Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts What are activities that you would associate with each enneagram variant?

[brainheart]

Double post

 

[brainheart]

[MENTION=7140]brainheart[/MENTION]

But the point here is that you STILL do crave that intimacy with another human being though.

True. Very much so. But that craving is picky and difficult to satisfy.

[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]:

I didn't understand that Social could be involved in connections/bonding, too, perhaps even more so than Sexual, and that Sexual was more about within than between, more about looking at one another than being with one another - and I definitely still feel a strong degree of relation to the Sexual instinct.

Yes. My husband is so/sx and he is way more into bonding/connecting than me. I am too distant and very off/on. My intensity is usually turned inward which is difficult for others to see a lot of the time (although I can definitely tell when my 'on' becomes too much for someone, it feels like they close their blinds to block out my overwhelming rays. My on can feel like too much to me too, but if it's happening sometimes it takes awhile for the clouds to move in). I spend a lot of time analyzing our relationship and agonizing over it, although he has no clue, because I withdraw. I feel things extremely strongly, be those feelings positive or negative. Because his so/sx nature is more expansive, there is an openness to him (he seems more constantly 'on'), while I'm more intense bursts then silence.

As far as 'being with' goes, I think social/sexual likes lots of quality time, while the sx first doesn't need as much time, but they are constantly evaluating/monitoring the energy created (or lacking) when together- the standards are higher, so there is a greater chance of disappointment or elation. It isn't that the sexual first doesn't value being with the other, it's just a different orientation.

 

[Azure Flame]

rape

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]

Theoretically - and I see this play out, I think - it should be with anything that can serve as stimulation and provide feelings of risk and reward. Artistic performance, physical engagement, and so on...

Though perhaps personal relationships tend to be the most stimulating because of how incredibly dynamic and responsive people are, and how much the chemistry of attraction heightens feeling.

I definitely agree with the bolded.

[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION]

That's cool. I still think I am what I say I am, but you go ahead and continue researching. Happy investigating!

Yeah, I'm just trying to understand the sx variant as accurately and as thoroughly as possible.

[MENTION=17945]Webslinger[/MENTION]

I hit on so/sx after claiming sx/so for a while by following [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]'s same journey, who questioned her stacking at about the same time.

so/sx/sp is believable to me because that's the way my priorities play out when I'm in action.

I vibe like an so/sx. However, I've noticed the interaction and intensity styles of the so/sx, and I don't fit them at all.

I've found that the so/sx types tend to have small little clicks that they hang out with. The clicks are generally composed of about 3-10 people. They tend to almost identify themselves through the clicks and tend to share all of their thoughts and feelings with these clicks. To tell the truth, I think that the so/sx variant stacking is almost best personified by the show, "How I Met Your Mother". I think most of the characters in that show are so/sx anyway. The characters in the show go everywhere together with their clicks, constantly hang out with their clicks, and identify themselves through their click. I almost feel like the so/sx people view their clicks as "one-big-happy-family".

The interesting thing is that I don't relate to the so/sx at all. In fact I believe myself to be an sx dom, and probably sx/sp. Now people on this site constantly tell me things like, "You're just a wanna-be sx dom" and "You only wanna be an sx dom because you think that it mistakenly makes you more sexy or that it means that you have more swag". The truth is that I don't want to be an sx dom, and I kind of hate being an sx dom. Let me give you an example.

In the spring semester of this college year, I met a girl that I used to talk to all the time in class. The woman was absolutely gorgeous and I had an almost instant connection with her. I damn near felt a concrete bond with the girl that almost couldn't be broken. Whenever I would be around the woman I would get this really hot feeling like I was on fire, but in a good way. The woman made me feel complete, and I never even looked at other women when I was around her. I never told her how I felt about her because I knew she was engaged.

Anyway, so I didn't see her at all during the summer semester so I assumed that she dropped out. However, yesterday was the beginning of our fall semester and I started back to school that day. I went to the student lounge and there she was sitting in the corner. I thought that I was over the girl, but all she had to do was come up to me again, say my name, then give me a big hug and I was hooked on her again. I instantly felt that instant bond, that chemistry, and that connection with the woman. However, after we chatted for a bit and caught up, I realized how amazing it felt to be around her, and I then went into an instant depression because I knew that she made me feel complete, but yet I could never have her. This was the ultimate in sadness for me. If I see her again, and she wants to talk again, I'm probably gonna just gonna have to tell her how I feel about her. Then, I'm gonna have to tell her that I just can't stand to be around her because it's just too damn painful.

Now I realize that this doesn't necessarily qualify me as an sx dom, but things like this always happen to me. I can literally fall in love with a woman in just a day or a matter of days and it's a big problem for me. I attach to people in a lightning-fast way, like an sx dom and I hate it. Most people don't attach this way, and I often have to try my damndest to hold back my feelings for them because otherwise I would scare the absolute hell out of most girls. I really wish that I was sx second to tell the truth. If I was sx second, I could attach in a more "normal" way and not terrify so many women, but at the same time I could still reap the benefits of sx. The sx position in the first slot, is just too powerful and I feel that it scares every woman that I ever care about away, except for other sx doms.
[MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION]

I think that [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] has a list of activities that are associated with all of the variants. Please post this Elfboy.

Anyway the lists shopping under a self pres activity, texting people as a SO activity, hobbies is probably up for grabs, working out is both a SP and SX activity, and hanging out is an SO activity.

 

[The Great One]

That was an actual conversation, yes. I've since come to the realization he's sp/so, though, but close enough. hehe

See I just don't understand people like that.

 

[Stansmith]

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]

I actually do feel pretty attached to certain girls in the way you describe. And I have trouble with my So-instinct, so I'm never really "in" with the group but can tag along anyway.

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION]

I actually do feel pretty attached to certain girls in the way you describe. And I have trouble with my So-instinct, so I'm never really "in" with the group but can tag along anyway.

However the question is, "How long does it take you to get this attached though"?

 

[Stansmith]

However the question is, "How long does it take you to get this attached though"?

Relatively quickly. There are just certain types of girls that just sort of do it for me, especially ones with good taste and come off as independent.

The main difference between me and Sx-firsts is that in a group setting, I'll be focused on the general conversation, while I'm guessing Sx types will be in their little corner with whoever they deem especially interesting. Sometimes I socialize the Sx-way, but I'm more So around people I'm not that close to.

 

[skylights]

@skylights:

Yes. My husband is so/sx and he is way more into bonding/connecting than me. I am too distant and very off/on. My intensity is usually turned inward which is difficult for others to see a lot of the time (although I can definitely tell when my 'on' becomes too much for someone, it feels like they close their blinds to block out my overwhelming rays. My on can feel like too much to me too, but if it's happening sometimes it takes awhile for the clouds to move in). I spend a lot of time analyzing our relationship and agonizing over it, although he has no clue, because I withdraw. I feel things extremely strongly, be those feelings positive or negative. Because his so/sx nature is more expansive, there is an openness to him (he seems more constantly 'on'), while I'm more intense bursts then silence.

As far as 'being with' goes, I think social/sexual likes lots of quality time, while the sx first doesn't need as much time, but they are constantly evaluating/monitoring the energy created (or lacking) when together- the standards are higher, so there is a greater chance of disappointment or elation. It isn't that the sexual first doesn't value being with the other, it's just a different orientation.

Yes, like it's on a different "plane". Like we're measuring two sometimes overlapping but sometimes not sets of variables.

I've found that the so/sx types tend to have small little clicks that they hang out with. The clicks are generally composed of about 3-10 people. They tend to almost identify themselves through the clicks and tend to share all of their thoughts and feelings with these clicks. To tell the truth, I think that the so/sx variant stacking is almost best personified by the show, "How I Met Your Mother". I think most of the characters in that show are so/sx anyway. The characters in the show go everywhere together with their clicks, constantly hang out with their clicks, and identify themselves through their click. I almost feel like the so/sx people view their clicks as "one-big-happy-family".

This is a good observation. Just personally, I feel like I have a lot of overlapping little "circles" (basically the same thing, but that's how I've always thought of them). One would be my nuclear family... my little group of friends from high school... friends from college in my sorority... friends from college in my dorm... etc. I almost think of it like atoms and their electron clouds - people tend to travel in certain groups, but they also bounce from group to group, and some tend to be mostly independent. I agree that they tend to be 3-10 people. Anything smaller is just a 1-on-1 relationship and anything much larger looses ability to be personal.

One of the elements of myself I used to believe was telling of sx/so - but is probably more telling of so/sx - is that I feel individual relationships amplified by group functioning. When in a group, I am very aware of how to say or do things to make any individual feel particularly appreciated, and that is very pleasing to me. I love going out socially with my boyfriend in part because I enjoy doting on him in the greater context - a demonstration of how amongst all these people, he is the most important to me. That does not always mean he is the one who most draws my eyes or energy, but there is something soothing and grounding about him that I love to return to. And it is not to the detriment of the group - ideally, all people will have "subgroups" that are best suited to them - if you've ever gone out on a double date before, you should understand what I mean - how you can appreciate that each person has that coupling they're better off in, but you can all enjoy spending time together. It's a very comfortable, probably very Social feeling of knowing your place and reveling in your place, and having everyone else in their place too. The idea is not to pigeonhole but that there is a happy, comfortable, satisfying, fulfilling something for everyone - there is space for everyone if everyone finds their place.

In any case, to elaborate on identity, I find some degree of identity through those groups, but it's more of a functional identity than it is derived from the group itself. In other words, I see myself in roles as a girlfriend, a mom, a daughter, a sorority sister, a humanitarian, an event organizer, a leader, and so on, and I feel a strong resonance with those roles. It's not so much about the exact people themselves as it is about the nature of the relationships. In many of the groups I associate with, people come and go, but I feel the allegiance to the nebulous idea of the group because of what the group stands for - love, goodness, friendship, fun, generosity, citizenship, etc. Which is not to say that sometimes I don't love the people, and sometimes I love the people more than the group. They're different elements and can't be conflated.

In other words, I don't think the Social instinct is always about people as much as it is about relationships, and relationships can be important because of the people or they can be important because of the relationship. (Consider a person's chosen job, for example - often certain people gravitate towards certain careers because they are particularly drawn to certain types of roles).

Anyway the lists shopping under a self pres activity, texting people as a SO activity, hobbies is probably up for grabs, working out is both a SP and SX activity, and hanging out is an SO activity.

In general, yes, I would agree. At the same time, I think that one can come at an activity for a number of reasons. I understand how shopping could be Social. It's sort of a low-key interaction activity, where you're around a lot of people and can observe trends and flux, but you can to choose where and when to directly interact if you desire to. I assume @Stansmith is talking about more recreational shopping, as opposed to shopping for necessities, which would indeed be more Self-Pres aligned. Along the same vein, you can see working out fulfilling the core desires of any of the variants. It attends to SP taking care of one's body, SX getting energy flowing, and could feasibly attend to SO wanting to be someone who works out, or simply being with/around others while working out.

 

[Stansmith]

I work out to increase my attractiveness and shop alot so that I can keep up appearances/always have something different and distinctive to wear. I see it as more of an (expensive) hobby/creative outlet nowadays.

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION]

Relatively quickly. There are just certain types of girls that just sort of do it for me, especially ones with good taste and come off as independent.

The main difference between me and Sx-firsts is that in a group setting, I'll be focused on the general conversation, while I'm guessing Sx types will be in their little corner with whoever they deem especially interesting. Sometimes I socialize the Sx-way, but I'm more So around people I'm not that close to.

Yep this is me. If there is a potential lover in the room, and also a group of my personal friends, I tend to ditch my friends for the lover every time. Guys say, "Bros before hoes" but I say "Hoes before bros". I don't mean to do this, it just happens.
[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]

This is a good observation. Just personally, I feel like I have a lot of overlapping little "circles" (basically the same thing, but that's how I've always thought of them). One would be my nuclear family... my little group of friends from high school... friends from college in my sorority... friends from college in my dorm... etc. I almost think of it like atoms and their electron clouds - people tend to travel in certain groups, but they also bounce from group to group, and some tend to be mostly independent. I agree that they tend to be 3-10 people. Anything smaller is just a 1-on-1 relationship and anything much larger looses ability to be personal.

To elaborate on identity, I find some degree of identity through those groups, but it's more of a functional identity than it is derived from the group itself. In other words, I see myself in roles as a girlfriend, a mom, a daughter, a sorority sister, a humanitarian, an event organizer, a leader, and so on, and I feel a strong resonance with those roles. It's not so much about the exact people themselves as it is about the nature of the relationships. In many of the groups I associate with, people come and go, but I feel the allegiance to the nebulous idea of the group because of what the group stands for - love, goodness, friendship, fun, generosity, citizenship, etc. Which is not to say that sometimes I don't love the people, and sometimes I love the people more than the group. But they're two separate things, in a way.

In other words, I don't think the Social instinct is always about people as much as it is about relationships, and relationships can be important because of the people or they can be important because of the relationship. (Consider a person's chosen job, for example - often certain people gravitate towards certain careers because they are particularly drawn to certain types of roles).

lol, I hate how the social/sexual treats group interaction. They can never have intense, one-on-one conversations with you. They also want to bounce from talking to this person over here, to that person, to that person, and it just angers me. Why can't they just stay in one fucking place? lol, I almost feel like a cat trying to catch a mouse. This is what I think of when trying to interact with a so/sx...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ7vbr5s6uc&hd=1



Also I don't think that I will ever understand loyalty to organizations or groups either. To me, it's loyalty to individuals. I don't even get groups.

One more thing, you say that you identify as a mom? Are you a mother in real life?

In general, yes, I would agree. At the same time, I think that one can come at an activity for a number of reasons. I understand how shopping could be Social. It's sort of a low-key interaction activity, where you're around a lot of people and can observe trends and flux, but you can to choose where and when to directly interact if you desire to. I assume [MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION] is talking about more recreational shopping, as opposed to shopping for necessities, which would indeed be more Self-Pres aligned. Along the same vein, you can see working out fulfilling the core desires of any of the variants. It attends to SP taking care of one's body, SX getting energy flowing, and could feasibly attend to SO wanting to be someone who works out, or simply being with/around others while working out.

lol so you use shopping as a bonding activity? I could see how shopping could be SO in this manner. I'm never going to understand this though. I see shopping as using my resources that are vital to my health and to my life to buy things that I want and need. I constantly analyze ways that I can save money as well. I don't view shopping as a bonding experience at all.

 

[The Great One]

I work out to increase my attractiveness and shop alot so that I can keep up appearances/always have something different and distinctive to wear. I see it as more of an (expensive) hobby/creative outlet nowadays.

Back when I worked out I did it to increase my attractiveness and also for health reasons. I figured that if I was larger and more muscular, my body would be less susceptible to injury. Also, the more in shape I was, the less I would have to go to the doctor, and the less money that I would have to spend. Finally, the more attractive I was, the more women that would want to date me.

 

[brainheart]

lol, I hate how the social/sexual treats group interaction. They can never have intense, one-on-one conversations with you. They also want to bounce from talking to this person over here, to that person, to that person, and it just angers me. Why can't they just stay in one fucking place? lol, I almost feel like a cat trying to catch a mouse. This is what I think of when trying to interact with a so/sx...

I think that's true when a so/sx is with a group of people he knows, but when you're the only person the so/sx knows, they will likely talk only to you. They will want to talk about the scene or the crowd or whatever the human surroundings are to some extent, yes. But they tap into their sexual second as well. I definitely wouldn't be married to a so/sx if this wasn't the case.

 

[Stansmith]

What separates Sx/So interaction styles from So/Sx? Is it a more whimsical and less commited/attentive version of So/Sx?

 

[Galena]

I've found that the so/sx types tend to have small little clicks that they hang out with. The clicks are generally composed of about 3-10 people. They tend to almost identify themselves through the clicks and tend to share all of their thoughts and feelings with these clicks. To tell the truth, I think that the so/sx variant stacking is almost best personified by the show, "How I Met Your Mother". I think most of the characters in that show are so/sx anyway. The characters in the show go everywhere together with their clicks, constantly hang out with their clicks, and identify themselves through their click. I almost feel like the so/sx people view their clicks as "one-big-happy-family".

The interesting thing is that I don't relate to the so/sx at all. In fact I believe myself to be an sx dom, and probably sx/sp. Now people on this site constantly tell me things like, "You're just a wanna-be sx dom" and "You only wanna be an sx dom because you think that it mistakenly makes you more sexy or that it means that you have more swag". The truth is that I don't want to be an sx dom, and I kind of hate being an sx dom. Let me give you an example.

In the spring semester of this college year, I met a girl that I used to talk to all the time in class. The woman was absolutely gorgeous and I had an almost instant connection with her. I damn near felt a concrete bond with the girl that almost couldn't be broken. Whenever I would be around the woman I would get this really hot feeling like I was on fire, but in a good way. The woman made me feel complete, and I never even looked at other women when I was around her. I never told her how I felt about her because I knew she was engaged.

I understand what you mean about attachment to a single soul and to groups, though there is a big difference between being drawn to someone or some people and actually letting myself become attached in action. That difference is mostly made of time. I am drawn to people easily and intensely, but I hesitate to trust that magnetism, as I have grown enough to know that I can see more in others than may truly be there. The imagination is powerful. Usually, I need a lot of time at friendly/polite arm's length from others to find out who we really are in relation to each other and whether I belong near that person or circle of people.

But: the longer it takes to find that out, the more likely it is that it won't be worth trying. If a group leaves me bitter, or if I am taking a long time to find my voice while I'm speaking to others, it's probably not ever going to work out. I cannot actualize my feelings for them because those feelings are inapplicable to the reality: the people are in truth not what I was looking for and thought at first that I'd found in them. Hopes, purely internal stuff. I've learned to let go as soon as I hit that blockage because those affiliations are not worth my time while there are others out there who easily bring the best of me out into real action and contribution. Also, that trying past a certain point isn't fair to the other: no one likes somebody who is never going to fit in but keeps wanting to. It squanders the real potential on both sides.

When I am with the right people, I am able to forgive out of love when they fall short and find myself full of things to share. People I am increasingly compatible with in reality will open me up in reality faster and faster until it comes to a tiny number (would not even take up the fingers on one hand) of very special ones who I know I can live with fully right away.

So, yes to identifying with your sx and so/sx information, but I'm cagier about it outside of my head and little enough in age to still bear a raw memory of less mature days.

 

[Azure Flame]

What separates Sx/So interaction styles from So/Sx? Is it a more whimsical and less commited/attentive version of So/Sx?

In my experience, So/Sx's are much less focussed than Sx/So. Much more drifty and flirty between large numbers of people. Sx/So is not this way at all. Very 1 on 1; much more quiet and private until you enter their field of vision, so to speak.

 

[Galena]

lol, I hate how the social/sexual treats group interaction. They can never have intense, one-on-one conversations with you. They also want to bounce from talking to this person over here, to that person, to that person, and it just angers me. Why can't they just stay in one fucking place? lol, I almost feel like a cat trying to catch a mouse. This is what I think of when trying to interact with a so/sx...

wha? Hell no. That's what I do while waiting for someone willing to have a good conversation. When that person comes along, fuck the group. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

 

[The Great One]

I think that's true when a so/sx is with a group of people he knows, but when you're the only person the so/sx knows, they will likely talk only to you. They will want to talk about the scene or the crowd or whatever the human surroundings are to some extent, yes. But they tap into their sexual second as well. I definitely wouldn't be married to a so/sx if this wasn't the case.

Even then, I see a lot of the so/sx types bouncing around and trying to get to know everyone in the new group.

What separates Sx/So interaction styles from So/Sx? Is it a more whimsical and less commited/attentive version of So/Sx?

I'm not really sure.

I understand what you mean about attachment to a single soul and to groups, though there is a big difference between being drawn to someone or some people and actually letting myself become attached in action. That difference is mostly made of time. I am drawn to people easily and intensely, but I hesitate to trust that magnetism, as I have grown enough to know that I can see more in others than may truly be there. The imagination is powerful. Usually, I need a lot of time at friendly/polite arm's length from others to find out who we really are in relation to each other and whether I belong near that person or circle of people.

But: the longer it takes to find that out, the more likely it is that it won't be worth trying. If a group leaves me bitter, or if I am taking a long time to find my voice while I'm speaking to others, it's probably not ever going to work out. I cannot actualize my feelings for them because those feelings are inapplicable to the reality: the people are in truth not what I was looking for and thought at first that I'd found in them. Hopes, purely internal stuff. I've learned to let go as soon as I hit that blockage because those affiliations are not worth my time while there are others out there who easily bring the best of me out into real action and contribution. Also, that trying past a certain point isn't fair to the other: no one likes somebody who is never going to fit in but keeps wanting to. It squanders the real potential on both sides.

When I am with the right people, I am able to forgive out of love when they fall short and find myself full of things to share. People I am increasingly compatible with in reality will open me up in reality faster and faster until it comes to a tiny number (would not even take up the fingers on one hand) of very special ones who I know I can live with fully right away.

So, yes to identifying with your sx and so/sx information, but I'm cagier about it outside of my head and little enough in age to still bear a raw memory of less mature days.

wha? Hell no. That's what I do while waiting for someone willing to have a good conversation. When that person comes along, fuck the group. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

You're interaction style seems more sp/sx to me.

 

[Galena]

[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION], That would be some confused, growing and changing and flickering sp, which I actually thought of already as I typed my response to you. But so am I. I'm beginning to taste this food for thought. Maybe.

 

[skylights]

@skylights

lol, I hate how the social/sexual treats group interaction. They can never have intense, one-on-one conversations with you. They also want to bounce from talking to this person over here, to that person, to that person, and it just angers me. Why can't they just stay in one fucking place? lol, I almost feel like a cat trying to catch a mouse. This is what I think of when trying to interact with a so/sx...

You have some interesting ideas on variants sometimes. It's not so static... what @brainheart said is more on track.

It actually turns out that when asked, the majority of people (ie, we can assume all variants) will report preferring one-on-one situations and interactions. There is something more comfortable about them, and I think part of it is that you don't have to constantly be splitting your attention. I, too, prefer one-on-one conversation, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to have it at length with everyone.

Personally, in a group, I generally feel a responsibility to be welcoming and acknowledging, so I will try to talk at least briefly to many people, but I do have my favorites and I do prefer to talk to them. I actually typically stick around a preferred person or two at social events - my boyfriend, a close friend, my mom, whoever I'm closest to and enjoy most. I might briefly leave them to speak to others but I like returning to them. I actually frequently end up being the one at a party to slip away with another person for a while, and I really enjoy that. But like I said, moving to new people can be a relief if I don't really want to get deep into 1-on-1 with someone. But other people I LOVE talking with and wish I could monopolize them for many long periods of time.

So... I probably do look like that chase scene if I don't want to talk to you

Also I don't think that I will ever understand loyalty to organizations or groups either. To me, it's loyalty to individuals. I don't even get groups.

At least to me, it's all about the synergy and the goal of the collective. Trying to become more than we are, trying to do more good together than any of us could alone.

It's not a "blind" loyalty, though, I ditch groups if I don't feel like they're serving a good purpose anymore.

One more thing, you say that you identify as a mom? Are you a mother in real life?

Yes, and no. I identify with the role of a mom - caretaker, nurturer, protector, etc. - it feels like a natural and pleasing role to me - and I'd like to be one someday.

lol so you use shopping as a bonding activity? I could see how shopping could be SO in this manner. I'm never going to understand this though. I see shopping as using my resources that are vital to my health and to my life to buy things that I want and need. I constantly analyze ways that I can save money as well. I don't view shopping as a bonding experience at all.

I don't, really, but I see how it could be. I actually don't really see shopping as much related to any of my variants at all. I mostly just like to shop to go enjoy all the options available, to check out the beauty of the jewelry and the crazy designs of the shoes, to get a big soft pretzel at the mall, to maybe find a dress or two that I like and that look good on me.

Even then, I see a lot of the so/sx types bouncing around and trying to get to know everyone in the new group.

Sure, because partially it's responsibility and partially it's interesting. But it's not like we never settle down - we do have that secondary sx. Typically we'll just want to settle our desire to be aware of everyone and understand how everything fits in first, and then settle down. I feel like that's the natural flow of a large gathering - at the beginning it's people all over the place, and everyone socializing with everyone, and by the end of the night everyone has settled into their smaller, quieter groups, and then when people leave, they take only the most intimate of relationships home with them.

It's also about the situation, too. If it's familiar and usual, then I probably wouldn't have much of a problem dipping into long 1-on-1 conversation immediately. Or if it's someone that I've absolutely been dying to talk to, and I really want to prioritize them first.