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[sx] Sx-doms...come to me ;)

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
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Yeah, I have to say I'd actually be a bit hesitant if he ever contacted me and wanted to hang out again. Like you I think I can do that same thing, but having known how it affected him I feel like he's delicate and I'd break him again or something. Very puzzling.

Just out of curiosity, what do you think his type is?
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
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Could be actually. It was a long time ago. But just going through some memories that's what I come up with.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Could be actually. It was a long time ago. But just going through some memories that's what I come up with.


I don't think an INFJ would go to therapy for it. He'd pine in silence. Then slam the door quietly some time later. Sounds INFP to me. :)
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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Both INF's can present as reclusive, depending on personality. But INFP seems to be more flexy and able to adjust to unplanned changes in the relationship "if they make sense." That's been my experience. INP's flex to environment changes.

My impression with INFJ is that undiscussed changes in the relationship like that (e.g., you just stop talking to him) could easily be seen as a personal betrayal and INJ's are not nearly as good at flexing in situations like that.
 

PeaceBaby

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I consider astrology to be in a completely separate class.

As do I - just to be clear.

Yeah, I have to say I'd actually be a bit hesitant if he ever contacted me and wanted to hang out again. Like you I think I can do that same thing, but having known how it affected him I feel like he's delicate and I'd break him again or something. Very puzzling.

You were special in a way to him that he believed you felt as well, that you reflected. When you moved on, it sounds to me that it shook him - the hard realization that what he felt for you was not the same as what you felt for him. A painful lesson at so young an age.

You think this makes him fragile though? It just sounds human actually.

:rofl1: okay. You got me. I was thinking INFP.

This is troubling on two fronts:

1.) INFP does not equal fragility - all types could experience this pain given the situation. This is just reflecting the ol' emo stereotype INFP's get slapped with around here.

2.) And you're laughing about that, even though I know you don't mean it to be nasty ... sigh, it's so sad.
 

JocktheMotie

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To me, being so dependent on a person as to have that reaction when they are gone, is fragility.
 

PeaceBaby

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^ so if he loved you as a brother, can you imagine a difference in that scenario?
 

JocktheMotie

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We were definitely like "brothers," as how the term to describe friends like that is used. I suppose that maybe I saw it that way too. We spent entire weekends together, school vacations together, from kindergarten until 8th grade. At that age, I expected [and still do, somewhat] other people to behave like me, socially. I know now that this is largely projection on my part.

But I don't really see the difference, or how that makes a difference? I don't really think I have the capability to understand that kind of dependency.
 

PeaceBaby

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:hug: if I could explain it to you with words, I would.

---

Did you do the test Jock?
 

MacGuffin

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If I was that close to someone and they stopped speaking to me for no apparent reason (going to separate schools would not be a good reason), I probably wouldn't handle it very well.
 

JocktheMotie

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I didn't! But I retook the similarminds one just to double check and it was sx/sp with a nonexistant so, heh.
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
1.)INFP does not equal fragility - all types could experience this pain given the situation. This is just reflecting the ol' emo stereotype INFP's get slapped with around here.

^ You are right!

Both INF's can present as reclusive, depending on personality. But INFP seems to be more flexy and able to adjust to unplanned changes in the relationship "if they make sense." That's been my experience. INP's flex to environment changes.

My impression with INFJ is that undiscussed changes in the relationship like that (e.g., you just stop talking to him) could easily be seen as a personal betrayal and INJ's are not nearly as good at flexing in situations like that.

^ I approve of this message. I have three sisters. 2-of my sisters tested as INFJ. The third one I suspect is ISFJ. The ability for me to be flexy and able to adjust to unplanned changes, is a style that all three of them don't seem to posses. They seem to interpret my suddenly "stop talking to them" and being reclusive as betreyal. I love them, so I try my best to work with them to avoid problems. The bad thing is that when they feel upset or betrayed, they don't always tell me and then it comes to bite me later. I've told them to please tell me if I do something that bothers them. For the most part we all get along well. Indeed, I'm the one flexing and giving the most to keep the peace.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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1.) INFP does not equal fragility - all types could experience this pain given the situation. This is just reflecting the ol' emo stereotype INFP's get slapped with around here.

2.) And you're laughing about that, even though I know you don't mean it to be nasty ... sigh, it's so sad.

I wouldn't expect an Fi dom to see it any other way. :) And I laughed at myself first--at the INFJ stereotype, which really is funny, I think. And true to a very large degree. What's wrong with laughing at our perceived weaknesses? I am glad I can feel so strongly. Aren't you? :hug:
 

Totenkindly

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If I was that close to someone and they stopped speaking to me for no apparent reason (going to separate schools would not be a good reason), I probably wouldn't handle it very well.

I think individuals for various reasons might fluctuate from that pattern, but what INPs do (typically) is Ne through all the reasons something might have happened and, even if they're badly hurt, typically flex if they see any reasons why things might have changed or why the person might be acting that way. Even if it's not what they wanted. Until the person's motivations are confirmed, there's ambiguity there, at the very least.

If we want to drift into ISFJs, it can be even more intense of a betrayal feeling than INFJs.... the Fe factor usually means they feel confined to how they can express the hurt but inside things can be in great turmoil, hurt, and anger driven by the hurt, all because there was a set view of "what was supposed to happen" and "how someone should have behaved" according to the rules and it didn't happen. INPs are much more likely to flex, too, after a discussion with the person in question, where IFJ's seem far more able to hold their original mindset even if outwardly they might be presenting a civil front.

I wouldn't expect an Fi dom to see it any other way. :) And I laughed at myself first--at the INFJ stereotype, which really is funny, I think. And true to a very large degree. What's wrong with laughing at our perceived weaknesses?

What, that you thought the INFP "emo" cliche was relevant in this particular situation?

Responses are all sort of playing out according to type, though, which is interesting...
 

OrangeAppled

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I don't really think I have the capability to understand that kind of dependency.

How is it dependency? :huh:

It sounds to me like it was more of a grief response. You don't have to be dependent on someone to value them and mourn the loss of the relationship. Many people would mourn the loss of a material object they greatly valued (without dependence on it), and how much more irreplaceable & valuable are human beings....

I also think that emotional attachment to other people takes great strength & courage because of the vulnerability involved. People who are mostly detached seem cowardly to me, not to mention, rather one-dimensional.
 

JocktheMotie

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How is it dependency? :huh:

It sounds to me like it was more of a grief response. You don't have to be dependent on someone to value them and mourn the loss of the relationship. Many people would mourn the loss of a material object they greatly valued (without dependence on it), and how much more irreplaceable & valuable are human beings....

I also think that emotional attachment to other people takes great strength & courage because of the vulnerability involved. People who are mostly detached seem cowardly to me, not to mention, rather one-dimensional.

To be shaken to the point that one cites it as cause for depression, looks like dependency to me. What else could it be? It's not inherently a bad thing, but it leads to difficulty if something gets taken away from you. It's a mindset I can't understand. To clarify, I don't think I was the sole reason for his depression and difficult time, I just don't think it helped. I'm not that narcissistic.
 

Uytuun

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I think it's rather like creating a model of the other person inside of you -- you know how they think and how they would respond and "who they are" -- and so even if you are not around each other, it's not like they're really gone per se.

That's what I do. They're not even gone when they die.
 
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