the state i am in
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2009
- Messages
- 2,475
- MBTI Type
- infj
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
identify heavily with others expectations. as a result, at their most stressed can be very all or nothing, because they have such a low sensitivity for disappointing others that they can get into a state of wanting to run away while still needing to be around others. this can create a kind of volatility. with 7w6 so/sp, i've seen strong counterphobic qualities. with 3w4 so/sp, i've seen deep difficulty recognizing one's own needs. with 9w1 and 1w9 so/sp, i've seen harsh self-criticism levied against oneself from a place of no accountability to one's own potential.
in general, a major struggle can be a kind of identification with a market rather than with oneself. so there's often a lot of really self-destructive language utilized from internalizing other's perspectives and expectations without centering one's judgments about oneself in a truly empathetic, real-to-me place. the fear of being wrong or being bad according to others distracts them from truly hearing themselves and accepting themselves as they are.
in relationships, there co-dependent tendencies can manifest when they don't give themselves self-respect. that is not tied to whether they are meeting/exceeding/disappointing others expectations but is instead based on a real awareness of what they desire and what they see as the potential within themselves that truly deserves to be developed for itself, for themselves, for the life-affirming expression of real individuated passion that it can be.
they usually have a need to be in nature, finding respite, letting go of the social world. they may feel difficulty in managing their boundaries, either being aloof and formal or feeling like they are just being who others want them to be. they often don't feel ready to push past boundaries or act outside of the roles they have been assigned, having difficulty overriding others definitions of the situation or truly respecting their own definition of the situation (because they are so sensitive to others expectations and, when centered, so sensitive to what others want and need/how to be helpful for them). when they to override, rather than simply focusing on hearing themselves better, it often comes from a place so lacking in self-trust that it becomes really self-destructive and not really attuned to one's own motives, instead simply projecting an opposing, defensive posture.
when they find a community or cause to truly give to, they truly invest in its continued success. when they can do this and feel part of something that is truly real for them, that truly inspires them, they do their best work. their tendency to meet other's expectations to prevent themselves from truly having to own their own is transformed into a giving, generous attitude of service and mutual commitment to growth.
in general, a major struggle can be a kind of identification with a market rather than with oneself. so there's often a lot of really self-destructive language utilized from internalizing other's perspectives and expectations without centering one's judgments about oneself in a truly empathetic, real-to-me place. the fear of being wrong or being bad according to others distracts them from truly hearing themselves and accepting themselves as they are.
in relationships, there co-dependent tendencies can manifest when they don't give themselves self-respect. that is not tied to whether they are meeting/exceeding/disappointing others expectations but is instead based on a real awareness of what they desire and what they see as the potential within themselves that truly deserves to be developed for itself, for themselves, for the life-affirming expression of real individuated passion that it can be.
they usually have a need to be in nature, finding respite, letting go of the social world. they may feel difficulty in managing their boundaries, either being aloof and formal or feeling like they are just being who others want them to be. they often don't feel ready to push past boundaries or act outside of the roles they have been assigned, having difficulty overriding others definitions of the situation or truly respecting their own definition of the situation (because they are so sensitive to others expectations and, when centered, so sensitive to what others want and need/how to be helpful for them). when they to override, rather than simply focusing on hearing themselves better, it often comes from a place so lacking in self-trust that it becomes really self-destructive and not really attuned to one's own motives, instead simply projecting an opposing, defensive posture.
when they find a community or cause to truly give to, they truly invest in its continued success. when they can do this and feel part of something that is truly real for them, that truly inspires them, they do their best work. their tendency to meet other's expectations to prevent themselves from truly having to own their own is transformed into a giving, generous attitude of service and mutual commitment to growth.
