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[sx] sx/sp - conflicted?

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I want the sexy conflicted nature of the sx/sp. All I have is this sp/sx boundary thing.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yes, it's like wanting chocolate you can never have.
(or even when you get it, you know eating it will just make you fat.)

I do this literally with food all the time. :laugh: But I know the metaphoric implication you're trying to get across, that happens to me ALL the time relationships wise. My sx wants it, but my sp whips me because I know it would be bad or wouldn't work, then I'm disappointed.
 

KutthroatKawaii

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2018
Messages
13
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Conflicted?

Sp's take on and want to secure small amounts of people as an extension of their self-preservation reservoir, while Sx wants to connect with it as deeply as possible. So we want secure, deeply intimate connections with a small handful. What is lacking as So-blinds is a sense of identity, connection, as well as a drive to connect within large group/ greater world settings. One can't take interest in something you don't personally consciously experience, right? That conflicted withdraw-reemerge is over the fact that Sx wants to find meaning, so it needs to know itself deeply, but then also wants to merge with others with that same depth and intensity. Sp is also a pretty withdrawn instinct, like an animal hoarding and obsessively guarding a pile of food. My theory is that the more consistently we're able to fulfill our basic needs there in terms of connection and security, the more we'll grow and the psychologically healthier we'll be.

Right now as a Sx/Sp i'm in the stage of realizing and coming to understand the existence of So, while also accepting that it's not ever going to be my strength. I struggled with a lot of confusion and shame over this, growing up with a So/Sp parent who found my lack of So very disturbing. Now i'm trying to unlearn that shame. I don't know if it's a healthy strategy or not, but i'm thinking of myself as the ultimate small group caretaker, and forming close bonds with So/Sx's to open up my social realm in a reasonable, non-threatening way. They don't seem to mind my So-blindness and love to help me out, and the Sx connection is mutually beneficial.
 

KutthroatKawaii

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2018
Messages
13
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I do this literally with food all the time. :laugh: But I know the metaphoric implication you're trying to get across, that happens to me ALL the time relationships wise. My sx wants it, but my sp whips me because I know it would be bad or wouldn't work, then I'm disappointed.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS

It's the WORST! As a dominant 7 Sx I used to be like "naaaaaah we can just force this to work with THE POWER OF LOVE". Finally I've been burned enough to know better :( Nowadays I run into people a fair amount who are close to (meet many criteria) but just not quite the right type of match I need (lack 1-2 very important things), and it drives me insane.
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I am conflicted in some ways, but in others, my variants work pretty well together.

I don't care (or I try not to) about most people's opinions, but I will take the opinions of those with whom I have deeply connected very seriously, to the point where they have way too much of an impact on my being, whether I like it or not. I am headstrong and generally march to the beat of my own drum, and very individualistic. That's what I believe I want to be deep down, but naturally I am too affected by what the people I care about most want or need. I've been having trouble balancing my priorities in making decision, and whenever I choose something on my own but hear even the slight bit of hesitation from a trusted source, I find it impossible to have confidence in my choice.

Honestly, however, I really hate being alone. Whenever I am depressed, I am compelled to withdraw, but it doesn't work out for me. I end up spiraling deeper and deeper into loneliness whenever I take part in that defense mechanism. But what I hate even more is being in a large group, or having to hang around people I don't care about. At that point, I'd much rather be alone. Also, I really hate "shallow" conversations, even if I can partake in them fine. They just seem like a waste of time and I want something deeper.

Ideally, I'd spend all my time with one person who means a lot to me. I'm very consistent about that, and those who know me best know that I can be a bit of an attention-seeker around them. I probably have a problem with being too clingy or needy, but I am working on it. I think I'm decent at hiding that side of me as I try to seem all independent.
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,235
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I can see what is being described as a conflict in myself very clearly. I can be very guarded about some things with many people. But with the right people, I can be quite open. And with the right person, I want to forsake all boundaries and drown in the wave, flow into them, be swallowed and consumed.

I'm 9sx, the most boundaryless. That along with the 5 in my tritype I think makes me more stubborn when it comes to certain things because I don't entirely want to give up everything, and I do march to my own drum. I protect myself by not sharing too much vulnerability with most, but I crave to lose myself in a coupling with a special person.
 

K..

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2021
Messages
6
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've posted this on the 5 enneagram forum but this relates to your point on Sx/Sp conflict being exacerbated so I'll repost: I am a 5w4, followed by 8, 3, 1, 6, 7, 9, 2. So it was not a surprise to get 548 for the Tritype. For Instinctual Variance, I'm an Sx/Sp stacking. Here's something I read on these combinations: "While social and self-preservation fives are more removed from their emotions, the sexual five is intense, romantic, and more emotionally sensitive. These five suffer more, resembles the four more, and have more overt desires. This is the countertype among the fives. While they can appear reserved or laconic on the outside, sexual fives have a vibrant internal life that is highly romantic. Trust is the basic issue with the sexual five. Fives tend to be private people, but this five have a great need for intimacy under the right circumstances- if they can find a person they can trust to love them despite their flaws. The sexual five's search for a high exemplar of connection is so exacting that it's hard to pass their test with consistency if you are the person in a relationship with them." I think an INTJ as myself, with a 5w4 sexual variance, ILI Socionic subtype, 458 The Scholar (alleged darkest) tritype, and a Choleric temperament, I am selective with logic and emotion due to my perception of time and judgment of trust. On people, my Choleric Temperament like, an ENTJ would push aside love or friendship bureaucratically, which contradicts or teases the sexual five's need for intimacy - so there's this opposition, plus there's the 8's fear of powerlessness. - Like you, JocktheMotie, I am usually indifferent to other's opinions about myself, but the indifference I've seen depends on my judgment of the person's intentions and the context of my situation. Don't actively seek acquaintanceship unless it is something I'm working on and I see use. I have met this ENTP, who seems to be someone I'd want the bond of friendship with - it might be a meeting of the minds.
 

K..

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2021
Messages
6
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've posted this on the 5 enneagram forum but this relates to your point on Sx/Sp conflict being exacerbated so I'll repost: I am a 5w4, followed by 8, 3, 1, 6, 7, 9, 2. So it was not a surprise to get 548 for the Tritype. For Instinctual Variance, I'm an Sx/Sp stacking. Here's something I read on these combinations: "While social and self-preservation fives are more removed from their emotions, the sexual five is intense, romantic, and more emotionally sensitive. These five suffer more, resembles the four more, and have more overt desires. This is the countertype among the fives. While they can appear reserved or laconic on the outside, sexual fives have a vibrant internal life that is highly romantic. Trust is the basic issue with the sexual five. Fives tend to be private people, but this five have a great need for intimacy under the right circumstances- if they can find a person they can trust to love them despite their flaws. The sexual five's search for a high exemplar of connection is so exacting that it's hard to pass their test with consistency if you are the person in a relationship with them." I think an INTJ as myself, with a 5w4 sexual variance, ILI Socionic subtype, 458 The Scholar (alleged darkest) tritype, and a Choleric temperament, I am selective with logic and emotion due to my perception of time and judgment of trust. On people, my Choleric Temperament like, an ENTJ would push aside love or friendship bureaucratically, which contradicts or teases the sexual five's need for intimacy - so there's this opposition, plus there's the 8's fear of powerlessness. - Like you, JocktheMotie, I am usually indifferent to other's opinions about myself, but the indifference I've seen depends on my judgment of the person's intentions and the context of my situation. Don't actively seek acquaintanceship unless it is something I'm working on and I see use. I have met this ENTP, who seems to be someone I'd want the bond of friendship with - it might be a meeting of the minds.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Like you, JocktheMotie, I am usually indifferent to other's opinions about myself, but the indifference I've seen depends on my judgment of the person's intentions and the context of my situation. Don't actively seek acquaintanceship unless it is something I'm working on and I see use. I have met this ENTP, who seems to be someone I'd want the bond of friendship with - it might be a meeting of the minds.

Yeah, a person has to have a connection to me in some way to really have an impact on what I think. I don't put a lot of stock in Tritype, but I'd also identify as 548/584 and honestly...someone needs to have emotional or practical power over me if I'm really going to let myself be swayed.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Well I notice the conflicts. I noticed them long before I even understood my stacking. I think I just inadvertently recapped the entire description here. This is what it means. Read well, this is the real life face of sx/sp.

Here we go.

- The conflict they already mentioned in the original description (about wandering vs stability) has been the essence of my life...I wanted to explore and travel the world seeking some sort of Really Great Thing that is beyond the ordinary (idk what it is, I just know it's out there). I have a very strong impulse to do this that always plays around the corners of my mind. But when I travel to new places, I always start thinking "I should just set down roots here". And I have a strong desire to stay there and create this entire life. Then later I get restless and want to move on again. So I tend to live my life in a series of chapters that have nothing to do with each other, in a series of countries, never quite getting whatever the hell it is that I actually want. It gives me kind of an erratic pattern. Wandering homebody. Loner traveling the world.

- Sx wants to push past boundaries, sp wants to stay wrapped in an energetic membrane. So my energy comes alive only under super specific instances where I am actually feeling the attraction (not necessarily sexual). I'm detached and aloof until I erupt out with some obsession at maximum intensity and creep factor and then I basically can't control it. And everyone is probably sitting there looking at it unfold like wtfffff.

- I have a strong desire to get totally immersed in something and obsess over it all day...and I'm held back by the fact that I hate to lose track of time (sp manages time). I hate looking up and find that 6 hours have gone past and it is now dark outside...I find it very disorienting. So I never quite get immersed in things the way I want. (This is just one example. There's lots of little inner conflicts that I can't think of right now though.)

- I don't really adventure as much as I like if I feel tired or overwhelmed or I have concerns about money or health. Like I almost didn't end up traveling the world because I was terrified of diarrhea. So sometimes I end up rationalising things away, then feeling like I had the perfect opportunity and missed out and I can't figure out why; well because I was telling myself I was too tired derp because other people "impose on my freedom and autonomy". Or part of me wants to follow whatever attraction I experience...for another person or some other thing, doesn't matter...another part of me doubts I'm really fit for it. Life to me feels like missing out and always being frustrated in obtaining my heart's true desires.

- I have a neurotic hyper-awareness of issues of attraction and sexuality...everything is sexual politics swirling around me...and I deal with this by retreating to my personal space and shoving chocolate down my throat to make up for all that I lack. Instead of, you know, getting to know people beyond the perceived sexual politics so that they can be humanised.

- Other people and the obligations they bring kind of hold me back in my quest to find Whatever It Is. I'm very insular in my approach. It's between me and God. Humans hold me back, and then I can't figure out why I can't obtain anything I want--because they're typically things that take a network to be able to do and nothing quite has the charge I want without others to bounce it around with me (stupid social last undercutting me at every turn).

I feel like sx tears down what sp wants to accomplish, and then sp gets even by holding sx back. And together, their focus conspires to cut me out of the life I really want, which is, of course, social.

So a lot of my life is really longing and lacking satisfaction in ANY instinctual matters...being driven all the harder to do more, and then undercutting myself again. Developing intense amounts of frustration with life...and of course no one else understands wtf is wrong with me and why I'm such a mixed up, tortured, self-destructive clusterfuck of personal angst and frustration. IT IS COMPLETE SHIT.
 
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