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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Your social relationships & instinctual stacking

What's your instinctual stacking & social interaction tendency?

  • so/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • so/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 5 4.6%
  • sp/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • sp/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 3 2.8%
  • sp/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 9 8.3%
  • sp/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • sp/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 15 13.9%
  • sp/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • sx/so - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 7 6.5%
  • sx/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 11 10.2%

  • Total voters
    108

Chthonic

New member
Joined
Jun 18, 2014
Messages
683
Loner.

Friendships are just too hard with my all/nothing mentality. So mostly I dont bother with them since I cant regulate that impulse to bond. Plenty of passing acquaintances but these arent people I'd confide in, Or soend more time than necessary with.

When I had friendships I was happier with arms length communication rather than hanging out. Hanging out always seemed to be fraught with too much anxiety. Better to communicate via writing when I had plenty of time think about what I was going to say.

When I have partners I rarely confide in them either. I prefer just spending time in each others company rather than needing to talk or do anything specific. Less messy that way, fewer things for me to apologise for later.
 

Entropic

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
1,200
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
It's an interesting poll because I run into the problem where I become unsure how to place myself. Most of my relationships are built online so IRL I am a loner, pretty much the definition of one. I have had issues integrating myself into society since I was a child. I often find that it is very difficult to come across even just mere individuals that I click enough with so we can bond and call each other friends. It just never quite seems to happen and, as a result, I have become increasingly removed from real life social life to the point I don't talk to anyone or see anyone and this has remained very consistent ever since I was a child. Some psychologist I went to see for this problem thought I just had an avoidant attachment style but I felt he didn't get my problem - it's not that I can't speak to people see, but it's that when I speak to them it ends up becoming small talk and the whole, getting to know someone by asking shallow and dumb questions but it doesn't go anywhere beyond that. I am surprised whenever I run into people who do not clearly understand this, that I actually experience reality this way. They seem to think that it's sufficient to just talk to anyone and sooner or later you will find someone to get along with. Fuck, I wish it was that easy. And I can be very social and open, so I don't think that's the problem either. I just don't... click with most people. #sxdomproblems

While I do cultivate my relationships online, then, it becomes difficult to say whether I operate in a clique or just a few close relationships or still am a loner. I talk to a few people on a somewhat regular basis, I do enjoy talking to people, but I wouldn't say it's regular enough to call it a clique or even a few close and deep relationships because I am hesitant to call most of these people my friends though I guess we kind of are, but I have pretty high standards as to what constitutes a friend or not. The only person who I feel I have a very deep relationship with is my girlfriend. So ultimately, with all that said and done, I went with loner.
 

BlackDog

New member
Joined
Sep 6, 2013
Messages
569
MBTI Type
NiTe
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
It's an interesting poll because I run into the problem where I become unsure how to place myself.

I had the same problem. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if this was a common social style for more active online socializers/forum posters
 

Entropic

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
1,200
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I had the same problem. I wouldn't be surprised, though, if this was a common social style for more active online socializers/forum posters

Are you Kollinhausin?
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
Does anyone have a good description of sp/so vs so/sp, particularly for an introvert? Sometimes, I think I might be so/sp, but so tends to be described in too much of an extraverted manner.

Either way, I voted sp/so loner. I've always been a loner and I always will be.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
Does anyone have a good description of sp/so vs so/sp, particularly for an introvert? Sometimes, I think I might be so/sp, but so tends to be described in too much of an extraverted manner.

Either way, I voted sp/so loner. I've always been a loner and I always will be.

I don't have one but I look at it this way:

sp/so will care for the self in social contexts largely before others.

so/sp will care for others in social contexts largely before the self.

It really doesn't have much to do with an introversion or extroversion access. Since you're a 6, and there will already be a heightened level of self-protection, an sp/so will pretty much take this to the full extent of the matter by putting the self as of prime importance.

It's helpful to look at the stacking along with the enneagram type to delinate which one it is if you're stuck on it.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
I don't have one but I look at it this way:

sp/so will care for the self in social contexts largely before others.

so/sp will care for others in social contexts largely before the self.

This is a great explanation, thanks! Now the only thing is deciding between the two.

It really doesn't have much to do with an introversion or extroversion access...

Right, though the websites I've come across tend to define them separately, making so sound far more extraverted than the others.

It's helpful to look at the stacking along with the enneagram type to delinate which one it is if you're stuck on it.

Do you happen to know of any good websites that go in depth for wings and instinctual stackings for each type?
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
This is a great explanation, thanks! Now the only thing is deciding between the two.

Right, though the websites I've come across tend to define them separately, making so sound far more extraverted than the others.

Do you happen to know of any good websites that go in depth for wings and instinctual stackings for each type?

Not off the top of my head, no. Hopefully someone else will chime in with some sources. They do exist though as I recall reading them before. so/sp does sound extroverted stand alone, but it doesn't mean that it is. I mean, I am sp/so and that sounds pretty introverted, and I am definitely not an introvert.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
[MENTION=6554]DisneyGeek[/MENTION]

The descriptions for Sx-last stackings tend to be a bit lacking. The problems you mentioned are just some of them. Laypeople also don't have a good read on what Sx-lasts look like and falsely attribute a lot of qualities to Sx. Jennifer Lawrence, for example, is a 6 Sp/So. She's got a lot of energy that could seem like Sx intensity but really is more diffuse. She's also a outspoken extrovert, which some will tell you doesn't really go with Sp - however the two qualities combined give a more private and reserved side to her. OTOH So is often characterized as being outgoing and sociable when it can also result in being anti-social, like me ;).

You have to think of your dominant instinct as your focus: the aspect you're most concerned about getting right (eg. if you worry about Social elements it might make you avoid people to spare yourself the troubles).

Here's so pages you could look at:
https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/six-stacks/
Enneagram Six Subtypes
Enneagram Central - Self Preservation Six
Enneagram Central - Subtype Six Social

If you want to discuss it further you could message me. I have more pages to suggest too. :)
 

Entropic

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
1,200
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yes, what stuck out to connect the two?

The avatar is the same, the enneagram type is the same, post structure is the same.

[MENTION=6554]DisneyGeek[/MENTION] to enter that part of the convo, I think it is far easier to figure out one's stackings by reading up on how the instincts manifest on their own. This is to create you a basic understanding of how they work. Until you get that idea, I wouldn't bother with instinctual stacking variants. Another thing with the instincts is that most people have a poor idea of the social instinct. I "mistyped" (I wouldn't say the error is that great to per se call it a mistype, since my social instinct isn't very developed and I have been confused over this for a long time with good reasons) as /sx/sp for quite a long time because I didn't understand the social instinct. Essentially, the social instinct is the desire to feel like one belongs and be a part of a group, society at large. It creates a sense of inside/outside dynamic where one becomes acutely aware whether one is a part of the group or not. Even counter-social types have this, just that they choose to take stance against the group and purposefully be separate and distinct from it. In both cases though, the object relation to the group remains the same, as opposed to people who are simply oblivious to the group and how they stand in relation to the group. So types want to feel like they belong and they want to feel like the group and the world at large accepts them and they will look out for various cues that create this sense of belonging-ness or conversely, separation.

For example, when I was younger I was very into the metal scene. I suppose one could have called me a scene-ster and I definitely identified myself as a metalhead etc. This need to be a part of the metal scene has waned quite a bit but the point is that I was very aware of what would give me acceptance within the social group of the metal scene. I knew what bands were in and out, how to distinguish "true" from "untrue", how the various subgenres and thus also cultures, saw and interacted with each other and how they were distinct from one another e.g. the heavy metal scene is a lot more about drugs, sex and rock and roll which also carries over to the thrash and death metal scene that is much more acceptable towards "low brow" behavior and even promotes it, as opposed to the black metal scene that is far more elitist and exclusive and takes a counter-culture stance in relation to the rest of the metal scene and then there's the goth scene that's almost more a part of the general goth movement in itself than it is metal and so on and so forth.

The social instinct creates this form of awareness. It also gives awareness of power structures in the sense that you know who is the top dog or who isn't, who is popular and who isn't etc. I know a social 6 who is a lot into political activism in ideology, at least, and is a strong follower of anarchy as a political model. He doesn't trust the establishment and society at large as he finds it largely incompetent and this shows in how counter-social stance of being an adherent of political anarchy. He understands his relationship to the group and society at large and how it operates but actively takes a stance against it.

I need to go now but I'll try to write up how the sp instinct can manifest as well. Essentially, the primary instinct is our core neurosis, the one thing we cannot live without or so we think, so that's where you need to look for it.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
[MENTION=16405]Entropic[/MENTION] - The problem with me is that I've always been sort of an island. I've always had a huge desire to belong and connect with people (though not in an sx way), but I was under the impression that part of this was covered in type 6.

Seeing as I just don't bond with people, I'm not sure if my sp has been artificially inflated as a counter measure.
 

Entropic

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
1,200
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
[MENTION=16405]Entropic[/MENTION] - The problem with me is that I've always been sort of an island. I've always had a huge desire to belong and connect with people (though not in an sx way), but I was under the impression that part of this was covered in type 6.

Seeing as I just don't bond with people, I'm not sure if my sp has been artificially inflated as a counter measure.

Bonding != wanting to bond != ability to bond, though. I think so last 6s will still feel that sense of lonliness 6s have, but it will be more in the focus on the intimate sphere. To be very close to one person to trust in, as opposed to so 6s, who will try to find some greater ideal, cause or group to trust in. Also, sp first 6s are the most insular; the 6s that choose to be lonely. This is of course because when sp is leading, the 6's sense of security is the most focused on their self, of how to preserve themselves. With such a self-focus, there is little room to focus on that of others, both in terms of intimates but also in terms of groups and group belonging. I think the sp 6 is going to be the 6s that will be the most focused on thinking only they can truly trust in themselves and there will be no one there for you to provide it for you. You are utterly alone. Other people are out to get them, undermine them, remove their sense of security or destroy their belief structures they have set up in order to feel secure. Other people become a nuisance in the focus on the preservation of the self and how to build a security system in the material world by focusing on material assets such as their health, body, wealth, home, hearth, shelter, food and so on. May possibly also seem more 5-ish, more hoarding kind of 6, more holding on to possessions and things and of themselves which would be further reinforced if a 5-wing. My thoughts.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm sx/sp and this very much describes my life:

I am mostly a loner - Choose this if you have very few close friends and mostly do stuff alone. You don't feel a tie to or a part of any social circle. Your few close friends are people you know are there for you & you for them, but you don't necessarily stay in regular contact. Other people don't identify you with anyone; they might even wonder who you do socialize with as you always appear alone. Choose this even if you associate with a group of casual acquaintances on occasion, have 1-2 close friends you talk to sometimes and/or a few, individual casual friends you socialize sometimes.

... but I'm not happy. My ideal would be this:

I have a few, individual, very close friendships - Choose this if you don't really socialize in any kind of clique, but regularly maintain a few, very close friendships with individuals, frequently hanging out or talking, often one-on-one (family members count). These friends don't necessarily know each other or have friendships with each other (but they may). Other people don't identify you as a group, but may associate you with one of these individuals (ie. the best friend joined at the hip). Choose this even if on occasion you socialize with a group & do stuff on your own.

I just don't have the environment or the energy right now to reach that ^^ kind of life, unfortunately.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
Bonding != wanting to bond != ability to bond, though.
I'm not really sure why you're making this point? Care to explain?

Again, my thing is that I'm wondering if my sp has been artificially inflated as a defense mechanism due to the inability to bond.
 

senza tema

nunc rosa cras fex
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
2,432
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
471
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I actually make use of all three strategies.

I do have a "clique" ... coworkers whom I eat lunch with everyday and whose company I enjoy in a casual way but feel little to no emotional connection with. I rarely if ever hang out with them outside work because ... why? I already see them everyday.

I have a handful of very dear lifelong friends, whom I love and feel completely comfortable with. All of them are scattered across the country/world and we no longer inhabit the same meatspace. That's fine though. I don't miss their physical presence and feel I can count on their emotional presence whenever.

So I guess my default strategy is "loner." I spend a lot of time by myself and chafe if I don't have it. If I go out, I prefer to do it alone. For me, the only improvement over pure solitude is the presence of a significant other. I've always attributed this to social introversion ... not sure if it's instinct-related.

I'm probably so-last.
 

Entropic

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2012
Messages
1,200
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm not really sure why you're making this point? Care to explain?

Again, my thing is that I'm wondering if my sp has been artificially inflated as a defense mechanism due to the inability to bond.

Bonding with someone doesn't mean that you want to bond or that you have an ability to bond, and having an ability to bond doesn't mean you want to bond or are bonding, and wanting to bond doesn't mean you are bonding or have an ability to bond.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
Messages
4,602
Bonding with someone doesn't mean that you want to bond or that you have an ability to bond, and having an ability to bond doesn't mean you want to bond or are bonding, and wanting to bond doesn't mean you are bonding or have an ability to bond.

The word "bond" has now lost its meaning for me. :/

I think I get what you're saying, but I didn't say that any of these were related to begin with. I just mean that I wonder if I artificially inflated a part of myself and converted my desires as a self-defense mechanism. One of these perhaps: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanisms#Vaillant.27s_categorization_of_defence_mechanisms
 

Entropic

New member
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INTJ
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8w9
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
The word "bond" has now lost its meaning for me. :/

I think I get what you're saying, but I didn't say that any of these were related to begin with. I just mean that I wonder if I artificially inflated a part of myself and converted my desires as a self-defense mechanism. One of these perhaps: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanisms#Vaillant.27s_categorization_of_defence_mechanisms

I know, I get it, because I think all 6s seek to bond. I was just clarifying that it needn't be related to the social instinct in that way, or at least I think that was the original reason as to why I wrote what I did. I don't remember, too long time ago, lol.
 
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