavior. When I'm feeling low, I can count on self-destructive behavior to give me a high.

On a day to day basis, though, keeping track of those things is no big deal. I don't notice them, nor does getting them done play a big role in my existence. They're just life, you know? So I just do it most of the time ... and skip occasionally when I don't feel like it and it won't impact me too much. It's no big deal. sp-primary neurosis is more existential than mere anxiety about practical matters.

 

[valaki]

Speaking as an sp-dom who's gone unhealthy on occasion, it's not that my concern for sp-related things deteriorates, as such. It's more that I get mad at being controlled by them and decide to throw caution to the winds and deliberately engage in self-destructive behavior. When I'm feeling low, I can count on self-destructive behavior to give me a high.

On a day to day basis, though, keeping track of those things is no big deal. I don't notice them, nor does getting them done play a big role in my existence. They're just life, you know? So I just do it most of the time ... and skip occasionally when I don't feel like it and it won't impact me too much. It's no big deal. sp-primary neurosis is more existential than mere anxiety about practical matters.

Can you talk about this existential sp-dom neurosis? I'm trying to check out if I'm sp-dom or not.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

Speaking as an sp-dom who's gone unhealthy on occasion, it's not that my concern for sp-related things deteriorates, as such. It's more that I get mad at being controlled by them and decide to throw caution to the winds and deliberately engage in self-destructive behavior. When I'm feeling low, I can count on self-destructive behavior to give me a high.

On a day to day basis, though, keeping track of those things is no big deal. I don't notice them, nor does getting them done play a big role in my existence. They're just life, you know? So I just do it most of the time ... and skip occasionally when I don't feel like it and it won't impact me too much. It's no big deal. sp-primary neurosis is more existential than mere anxiety about practical matters.

I think that happens with me too. In the past I've deliberately gorged on unhealthy foods and splurged on stuff seemingly to spite my usual restraint/moderation in those areas.

 

[011235813]

Can you talk about this existential sp-dom neurosis? I'm trying to check out if I'm sp-dom or not.

For me, it's an overwhelming absorption with the self and its survival and a keenly involved sensitivity to threats and violations of personal space (verging on hypersensitivity). I evaluate areas of doubt in terms of how the outcomes will affect my self. Will this be good for me? Will it bring pleasure or pain? What are the risks? Does it require me to surrender control over some part of the self? Is this encroaching my boundaries? How big of an encroachment is it? How much do I care that my boundaries are being encroached or do I want it? How am I?

I should make it clear that I don't constantly or consciously think these things all the time because everyday life doesn't require it of me. I've figured worked out how to live life in a manner that's comfortable for me and doesn't require much effort to keep it up. In fact, worrying about whether or not my lifestyle was okay and spending too much time trying to get it right would also hamper my well being. Usually, I don't bother. I'm neither a control freak nor a total slob about things like food, sleep, comfort, hygiene, blah blah. Little aberrations are fine in my experience as long as there are no sustained poor habits.

It's only when there are new things or events in my life that potentially threaten my well being or my sense of self that I become really conscious of the sp-drive. My reactions to threat go through the roof at times like these.

 

[valaki]

I think that happens with me too. In the past I've deliberately gorged on unhealthy foods and splurged on stuff seemingly to spite my usual restraint/moderation in those area.

Hmm well maybe I'm sp-dom then? Though I don't start on eating binges...

For me, it's an overwhelming absorption with the self and its survival and a keenly involved sensitivity to threats (verging on hypersensitivity). I evaluate areas of doubt in terms of how the outcomes will affect my self. Will this be good for me? Will it bring pleasure or pain? What are the risks? Does it require me to surrender control over some part of the self? Is this encroaching my boundaries? How big of an encroachment is it? How much do I care that my boundaries are being encroached or do I want it? How am I?

I should make it clear that I don't constantly or consciously think these things all the time because everyday life doesn't require it of me. I've figured worked out how to live life in a manner that's comfortable for me and it doesn't require much effort to keep it up. In fact, worrying about whether or not my lifestyle was okay and spending too much time trying to get it right would also hamper my well being. Usually, I don't bother. I'm neither a control freak nor a total slob about things like food, sleep, comfort, hygiene, blah blah. Little aberrations are fine in my experience as long as there are no sustained poor habits.

It's only when there are new things or events in my life that potentially threaten my well being or my sense of self that I become really conscious of the sp-drive. My reactions to threat go through the roof at times like these.

Interesting what you say about healthy sp-dom not bothering to overfocus on sp matters. I thought I didn't have strong sp instinct because I don't focus all that much on it. It's also the only instinct that never seems to cause real trouble. Sx and so(cial) instincts don't seem as simple to me as sp, in terms of that.

Do you think that may actually mean I'm sp-dom?

 

[011235813]

Hmm well maybe I'm sp-dom then? Though I don't start on eating binges...




Interesting what you say about healthy sp-dom not bothering to overfocus on sp matters. I thought I didn't have strong sp instinct because I don't focus all that much on it. It's also the only instinct that never seems to cause real trouble. Sx and so(cial) instincts don't seem as simple to me as sp, in terms of that.

Do you think that may actually mean I'm sp-dom?

For me, sp either causes no problems or it causes all the problems. At the same time, I've discovered that my attitude to it is kind of like asking a fish how the water is and fish says "What's water?" At the same time, if there was something wrong with the water, the fish would know and react to it, right? (I know nothing about fish ... I'm just making this analogy up, haha).

I'm more openly diffident about sx and so, it's true, because I can pinpoint my areas of inadequacy in those areas. I've never felt that way about sp. At the same time, my inadequacies regarding the sx and so domains are often largely BECAUSE of overactive sp-first scaredy cat-ness, so they all kind of feed into one another for me.

 

[011235813]

Also, as to whether or not the whole "ignoring sp concerns" is specific to sp-first or sp-last ... I guess it kinda varies. A lot of sp-last people talk about how they skip meals sometimes and forget to sleep and stuff ... the thing is, I do the same thing too, sometimes. I don't want to go to bed when my attention is focused on something more exciting, like talking to my boyfriend or marathoning a TV show I'm hooked to or obsessively researching something I can't stop thinking about. So tomorrow morning will suck. That's okay though ... I can deal with it and anyway, it's not like I'm doing it everyday. I trust my body to give me the warning signals when I really need them and I'll listen to them when I have to.

In the same way, if I'm too tired to cook, I'll eat ice cream for dinner. If I'm still too tired to cook the next day and discover that there's nothing in the fridge anyway, I'll get Chinese takeout. That's fine, it's not the end of the world. But at the end of the week, I'm definitely taking my ass to the supermarket and stocking up. And I LIKE doing that. Looking at all the fresh fruit and veggies makes me happy.

I guess, unlike sp-last folks, I trust myself to know when to stop. That's never been in question for me.

 

[gromit]

I'm definitely taking my ass to the supermarket and stocking up. And I LIKE doing that. Looking at all the fresh fruit and veggies makes me happy.

Yes! I love the grocery store. It's a sort of "me" time. What will I make? What is on sale? What tastes good with what? And then making it and eating is of course part of the process too.

Also, as to whether or not the whole "ignoring sp concerns" is specific to sp-first or sp-last ... I guess it kinda varies. A lot of sp-last people talk about how they skip meals sometimes and forget to sleep and stuff ... the thing is, I do the same thing too, sometimes. I don't want to go to bed when my attention is focused on something more exciting, like talking to my boyfriend or marathoning a TV show I'm hooked to or obsessively researching something I can't stop thinking about. So tomorrow morning will suck. That's okay though ... I can deal with it and anyway, it's not like I'm doing it everyday. I trust my body to give me the warning signals when I really need them and I'll listen to them when I have to.

And sometimes yes, you are at the dregs of the pantry/fridge or you didn't think ahead so you're too tired/hungry to prepare something and you eat whatever there is, totally random stuff, or get takeout. Sometimes I am so happy when I get takeout bc I've pushed myself so far to the limit that I almost am like crying from relief... hahaha

 

[011235813]

Yes! I love the grocery store. It's a sort of "me" time. What will I make? What is on sale? What tastes good with what? And then making it and eating is of course part of the process too.



And sometimes yes, you are at the dregs of the pantry/fridge or you didn't think ahead so you're too tired/hungry to prepare something and you eat whatever there is, totally random stuff, or get takeout. Sometimes I am so happy when I get takeout bc I've pushed myself so far to the limit that I almost am like crying from relief... hahaha

For real. The grocery store is my happy place, ahaha. And a little treat is always nice for working hard.

[MENTION=20622]valaki[/MENTION]: You may have a hard time figuring out your dominant instinct based on other people's descriptions of how they experience them. For me, it was easier to go about it by figuring out vibe. Like sp-first people are kinda controlled and grounded in a lot of ways, earthy or like still water. so to me is clean and expansive and light, like warm spring air. sx is polarizing and sharp and sparky and slightly painful, like electricity.

God, I sound really new age, lol.

 

[gromit]

For real. The grocery store is my happy place, ahaha. And a little treat is always nice for working hard.

Oh and I forgot to add... I hate getting to that almost crying point, so I always try to have some easy foods available, even like frozen store brand bean burritos or something so that I don't have to get to that shaky point, even if I'm otherwise occupied when it's food prep time.

 

[011235813]

Oh and I forgot to add... I hate getting to that almost crying point, so I always try to have some easy foods available, even like frozen store brand bean burritos or something so that I don't have to get to that shaky point, even if I'm otherwise occupied when it's food prep time.

TWINSIES! I always buy two or three frozen meals at a time, because I KNOW there are going to be days when I'm just too tired to want to put in any effort.

Those bean and cheese burritos have often been the last bastions between me and a hysterical hunger and exhaustion-induced crying fit, haha. The vegetarian's hot pocket.

 

[gromit]

TWINSIES! I always buy two or three frozen meals at a time, because I KNOW there are going to be days when I'm just too tired to want to put in any effort.

Those bean and cheese burritos have often been the last bastions between me and a hysterical hunger and exhaustion-induced crying fit, haha. The vegetarian's hot pocket.

Actually hot pockets are on sale right now too... now that you mention it...

 

[valaki]

Goddammit those last few posts, you guys are sounding so f*cking boring now. (Guess that helps determine my instincts?! )

Anyway thanks for the explanations, really, it makes some sense.

For me, sp either causes no problems or it causes all the problems. At the same time, I've discovered that my attitude to it is kind of like asking a fish how the water is and fish says "What's water?" At the same time, if there was something wrong with the water, the fish would know and react to it, right? (I know nothing about fish ... I'm just making this analogy up, haha).

I'm more openly diffident about sx and so, it's true, because I can pinpoint my areas of inadequacy in those areas. I've never felt that way about sp. At the same time, my inadequacies regarding the sx and so domains are often largely BECAUSE of overactive sp-first scaredy cat-ness, so they all kind of feed into one another for me.

Hm well I relate to you here in a way and not in another way. I can pinpoint these "areas of inadequacy" for Sx and So, but not for Sp. Otoh I don't relate to Sp causing all the problems, well unless I get into some really irritated mood because of not being able to satisfy some basic physical needs for too long due to external circumstances. Now that's bad but luckily happens rarely. Only bad if it's due to external circumstances so I don't feel in control. I will definitely snap/blow up and go do something to sort out things after all. Possibly doing extreme things Is that Sp-dom-ish?

Oh also once I was in a really stressful period (most stress ever in a special way), I first totally neglected Sp things, totally. Pretty much stereotype of Sp-last instinct manifestation I think. Then I suddenly went to the other side of that, I started caring about all Sp things obsessively, like the threat stuff you mentioned, etc. That was breaking point for me and that's when I realised there was a problem. So I finally targeted the issue and successfully recovered.

What's that then...

Also, as to whether or not the whole "ignoring sp concerns" is specific to sp-first or sp-last ... I guess it kinda varies. A lot of sp-last people talk about how they skip meals sometimes and forget to sleep and stuff ... the thing is, I do the same thing too, sometimes. I don't want to go to bed when my attention is focused on something more exciting, like talking to my boyfriend or marathoning a TV show I'm hooked to or obsessively researching something I can't stop thinking about. So tomorrow morning will suck. That's okay though ... I can deal with it and anyway, it's not like I'm doing it everyday. I trust my body to give me the warning signals when I really need them and I'll listen to them when I have to.

In the same way, if I'm too tired to cook, I'll eat ice cream for dinner. If I'm still too tired to cook the next day and discover that there's nothing in the fridge anyway, I'll get Chinese takeout. That's fine, it's not the end of the world. But at the end of the week, I'm definitely taking my ass to the supermarket and stocking up. And I LIKE doing that. Looking at all the fresh fruit and veggies makes me happy.

I guess, unlike sp-last folks, I trust myself to know when to stop. That's never been in question for me.

Hm well, I also trust myself to know when to stop, I don't think it was ever an issue as long as I am in direct control of things. The only thing I don't relate to is liking to go to the supermarket and stocking up blahblah. I kind of just don't care. Nor do I care about the rest of these posts here about that

Maybe it's related, but I feel it's a waste of time to spend too much time cooking. So I just cook simple quick things etc. I generally minimize time spent on all these things in my life. I like to be efficient and quick and take care of it all but without spending too much time as it's just ... not interesting to me.

Sometimes I am so happy when I get takeout bc I've pushed myself so far to the limit that I almost am like crying from relief... hahaha

I like to think of myself as being less dependent on these physical issues, but unfortunately I know the state where I get irritable simply from not eating 16+ hours. Not that this happens often but it has before so I know from experience

Still I can be proud of saying 16+ hours is a really long time. Means I'm pretty independent to an extent to physical discomfort etc

Oh and I forgot to add... I hate getting to that almost crying point, so I always try to have some easy foods available, even like frozen store brand bean burritos or something so that I don't have to get to that shaky point, even if I'm otherwise occupied when it's food prep time.

Yeah see, I don't care THIS much. I can ignore everything I want, just not the irritable state, but it doesn't make me want to stock up on food. And I wouldn't call that a "shaky point" either.

[MENTION=20622]valaki[/MENTION]: You may have a hard time figuring out your dominant instinct based on other people's descriptions of how they experience them. For me, it was easier to go about it by figuring out vibe. Like sp-first people are kinda controlled and grounded in a lot of ways, earthy or like still water. so to me is clean and expansive and light, like warm spring air. sx is polarizing and sharp and sparky and slightly painful, like electricity.

God, I sound really new age, lol.

Lol it's okay about the new age

So... I've been called all these things before. Grounded and controlled; light (in terms of light hearted social fun); sharp/intense/heated.

What do you see me as? So far...

 

[Galena]

That's what I want to know, OP. I recently concluded that I'm so second, but less clear on where the other two instincts go. They're about equally screwy in ways only a frontliner and blindspot can be.

A general principle on how a last instinct consistently differs from a first instinct, as opposed to how, for just one example, under-expressing in your example can apply to first or last at times, would be ideal to apply here.

And my body would never believe me on ice cream or even hot pockets for dinner. Too one-sided in ingredients and I finish as hungry and jittery as I was before I ate. If dinner isn't right, too, I am totally unable to sleep, so I conserve most of my food for that meal. There's a system...

...and yet I resent things like food for taking my time away from what I consider the real important stuff. The things discussed here as sp-related are things I get done so that they'll stop impinging, so the obligations will stop drowning out my thoughts and plans like an unwelcome fire alarm. Fast and unskillfully cooked works for me as long as all satisfying elements are included, and I will get irritable at the suggestion to slow down and take pride in such activities.

lol, a few months ago I hurt my head, and the hardest thing about letting it heal was having to slow down on mentally stimulating activities like studying and creating. It felt insulting, as if I was conceding power to a body dumbly inconsiderate of my needs - as if those things were seperate, which they aren't. Possibly not relevant.

 

[011235813]

Maybe it's related, but I feel it's a waste of time to spend too much time cooking. So I just cook simple quick things etc. I generally minimize time spent on all these things in my life. I like to be efficient and quick and take care of it all but without spending too much time as it's just ... not interesting to me.

I actually like to keep things simple too because spending too much time and effort on cooking is boring. That said, taste is still important to me ... so it's really a matter of weighing the costs and the benefits on the whole.

So... I've been called all these things before. Grounded and controlled; light (in terms of light hearted social fun); sharp/intense/heated.

What do you see me as? So far...

You strike me as sp-last so far. I haven't seen anything controlled about your forum interactions so far. I'd probably go with sx/so because there's something about your posts that makes me a little tense/polarized but you're also an 8 and a Ti-user, so idk.