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  1. #11
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    Just looking at myself (I'm new to the instinctual variants), I can definitely see the addictive side (I get obsessive with things to the point of consummation) and the lingering on intense experiences. Also the yearning.

    How about this: I also have a love for fiction that is . . . for lack of a better word, melodramatic. What I mean is fiction that displays a heightened sense of reality. (Although oddly enough, I get bored easily with pure romance stories). Realism bores me. I think this is related to being a sx-dom.
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  2. #12
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Here's how they manifest in me. Still not sure if I'm SP or SO first, so I'd like some input.

    SP
    *Strong need for financial security. Tends to be very careful about spending money and makes sure I have enough saved for emergencies.

    *I also try to pay off my debts as quickly as possible because I hate feeling indebted to others. Maybe it goes along with the independence of SP variant.

    *Cautious when it comes to taking risks, particularly physical ones.

    *Cares alot about my health and makes sure to eat healthy, exercise regularly, etc.

    *However, there are occasions where I do eat unhealthy food because I love good tasting food, but I always eat it in moderation and make sure to eat something healthier alongside it.

    *Highly sensitive to physical sensations in my body like pain, temperature etc. I need to feel physically comfortable to work most effectively. If I'm too hot/cold, if I'm really hungry or thirsty, have to go to the bathroom, or just very tired, it will totally effect my concentration.

    *Obsessed about my own mortality. I hate the thought of dying, of growing older and losing some of the health and energy that I take for granted. Most of all I hate the thought that my decline in health could cost me the independence and self-sufficiency I value so much.

    *Value my independence and self-sufficiency above almost everything else. Usually do things myself rather than in groups (SO) or one-on-one (SX).

    *Like the feeling of 'home'. I strongly relate to my home being a sanctuary for me.


    SO:

    *Knows alot of people and is friendly to almost everyone. Yet I'm not close to anyone except family and a select few friends.

    *Often compare myself to others in my group or my peers. Hate to be thought of as being less useful or less talented or less interesting than the others

    *Needs to have a useful role in the groups I'm in.

    *I like being in social groups as long as they share a similar outlook and interests as I do. If not, I no longer want to be in that group.

    *Cares alot, sometimes too much about what others think of me. Sometimes even the random stranger across the street. Wants everyone to like me, even though I know that's unrealistic, I still strive for it. Sometimes I have this irrational fear of public humiliation.

    *Like to feel like I fit in somewhere but I'm just not going to blindly conform either. If a group doesn't suit me, I will try to gracefully exit. However, it's difficult for me to express unpopular opinions in groups where everyone thinks the opposite. This ties into the above point.


    SX (weakest instinct):

    *I'm easily overwhelmed by emotional intensity and more inclined to seek out calming or relaxing experiences than emotionally intense ones.

    *Not particularly loved or hated by anyone. I'm loved by my family but that's about it. Most people have either a mild liking or neutral attitude towards me. I'm kinda just there.

    *Aversion to taking emotional risks or physical risks that are strictly for the "high", especially if there's going to be consequences. I'm hypersensitive to rejection and wouldn't get involved in a relationship unless I was reasonably sure that I could see it work well over a long term.

    *Would much rather be alone than in a relationship that's less than ideal. Well I'm sure there's SX firsts that would say that too, but I think its the degree to which I believe this that makes me think SX last. I'm reluctant to make certain sacrifices to make a relationship work, especially if its going to cut alot into my valuable "me" time.

    *I'm in my 30's and still never been married. I'm not even in an intimate relationship right now. I have been in intimate relationships before but it's just not as high a prioritiy for me as it is for most people. I'm happy being on my own and self-sufficient. Sometimes I do wonder what I'm missing and if I'd be happier in the long run with a significant other but I'm not one of those to just blindly rush into a relationship. I'm very cautious about who I'd have a relationship with. I'm happy being single. I could be happy never marrying or having children but I do worry about pratical self-preservation concerns in the distant future like having someone to take care of me when I'm old and frail and I don't really want to die alone.

    *Tend to dress in a plain, no-attention grabbing manner. I want to look presentable and not have people laugh behind my back and I want to dress comfortably. I haven't paid much attention to the 'sex appeal' part of it. I do like it though when people think I look attractive, but not in a slutty way, more of a natural beauty sort of way.
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  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone for the contributions! I've tried to condense and combine them, and have edited them into the OP. My goal is to have a fairly balanced list of common manifestations, and maybe even extend it into some stacking guidelines (eg, Sx/Sp will have more of an "edge" than Sx/So.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
    sx [strong] [...]

    - Complete avoidance and disregard of any social setting / group where there isn't a chance to have a high intensity experience
    - People either love me or hate me. And yes, people who have loved me at one point have grown to hate me just as I have.
    Interesting how I can see between you and me the differences the second variant makes. You clearly have more of an "edge", more polarization. These bullet points I've quoted above are ones that I really don't relate with, I suspect due to sx/so (not that all people will share all aspects just because they're the same variants, but these two seemed to follow the pattern).

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    Enneagram and MBTI was easy to figure out. Instinctual variants on the other hand, I don't get. Problem is both my social and sexual variant are problems to me. I can't tell if one is a problem because it is dominant or if i I naturally am bad with it because it is a "blindspot."

    Questions:
    Is it simply awareness? For example, I am preoccupied with finding and attracting a, err...partner. But I am not a promiscuous person and when I do identify someone I like, I don't seek after them. Actually, I do the opposite and try to distract myself, talking to others, trying to get the person out of my mind. Is this a SX dom thing or SX last thing?
    It is the "sphere" in which you operate most... Are you actively putting a lot of mind-energy into it? I didn't have close, long-term relationships until I was late in my teens, and didn't have a serious relationship until my 20s, but I have little doubt that I was an Sx-dom all along, because I have always placed huge prioritization on figuring out 1-to-1 relationship quality - how each person feels about the other in close exchange - I've always been hyperaware of my interactions with my close friends, have always tended to have just 1 or 2 really close friends (and then an "outer" sphere of 8-10 others), and since around puberty I have always had these huge long intense crushes. And then clearly I was Sx/So, because I don't have an ounce of Sp in me.

    Part of what I'm hoping in compiling these "manifestations" is that it can help people in question identify their variants - so maybe the more extended lists can help you see what you align with most.

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    Yeah, I didn't mean to imply that it was only a romantic thing (I know it's not). It's just I've had so much problems in this department, especially when I was younger. I was very volatile. I wanted to connect with people, but was unable to for various reasons. I used to think I was SO second or first, but after reading a lot on this topic, I've realized that it's actually a blindspot of mines. I feel like I can come off too strong, and then I'll withdraw, back off, and act all aloof when I sense that I'm coming on too strong.

    I've also related to some stuff regarding SX last. There is a thread that describes public display of affection and it seems that SX last variants to do not like that. I don't like PDA either. The reason I don't like it is because it brings about a sense of inadequacy and feelings of being unloved. It reminds me that I'm unable to form connections as easily.
    Aw

    You sound like Sp/Sx, maybe?

    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    Here's how they manifest in me. Still not sure if I'm SP or SO first, so I'd like some input.

    SP
    *Strong need for financial security. Tends to be very careful about spending money and makes sure I have enough saved for emergencies.

    *I also try to pay off my debts as quickly as possible because I hate feeling indebted to others. Maybe it goes along with the independence of SP variant.

    *Cautious when it comes to taking risks, particularly physical ones.

    *Cares alot about my health and makes sure to eat healthy, exercise regularly, etc.

    *However, there are occasions where I do eat unhealthy food because I love good tasting food, but I always eat it in moderation and make sure to eat something healthier alongside it.

    *Highly sensitive to physical sensations in my body like pain, temperature etc. I need to feel physically comfortable to work most effectively. If I'm too hot/cold, if I'm really hungry or thirsty, have to go to the bathroom, or just very tired, it will totally effect my concentration.

    *Obsessed about my own mortality. I hate the thought of dying, of growing older and losing some of the health and energy that I take for granted. Most of all I hate the thought that my decline in health could cost me the independence and self-sufficiency I value so much.

    *Value my independence and self-sufficiency above almost everything else. Usually do things myself rather than in groups (SO) or one-on-one (SX).

    *Like the feeling of 'home'. I strongly relate to my home being a sanctuary for me.


    SO:

    *Knows alot of people and is friendly to almost everyone. Yet I'm not close to anyone except family and a select few friends.

    *Often compare myself to others in my group or my peers. Hate to be thought of as being less useful or less talented or less interesting than the others

    *Needs to have a useful role in the groups I'm in.

    *I like being in social groups as long as they share a similar outlook and interests as I do. If not, I no longer want to be in that group.

    *Cares alot, sometimes too much about what others think of me. Sometimes even the random stranger across the street. Wants everyone to like me, even though I know that's unrealistic, I still strive for it. Sometimes I have this irrational fear of public humiliation.

    *Like to feel like I fit in somewhere but I'm just not going to blindly conform either. If a group doesn't suit me, I will try to gracefully exit. However, it's difficult for me to express unpopular opinions in groups where everyone thinks the opposite. This ties into the above point.


    SX (weakest instinct):

    *I'm easily overwhelmed by emotional intensity and more inclined to seek out calming or relaxing experiences than emotionally intense ones.

    *Not particularly loved or hated by anyone. I'm loved by my family but that's about it. Most people have either a mild liking or neutral attitude towards me. I'm kinda just there.

    *Aversion to taking emotional risks or physical risks that are strictly for the "high", especially if there's going to be consequences. I'm hypersensitive to rejection and wouldn't get involved in a relationship unless I was reasonably sure that I could see it work well over a long term.

    *Would much rather be alone than in a relationship that's less than ideal. Well I'm sure there's SX firsts that would say that too, but I think its the degree to which I believe this that makes me think SX last. I'm reluctant to make certain sacrifices to make a relationship work, especially if its going to cut alot into my valuable "me" time.

    *I'm in my 30's and still never been married. I'm not even in an intimate relationship right now. I have been in intimate relationships before but it's just not as high a prioritiy for me as it is for most people. I'm happy being on my own and self-sufficient. Sometimes I do wonder what I'm missing and if I'd be happier in the long run with a significant other but I'm not one of those to just blindly rush into a relationship. I'm very cautious about who I'd have a relationship with. I'm happy being single. I could be happy never marrying or having children but I do worry about pratical self-preservation concerns in the distant future like having someone to take care of me when I'm old and frail and I don't really want to die alone.

    *Tend to dress in a plain, no-attention grabbing manner. I want to look presentable and not have people laugh behind my back and I want to dress comfortably. I haven't paid much attention to the 'sex appeal' part of it. I do like it though when people think I look attractive, but not in a slutty way, more of a natural beauty sort of way.
    Maybe it's just that you put Sp first or that you've got more in that category, but you're coming off more Sp/So.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Sp, in my case, entails:

    * Preoccupation with my personal environment;
    * Aversion to risks;
    * A more "insular" atmosphere;
    * Concern with personal habits and routines;
    * Awkwardness with expressing emotion (sort of holding myself back, so to speak);
    * Slight obsession with list-making, taking notes and packrat behavior;
    * Obliviousness to or reluctant attitude towards social interaction (to a point - I mostly just get drained easily);
    * Fixation on "alone time" and time as a resource in general;
    * Fear of excessive visibility and scrutiny (then again, I'm sort of a shrinking violet...);
    * Minor paranoia about personal resource depletion (being homeless, poor, alone, useless, etc.).

    I can only speak for myself, of course.
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  5. #15
    Senior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    There is a thread that describes public display of affection and it seems that SX last variants to do not like that. I don't like PDA either. The reason I don't like it is because it brings about a sense of inadequacy and feelings of being unloved. It reminds me that I'm unable to form connections as easily.
    I don't speak for other sx-doms - and I don't really know their views on it, but I am ambivalent to PDA's [but they are natural to me so I don't even know that I'm doing them], so I don't feel like it's related to my instinctual stacking - or maybe it is?

    What I do prefer is that I am "flashier" than normal when I'm around a partner. For some reason, I'm much more likely to act out like a seducer in public than in private. I remember with my ex that whenever the two of us entered [she was sx-dom as well -- ExFP Type 7w8] a party, or a mall or wherever we went --- people couldn't help but take notice. And we didn't need to resort to PDA's to have that kind of appeal. I don't know what it was about us and the way we would be interacting, but we would definitely attract a lot, and I mean a lot of attention. In fact, people would come up to us and praise us as a couple. There was just something about how we would be interacting. Flirting openly. Seducing each other. Using a lot of intense eye contact.

    Like, if we would go grocery shopping, I wouldn't just move the cart around, I would pin her between myself and the cart. While we would be on a drive, she would constantly kiss my neck, run her hands all over my thighs. If we would go to a movie theatre, I would always have my hands between her legs. We were a high energy, highly sexual couple, and we didn't need to resort to typical acts like kissing/making out in public to exhume that kind of aura when we were together. We'd find typical things and sexualize them.

    And this was in Pakistan ... not even in a country where such open displays are even remotely acceptable. We couldn't kiss, but could walk in a way where our bodies were in "accidental" touch.

  6. #16
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    Thank you @skylights, your posts about the subject have been very insightful. I'm pretty sure I'm sp/sx (slight possibility that I'm sp/so still), based off of the information posted in this thread. I'm definitely an sp-dom. Although the social instinct section is not as fleshed out. Me thinks social variant is greatly misunderstood around this here parts.

    Also, a thanks to @Phoenix too. Your personal example was pretty damn good. I realize that I'm not a good initiator, which is the impression I'm getting from an sx-dom. Rather, I'm someone who reciprocates or bounces back affection. I'm more ummm.....private. I long for connection, but lack the "aggressive" nature of an sx-dom.

    Anyhow, I got nothing new to add to the instincts that hasn't already been said.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Venus Rose's Avatar
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    Ooh I want to comment

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    SX

    Focus on: intensity, prolonging, engagement, passion, attention, sensation, merging

    - Romantic, true-love, passionate emotional bonding
    - Intellectual merging, sharing of thoughts, ideas, knowledge
    - Extreme sport thrill-seeking
    - Tendency to linger in sensation
    - Engaging in the same sensation over and over
    - Deep engagement with art and music
    - Promiscuity
    - Addiction, true "junkie" (I would actually like response from others with regards to this. I always see this as literal or physical stimulation seeking, and I am not like that. How else would "addiction" manifest in context of sx? I had a 9 friend once, probably not sx first (also likely Se suggestive), who told me that he had an "addictive personality" and that that could be troublesome for him sometimes.)
    - Yearning, longing
    - Fear of loss of sex appeal My sex appeal has never been about appearing physically attractive, though I of course I don't want to appear unattractive, but my conscious attention doesn't go there; I merely take basic care of myself.
    All of my issues with undesirability, in the past, were tied to emotional denuding, revealing who I am, and feeling as if that 'repulsed' people.

    - Enjoyment of personal physical comforting (snuggling, cuddling) Sounds more SP
    - Dressing in an attention-grabbing way Sure but I am not flashy or gaudy.
    - Enjoying "immersing" scenarios (rave, club, etc) Meh
    - Milking every experience for what it's worth
    - Disregard/avoidance of settings without opportunity for bonding perhaps "chemistry" might be more appropriate here, in place of "bonding"
    - Engaging others through bonding
    - Being able to create "magical" experience for others I don't know lol
    - Strong reaction from others maybe, idk.
    - Love for the dramatic something that brings intensity, passion and charge.

    SO

    Focus on: role, position, belonging, hierarchy, communication, adaptation (somewhat), contribution

    - Desire and enjoy an important role in groups sounds a little too fraught with "responsibility" and I am unlikely to stay in one place for long; not just literally but even figuratively. So "roles" is not what I am after, though sxsos enjoy being able to have an impact. But once the charge wears off, they may retreat and find something else.
    - Team player - "the group comes first" I am the opposite of a team player lol
    - Friendly with many, but close to few I am a kind person for the most part, don't see the need to be mean, but it is not for social reasons. I just don't have the desire to needlessly be mean to someone.
    - Often compare self to peers Somewhat I do this.
    - Fear of public humiliation I can see this, but only in extreme circumstances, otherwise I am not too worried about this.
    - Awareness of what others think of you to some extent
    - Like to be able to fit in ehhh, I think the primary preoocupation with sxso is 'standing out' but at the same time they can do this without the harshness of the so last, so maybe their attention also goes a little bit to "fitting in"? Not sure
    - Graceful entrance and exit haha, maybe
    - Desire to know what's going on in the larger sphere meh, it depends.


    SP

    Focus on: independence, self-sufficiency, needs, stability, comfort, safety, trust, balance

    - Sensitive to physical and emotional comfort and discomfort
    - Fixation with food - quality, taste, texture, availability
    - Skepticism
    - Assess risk before actions, avoid risk, awareness of consequence I actually do do this slightly.
    - Fewer but more stable relationships
    - Trust issues
    - Focus on financial stability, hate being in debt
    - Routines/habits - sticking to the usual
    - Concerned with health
    - Hot/cold nature, withdraw when preoccupied
    - Ability to balance needs, desires / Limitation of overindulgence
    - Integrity and commitment
    - Prioritizing time for oneself
    - Attention to personal spaces, home is a sanctuary, enjoy personalizing/decorating somewhat
    - Preference for closed settings kind of

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