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[sx] What is it really like to be sexual last?

mintleaf

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I think sx-last is more about not feeling the need to get to know people (or interests) in great depth; not feeling compelled to "get closer and closer" with chosen object of interest. I think it's more about "sticking to business" instead of following your life's passions. You might be an exciting, interesting person, but at some level, really seeking out deeper levels of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) or that "charge" is just not a priority.

I'm curious to hear what confirmed sx-lasts think of this, because I've typed as sp/so (4w5) for a while and can't relate at all.
 

skylights

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I think sx-last is more about not feeling the need to get to know people (or interests) in great depth; not feeling compelled to "get closer and closer" with chosen object of interest. I think it's more about "sticking to business" instead of following your life's passions.

Sanjuro, I usually agree with you like 99% of the time, but I'm not sure I feel like I agree with this... the few people I know who I think I can pretty solidly identify as sx-last... they are pursuing their life passions, and they do like getting deep with people and interests they care about. But it's like on a much slower timeframe than for people with sx higher, slower and more steady. More cautious about it, more specific about it. It may seem like "taking care of business" from the outside because it's not super infused with intensity, but it can still be infused with dedication and depth of feeling... my sp/so friend I was talking about before is working on her doctorate... and my so/sp best friend is in the middle of training for working with trauma victims... they both care about their life work very deeply and strongly...

I feel like the people who will tend to be led astray from their life passions... will be e2s, e3s, e6s, and e9s - 2s because they're busy taking on others' burdens, 3s because they're trying to impress others, 6s because they're afraid, and 9s because they resist differentiation...

You might be an exciting, interesting person, but at some level, really seeking out deeper levels of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) or that "charge" is just not a priority.

Yeah...

Maybe an important distinction has to be made between charge/intensity/passion and strength of caring, because sx-last doesn't mean not caring, just not driven by strength of immediate stimulation...
 

Haven

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I always have 3 or 4 creative ventures at any given moment that I swear I will make the time to do one day.

You know that moment when you're driving on a freeway and you see your exit come up, but there's no way for you to get there, so you just kinda watch it go by? That's what being sx last is like.
 

mrcockburn

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I always have 3 or 4 creative ventures at any given moment that I swear I will make the time to do one day.

You know that moment when you're driving on a freeway and you see your exit come up, but there's no way for you to get there, so you just kinda watch it go by? That's what being sx last is like.

yup...and then you promise yourself "next exit", merge a lane over, get stuck again, and the cycle continues. :sadbanana:
 
B

brainheart

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[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION], what you say makes sense to me. The sexual lasts I know it's more like The Tortoise- slow and steady- while I'm more like The Hare- fits and starts.

As a sexual first, I'm more about the charge I get from something rather than it being productive or conducive to my life goals. I think it's easy for sexual firsts to get off track because you get swept away by your passions, whatever they are. Obsession, compulsion, addiction- these are sexual issues.
 

Concur_Withall

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Feeling insecure when sex is brought up. Not being able to make sexual advances because you get the feeling that it is wrong and you shouldn't be objectifying someone like that for your own enjoyment. Constant frustration without release.

More generally, not being able to interact well with another person, stemming from some mismatch between self and other. Some kind of obsessive pre-occupation with personal boundaries. I want you, but I know you don't want me, so I'll just go and hide ok. Try and find me if you want to, but I know you won't. I stopped looking long ago.
 

Sunny Ghost

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[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION], what you say makes sense to me. The sexual lasts I know it's more like The Tortoise- slow and steady- while I'm more like The Hare- fits and starts.

As a sexual first, I'm more about the charge I get from something rather than it being productive or conducive to my life goals. I think it's easy for sexual firsts to get off track because you get swept away by your passions, whatever they are. Obsession, compulsion, addiction- these are sexual issues.

I think I was a sexual first for a few years in my late teens/early twenties. :doh:
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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Sanjuro, I usually agree with you like 99% of the time, but I'm not sure I feel like I agree with this... the few people I know who I think I can pretty solidly identify as sx-last... they are pursuing their life passions, and they do like getting deep with people and interests they care about. But it's like on a much slower timeframe than for people with sx higher, slower and more steady. More cautious about it, more specific about it. It may seem like "taking care of business" from the outside because it's not super infused with intensity, but it can still be infused with dedication and depth of feeling... my sp/so friend I was talking about before is working on her doctorate... and my so/sp best friend is in the middle of training for working with trauma victims... they both care about their life work very deeply and strongly...

I feel like the people who will tend to be led astray from their life passions... will be e2s, e3s, e6s, and e9s - 2s because they're busy taking on others' burdens, 3s because they're trying to impress others, 6s because they're afraid, and 9s because they resist differentiation...
Sure, I wouldn't want to imply that sx-lasts have no passion--I know a soc/sp 5 who would contest that to the very end, and I imagine a lot of 4s wouldn't relate to this much, either. But, the last instinct tends to be back-burnered--meaning you do it, but as you've said, in slower motion. We tend to try to cater to the needs of the first two before getting to the third, but that certainly doesn't mean the third instinct doesn't exist.

Or at least, that's what the literature on it states. I get most of my ideas from that.


I'm curious to hear what confirmed sx-lasts think of this, because I've typed as sp/so (4w5) for a while and can't relate at all.
I imagine most sx-last 4s wouldn't relate to ideas of not attending to their inner passion. How would you describe your experience as a sp/soc 4?

(I'm completely content to change my own stacking to sp/soc if you can give me a good enough explanation of it!!)
 

Noll

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I'm curious to hear what confirmed sx-lasts think of this, because I've typed as sp/so (4w5) for a while and can't relate at all.
I can't relate at all either. I just think Social primarily, Self-preservation secondly, and Sexual thirdly. It's really not that hard and it doesn't mean I'm an aromantic person without passion or longing for intimacy or whatever. Quite the opposite in fact...
 
B

brainheart

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I can't relate at all either. I just think Social primarily, Self-preservation secondly, and Sexual thirdly. It's really not that hard and it doesn't mean I'm an aromantic person without passion or longing for intimacy or whatever. Quite the opposite in fact...

I get that. For example, My husband has to be a so/sx, but he has plenty of self pres going on as well. When he's sick he acts like a self pres dom. And when I get depressed, I definitely see the social four emerge within me. So much stinking shame and self consciousness. Most of the time I'm unaware and indifferent about it, though.

Do you feel like it rushes into your consciousness/reactions sporadically, or do you feel like the sexual instinct is there all the time?
 

skylights

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[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION], what you say makes sense to me. The sexual lasts I know it's more like The Tortoise- slow and steady- while I'm more like The Hare- fits and starts.

As a sexual first, I'm more about the charge I get from something rather than it being productive or conducive to my life goals. I think it's easy for sexual firsts to get off track because you get swept away by your passions, whatever they are. Obsession, compulsion, addiction- these are sexual issues.

That makes sense... and following that sx-lasts would be least likely to be swept off course... it seems like Sexual vacuum-packs energy, Social diffuses it, and SP moderates it. Theoretically sx-last would be the least likely to use energy in huge bursts... but actually I don't know if I'm seeing this too much through a sx-infused lens, because the sx-lasts I know definitely also do big bursts of energy when they have to, like getting big projects done or whatever.

Feeling insecure when sex is brought up. Not being able to make sexual advances because you get the feeling that it is wrong and you shouldn't be objectifying someone like that for your own enjoyment. Constant frustration without release.

More generally, not being able to interact well with another person, stemming from some mismatch between self and other. Some kind of obsessive pre-occupation with personal boundaries. I want you, but I know you don't want me, so I'll just go and hide ok. Try and find me if you want to, but I know you won't. I stopped looking long ago.

This is valuable perspective. Thank you for describing it.

Sure, I wouldn't want to imply that sx-lasts have no passion--I know a soc/sp 5 who would contest that to the very end, and I imagine a lot of 4s wouldn't relate to this much, either. But, the last instinct tends to be back-burnered--meaning you do it, but as you've said, in slower motion. We tend to try to cater to the needs of the first two before getting to the third, but that certainly doesn't mean the third instinct doesn't exist.

Or at least, that's what the literature on it states. I get most of my ideas from that.

Yeah, exactly. Like the first two have to be secure before the third can be free to play. Sorry if I misread you, I thought you were saying that sx-lasts have a hard time following their passions. I feel like I'm actually impressed by sx-lasts' ability to keep on the same path so long while I waver. They can stay steadily with something for their lives, it seems. Sx-firsts sometimes seem like they can maintain gung-ho energy for something throughout their life... it seems like often their lives either end in a blaze or in sad burnout.
 

Noll

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Do you feel like it rushes into your consciousness/reactions sporadically, or do you feel like the sexual instinct is there all the time?
Sporadically, when I'm with people I 'like' I just shy away, making no contact, not talking at all, regretting it afterwards. This goes on and on and on and on. I'm kind of just a rigid object, I don't have the Sexual-thing that much when I'm actually with people. It takes a long time, too long, years even. I have absolutely no clue how to take part in the social world, how to begin the process.
 

Sunny Ghost

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Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
 

mrcockburn

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Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?

I have never experienced that, and it's hard for me to believe that anyone does. I don't mean that I doubt that people experience that, it just boggles my mind how it's possible. For me, everyone starts at the same plane, and I gradually like them more and more, based on how we get along.
 

Haven

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Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?

Less likely and less frequently than others, but it does happen. This leads to more stable relationships though.

Personally, I think that not all displays of passion are grand, flashy, and romantic. Some passions are very stable and manifest themselves over a long period of time.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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Yeah, exactly. Like the first two have to be secure before the third can be free to play. Sorry if I misread you, I thought you were saying that sx-lasts have a hard time following their passions. I feel like I'm actually impressed by sx-lasts' ability to keep on the same path so long while I waver. They can stay steadily with something for their lives, it seems. Sx-firsts sometimes seem like they can maintain gung-ho energy for something throughout their life... it seems like often their lives either end in a blaze or in sad burnout.
I basically did say that (which is generally what I gleaned from articles about this topic), but I didn't mean sx-lasts are incapable of passion. I think you phrased it better when you said it happens "in slow motion".

Example, I am a likely sp-last myself...and I understand that having a foundation in life is important, maintaining my health is a top priority, and I really need to think about retirement. I'm not stupid. The problem is getting around to it. Like when I was 18 I said, "You know what? I should start an IRA so that I'm not broke when (if) I get old." And 12 years later, I still haven't gotten around to doing that.

I know it's important, it's just a matter of priorities. It'll happen one day, I've just got to take care of that other stuff first. I imagine sx-last is the same, but in reverse--it's important to do that sx-stuff, but the first two tend to take priority. So it happens "slower".

Do you think sexual last types are the least likely to experience the "love at first sight" phenomena? Or any sort of strong intensity or passion towards another human?
That's a good question. I currently type as sx-first, and I am actually very skeptical of "love at first sight" myself (one of the many reasons I typed as sx-last for a long time). To me, that's just sort of a trap for the naive. I believe it's possible to feel a strong attraction to someone, or to hit it off right away, or even to have a "psychic" experience where you "just know" someone will be important in your life, but I do not maintain any sentimental beliefs that love is instantaneous. (This view is based on my knowledge of biochemistry, admittedly).

My conceptualization of "love" is that it is a bond built over time; instant enthrallment is just that. It doesn't mean I wouldn't follow it (though I've never really experienced true "infatuation" with other living breathing human beings; I tend to feel that's "being controlled", so it takes other forms for me)--it's just that I would be skeptical of my own enthrallment as being significant of something other than my tendency to get really, really excited about things I like.

I wouldn't claim to speak for sx-lasts.

I dunno if that helps to answer your question, but I'm not sure that all sx-firsts are die-hard romantics or anything. It's far more nuanced.
 

skylights

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I basically did say that (which is generally what I gleaned from articles about this topic), but I didn't mean sx-lasts are incapable of passion. I think you phrased it better when you said it happens "in slow motion".

Ah, I'm sorry, I misunderstood you then. :)
 
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