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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts What do you like and dislike about your instinctual stacking?

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
Joined
Jul 11, 2017
Messages
1,702
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
854
I agree with the above, except I have long known the answer to the highlighted, and am fine with that bargain. I used to struggle with that balance more when I was younger, but learned it isn't worth it. Being included for the sake of it, or with other people for the sake of it, is empty and worse than being alone. To the extent that I am alone, it is because being with others has been stressful, unpleasant, counterproductive, or other negative things.


It's like asking for a friend to come along with you for some venture. If he doesn't show up, you're still fine and you go get things done. (Minus the waste of time of calling the other person which makes you prefer to never ever call them again since their being with you is ultimately superficial. )


The social part is always a plus thing for me.
 

Shadow Play

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2018
Messages
236
[MENTION=38365]Shadow Play[/MENTION], aw, I really appreciate you sharing what you did, with how uncomfortable I know it can be to share things like that. (Sharing vulnerable things in public is very uncomfortable for me, too.)

For what it's worth, what you describe might just be you being very much 5sp. Sx can be toward things: being hooked by something, 'turned on' energetically. It's possible to be asexual and have sx, for instance. Especially with 5, it's not going to be dropping walls and being psychologically nude with just anyone.

Thanks?

I mainly emphasised the intimacy aspect in my previous post, but intensity isn't something I long for, either. I've abstained my entire life from drugs and alcohol because I want to stay in control of my faculties, and not allow myself to be consumed by the chemical rush from getting high. The closest I get to being "turned on" in the way you describe is being a tad obsessive about my interests or getting engrossed in a project. That's not something specific to instinctual variants, though.
 

Yuurei

Noncompliant
Joined
Sep 29, 2016
Messages
4,509
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
It's like asking for a friend to come along with you for some venture. If he doesn't show up, you're still fine and you go get things done. (Minus the waste of time of calling the other person which makes you prefer to never ever call them again since their being with you is ultimately superficial. )


The social part is always a plus thing for me.

And ironically, their lack of ability keep their shit together and do what they say they're going to is part of why I'd prefer them not to come along in the first place.

But I always make clear distinction between " This is something I am doing for fun so i don't care if everything goes according to plan. hell, I'm not gonna plan anything." and " This is something I need to get done so i don't want anyone interfering."
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Hmm, good question. I wouldn't say dislike, though it's sort of a constant struggle.

Sometimes you just wish you could turn the all consuming, conflagration-esque hunger and obsession off. I'm apparently sp second, but it often doesn't feel that way, as I've always had a feeling of personal invulnerability, and the general withholding nature of my type 5 can look like self-preservation. Social second never really made a ton of sense to me, though I tend to navigate social entities and constructs pretty well and find it easy to see the threads of power and influence in communities. But the sx first...sometimes it sucks. And puts me in situations where I'm overextended or exposed that ultimately feeds the hunger for intensity of sx, continuing the chain reaction. Sometimes I look back, or look to others with different concerns in life, and think, "you know, maybe a simpler, less voracious life would be kind of nice."

But then I get hungry again.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
Joined
Jul 11, 2017
Messages
1,702
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
854
And ironically, their lack of ability keep their shit together and do what they say they're going to is part of why I'd prefer them not to come along in the first place.

But I always make clear distinction between " This is something I am doing for fun so i don't care if everything goes according to plan. hell, I'm not gonna plan anything." and " This is something I need to get done so i don't want anyone interfering."

Correct.

In the casual settings, I might include someone that has low probability of showing up, and we still carry on the night as if he's not coming at all. We never rely on him coming.
If he comes, alright, if not, we're just having fun.

 

RadicalDoubt

Alongside Questionable Clarity
Joined
Jun 27, 2017
Messages
1,848
MBTI Type
TiSi
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I'll focus on different things since [MENTION=38365]Shadow Play[/MENTION] basically covered everything I was thinking lel

I think the thing I dislike most about sp/so, and maybe sx blindness in general (more so in it's extremes) is the emptiness of it. There's an evasion of passions and depth and a lack of desire to really connect to anything else. Things can be energizing, but just as easily dropped as though they were meaningless, and this can apply to both passions, peoples, and interests. Really connecting to anything is a struggle if there's even a desire to do so because sp as at it's core creates boundaries and evades vulnerability.

What I like about it though is the same thing I hate, the ability to keep a distance. You don't have to stick to something that harms you because the attachment just isn't there. Being able to be sufficient and maintain the self is always a great trait to have, and the ability to know where the boundaries are between intrusion and friendly questioning as well as pleasure and blatant hedonism or even harm is always great. Personally, I struggle a lot with feeling connected to society or even being aware of most things pertaining to that tbh (for a sp/so, I'm really just sp), but with healthier sp/so's, the comment "Connected but distant" is typically mentioned, being able to keep out of the struggles of the masses but not being completely oblivious to what's happening and the way that they function.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
^ yikes, the above ( [MENTION=34313]RadicalDoubt[/MENTION] ) is so true that it's probably going to render my upcoming list redundant as well. But I'm gonna do it anyway because the Venn diagram isn't QUITE a circle. For example, I don't see sp/so as passionless. it's all there, it's just muted and needs teasing out. (I've been told I'm very intense - which is part of why I didn't realize I was sp-first for a long time.)

Pros:
- intuitive understanding of personal boundaries and how to set them.
- both incredibly self-sufficient and can help others be self-sufficient/take care of their self-pres needs. legitimately caring about others while also putting the oxygen mask on first without feeling too terrible about it.
- warm and open to nearly everyone - or if not warm and open, then simply someone with an equal opportunity approach to the people in their lives, strangers or non.

Cons:
- when you're The Self-Sufficient One to yourself and everyone in your life, it's all well and good until you finally need help, and you realize that you're trapped in a prison of your own making.
- that warm openness (see "pros") has a brick wall behind it if the potential friend in question isn't one of a very finite number of close friends, i.e. the maximum number of close friends the sp/so has energy to maintain closeness with.
- this one might just be me, so "i" pronouns incoming: i personally tend to forget that other people care about me, and can feel totally adrift and alone and like a ghost in my own life until someone forces me to remember that i'm loved and needed and appreciated. that doesn't stay lodged in my brain, ever.
 

Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Shadow Play and EJCC. Words right out of my mouth. Yikes (2)

I was going to say that there was nothing I disliked, but

- when you're The Self-Sufficient One to yourself and everyone in your life, it's all well and good until you finally need help, and you realize that you're trapped in a prison of your own making.
- that warm openness (see "pros") has a brick wall behind it if the potential friend in question isn't one of a very finite number of close friends, i.e. the maximum number of close friends the sp/sx has energy to maintain closeness with.
- this one might just be me, so "i" pronouns incoming: i personally tend to forget that other people care about me, and can feel totally adrift and alone and like a ghost in my own life until someone forces me to remember that i'm loved and needed and appreciated. that doesn't stay lodged in my brain, ever.

I wouldn't say I 'dislike' this, but it has caused problems and bit me a few times. Just a side effect of seeing yourself and only yourself when you look into the future. No family, no friends, no lovers, just yourself. I wonder if that's just me, or an sp-first thing. Or both. I don't particularly like or dislike it, but I remember noting that it was different from other people who look ahead and, more commonly than not, see other people with them. Something of a "Wait- you don't do this?" moment.
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,235
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I wouldn't say I 'dislike' this, but it has caused problems and bit me a few times. Just a side effect of seeing yourself and only yourself when you look into the future. No family, no friends, no lovers, just yourself. I wonder if that's just me, or an sp-first thing. Or both. I don't particularly like or dislike it, but I remember noting that it was different from other people who look ahead and, more commonly than not, see other people with them. Something of a "Wait- you don't do this?" moment.

I think that's more you than it is sp dom.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I wouldn't say I 'dislike' this, but it has caused problems and bit me a few times. Just a side effect of seeing yourself and only yourself when you look into the future. No family, no friends, no lovers, just yourself. I wonder if that's just me, or an sp-first thing. Or both. I don't particularly like or dislike it, but I remember noting that it was different from other people who look ahead and, more commonly than not, see other people with them. Something of a "Wait- you don't do this?" moment.
This is interesting - I do only really see myself when I look ahead. I would say that being surrounded by loved ones is a high priority, but that's a pretty vague vision. Who will those loved ones be? I dunno. But I hope I have them and feel loved and safe around them.
 
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Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
This is interesting - I do only really see myself when I look ahead. I would say that being surrounded by loved ones is a high priority, but that's a pretty vague vision. Who will those loved ones be? I dunno. But I hope I have them and feel loved and safe around them.

Took the words out of my mouth again. I am the cake, family & loved ones are the icing. You build from bottom up.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Tbh...I'm still not 100% sold on my stacking. I can relate to a LOT of what those who type as soc-last are saying. Yet when I examine other social-lasts in my life, I'd say that the things I dislike about those particular stackings...don't sound like my experience.

The fact is, my stacking is my values system. It's more individual things about my general instincts that I hate. Like the parts of my dominant that cause me distress and self esteem issues (eg, desirability), my way of always feeling like an outsider, and my inability to sensibly plan my life. All 3 of my instincts are totally warped and non-functional idk. It blends together as this harmonious "my life is shit" symphony lol.

Of all the problems I have, I'd say most aren't related to the instincts though. There's a lot I dislike, but most of the instinctual stuff (except for issues of the dominant) isn't at the top of the list.

Sorry I know that's unhelpful. I may be able to formulate a better response MONTHS later after mulling it over.
 

Saturnal Snowqueen

Solastalgia 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
6,124
MBTI Type
FELV
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
There's a lot of flaws. While I enjoy romance and I try to be friendly towards others, I just have trouble getting close to others. It makes me feel...vulnerable. My So instinct is interested in getting to know different people, but once they get close it feels awkward. People call me private a lot, and they're not wrong. It's funny cause my Fi and I think my so too make me like talking about myself. But yeah, most of my personal life is private. I think romance is different because it's like having one best friend, plus I think the SP likes cuddles. I also have some hypochondriac tendencies, and I can be a hoarder too with things like old homework and food wrappers(hey, I got a box of Japanese snacks). Being an I with two withdrawn fixes plus the SP, I am highly introverted and spend most of my days avoiding humans.

I'm a foodie though, pretty stereotypically SP. I can cook pretty well and I like new foods, plus I love comfort food and hot drinks. I can lay on the couch for hours watching TV wrapped up under a blanket. I don't ask for help much, which is blessing and a curse. I don't bother people much and I like to figure out things on my own, but it gets me in trouble if I wait too long. My So instinct shows up more on the forum I think because I'm less shy here and am interested in all the different personalities. I secretly want to be forum famous too. :blush:
 

neko 4

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2017
Messages
437
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
I'm sp/sx.
I like everything about this stacking. I feel no need to change.
 

Black Sun

Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
128
Sp/sx. Sx has a habit of stifling and wrecking what I'm trying to build and maintain in the self preservation sense by making me feel like a crackhead going through withdrawals on a frequent basis. I'll get the urge to do dumb and reckless things for the high. It's distracting and I wonder why that instinct was even tacked on to my stack since both sx and so seem unnecessary for my survival. Other than that I like having extreme independence in every sense and when I do fulfill my sx it's great. Also I love bring free from and oblivious to the complications of the social realm.
 

Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
There's a lot of flaws. While I enjoy romance and I try to be friendly towards others, I just have trouble getting close to others. It makes me feel...vulnerable. My So instinct is interested in getting to know different people, but once they get close it feels awkward. People call me private a lot, and they're not wrong. It's funny cause my Fi and I think my so too make me like talking about myself. But yeah, most of my personal life is private.

I thought I was the only one.

It confused me as to why before, but after looking into things more I wonder if it's because the closer a relationship is, the more nuanced and specific things are, and that I'm not comfortable/not used to such things? It's like Terry is no longer just 'That Guy From The Arcade'. I go into 100% observer mode, wondering why the person is there and what they want (not out of paranoia, just confusion).

I know you're just talking about closeness in general here, not sx, but a thought struck me. From my sx-blind POV, people with sx in them seem to 'know' that there's 'something there' and what they're there for (provided they've already 'picked' you / are already closing in on you), and sx folks on the forum did mention things like looking for the person which 'draws them the most'. I don't really experience that form of sx magnetism, so I don't see it even if the sx might see lots. It's like they know what to ask, what to do, what they want, even if they won't say it out loud depending on their personality.

I don't know if I would say I like or dislike this. I suppose the confusion and miscommunications are a trouble in the sense of being bothersome, but not necessarily something I dislike (which I guess is a sx last thing to say). Also can't say I like or dislike something that when I miss, I don't even notice.
 

Luminous

༻✧✧༺
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10,235
MBTI Type
Iᑎᖴᑭ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I want and need more close relationships, but it's so difficult to find/initiate them. I don't know how people usually get from being friendly in an acquaintance-type way to being friends who go and do things together. I'm fine at making small talk with strangers in general but moving from that to becoming friends is something I am lost about. I also seem perpetually surprised by positive regard (which may have more to do with the 2 and 5 in my tritype). It's so frustrating not having as much intimacy/intensity in relationships as I'd like. It's getting better, but it's still frustrating. Being sx dom AND so last AND introverted AND a 9 AND double rejection AND double withdrawn AND wanting to merge in a very particular way, well, it can be a recipe for frustration. Despite that, I don't consider myself that difficult to please - I just want a lot of interaction, closeness, and affection with people who click well with me.

Sp in the middle isn't completely a joy because I'd rather spend all my time in sx pursuits and sp matters can sometimes cause me anxiety.
 

Ghost of the dead horse

filling some space
Joined
Sep 7, 2007
Messages
3,553
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Huh, what a difficult question! I've always thought I know and feel tons about my sexuality. Then my instincual stacking suggests something. I know about my sexuality but what does it means in terms of instinctual stacking? It might be that I know more about myself and the stacking is the loser.
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
sp/sx

Like: I'm a "grass is always greener" person, so I don't really like all that much about my instinctual stacking.
I guess I like that when I get into hobbies that I personally love, I fall deeply in love with them, they become a part of me, and they in turn make me feel more alive. I've always attributed that to my sx.

Dislike: I hate that I feel the strong urge to get into close relationships with other people, but I fear rejection and being seen as "less than" way too much for me to actually open up to them.
I hate how inherently focused I am on my own personal safety when deep down I know that there are more important things in the world. I mostly am disgusted by how paranoid I am.
I hate that I'm horrible at reading group settings. I find it hard to act as a member of society when my focus naturally falls far from groups and social settings.
 

yubitzu

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Messages
42
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I need too much attention and approval.
It's very difficult for me to eat well,do exercise,take showers,but I understand how this makes me look like,which is a hassle.
It's difficult to me to sit and do something ,like practicing a skill or whatever,yet,I understand that I must.This makes me feel frustrated.
 
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