[so] introverted social variant types

[brainheart]

For the longest time it never occurred to me that I could be a social type because I have a tendency to be antisocial. Most 'groups' repulse me. I even read the description of the social four type and although it resonated the most of all the variants, I figured no, because I spend most of my time by myself.

I suspect most introverted social variant types are the same way, especially if they are unhealthy. My guess is we easily veer toward misanthropy.

Other social variant types who are introverts- what's it like for you?

 

[brainheart]

I guess what I'm saying here is that perhaps introverted persons of the social variant type are less obviously "social". We may, in fact, not seem particularly social at all. As a four, I think the social component just makes me feel more different, more alone. I have as of yet to find a place that feels right, and yet I keep searching, because I guess I want it to some extent, but in an introverted sort of way- on occasion, with limits. Anyone else experience this?

 

[sleuthiness]

One's dominant variant indicates the direction(s) in which energy flows most consciously rather than exists as a defining characteristic of the individual in question.

The ease with which an so/sx rises and drops anchor is pretty striking in comparison, their ability to feel enough immediately to allow more than occasional warmth to bubble up and release ideas (formed or not), roll with the punches, allows them become a noticeable part of their environment rather than one which slips into it (so/sp).

I experience ease in situations which I've actively taken measures to draw up by utilizing already-formed contacts, which more than likely means there'll be tolerable conditions. But if you'd like more than tolerable conditions (you know, with others who share similar levels of curiosity, are interested in shared discoveries, knitting patterns, etc.), it comes down to recognizing opportune moments, reading cues in the right figures, ASKING FOR ADVICE, as they could be (and likely are) hiding remarkably specialized networks.

 

[Such Irony]

I take more notice of things like social standing and hierarchy. I don't necessarily agree with all of it and I do think much of the time we'd be better off without all that shit but I do notice things like power structures among people. For instance, I find it easy and instinctive to identify the most powerful person in a room.

I think in some ways I'm more group oriented than the average introvert. I'm not one to just blindly conform but I do like feeling like I belong in groups- especially in groups that share common interests in values. I enjoy being in such groups.

For better or worse I tend to compare myself to the public at large a lot. I think alot about how I'm coming across to others and care what others think of me, even those I barely know and unlikely to ever meet again. I think this is the downside of being social first. It makes me rather self-conscious in public at times.

It's important for me to know that I'm serving some useful role in society. I want to make a lasting contribution that will continue to carry on long after I've died.

Given the choice I prefer to have a large number of acquaintances rather than a few close friends. I tend to put on a friendly, upbeat demeanor when meeting new people for the first time yet at the same time I'm guarded. I'm careful not to reveal too much personal about myself too soon. (I'm also SX last)

I think compared to other enneagram 5's, I'm more extraverted than most of them. Yet, like most fives, I definitely need a sufficient amount of quiet "me" time to feel whole.

 

[brainheart]

Such Irony,

I relate very much to what you say, especially about self-consciousness and caring what others think of you. I'd have to say, though, I like having both a few close friends and a good number of acquaintances. I do spend most of my time by myself; then with my husband, kids, and then I have a couple of friends who I see every once in awhile. Then I have even more friends I see even more infrequently because they live far away. I think the thing is I like having all of these social contacts, but spending an hour or so with someone is typically enough for me, as opposed to my extroverted husband who can see someone all day and then the next and next... For this reason I haven't worked outside the home in years. Having to be with not only people, but people who will potentially irritate me, day after day... well, it stresses me out.

So I guess that's what I mean by introverted social variants not seeming particularly social. As you said, candyland joe, the instinctual variant is what you find yourself paying attention to. I'm guessing what you're doing in the last paragraph is giving advice as to how to find a social group? I probably painted myself as more of an outcast than I really feel I am. I know how to have conversations, be polite, etc. I have friends, etc. I think it's more a longing to find my group, my place- probably a very social four thing to feel- having friends but still feeling left out, longing for something else instead of fully appreciating what you have.

Are you saying so/sx types operate with greater facility in the social realm than so/sp? Like so/sps need the ideal conditions to feel comfortable?

It seems like there are few social types on here. I find this interesting.

 

[sleuthiness]

Such Irony,

I relate very much to what you say, especially about self-consciousness and caring what others think of you. I'd have to say, though, I like having both a few close friends and a good number of acquaintances. I do spend most of my time by myself; then with my husband, kids, and then I have a couple of friends who I see every once in awhile. Then I have even more friends I see even more infrequently because they live far away. I think the thing is I like having all of these social contacts, but spending an hour or so with someone is typically enough for me, as opposed to my extroverted husband who can see someone all day and then the next and next... For this reason I haven't worked outside the home in years. Having to be with not only people, but people who will potentially irritate me, day after day... well, it stresses me out.

So I guess that's what I mean by introverted social variants not seeming particularly social. As you said, candyland joe, the instinctual variant is what you find yourself paying attention to. I'm guessing what you're doing in the last paragraph is giving advice as to how to find a social group? I probably painted myself as more of an outcast than I really feel I am. I know how to have conversations, be polite, etc. I have friends, etc. I think it's more a longing to find my group, my place- probably a very social four thing to feel- having friends but still feeling left out, longing for something else instead of fully appreciating what you have.

Are you saying so/sx types operate with greater facility in the social realm than so/sp? Like so/sps need the ideal conditions to feel comfortable?

It seems like there are few social types on here. I find this interesting.

Yeah. Take note of whenever and however your sp instinct kicks in, so you know how to recognize and differentiate between

so/sp, sx/sp, (primary extroverted variant)
sp/so (complimentary supporting variant)
[ideal]

and

so/sx, sx/so (lack of shared supporting variant)
sp/sx individuals (opposite stacking)
[not-as-ideal]

which lends toward development of some sort of framework similar to what I've provided, particularly imperative for anyone with self-preservation as their primary or supporting to understand.

 

[brainheart]

Yeah. Take note of whenever and however your sp instinct kicks in, so you know how to recognize and differentiate between

so/sp, sx/sp, (primary extroverted variant)
sp/so (complimentary supporting variant)
[ideal]

and

so/sx, sx/so (lack of shared supporting variant)
sp/sx individuals (opposite stacking)
[not-as-ideal]

which lends toward development of some sort of framework similar to what I've provided, particularly imperative for anyone with self-preservation as their primary or supporting to understand.

You speak in code, candyland joe. Are you speaking of others in your framework here, like those with the sexual variant in the top two aren't good for those without to be around? Why? Where are you getting your information about this? Expound, please.

I'm fairly certain I go the order so/sp/sx, but I'm not positive. I think all fours can seem fairly sx to themselves and others, kind of as all 5s can seem pretty sp, no matter the order of the variant. So to say no sx interaction seems a bit odd to me. I mean, the sp variant in fours is even wacko, it makes you be the opposite- more risky, tempted by the tragic romance of death.

 

[sleuthiness]

You speak in code, candyland joe. Are you speaking of others in your framework here, like those with the sexual variant in the top two aren't good for those without to be around? Why? Where are you getting your information about this? Expound, please.

I'm fairly certain I go the order so/sp/sx, but I'm not positive. I think all fours can seem fairly sx to themselves and others, kind of as all 5s can seem pretty sp, no matter the order of the variant. So to say no sx interaction seems a bit odd to me. I mean, the sp variant in fours is even wacko, it makes you be the opposite- more risky, tempted by the tragic romance of death.

The concept's pretty simple, or else I wouldn't be able to explain it.

For an so/sp, think
enfp:so/sp with enfp:so/sp
----------------entp:sx/sp
----------------or istp:sp/so

(extend the analogy much further and original intent fades)

Does that paint a more helpful picture?

Applicable across the entire enneagram, though sure, shades of gray in the surface form of etype, mbtitype, and triadtype-related requirements exist, naturally.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I've actually been debating my own instinctual variant recently. How can a quiet introvert fully decide if SO is in the cards for them or not. I had always considered myself more SX/SP... SP/SX was always considered... but after reading more on SP/SO... I could see that as fitting as well.


I also feel as though a lot of the information online is limited on the topic.

 

[brainheart]

I've actually been debating my own instinctual variant recently. How can a quiet introvert fully decide if SO is in the cards for them or not. I had always considered myself more SX/SP... SP/SX was always considered... but after reading more on SP/SO... I could see that as fitting as well.


I also feel as though a lot of the information online is limited on the topic.

Yes, the information online is limited. I always thought of myself as sp/sx or sx/sp as well, but that's because for some reason the idea is put out there that social variants are extroverted. Social variants are focused on their place in society, that's all- you can be an involved, outgoing social variant, or you can be a withdrawn, antisocial social variant. Or you can be somewhere in-between, really. For me, being a social variant means that I am way more concerned about other people's reactions to me than I would like to admit, and I feel this need to do something of social impact. I never create entirely for myself. I feel this need for reaction, acknowledgment, approval.

Sometimes I am a total hermit. I have gone years without close friends, where even the minor interaction with the grocery clerk makes me nervous. Sometimes I feel quite comfortable in social situations, smile a lot, am charming, amicable. Either way, when I step out of doors, I usually feel as if all eyes are on me.

I recommend these sites for figuring out your instinctual variant:

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/Enneagram/Subtypes/Subtype%20Four%20Social.htm

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/Enneagram/Subtypes/Subtype%20Four%20Intimate.htm

http://www.enneagramcentral.com/Enneagram/Subtypes/Subtype%20Four%20Self%20Preservation.htm

http://www.9types.com/descr/4/ (Go to the 'Are you my type?' section)



Another thing... I think the stackings can be seriously confusing. I think the most important thing is to find your dominant variant. If you feel the need to go beyond that, cool, but I know for me the sp and sx seem pretty even, while the influence of the social variant on me is huge.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Thank you for the links!

I'm tossing sx off to the side and now believe the reason I thought sexual variant was due to my 4 intensity, I suppose.

I'm considering the same with sp... and having confused that with the natural introverted nature, which is sort of independent.

But, as to whether or not I'm definitely an so, I'm not sure yet. But I'm definitely considering this now. I am very focused on how others perceive me to be, though I've always disliked this aspect. It makes me very insecure sometimes, because I want to be my own person. And I can almost be bipolar when it comes to social situations. Sometimes, I'm charming and friendly, other times distant and aloof or timid and awkward.

 

[brainheart]

Yep, I relate to all of that

 

[Thalassa]

I am laughing my head off at Intimate 4 (sx variant) not only because it resonates, but because of the sentence "Please come back and torture me again."

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I could definitely relate to idealizing my mate and then comparing/contrasting reality to my idealized version.

Even when I first meet someone, if say a spark were to occur and I really wanted to get to know this person better... I'll immediately start creating idealized versions of this person. And then, say, we were to go on an actual date, I would compare/contrast what I imaged with what is actual, and find myself disapointed.

 

[Thalassa]

I could definitely relate to idealizing my mate and then comparing/contrasting reality to my idealized version.

Even when I first meet someone, if say a spark were to occur and I really wanted to get to know this person better... I'll immediately start creating idealized versions of this person. And then, say, we were to go on an actual date, I would compare/contrast what I imaged with what is actual, and find myself disapointed.

I relate to all of them a little bit, but to sx the most. I've taking a stacking evaluations quiz and my sx/sp come out pretty damn close but with sx first. It makes sense in relation to these descriptions, as well.

It was interesting to read the so description, though, because it's different than what I imagined it would be. I loved the use of the characters from Heavenly Creatures, I used to be all about that film when I was a teenager. I still consider it to be Peter Jackson's best, though I know most people will disagree in favor of that hobbit movie...

 

[brainheart]

Yeah, I though I was a sexual variant, but I've only had that kind of reaction to one person in my life, really. He brings it out with a vengeance; others, I'm pretty mellow- well, as mellow as I imagine a four can be- pretty low maintenance, expect little, forgiving, etc. Well, even with the aforementioned person I'm forgiving to a fault... if he'd ever give me the opportunity to be so... not that I deep down feel like there's any reason to forgive him, because you know, everything is always my fault, flawed being that I am. Yep, he makes me neurotic.

What do you relate to in the sexual variant, Marmie Dearest? (Are you a Little Women fan?)

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah, I though I was a sexual variant, but I've only had that kind of reaction to one person in my life, really. He brings it out with a vengeance; others, I'm pretty mellow- well, as mellow as I imagine a four can be- pretty low maintenance, expect little, forgiving, etc. Well, even with the aforementioned person I'm forgiving to a fault... if he'd ever give me the opportunity to be so... not that I deep down feel like there's any reason to forgive him, because you know, everything is always my fault, flawed being that I am. Yep, he makes me neurotic.

What do you relate to in the sexual variant, Marmie Dearest? (Are you a Little Women fan?)

What I relate to in the sexual variant is my underlying competitive nature, which some people on this site attribute to me having lots of tertiary Te or something.

I also relate to the Garden of Eden mentality - I actually wrote in my journal when I was in my late teens something that strangely mimics the description of that concept.

I also relate to the idea of the musician playing for other musicians rather than just the audience. When I was younger I always wanted to write something powerful that would be meaningful and impress other literary types, not just something that would sell. In college I often wanted to impress my professors with my papers.

I have also had the draw to complicated relationships, or wanting what I can't have. In fact, it's something I'm rather ashamed of.

Oh, and haha, the Marmie Dearest is kind of a tongue-in-cheek joke. I was marmalade.sunrise, and I thought of the movie Mommy Dearest , and also the fact that being called Marmie Dearest is kind of ironic in light of the tone of some of my posts.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

What I relate to in the sexual variant is my underlying competitive nature, which some people on this site attribute to me having lots of tertiary Te or something.

I also relate to the Garden of Eden mentality - I actually wrote in my journal when I was in my late teens something that strangely mimics the description of that concept.

I also relate to the idea of the musician playing for other musicians rather than just the audience. When I was younger I always wanted to write something powerful that would be meaningful and impress other literary types, not just something that would sell. In college I often wanted to impress my professors with my papers.

I have also had the draw to complicated relationships, or wanting what I can't have. In fact, it's something I'm rather ashamed of.

Oh, and haha, the Marmie Dearest is kind of a tongue-in-cheek joke. I was marmalade.sunrise, and I thought of the movie Mommy Dearest , and also the fact that being called Marmie Dearest is kind of ironic in light of the tone of some of my posts.

and i feel as though i can relate to this as well.

that's it. i just think i'm even across the board on the variants.

 

[skylights]

i relate to what marm posted too.

the reason i was curious about this thread - i'm really quite socially introverted. i think i'm really a 7, but that doesn't line up at all with being socially introverted. and i sound social, but then i'm a 7 so/sx and i'm still pretty socially introverted wtf

i have a hard time differentiating between Fi and sx