Using your last instinct

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Originally Posted by Metaphor

My stacking is sx/sp/so and can be reactionary.

It starts with being open to intimacy. When threat appears, the wall slams down. So appears if sp feels no threat since so in my opinion, is a necessary add-on to sx. This doesn't mean that so only appears with sx. But within me, I think it does. Eureka moment!

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Interesting thought. I've often thought that the sx/so motivations would overlap more versus the sp which seems counter to both?

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Originally Posted by hilo

Interesting thought. I've often thought that the sx/so motivations would overlap more versus the sp which seems counter to both?

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I don't disagree that it's counterintuitive but that's what happens within me.

Sp acts like the guardian or counterbalance for sx until all is safe.

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Originally Posted by Metaphor

I don't disagree that it's counterintuitive but that's what happens within me.

Sp acts like the guardian or counterbalance for sx until all is safe.

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It's what makes an sx-sp very appealing and intriguing, imo ;)

how i practice using my SO last; I am trying to convince myself that it IS important to do my hair when I am going to the store, even though those people will never ever see me again or remember me.


:huh:

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Originally Posted by Satine

It's what makes an sx-sp very appealing and intriguing, imo ;)

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Flattering but from my side of the mirror, the combination hits a spectrum of confusing to annoying.

Life would be so much easier if stacking was so/sx/sp or sx/so/sp.

*sigh*

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Originally Posted by hilo

I am only vaguely aware of how one uses Sp. (I'm Sx/so/sp). I can totally get SX, it's what makes me seem to flip a switch in my personality, from cold/aloof/logical (when I don't notice you) to warm/caring/empathetic if I want to get to know you or you are a love one already.

I do sometimes feel a "danger, back away!" feeling if I start to get to know someone too fast - like if I meet some awesome guy and we start hanging out daily, that would kinda freak me out no matter how great I thought they were (but that could be a 9 avoiding commitments thing).

I've never thought of sp as meaning taking care of self physically, but in fact I can be quite bad at that unless I am sick/really upset in which case I will sometimes treat myself to some really nice food/long bath/favorite movie kind of treatment. That wasn't my first type of reaction tho, definitely learned. In my younger days I would have just become severe on myself and not ate anything/worked out very hard, etc.

Not sure if that is coherent.

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Yes, I think I understood. I think it's normal and healthy to freak out when it's going too fast. I think the opposite would signal a problem. I wouldn't say it's to do with type.

I think part of sp is valuing your comfort. I know someone who I think is sp-first and he gets really stressed out in crowds or the bus whereas I'm not comfortable but I can tolerate it and still be in an ok mood. And he's happy in a certain special way when he's on his own sofa. And good food makes him really happy, stuff like that.

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Originally Posted by Old-Timey

I'm sx/sp/so. In the past year, I found myself really needing to develop my 2nd and 3rd instincts, but the social instinct was baffling to me -- pretty much as Gerbah described above. What I found really helped me was to have a pretense, a shared interest, a conversation piece. With SX's, the other person, or the relationship itself, becomes the shared interest. Intimacy is its own center. With SO, I think, there must be some triangulation.

Anyway, I started organizing creative writers' meetups, which not only requires me to channel more energy to SO, but stirred up my SP too, in my duties as organizer and in the writing itself. I think I've got my instincts as balanced right now as they've ever been in my adult life.

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I like how you put that. Yes, I think that is it. Things you share in common will of course play a big part in a more intimate relationship, but the primary thing with SXs is the other person and relationship itself. Just the "beingness" of it, if you see what I mean. Even when I haven't known the other person that well, if "it" is there, there is such a joy in just being with the other person and I'm so happy to see them and the specific activity at hand doesn't matter that much. It doesn't happen often though...

For an SX-first must there be a pretense though? That's what I find difficult. Sometimes what happens is there is plenty to talk about but I'm still very aware of a feeling of something just not sitting well somehow, and then I really hope the other person doesn't feel that too but then maybe they do. Perhaps I just worry too much about it. Things tend to go better soc-wise for me when I really don't care how or who the other person is or what they're thinking and am just easy-going, whatever. But I have to be very conscious about this to turn off the feelers for the deeper emotional undertones, what kind of potential I'm sensing, will it be satisfying for me, etc.

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Originally Posted by Petra Pan

how i practice using my SO last; I am trying to convince myself that it IS important to do my hair when I am going to the store, even though those people will never ever see me again or remember me.


:huh:

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Haha, yes, I understand. I'm not quite like that but I don't small talk with people at the store for example. And from what a friend said about it, who is either soc first or second, it's too business-like for her. She would chat with the employees and be friendly and get to know them and enjoy that there's no deepness to it. Real contact would be more scary. As sx-first I don't see the point in that, but I have been trying to do it more often as soc-practice.

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Originally Posted by Metaphor

Flattering but from my side of the mirror, the combination hits a spectrum of confusing to annoying.

Life would be so much easier if stacking was so/sx/sp or sx/so/sp.

*sigh*

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Think again. It's highly impractical not to be aware of the fact that you're supposed to take care of your own survival :doh:

And then when you are aware of it..doesn't mean you actually know how to go about it :blush:

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Originally Posted by Satine

Think again. It's highly impractical not to be aware of the fact that you're supposed to take care of your own survival :doh:

And then when you are aware of it..doesn't mean you actually know how to go about it :blush:

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True but sp interferes too much. I've got a long-time friend who I've kept at arms-length since he's the type that's bad for me long-term. Why not just go for it and get all that tension out of the way? But I won't and can't.