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  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    That's kind of the whole thing though.
    Not really. Not after my perspective was changed. I didn’t start dating my girlfriend until well after my heart attack. She makes experiences more enjoyable, but she doesn’t make the experience.
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  2. #12
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    That's kind of the whole thing though.
    I don't know if it's ever enough.

    I've found people I thought would be it, people I've loved fiercely. And they've mostly been incompatible with that ferocity. I was lucky enough to find one compatible so I've had heaven, been drunk and high on the nectar of the gods, stuffed myself with ambrosia, my hands and face sticky and sweet. I've fallen upward and been momentarily suspended in bliss. But reality's gravity has brought me back down. If I could do that without someone else, I would. But that someone is the requirement.
    ƒ O ᖇ G E ᗪ I ᑎ ƒ I ᖇ E ★
    -: ✦ :-

    h n g ⊱9w1✶S✶5w4✶X✶2w1⊰ g h t
    -: ✦ :-
    ★ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴇʟꜱ★
    -: ✦ :-
    ✦ᏖᏒᎥᎮ ค ℓιɬɬℓɛ Ꮭıɠɧɬ ʄคŋɬคʂɬıƈ✦

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  3. #13
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  4. #14
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    No. You may be hot, but you'll always be phobik.
    Perpetual mood


    “Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel.
    And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new.
    Just lesser versions of what I've already felt.”


    - look it up yourself


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  5. #15
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
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  6. #16
    Give me a fourth dot. The Tsarevich's Avatar
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    That's the question, isn't it? I spent the majority of my life like this, too--alone, friendless, locked in a house in the suburbs, bored, restless, frustrated. Everything seemed so underwhelming. I was always unfulfilled. Everyone else seemed to be getting what they needed while I rotted away under the pressure of my own needs for something more. My parents acted like there was something wrong with me; to this day, I maintain there was actually something wrong with them.

    Well when I graduated from college, I decided to travel the world. I did, and I got into serious trouble. Not glorious, romantic trouble with me doing drugs, partying and going to prison or something you could tell your grandkids about one day. Serious traumatic health and psychological trouble. For many years.

    It didn't exactly satisfy my needs, but it left me instead with mental health issues, exacerbated body issues, a complete lack of desire to be with other humans, extreme psychological fatigue and world-weariness, and resentment toward my youth. Not to mention the grey hair. I am burnt out. I'm not capable of obsessing over things anymore, getting inspired, following my dream, or feeling a deep sense of connection with anything. I now channel everything into some sort of inner seeking for divine connection, quietly, in my own little way, taking as little as possible so the universe has less to rob from me (as it inevitably will), knowing that soon it will all be over.

    OK wow sorry. I guess that's not really what you're asking for. There's a reason I only have 3 reputation points despite over 1000 posts. Wish I could help. I guess it's something existential that doesn't just go away. You can live in frustration and regret it, or go do something stupid and regret it. I don't have the answer--in my case, I'm just trying to accept that this is "how it is" and there's not much I can do to change it.

  7. #17
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    @The Tsarevich, I can relate an unfortunate amount to that. I'm naturally introverted and fairly withdrawn, so getting out to try to meet those needs isn't something easy, along with being so-blind. And then getting out, but having mental health issues as a result. I sincerely hope we all get to suck some marrow out of life before we're gone.
    ƒ O ᖇ G E ᗪ I ᑎ ƒ I ᖇ E ★
    -: ✦ :-

    h n g ⊱9w1✶S✶5w4✶X✶2w1⊰ g h t
    -: ✦ :-
    ★ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴇʟꜱ★
    -: ✦ :-
    ✦ᏖᏒᎥᎮ ค ℓιɬɬℓɛ Ꮭıɠɧɬ ʄคŋɬคʂɬıƈ✦

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  8. #18
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    Guys, I recently got a decent book called Life Itself Is An Art by Rainer Funk about the life and work of Erich Fromm, it was really good, I think for anyone who has this sort of feeling about life.

    He wrote about this, I'm not sure if it was in the book he wrote about religion and psychoanalysis or not but, anyway, he wrote about a car crash and all the people slowing down to gawk and rubbernecking at it, nearly causing other crashes, this is a personal bug bear of mine and I think people are jerks but Fromm thinks that's about people lacking something in their own lives and they then respond this way any time the opportunity exists to do so.

    I'm not sure what he'd make of the people in the movie CRASH but I definitely think that is an escalation of the thing that Fromm is talking about. I think its a lack of intensity of a sort.

    In the book I mention there the intro is about Direct Encounter, the chapters are about how the world fucks this up and the final chapter is about ways towards Direct Encounter, which I would suggest is life as intense as its meant to be or could be. Anyway, I recommend it.

  9. #19
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Tsarevich View Post
    That's the question, isn't it? I spent the majority of my life like this, too--alone, friendless, locked in a house in the suburbs, bored, restless, frustrated. Everything seemed so underwhelming. I was always unfulfilled. Everyone else seemed to be getting what they needed while I rotted away under the pressure of my own needs for something more. My parents acted like there was something wrong with me; to this day, I maintain there was actually something wrong with them.

    Well when I graduated from college, I decided to travel the world. I did, and I got into serious trouble. Not glorious, romantic trouble with me doing drugs, partying and going to prison or something you could tell your grandkids about one day. Serious traumatic health and psychological trouble. For many years.

    It didn't exactly satisfy my needs, but it left me instead with mental health issues, exacerbated body issues, a complete lack of desire to be with other humans, extreme psychological fatigue and world-weariness, and resentment toward my youth. Not to mention the grey hair. I am burnt out. I'm not capable of obsessing over things anymore, getting inspired, following my dream, or feeling a deep sense of connection with anything. I now channel everything into some sort of inner seeking for divine connection, quietly, in my own little way, taking as little as possible so the universe has less to rob from me (as it inevitably will), knowing that soon it will all be over.

    OK wow sorry. I guess that's not really what you're asking for. There's a reason I only have 3 reputation points despite over 1000 posts. Wish I could help. I guess it's something existential that doesn't just go away. You can live in frustration and regret it, or go do something stupid and regret it. I don't have the answer--in my case, I'm just trying to accept that this is "how it is" and there's not much I can do to change it.
    Don't apologize, you actually get it. I fear I've also gotten to (or on the edge of) being unable to connect and experience what it is I even want to experience (see signature quote).

    I'm trying very, very hard to get out here and there by myself and try new things, or to explore my own creativity, or be sensual in healthier ways (that probably sounds weird to most people, but I think that's why I drink... it's seductive and indulgent, so clearly I have a need for that in some form).

    But the level of isolation I am living with is unbelievable, and I don't think anyone understands that because people see Peter's online persona and sometimes vivacious/bold energy and erroneously assume that I am socially active and confident. I'm not, and I don't really want to be. All I want is 1 close friend and a boyfriend. My only close friend... we see each other like twice a year, and it's been brief. I'm single and don't want a boyfriend right now (I'm frankly not sure when I'll even be ready to open up like that to someone again, just too much trauma to sift through). I also have no family, and I cannot move away and start over elsewhere because I share custody of my children with my psycho (legitimately) ex-husband.

    It's very difficult to not succumb to the temptations of self-destruction in one form or another. (Yes, I know I need therapy, and that's a whole other issue because of the lack of quality options here). Finding healthy and fulfilling replacements isn't simple.
    Perpetual mood


    “Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel.
    And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new.
    Just lesser versions of what I've already felt.”


    - look it up yourself


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  10. #20
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    I'm not changing my type, per se, but I am confessing to struggling with a lack of intensity or "life juice".

    I'm very single, very friendless, very naturally asocial and withdrawn, and feel little need do change any of this both for the sake of growth, and because humans are too demanding.

    But, what do I do when I crave that intimate connection? I know it doesn't have to be a person, but I've struggled finding a thing that replaces it. I've dabbled in photography, hiking, foraging, art, and buying things that "make me happy", but I always end up on the couch at night wanting more.

    Generally, I tend to succumb to exhibitionism in one form or another, which I eventually grew ashamed of. Now, I'm more comfortable with accepting that aspect of my personality, but I still don't want to go completely overboard with it.

    So, what do you frustrated sexuals do when life leaves you feeling internally restless and unsatisfied?
    I'm not sure how much intimacy drives "juice" - maybe it does for a period of time but that doesn't really last. I think the best way I can respond to this is that I express some of my intensity through doing things that give me that "juice" - specifically work or hobbies that allow me to do those things that give me energy. The StrengthsFinder test I posted a while back is probably the best way I know of to identify those things that give you energy. This is the link.

    Gallup

    If you search Google for "Clifton" and whatever your strength might be, for all 5, it will give you a description.

    The videos below are descriptions of my strengths. The things that give me juice are achieving things, being focused on and accomplishing a goal, confronting things, generating ideas, solving problems, etc. I'm a creative person and I get energy by creating and building stuff. It's impossible to be doing these things all the time but if I can spend a percentage of time doing these things, they give me energy to get through the more mundane things in everyday life.

    Highlander's Strengths










    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639
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