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    ARMY fatgurl's Avatar
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    Default Confused as to my instinctual stacking

    Recently I've gotten interested in instinctual variants/ stacking and I relate to all the stacking in some way. I'm thinking outward behavior might be more reliable to tell someone's instinctual stacking.

    The biggest issues I've had in my life stem from me feeling as if I was an oddball who never fit in anywhere. But also never made any efforts to fit in. I always felt like a walking contradiction, two beings in one body. At some point, I convinced myself I was adopted because I didn't fit in with my family, nor anywhere outside of my family. Whether that was actually true or that was just how I viewed things, idk. I've tried before to engage more with others (mostly as a result of my parents and guys that I was in a relationship with encouraging me to) but I was never able to keep up with things I had no real interest in. I should mention that I have signs of social anxiety. And even though it has improved as I've gotten older, my desire to engage with others has not.

    I also have an issue with not being able to do things in moderation. It's either I overdo or never do it at all. I've had to stay away from alcohol and any mind-altering substances for this reason.

    Another issue was (is) my problems with jealousy and possessiveness. Ever since I can remember, I've always been possessive of people I thought were close to me, kind of like they were mine and should want to be around me only. This showed itself in me refusing to hang out with someone if they were hanging out in groups (I'd rather sit by myself, brooding), if someone stopped to talk to someone while we were walking together I'd walk away and leave them behind because it annoyed me. So I either spent most of my time alone or found one person to be with or be uncomfortable in groups. In group settings occasionally somebody would try to get me involved but I'd always decline and find some reason to leave. I always wanted one person only and couldn't understand why I couldn't meet someone who also just wanted that. As I got older and entered relationships, this became a problem, obviously. Had a bf who would eventually not want to hang out with me because I hated hanging out in groups of people, hated him being affectionate with other people, hated other people intruding on our time together. I'd meet someone new and become infatuated with them and hang out with them only. I once became very furious at a friend just because I figured out they were spending time with someone and showed up late to see me.

    Another problem I have is with my comfort zone. I stay in it a lot and won't do anything that requires me to leave it. As I've gotten older I've definitely tried to push myself but eventually, I do go back to how I originally was. Regardless of how detrimental it is to my wellbeing (contradicting), I won't do certain things that make me uncomfortable. This also impacts relationships for me. I won't really put myself out there like that with anyone if I feel like it'll jeopardize my comfort/ safety (emotional expression also, I'm a sensitive person and have been called overemotional by people I've been in relationships with too many times) but I won't stop someone or be opposed to them baring all of themselves to me. I realized that I wasn't really self-aware as people close to me would think I never really liked them which I felt opposite in my head. I thought me being around, letting them be affectionate with me, letting them talk to me, agreeing to hang out was enough to know I liked them.

    Anyways, that's all I can think about.
    Last edited by fatgurl; 03-04-2021 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Update

  2. #2
    Taking Brief blessblessblessblessbless Break RadicalDoubt's Avatar
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    Sp/so has a lot of crappy descriptions, but I don think this is more consistent with social blindness (or the social instinct in some prominent position at the very least, not secondary for sure) rather than sx blindness. I think a lot of what you describe in terms of jealousy and attention to one person in the way you describe it is actually very sx in nature.
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    ARMY fatgurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    Sp/so has a lot of crappy descriptions, but I don think this is more consistent with social blindness (or the social instinct in some prominent position at the very least, not secondary for sure) rather than sx blindness. I think a lot of what you describe in terms of jealousy and attention to one person in the way you describe it is actually very sx in nature.
    Hmm, at this point I'm not even sure if I'm sp dom for real since I'm so new to this.

  4. #4
    Taking Brief blessblessblessblessbless Break RadicalDoubt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fatgurl View Post
    Hmm, at this point I'm not even sure if I'm sp dom for real since I'm so new to this.
    This is fair. Tbh, this whole thing came across as somewhat sx dom, I was kind of shocked you weren't between sx/sp and sp/sx. I can deconstruct what you wrote a bit and maybe that'll help?

    The biggest issues I've had in my life stem from me feeling as if I was an oddball who never fit in anywhere. But also never made any efforts to fit in. I always felt like a walking contradiction, two beings in one body. At some point, I convinced myself I was adopted because I didn't fit in with my family, nor anywhere outside of my family. Whether that was actually true or that was just how I viewed things, idk. I've tried before to engage more with others (mostly as a result of my parents and guys that I was in a relationship with encouraging me to) but I was never able to keep up with things I had no real interest in. I should mention that I have signs of social anxiety. And even though it has improved as I've gotten older, my desire to engage with others has not.
    A lot of this sounds just like social anxiety and maybe having an abnormal childhood where rejection was prominent maybe, but what I've bolded in particular seems somewhat tied to be soc being in a prominent position (either dominant or as a blind spot). A persistent, fixation with belonging or a lack there of is pretty consistently related to the social instinct, at least by the theory, since the social instinct relates to the desire to belong and feel connected to something outside of the self in some fashion. Every instinct desires to engage with something or someone, with different experiences, life environments, and temperaments (ie. strong introversion) making the biggest difference (hence not wanting to interact is not necessarily an indicator of instinct). Still, never being able to keep up with connecting at large because of strong disinterest does point to a degree to social blindness.

    Another issue was (is) my problems with jealousy and possessiveness. Ever since I can remember, I've always been possessive of people I thought were close to me, kind of like they were mine and should want to be around me only. This showed itself in me refusing to hang out with someone if they were hanging out in groups (I'd rather sit by myself, brooding), if someone stopped to talk to someone while we were walking together I'd walk away and leave them behind because it annoyed me. So I either spent most of my time alone or found one person to be with or be uncomfortable in groups. In group settings occasionally somebody would try to get me involved but I'd always decline and find some reason to leave. I always wanted one person only and couldn't understand why I couldn't meet someone who also just wanted that. As I got older and entered relationships, this became a problem, obviously. Had a bf who would eventually not want to hang out with me because I hated hanging out in groups of people, hated him being affectionate with other people, hated other people intruding on our time together. I'd meet someone new and become infatuated with them and hang out with them only. I once became very furious at a friend just because I figured out they were spending time with someone and showed up late to see me.
    I believe this is suggestive of sx in a prominent position as well (although arguably, this should be noted to be a fairly unhealthy mindset to have in general, regardless of iv). Sx, as much as they'd like to potray it as such, is not the determining factor in whether a person will want to spend time with only one person or not (again, I'd argue this is related strongly to introversion and stimulation). A lot of this sounds like it may be related to sx though (it also sounds reminiscent of sx4 kind of; I see you type as 5/6, do you happen to also have a 4 fix? It could also be sx6, but it sort of sounds like the envy fixation of 4, idk). What I've noted differentiates sx and soc really is the adaptiveness of interaction. Sx is a highly specified instinct which is attentive to the chemistry between itself and other things (be they people or not) and is generally looking for some sort of "high" or fixation it can latch onto. Hence, sx often has a very particular way it wants to interact with things in general and, especially with less adaptive types(ie. 9, 2, p6 tend to be more adaptive for example, some of the other types might not be) or mid to lower levels of health, are unwilling to adapt or compromise to other styles of interaction. Soc is more adaptive, especially when sx blind since it isn't innately aware of that chemistry, hence this particularity sounds like it could be related to sx.

    Another problem I have is with my comfort zone. I stay in it a lot and won't do anything that requires me to leave it. As I've gotten older I've definitely tried to push myself but eventually, I do go back to how I originally was. Regardless of how detrimental it is to my wellbeing (contradicting), I won't do certain things that make me uncomfortable. This also impacts relationships for me. I won't really put myself out there like that with anyone if I feel like it'll jeopardize my comfort/ safety (emotional expression also, I'm a sensitive person and have been called overemotional by people I've been in relationships with too many times) but I won't stop someone or be opposed to them baring all of themselves to me. I realized that I wasn't really self-aware as people close to me would think I never really liked them which I felt opposite in my head. I thought me being around, letting them be affectionate with me, letting them talk to me, agreeing to hang out was enough to know I liked them.
    This does sound as though it might be related to sp. You type as inferior Fe, which could relate to the lack of overlap in expression and feeling (which honestly is quite a mood).

    Honestly, this all kind of sounds very sx/sp to me (though I'm sx blind, hence me seeing strong sx could just be a comparative thing), but could potentially be sp/sx? I think what you've written here is pretty consistent with the social blind temperament.
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  5. #5
    ARMY fatgurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    I believe this is suggestive of sx in a prominent position as well (although arguably, this should be noted to be a fairly unhealthy mindset to have in general, regardless of iv). Sx, as much as they'd like to potray it as such, is not the determining factor in whether a person will want to spend time with only one person or not (again, I'd argue this is related strongly to introversion and stimulation). A lot of this sounds like it may be related to sx though (it also sounds reminiscent of sx4 kind of; I see you type as 5/6, do you happen to also have a 4 fix? It could also be sx6, but it sort of sounds like the envy fixation of 4, idk). What I've noted differentiates sx and soc really is the adaptiveness of interaction. Sx is a highly specified instinct which is attentive to the chemistry between itself and other things (be they people or not) and is generally looking for some sort of "high" or fixation it can latch onto. Hence, sx often has a very particular way it wants to interact with things in general and, especially with less adaptive types(ie. 9, 2, p6 tend to be more adaptive for example, some of the other types might not be) or mid to lower levels of health, are unwilling to adapt or compromise to other styles of interaction. Soc is more adaptive, especially when sx blind since it isn't innately aware of that chemistry, hence this particularity sounds like it could be related to sx.
    My tritype is either 594 or 694 so the 4 is there and as you stated could be where it comes from.
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  6. #6
    ϚᗩᑎᑕTᑌᗩᖇY Luminous's Avatar
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    Elaborate here on how you are with each of the zones laid out here: Instinctual Zones

    Also please make a collage of images you are drawn to.
    Be e..x..c..e..l..l..e..n..t to each other.

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    ARMY fatgurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    Elaborate here on how you are with each of the zones laid out here: Instinctual Zones

    Also please make a collage of images you are drawn to.
    Self preservation
    Self Care/Health: When I was younger (early teens) I used to not eat because I thought I was fat but now I don't really care and I eat when I feel like it. Sometimes when my mother cooks two different meals for dinner and she askes me to choose, it's so hard because I want both. And other times I end up eating more even if I feel full, then making myself sick. I don't really exercise much. It just seems like too much work, I can keep up with it for 3 weeks max then I'll get tired of doing it. Rest wise, I never oversleep, if anything I always keep myself awake too long doing things I enjoy because of some feeling like I'll miss out on something if I sleep. I have to let my electronics die in order for me to go to bed. And I definitely don't eat healthy, maybe because I don't have the resources.
    Practicality/Resources: When it comes to money, I don't work and my parents give me money. I usually end up spending most of it then realize I have little left. I always feel the need to spend money as long as I have it. In order to save, I ended up hiding my money in places I was too lazy to get it from. Also, I don't like people touching or moving my things. It makes me extremely uneasy. With my time. When I'm at home I hate anyone bothering me, but if someone (mostly someone I'm in a relationship with) asks to hang out I'll drop everything I'm doing, regardless of how important it is, and go.
    Domesticity/Home: I like being at home if I don't have someone I'm close to to hang out with. I've kinda always wanted to live alone. I don't know if I prefer it to travel. I don't really do much in the case of creating and maintaining a home since I live in my parent's house.

    Sexual
    Attraction: I do know that I think about attraction a lot. Every time I out someone always seems to catch my attention, for no specific reason other than they seem to stand out to me in some way. I sometimes will randomly go up to the said person and talk to them even though I pretty shy, but I just feel kinda brave in the moment and I suddenly am able to keep eye contact which is something I don't do with most people. I like it when I'm out and can notice people's attraction to seeing me (I guess I like to tease people in a way). I think about attraction a lot, every time I leave my house it's pretty much on my mind. It kinda used to make me insecure when I'd be online and most people would say not to do it, and how people should dress and do things for themselves. I like to dress in ways that make me stand out, and my shyness usually makes people interested. It's like a challenge to them I guess. I usually end up finding another person that catches my eye and the previous person becomes a distant memory. I seem to get pretty caught up in someone I'm interested in. As long as I am, they have my attention and no one else.
    Exploration/Edge: With this, I've felt trapped for most of my life, since my parents were more conservative and strict. I always dreamed of going places and doing things that made other people cringe. I love experiences that give me a rush. Even if it scares me, I love that it scares me and I'll keep doing it. Unfortunately, being at home is pretty mandatory now so I find other ways to get some sort of rush and excitement (movies, music, exploring parts of my personality that somewhat scare me).
    Fusion/Merging: I would say I feel like I merge with the things I do. When drawing I love listening to music and getting lost in it. It just feels like it takes me away from the world for some time, and when I'm done I feel like I've been gone for hours. I mentioned music twice and it really is the thing I feel like I merge with most. I love listening to songs that make me cry, make me feel like I'm going through whatever the song is depicting. When it comes to relationships, in the past I wasn't very healthy. I would get so lost in the other person, in their world that I'd completely lose myself. When they were gone I would end up sinking into deep sadness since I felt like nothing was left of me without them. I can be a bit all or nothing when it comes to relationships, and my all unfortunately was unhealthy. The nothing part came in where I find it difficult to keep people in my life after a relationship ends. It too difficult seeing them, and being near them. It hurts. Sometimes I feel like I never truly get over someone. I guess if I can't have them the way I want then I don't want them at all.

    Social
    Reading People: I don't think I'm good at reading between the lines, in fact, I hate when people expect me to. I can read someone's face to see if they're sad or upset, but it's mostly the energy that they give off that I feel. When it comes to other people, I do have social anxiety. It has significantly lessened from when I was a teenager, but I feel like I still won't go out of my way most time to deal with other people. I do value reciprocally beneficial relationships. I get pretty mad if I feel I'm putting more effort than the next person. But at the same time, I don't put effort and expect the other person to do the work which I just look pretty, lol. This was something I just noticed recently about myself. I used to over-extend myself for other people to the point of tiring myself out and even then, I'd still put others over me. I sometimes feel like I ave nothing to offer other people and vice versa, but maybe that's not true.
    Creating/Maintaining Connections: For this, I tend to create connections in this realm through experiences that I have with others. Maintaining the connections is a different story. I won't or simply don't. If I feel like I can't organically flow with someone then I find it hard to maintain any connection with them. I feel like by then the connection is already gone, somewhat. I've let friendships drift away, well not only me but also the other person. Mostly because for some reason, I get a really weird feeling around some people and I no longer feel close to them. I don't think I'm very engaged and it's something I've been trying to work on. In relationships, I have the same issue maintaining it. I guess I just stress so much about little things and my mind goes into overdrive to keep the relationship. I've had people say that I don't seem that interested in them or like them, even though I am.
    Participation/Contribution: I don't feel like I do this very much, if at all. Like I mentioned in the original post, I never felt like I fit in anywhere as a result I didn't think I'd have anything to contribute. I have one dream since I've been a child to contribute something specific, but I don't tell people about it.

    moodboard2.jpg

  8. #8
    ϚᗩᑎᑕTᑌᗩᖇY Luminous's Avatar
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    You definitely don't seem sx blind. It seems you put much energy and time into the sx zones. I would guess you are sx dom, and likely sx/sp, though it's a bit difficult for me to cross out sx/so. Do you think you put more energy/time/action into sp concerns or so concerns? I love your collage, btw.
    Be e..x..c..e..l..l..e..n..t to each other.
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  9. #9
    Guardian of Ga'Hoole Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    I used to think I was so-last because I was so introverted, but when I read the descriptions and thought about them and how I operate and what is important to me, I realized that's not actually true.

    Instinctual stackings might not be as obvious as you think.
    A path is made by walking on it.

    -Zhuangzi



  10. #10
    ARMY fatgurl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    You definitely don't seem sx blind. It seems you put much energy and time into the sx zones. I would guess you are sx dom, and likely sx/sp, though it's a bit difficult for me to cross out sx/so. Do you think you put more energy/time/action into sp concerns or so concerns? I love your collage, btw.
    I don't think I put enough into sp concerns. I sometimes worry about how I'll live when I move out. I don't even remember to pay my own tuition for uni, my sister and my parents do (that's kinda bad). I do feel like if my family wasn't around I could barely take care of anything myself. When it comes to things such as keeping myself healthy, I want to but I always eat un healthily (my diet consists of cereal, ramen noodles, chips, water). I guess I don't prioritize things that aren't immediately affecting me.
    As for so concerns, well that has probably been most of my life and constantly wanting to have friends. I do talk to people and it's kinda easy sometimes. I care about how people see me. If I don't have friends I feel like people are judging me. When I was in my early teens I cried at school once because everybody had friends and I didnt. I do get annoyed when it comes to social norms. I'll sometimes refuse to do it even though I know it would make things go smoothly. So I guess I put more thought into social since I have people who mostly deal with my self preservation needs.

    And thanks 😄
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