[sx] Sx doms being "intimidating"

[Lady_X]

Yeah, I don't think I'm ever intimidating to people. I may seem very personal for someone you've just met, but a lot of people find that a good quality. Maybe being ENFP softens us up?

Yeah for sure we just suck people into our soft squishy land of fi and they feel all understood n stuff

Maybe being intensely scrutinized by someone's ti feels intimidating.

Haha just letting the bs flow... No clue how I feel about any of that

 

[Qlip]

This is probably more relevant to ENFP style SX:

I find often that women (and sometimes men) think that I'm hitting on them, because when I'm interested in someone I get enthusiastic and hyper-focused. Sometimes they get defensive, or sometimes I think they're waiting for me to 'move in' when honestly I'm not thinking that way. I don't even know what I'm thinking, except that I want to know more about someone.

Occasionally I will notice someone awkwardly breaking eye contact with me in conversation. I wonder if that's because I don't stare too intently in some situations. Then I start getting all hyperaware about eyes and it gets more awkward.

In deep moods I brood and it tends to attract attention from strangers.

 

[Azure Flame]

Yeah for sure we just suck people into our soft squishy land of fi and they feel all understood n stuff

Maybe being intensely scrutinized by someone's ti feels intimidating.

Haha just letting the bs flow... No clue how I feel about any of that

Hmm. Fi doesn't feel squishy and warm when its used on me. Might have to do with its place in aux/dom though.

The thing about Ti is that it judges someone on a subjective level as a logical construct based on objective data. For example, if I meet someone I know, my thought process might actually go something like this:

Gender: female
Clothing: bright colors contrasting black
Eyes: soft, defensive, nervous
attraction?: yes/could go either way depending on personality
Capabilities?: likes to hike, climb mountains, good at pool, takes 3 drinks to get drunk, able to work long hours in boring environments, doesn't have any physical ailments, seems to be in good physical shape
Sociability?: stays inside most of the time, prefers small groups of friends over large groups of friends, hilarious sense of humor
Possible Type: ISFx E4/E6
Judgement?: Possible long term partner. Attraction could increase if I get to know her. Based on nervousness, possible red flags to look out for that prevent successful relationship include nervousness, indecisiveness of feelings, testing behavior. Based on capabilities, she will not be clingy or dependant upon me to take care of herself. Based on sociability, my needs may not be met and I'll have to put forth extra effort to make friends outside of the relationship.
Red flags to be prepared for: testing behavior, indecisive, unsociable, volatile. Proceed with caution.

She picks up on my analysis and she flips a shit. I'm at the point now where I believe this "shit flipping" is a sign of low self esteem, and isn't worth pursuing, as I believe a healthy person should be proud of who they are or comfortable with it. But even then, I'm starting to believe I'm wrong in this expectation, but to what extent I do not know.

 

[Lady_X]

Hmm. Fi doesn't feel squishy and warm when its used on me. Might have to do with its place in aux/dom though.

Oh I think it can... In a I see you and accept you sort of way.

 

[Azure Flame]

Oh I think it can... In a I see you and accept you sort of way.

I wonder if the "I see you" part is what pisses me off, cuz its usually wrong, lmao.

 

[Lady_X]

I wonder if the "I see you" part is what pisses me off, cuz its usually wrong, lmao.

Well sure if a fi user doesn't like what they see you'll know it I guess and it would feel the opposite of accepting and comforting

Maybe you unintentionally project something inaccurate?? Idk

 

[Azure Flame]

Well sure if a fi user doesn't like what they see you'll know it I guess and it would feel the opposite of accepting and comforting

Maybe you unintentionally project something inaccurate?? Idk

Well I'll give you an example.

A girl once told me, "A lot of people make fun of you. but I think you're the strongest."

Something about that really bugged me. If I'm projecting something, I guess I'm guilty.

 

[Lady_X]

Well I'll give you an example.

A girl once told me, "A lot of people make fun of you. but I think you're the strongest."

Something about that really bugged me. If I'm projecting something, I guess I'm guilty.

sorry didn't mean to imply that our perceptions are always accurate.
i know mine aren't and i know my infp bfs aren't either

and both of us can attest to how annoying it is to be on the receiving end of that.

but...just saying...sometimes people project shit for some odd reason and it's easily misinterpreted.

 

[Azure Flame]

sorry didn't mean to imply that our perceptions are always accurate.
i know mine aren't and i know my infp bfs aren't either

and both of us can attest to how annoying it is to be on the receiving end of that.

but...just saying...sometimes people project shit for some odd reason and it's easily misinterpreted.

Ah, gotcha.

 

[Vilku]

What makes you think sx/so's avoid eye contact? Is there an article that talks about this or is this just your observations? I mean, I avoid eye contact as a way of saying "I don't bite." I'm not exactly sure when this trend started or what caused it.

article? you do realize, im not a Te.

its an observation ive noticed every sx so to do as their healthy norm.

sometimes im really out of touch with myself, and i cant pick anything from others, even if i look them in the eyes, they stay a complete mystery.
it just makes me all frustrated because i dont know whats wrong.

 

[Azure Flame]

article? you do realize, im not a Te.

its an observation ive noticed every sx so to do as their healthy norm.

sometimes im really out of touch with myself, and i cant pick anything from others, even if i look them in the eyes, they stay a complete mystery.
it just makes me all frustrated because i dont know whats wrong.

Wait so you actually have difficulty reading people? I'd imagine ENFJ's are masters at reading people. I usually know all about someone based on appearance and 5 minutes of conversation, unless they're hiding an aspect of themself from me, in which case I know they're holding something back, but I usually don't know what.

 

[Typh0n]

Wait so you actually have difficulty reading people? I'd imagine ENFJ's are masters at reading people. I usually know all about someone based on appearance and 5 minutes of conversation, unless they're hiding an aspect of themself from me, in which case I know they're holding something back, but I usually don't know what.

I think that stereotype might be overdone...Im good at reading people but there are some people who I cant read and sometimes people change on me when I get to know them better, which kinda gives me the impression Im not so good at reading people as I initially thought. People change, when you get to know them, and I guess thats what it means to know them.

 

[Vilku]

Wait so you actually have difficulty reading people? I'd imagine ENFJ's are masters at reading people. I usually know all about someone based on appearance and 5 minutes of conversation, unless they're hiding an aspect of themself from me, in which case I know they're holding something back, but I usually don't know what.

yeah, i find it super easy to say what your type, ennea and instincts are. the problem is, when my htoughts aint working, i dont know how to have productive convos with you. which leads to an unhealthy loop of useless discussing. so its more about my own head being in chaos... (recovering from mental ilness)

the only thing i seem to understand is, other people. (but its superficial, like type ennea and instincts.)

 

[Dancing_Queen]

I've been called intimidating since around eight years old. I don't usually intend to be, and most of the time I don't see it , but it's there. Maybe it's our intensity? I've been known for coming on too strong, specially when I'm mad. "Terrifying" was the term

 

[Dancing_Queen]

ive had numerous experiences when other people are ridiculously intimidated of me. i find it very easy to be that way.

like once, a person whom i knew nothing of blabbered to me, and it bored me ALOT, so i simply focused all my attention to seeing into his head.
i noticed he started visibly shaking at one point in fear, lols. =D (he also acted all wary of me the next time we spoke.)

and then i once threatened to kill an 8w7 because he would intentionally hurt me physically, he was all trying to pretend strong with a guitar on his hand in a combat stance, and i was mentally laughing at his pussiness in my head.

and yeah, i do realize this isnt healthy behaviour, but sometimes i dont know what else to do.

then there was an occasion when someone took rules too seriously, and would leave me to starve because i wasnt allowed to eat due some stupid rule of meal times. i basically melodrmatically exclaimed my frustration at her. later, we went to talk to a psychologist, and she was all afraid when she told the psychologist that im too intense. that made me just mentally roll my eyes.

sometimes when im just extremely frustrated and have no idea why or what to do about it, my words will come all poisonously intense like i was about to murder you. and often, peoples stupidity frustrates me into that state.

and they took me into mental hospital for a half year because of that. if they just told me its not nice behaviour, i wouldve stopped instantly. but no, i guess they think that social norms are somehow obvious to people.

i guess, intensity is a joke to me.

often i pretend shy, because people would be intimidated by my eye contact.

Bullshit. You don't threaten an 8w7, much less with murder and have them "pretend" do wanna combat. Just because he didn't actually injure you doesn't mean he was faking it. What happened is that he's a mental stable person, so he could reign his anger in.

Being scared of someone isn't exactly the same as being intimidated. She was scared of you because you seemed actually crazy.

It's also pretty obvious you take pride in causing fear in people, and mistake that as being naturally intimidating.

 

[Vilku]

Being scared of someone isn't exactly the same as being intimidated. She was scared of you because you seemed actually crazy.

"Bullshit. You don't threaten an 8w7, much less with murder and have them "pretend" do wanna combat. Just because he didn't actually injure you doesn't mean he was faking it. What happened is that he's a mental stable person, so he could reign his anger in."

O_O.. you couldnt be more wrong, this person was severely mentally ill. do you REALLY think that healthy people get into conflicts like that? they dont.

"It's also pretty obvious you take pride in causing fear in people, and mistake that as being naturally intimidating."

i think its prolly just my tertiary 8w7 kicking in when everything else has failed.

"naturally intimidating"? uh.. you do realize, no one intimidates anyone when healthy, so, youre calling unhealthiness as "natural"? =|
healthy people have non-controversial ways of dealing with problems.


"It's also pretty obvious you take pride in causing fear in people, and mistake that as being naturally intimidating."

UMM.. your taking pride in the thing your criticizing another for. hypocrite?

 

[Dancing_Queen]

"Bullshit. You don't threaten an 8w7, much less with murder and have them "pretend" do wanna combat. Just because he didn't actually injure you doesn't mean he was faking it. What happened is that he's a mental stable person, so he could reign his anger in."

O_O.. you couldnt be more wrong, this person was severely mentally ill. do you REALLY think that healthy people get into conflicts like that? they dont.

"It's also pretty obvious you take pride in causing fear in people, and mistake that as being naturally intimidating."

i think its prolly just my tertiary 8w7 kicking in when everything else has failed.

"naturally intimidating"? uh.. you do realize, no one intimidates anyone when healthy, so, youre calling unhealthiness as "natural"? =|
healthy people have non-controversial ways of dealing with problems.


"It's also pretty obvious you take pride in causing fear in people, and mistake that as being naturally intimidating."

UMM.. your taking pride in the thing your criticizing another for. hypocrite?

It takes two to tango. What did you expect him to do? Lay down so you could walk all over him? He reacted like any hot blooded person would.

No, this is the Ennegram 4 necessity of being special and unique speaking.

Intimidating people aren't extreme, melodramatic or violent. They are chill and collected, while projecting an aura of power and strength. It's not a conscientious choice of projecting that, it just happens.

I'm not taking pride in anything. I just don't like the intimidation glorification I've seen in your post. You said it yourself that you "find it very easy to be that way" ,that you "realize this isnt healthy behaviour, but sometimes i dont know what else to do" and that "they took me into mental hospital for a half year because of that".

The only way for you to get healthy is to accept help. And that implies listening to things which are not pleasant.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Vilku]

No, this is the Ennegram 4 necessity of being special and unique speaking.


I'm not taking pride in anything. I just don't like the intimidation glorification I've seen in your post. You said it yourself that you "find it very easy to be that way" ,that you "realize this isnt healthy behaviour, but sometimes i dont know what else to do" and that "they took me into mental hospital for a half year because of that".


I wish you all the best.

"It takes two to tango. What did you expect him to do? Lay down so you could walk all over him? He reacted like any hot blooded person would."

perhpas its should be obvious to you, that i dont do anything without reasons.

"Intimidating people aren't extreme, melodramatic or violent. They are chill and collected, while projecting an aura of power and strength. It's not a conscientious choice of projecting that, it just happens."

healthy 8s arent intimidating, more like casting a feeling of safety and protection over others. if your not being that way, then tip: youre doing it wrong.

"The only way for you to get healthy is to accept help. And that implies listening to things which are not pleasant."

yeah, you know how to help unhealthy 4w3's? they believe they are completely fine. they dont want help. for me, being stuck on that damn 4w3 fix makes me distrust other peoples capability and willingness to help me. and opening my wounds up doesnt sound that appealing. but im doing it now.

 

[Dancing_Queen]

"It takes two to tango. What did you expect him to do? Lay down so you could walk all over him? He reacted like any hot blooded person would."

perhpas its should be obvious to you, that i dont do anything without reasons.

"Intimidating people aren't extreme, melodramatic or violent. They are chill and collected, while projecting an aura of power and strength. It's not a conscientious choice of projecting that, it just happens."

healthy 8s arent intimidating, more like casting a feeling of safety and protection over others. if your not being that way, then tip: youre doing it wrong.

"The only way for you to get healthy is to accept help. And that implies listening to things which are not pleasant."

yeah, you know how to help unhealthy 4w3's? they believe they are completely fine. they dont want help. for me, being stuck on that damn 4w3 fix makes me distrust other peoples capability and willingness to help me. and opening my wounds up doesnt sound that appealing. but im doing it now.

Whatever helps you sleep at night. I have no idea why you posted such personal information if you are not open to advice.

This thread is not about 8w7's or any other specific Ennegram type, is about Sx doms. I'm not taking about me, I'm describing what any intimitadint person of any type is like.

Also, it was YOU who posted a thread about intimidation, and your original post makes it very clear you find nothing wrong with that, in your own words:

ive had numerous experiences when other people are ridiculously intimidated of me. i find it very easy to be that way.

like once, a person whom i knew nothing of blabbered to me, and it bored me ALOT, so i simply focused all my attention to seeing into his head.
i noticed he started visibly shaking at one point in fear, lols. =D (he also acted all wary of me the next time we spoke.)

and then i once threatened to kill an 8w7 because he would intentionally hurt me physically, he was all trying to pretend strong with a guitar on his hand in a combat stance, and i was mentally laughing at his pussiness in my head.

and yeah, i do realize this isnt healthy behaviour, but sometimes i dont know what else to do.

then there was an occasion when someone took rules too seriously, and would leave me to starve because i wasnt allowed to eat due some stupid rule of meal times. i basically melodrmatically exclaimed my frustration at her. later, we went to talk to a psychologist, and she was all afraid when she told the psychologist that im too intense. that made me just mentally roll my eyes.

sometimes when im just extremely frustrated and have no idea why or what to do about it, my words will come all poisonously intense like i was about to murder you. and often, peoples stupidity frustrates me into that state.

and they took me into mental hospital for a half year because of that. if they just told me its not nice behaviour, i wouldve stopped instantly. but no, i guess they think that social norms are somehow obvious to people.

i guess, intensity is a joke to me.

often i pretend shy, because people would be intimidated by my eye contact.

Did you forget it yourself? If it doesn't sound like arrogance and illusion of grandeur, I don't know what does.


You yourself admit it. You don't trust I'm here to help, so you assume I'm here to berate you or something. I'm not. I haven't always been healthy myself, in fact, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence in depression. I used to get extremely defensive when someone tried to help me too. Everything sounded like a personal attack.

I'll be the first one to attest that opening wounds hurts like hell, but it's the only way. Telling it like it is my natural way, I forgot 4's are not into that, it's been years since I interacted with one on a daily basis.

Again, wish you the best.

 

[Vilku]

Whatever helps you sleep at night. I have no idea why you posted such personal information if you are not open to advice.

This thread is not about 8w7's or any other specific Ennegram type, is about Sx doms. I'm not taking about me, I'm describing what any intimitadint person of any type is like.



Did you forget it yourself? If it doesn't sound like arrogance and illusion of grandeur, I don't know what does.

I'm not. I haven't always been healthy myself, in fact, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence in depression. I used to get extremely defensive when someone tried to help me too. Everything sounded like a personal attack.

I'll be the first one to attest that opening wounds hurts like hell, but it's the only way. Telling it like it is my natural way, I forgot 4's are not into that, it's been years since I interacted with one on a daily basis.

Again, wish you the best.

"Also, it was YOU who posted a thread about intimidation, and your original post makes it very clear you find nothing wrong with that, in your own words:"

uh no, i expressed it that way because it was my mood. its a whole different thing what i think and what i express. besides, what i think constantly changes, as i gain new information from others, so thats it of me not being open to advice.

"You yourself admit it. You don't trust I'm here to help, so you assume I'm here to berate you or something."

no, i think everyone has always good motives, no matter how messed up they are. its more of an emotional thing, like if someone helps me now, i open up my wounds, and disappears next moment. what if i wasnt prepared for that? i need some kind of back up plan. depending on one card is too dangerous, as the popular saying goes.. (im reassesing my personal values, and i think its helping. im moving from being self sacrificing to selfish, so i could actually take care of myself.)

and on the four thing: i think im not really 4w3, its just that im stuck in my 4w3 fix, instead of being whoever i really am.