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[sx] Sx-doms and Limerence

violet_crown

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Wikipedia said:
Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated....
More recently, limerence has been defined in relation to obsessive compulsive disorder as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves intrusive, obsessive, and compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation from the object of interest”. Limerence has also been defined in terms of the potentially inspirational effects and the relationship to attachment theory, which is not exclusively sexual, as being "an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation”.



Fellow sx-doms, what is your experience with limerence? What do you associate with it? Are there certain factors in an attraction which trigger limerence in you? If so, what are they? How long do the feelings usually last for you?
 

Magic Poriferan

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I've experienced it 3 times. I associate it with disappointment. I'm at something of a loss as to what makes me feel it for someone. With no input from the object of my feelings, it usually takes several months to go away. In my experience, no matter how long it has been since contact, any input from that person again will reignite it, though it won't usually take months to fade away at that point.
 

Qlip

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This is pretty much how I know I like somebody. If there's none of this, then they're not on my radar. Most of my so far single life is trying to cope with very strong, unreciprocated feelings.

The factors, besides general attraction are mostly me identifying the person as somebody that I feel that I can trust, then it's on. There doesn't seem to be a time limit on how long the feelings last, they're there as long as there is possibility of return. And the feelings themselves lend to imagining such possibilities when they don't exist.

Personally, I think of them as illusory. It doesn't really make them less powerful, but the recognition is a step in seeing the situation objectively. I think. I mostly end up being completely distrustful of myself.
 

Qlip

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five sounds

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I definitely have irrational probably exaggerated fixations on people. I just feel connections that I feel desperate to express and act on. They often do come back after long times of not seeing a person too. Like [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] said, that's basically how all of my attractions and romantic interests begin. It's definitely about a perceived connection to me though. Like it can't be ignored because we're obviously like on the same team or riding the same wave or something.

It can happen to me in a friendship way too though. I'll feel a connection with a person and feel like it would be a disservice to the universe and to both of us not to pursue a friendship. I think it's part of me wanting to know people deeply and intimately. The stronger the connection feels, the stronger that desire becomes.
 
G

Ginkgo

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It's taken a lot of emotional maturity to transcend on a case by case basis; my head thinks that limerence is selfish and I've thought that for a few years now. However, before I reached adulthood, I would wait for absurd amounts of time in order to see if those feelings would ever be reciprocated, all the while hoping that someone else would conform to my desires. A couple of times, I was even successful, but not in the long term. If you're experiencing limerance, then your feelings will likely never be synchronized with your actions enough for there to be a sufficient "click" required for an ideal relationship. I'm no expert, so feel free to disagree.
 

Seymour

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I feel like I'm addicted to infatuation/limerence in some ways. I like the intensity, the pleasant distraction, and the impetus to bridge my tendency towards protective isolation.

I'm fine having a harmless, unreciprocated work infatuation that's never acted on (although it takes a certain kind of emotional self-management), or a kind of "romantic friendship" or whatever. But it does seem like I find myself looking for infatuation when I'm not infatuated. It's not something I'm proud of, but the pattern was undeniable once I started looking for it.

Conversely, though, I've gotten much better at not feeding infatuation when it's not enjoyable or productive, and it does eventually attenuate without attention.
 

The Great One

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It sucks for me. I will attach onto a person automatically and will not want to let them go. My sense of chemistry with a person is so automatic that I almost have no control over whom I attract and whom I repel. I always know if I am experiencing limerance when I sit down and talk to a person for 5 minutes and feel like after just this small period of time, I feel like I have known them my whole life. I also feel like I want to run away with them. It's some really wierd Disney ass shit.
 
A

Anew Leaf

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Fellow sx-doms, what is your experience with limerence? What do you associate with it? Are there certain factors in an attraction which trigger limerence in you? If so, what are they? How long do the feelings usually last for you?

Interesting thread idea. I hadn't considered that this could be a thing of sorts. I think I sort of wish it would just crawl into the SP basement and hide behind the casks of amontillado for a few more centuries.

I associate it with the fact that it is rare for me to find people that I really connect with, and so when I do it's like a magical jello kingdom bursting in my mouth and my hair is sunshine and we're walking on air and possibly a hippopotamus erupts from a cake wearing a hat.

I find that the older I get, the more my SP function has developed to try and balance the SX dom out. Instead of just careening off of the proverbial edge without any plan, I now equip a bungee cord. ;)

The feelings can last for as long as I allow them to do so if they are within parameters that can be controlled. Sometimes they can't and I just have to ride it all out. I find that I both like this feeling and despise it. It's sort of fun and magical at first but then if I start getting an inkling of *gasp* needing that person around I want to run screaming from the leeches of need.

Eventually an equilibrium is achieved and all is well in the Puppet Kingdom of Monoply.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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Well, just to balance the load here, this hasn't really ever happened to me, at least romantically speaking. I'm apparently one of those "anti-sexual" sexuals, though.
 

JocktheMotie

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When I crush, I crush hard. It's a pretty fascinating process to me in how absurd it is and I'd be lying if it didn't cause me a certain degree of ontic distress at its existence. Even more terrifying is that it's pretty instant without a consistent pattern aside from the fact that all thought concerning the person completely and utterly rustles my jimmies. It's a completely consuming instensity and like [MENTION=8074]Seymour[/MENTION], I have a bit of an addiction to the high. I just feels great to indulge in the things the passion tells me to do. Naturally this passion is pumped through the machinery of my overall type in that rather than engaging I'll intensely observe and prepare for some inevitable piece of information that will show the way to unlocking the reciprocation of affection.

Another thing I really like about it is that it seems to go away rather quickly when the possibility of it becoming a reality ceases to exist. I never think that something like it will never come around again so there's no real sense of loss.
 

small.wonder

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Fellow sx-doms, what is your experience with limerence? What do you associate with it? Are there certain factors in an attraction which trigger limerence in you? If so, what are they? How long do the feelings usually last for you?

Woah nelly, I didn't realize there was actually a term for this! It kind of makes me feel better that there is though.

I've experienced this quite a few times, the first time I remember clearly was my freshman year of High School. I literally walked into my first period German class, made eye contact with this blue eyed dude and time warped-- like literally slowed. There were at least a couple other times in my teens and there have now been at least 3 in my twenties. I associate limerence (as it were) with adventure, pureness, authenticity-- on the flip side with disappointment, obsession, and shame.

Physical attraction definitely triggers limerence, but sometimes personality plays a part too. Eye contact is key for me.

I've learned more as time goes, that limerance is not something I can trust. Many times the person on the other end wasn't what I really wanted. We have loads of chemistry, but none of the same interests, values or goals (though the last one was spot on!). I've also learned that I have a serious tendency to freak the other person out. This has caused me to become very cautious, unsure and even fearful of scaring the other person off (and of seeming needy). Unfortunately that means I kind of ignore them, unless I have a legitimate reason to approach. I can tell that they still notice my attention though, even from far off. Le sigh, what a mess.

I do have the issue that's already been mentioned by some, of setting myself up for failure with false expectations. I've "lived" relationships in my imagination before even finding out if the person even has feelings for me. I now know how to battle that and take my thoughts captive, though when I'm infatuated it is a constant struggle. Usually this involves having pre-set topics ("channels") already set in my head for when a thought of that person comes. If it's a train of thought about my idealized future with said person, I say "NO!" (sometimes audibly, haha) and flip immediately to one of my pre-set channels. This can be anything from puppies, to what's going on in your week, to reciting the alphabet. Call me crazy, but it works!

I find that the older I get, the more my SP function has developed to try and balance the SX dom out. Instead of just careening off of the proverbial edge without any plan, I now equip a bungee cord. ;)

I second that.
 

Azure Flame

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I have no idea what causes it, but there have been times when I feel it swell up like a balloon in a matter of seconds.

It also tends to happen when I feel that the one person I'm talking to is the best option I'll ever find.

Its taken experience to realize that not every girl I choose to like is actually "the best one out there." I've had to convince myself of the opposite, actually, that I can afford to be incredibly selective if they aren't perfect.

It tends to not affect me as much when I'm talking to multiple women, casually, at once.
 

violet_crown

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Well, just to balance the load here, this hasn't really ever happened to me, at least romantically speaking. I'm apparently one of those "anti-sexual" sexuals, though.

 

HongDou

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Just going to echo previous posts and say this has definitely happened to me before. I thought I was one of the only people who experienced this, actually. I'm glad I'm not the only one. :) The "euphoria to despair" part really caught my eye. The overwhelming emotions when I think of the person I'm with cause my mood to fluctuate like crazy - it's quite an experience. :shock: I'm in the same boat as [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] since it's usually how I find out I like someone.
 

The Great One

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Just going to echo previous posts and say this has definitely happened to me before. I thought I was one of the only people who experienced this, actually. I'm glad I'm not the only one. :) The "euphoria to despair" part really caught my eye. The overwhelming emotions when I think of the person I'm with cause my mood to fluctuate like crazy - it's quite an experience. :shock: I'm in the same boat as [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION] since it's usually how I find out I like someone.
[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION]

So now do you see what I'm talking about? You're just not an sx dom.
 

Galena

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This happened allll the time when I was a teenager, but not so much when I got older. It's uncomfortable when someone feels this toward me. The expectations.
 

Lady_X

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Hmm well I never commented because I read it and was like how is this anything to do with sxness. I mean everyone does this!? Isn't this how people are when they like someone?

So yeah...
 

The Great One

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This happened allll the time when I was a teenager, but not so much when I got older. It's uncomfortable when someone feels this toward me. The expectations.

Question: Are you sp/sx?

Hmm well I never commented because I read it and was like how is this anything to do with sxness. I mean everyone does this!? Isn't this how people are when they like someone?

So yeah...

No, not everyone does this. This is strictly an sx thing. You are looking at the world through an sx lense.
 
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