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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Enneagram/instinct variant and love languages

Z Buck McFate

Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
6,048
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I know there’s some mention of instinct variant in the other thread going, but I’m curious about enneagram as well, so I figured I’d start a new thread. A lot of people wrote explanations for their preferences- and probably aren’t going to feel like explaining the same thing again- but consider just posting your love language preferences with enneagram type and instinct variant (foregoing explanations, if you don't feel like doing it again)?

As for me, 5w4 sp/sx, I have a hard time giving a preference for love language because it’s so situational to me, and changes a lot according to who I’m dealing with. I think the two things I can’t go without in really close relationships are quality time and words of affirmation. I probably need physical touch (to some extent) in romantic partnership- but I’ve certainly always needed it less than the partners I’ve had, and too much of it begins to feel like a constant interruption to me. It’s hard to say which is my least favorite, because it really depends on the person.




[I did do a search, to see if there was already an 'enneagram/love language thread' and nothing turned up.]

For a recap of the types and their description, from this site:

Receiving Gifts: Presents and physical tokens of affection move you. It's the fact that someone is thinking about you enough to give you something that moves you. The objects are of secondary importance to the relationship and sentiment with which they were intended.

Quality Time: This can be expressed either through those intimate tête-à-tête discussions or via doing things together.


Acts of Service: You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.


Physical Touch: You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This may or may not center on sex.


Words of Affirmation: You need to hear praise to know you are loved, and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why.
 

Noon

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
790
I think I'm a 9w1 so/sp.

Prefer to give: words of affirmation
Prefer to receive: quality time or acts of service

Words of affirmation: acknowledging and complimenting strengths, voicing appreciation for important things said and done, and heartfelt reassurance. Especially when the other person is depressive or anxious or whatever. Not necessarily a bunch of "I love you"s, but I think even "thanks for everything that you do" is important to say. Little things are important to say. And yeah, refraining from insults or disrespectful, intentionally cutting words. Learning how and how not to say certain things.

Quality time: uninterrupted discussion of ideas, problems, feelings, anything like that. Or just hanging out. Communication in general, I guess. Even the phone is alright.

Acts of service: "Let me do that for you" really is <333 :laugh:
I don't know, I just have an insane soft spot for someone who is neat and organized, clear-headed, can keep track of things, and expresses it in even small ways like replacing broken things or rearranging something for easier access. Or making soup for you when you're sick or something. So amazing.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
835 tritype or 8w7 sx/sp.

Touch and quality time (within reason).
 

chickpea

perfect person
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
5,729
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
4w5 sx/sp
giving: physical touch, quality time
recieving: physical touch, words of affirmation
 

The_World_As_Will

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
415
5w4 sx/so

Prefer to give- Words of Affirmation, Quality time
Prefer to receive- Words of Affirmation, Quality time
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
5,059
MBTI Type
INtp
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
5w6, not entirely sure of variant but so/sp is a good bet.

In order from most to least important:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
7w8 sp/so

I thought quality time and physical touch would be the most important things to me in showing love, turns out receiving/giving gifts and either words of affirmation or quality time say the most to me, acts of service are without a doubt the least romantic to me whatever the case.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
7w6 sx/so i think...i know i'm sx first but not sure about the other two (if someone could help me figure out how to determine that that would be awesome)

words of affirmation
quality time/ physical touch
 

Goosebump

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
129
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9
9w8 I'm still not sure of my variant stackings

Prefer to give - Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touches
Prefer to receive- Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touches
 

Argentum

New member
Joined
Apr 17, 2011
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I am a 5w4. SX/SP.

I prefer to give quality time and physical touch.

I prefer to get quality time and equal measures of physical touch and acts of service. (I dislike being touched sometimes, but sometimes an act of service can can relieve my stress enough to enjoy touch again.)

Though really, the "incompatible" styles can work for me in some way. It just has to be done with thought--like a well thought out gift, or the right words when I need to hear them. Not all the time.
 
G

garbage

Guest
repostin'

1. Quality time
2. Physical touch
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

I've got more explanation in the quoted post


6w5 sp/sx maybe. "Give me my freakin' alone time once in a while" should be a love language as well
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I am definitely sp-dom, and have been going under the assumption that I'm sp/so. :shrug: But I'm not positive about the second.

Quality Time & Physical Touch are my top two, with Words of Affirmation a close 3rd.

Like others have mentioned, it's not like I don't appreciate Acts of Service and Gifts - and can recognize that those things can be acts of love. But Quality Time and Physical Touch are things that I don't think I could do without - the absence of them would make me question the presence of Love. And I guess that's why they're my primaries. They are also how I show love, although it really depends on which of those, as well as words of affirmation, I use in a given moment/situation.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
4w5 sp/sx

quality time - I like a lot of time alone, so my time is valuable...if I give it to you readily, then that's significant.
physical touch - easier & preferable to words as far as expressing myself, although words are good to hear. I'm also awkward with people I don't know & may avoid touching them, so touch is a significant indicator of my feelings also.
 

Hopelandic

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
232
MBTI Type
me
6w7 sp/sx

1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
-
-
-
3. Acts of service
-
-
-
-
4. Words of affirmation

Give and receive.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
As for me, 5w4 sp/sx, I have a hard time giving a preference for love language because it’s so situational to me, and changes a lot according to who I’m dealing with.
Hey that's what I was going to say! I think I'm also sp/sx, although I could be sp/so (6w5).

All 5 are important to me, well maybe not the gifts one, but I've never had a bf who did random little gifts and that does sound kinda awesome in theory. Well, who doesn't like gifts, really? I wouldn't like frequent expensive ones, though.

1 - touch (give and receive)
2 - quality time (giving and receiving are the same thing, I guess)
3 - words (mostly receiving)
4 - acts of service (mostly receiving)
5 - gifts (mostly receiving)

Essentially numbers 1 and 2 are critical and 3 is important every so often, the others are nice but not necessary for happiness.

My guess would be that touch would be high on the priority list for Sx and words would be high for an So. Not sure about any other trends, or what Sp would prefer.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
7w8 (or 8) Sp/Sx

prefer to give
- affection
- protection (whenever they need it)
- encouragement
- lots of snuggling

prefer to receive
- affection
- lots of snuggling
- acceptance
- good conversation
- other than that, I am not a very needy person as long as I don't have a lot of expectation placed on me (there is no way in hell I will ever date a type 2)
 

Hazashin

Secret Sex Freak
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
Messages
1,157
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
7w8 (or 8) Sp/Sx

prefer to give
- affection
- protection (whenever they need it)
- encouragement
- lots of snuggling

prefer to receive
- affection
- lots of snuggling
- acceptance
- good conversation
- other than that, I am not a very needy person as long as I don't have a lot of expectation placed on me (there is no way in hell I will ever date a type 2)

Are all Sx or Sx-second types like that? Or just that particular subtype?
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Are all Sx or Sx-second types like that? Or just that particular subtype?

I think my criteria for a relationship is pretty standard for an Sp/Sx. I would assume for an So/Sx or Sx/So there would be some different criteria in there and probably more social involvement and/or expectations, but I wouldn't know. Sp/Sx want a relationship that is sensual, romantic and has lots of time for quality 1-1 time, but they also like relationships that are more low maintenance. for instance, being Social last, they just aren't into the kinds of roles, obligations and social rituals that So types are more found of.
Edit: in particular, Sp/Sx varies from the norm as to:
- acts of service: they're nice, but expecting them is not. we would rather take them as they come and give them as we feel like it. I don't expect my partner to do anything for me and want a partner that doesn't expect this of me. with the exception of sex of course. satisfying your partner is a responsibility of both parties involved.
- gifts: I really don't freakin care about this one. gifts are overrated. I'll probably give a decent amount of gifts, but I'm not expecting any (though they will be appreciated). if I really want something, I'll go out and buy it
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
like what? what in there was sx like that you're asking about?
 
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