[sx] Struggling with lack of intensity

[Luminous]

In regards to sensuality, have you considered something like burlesque classes? Or massage classes?

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Don't apologize, you actually get it. I fear I've also gotten to (or on the edge of) being unable to connect and experience what it is I even want to experience (see signature quote).

Wow thanks. I was just shooting that off on an empty stomach while feeling intense emotional distress over some legal things... Just writing to tell you I relate to your response weirdly.

I'm trying very, very hard to get out here and there by myself and try new things, or to explore my own creativity, or be sensual in healthier ways (that probably sounds weird to most people, but I think that's why I drink... it's seductive and indulgent, so clearly I have a need for that in some form).

Ok, you're talking to a reformed chocoholic here...don't laugh, I ate nothing but chocolate for 15 months one time and wound up with serious nutritional deficiencies that it's taken me years to work out. Then I started obsessing over vitamins. Then crystals. Then tantra. I guess those are some ways to be sensual in a healthier manner, although it's still some weird obsession I can't look away from, so it's not as though it's balanced. I'm just saying, options do exist.

EDIT: I also got a fitbit so I could monitor myself.

But the level of isolation I am living with is unbelievable, and I don't think anyone understands that because people see Peter's online persona and sometimes vivacious/bold energy and erroneously assume that I am socially active and confident. I'm not, and I don't really want to be. All I want is 1 close friend and a boyfriend. My only close friend... we see each other like twice a year, and it's been brief. I'm single and don't want a boyfriend right now (I'm frankly not sure when I'll even be ready to open up like that to someone again, just too much trauma to sift through). I also have no family, and I cannot move away and start over elsewhere because I share custody of my children with my psycho (legitimately) ex-husband.

Actually I know your isolation. People didn't believe me either on PerC when I was there...that I had literally no friends, no family, no partner, nothing. That my social skills were that of a dirty gym sock. That I appear quite serious, taciturn, authoritative and grounded irl. Etc. "You have to get to know me". All my friends are in other countries. I have a boyfriend, and he's a controlling superficial asswipe that I'd prefer were not in my life at times. Emeshed in legal problems that will force me out of the house in a week. MALCONTENTS UNITE.

It's very difficult to not succumb to the temptations of self-destruction in one form or another. (Yes, I know I need therapy, and that's a whole other issue because of the lack of quality options here). Finding healthy and fulfilling replacements isn't simple.

There's no (quality) free mental health care in America. There is in the UK, but alas I am losing my home here and must flee. So yep. Self-destruct before the world destroys you. It may be useful to find a practice you agree with and sign up for an online course. That would be my only advice.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

In regards to sensuality, have you considered something like burlesque classes? Or massage classes?

I don't like to touch other people, lol. As for burlesque, I think I'm just too self-conscious. I also think that being in a group setting kind of destroys the experience for me in that sensuality is such a private thing.

As you know though, I've been working on some photography stuff, and I've rather enjoyed that. The options with it are endless, but for what I want as far as creative direction goes, it does require me to expose myself (figuratively and literally). While that is a little intimidating, I feel that it's the right way for me to jump off a cliff right now, and I'll be starting the Instagram account soon.

I think what the real issue here is two separate yet intertwined things: being unfulfilled, and being isolated. It's almost as if I want to build something grand out of nothing, no supplies. I can see what I want to build but starting from scratch with nothing and no one is frustrating and overwhelming, while reality is underwhelming.

I just have A LOT of personal issues, goals, and tasks right now. Maybe it's just easier being frustrated about it all than doing something about it all.

 

[Tina&Jane]

Maybe you've already thought of this, but would you consider taking a class in a subject area that interests you? I know that can get expensive, but it would be a way to get out of the house, engage your interests, and may also be a low-pressure way to meet new people. High intensity exercise has also been the best thing for me to work through stress and feel more in touch with my body in a healthier way. Other forms of exercise like yoga and pilates were way too slow for me. I usually do road biking whenever the temperature is 50 and above, and will do spin classes at the gym when it's colder than that.

I can definitely relate to the feelings of lethargy and hopelessness that come along with being in a dark place, and they are not pleasant things to feel. Just take it one day at a time and remember that feelings aren't permanent, and this phase will eventually pass.

 

[Lark]

I don't like to touch other people, lol. As for burlesque, I think I'm just too self-conscious. I also think that being in a group setting kind of destroys the experience for me in that sensuality is such a private thing.

As you know though, I've been working on some photography stuff, and I've rather enjoyed that. The options with it are endless, but for what I want as far as creative direction goes, it does require me to expose myself (figuratively and literally). While that is a little intimidating, I feel that it's the right way for me to jump off a cliff right now, and I'll be starting the Instagram account soon.

I think what the real issue here is two separate yet intertwined things: being unfulfilled, and being isolated. It's almost as if I want to build something grand out of nothing, no supplies. I can see what I want to build but starting from scratch with nothing and no one is frustrating and overwhelming, while reality is underwhelming.

I just have A LOT of personal issues, goals, and tasks right now. Maybe it's just easier being frustrated about it all than doing something about it all.

Aye, but that doesnt change, why should it? Striving and having goals, loads of them, are part of life, part of the good life even I would say.

I love to create bucket lists as its a good reminder of how many things you've yet to do and life is full of interesting things. Its good to have no shortage of goals.

 

[Abcdenfp]

I don't like to touch other people, lol. As for burlesque, I think I'm just too self-conscious. I also think that being in a group setting kind of destroys the experience for me in that sensuality is such a private thing. As you know though, I've been working on some photography stuff, and I've rather enjoyed that. The options with it are endless, but for what I want as far as creative direction goes, it does require me to expose myself (figuratively and literally). While that is a little intimidating, I feel that it's the right way for me to jump off a cliff right now, and I'll be starting the Instagram account soon. I think what the real issue here is two separate yet intertwined things: being unfulfilled, and being isolated. It's almost as if I want to build something grand out of nothing, no supplies. I can see what I want to build but starting from scratch with nothing and no one is frustrating and overwhelming, while reality is underwhelming. I just have A LOT of personal issues, goals, and tasks right now. Maybe it's just easier being frustrated about it all than doing something about it all.

I hear you on this . It's almost like slamming into a wall. Its like I can't grasp anything solid for long I am constantly on uneven footing, I almost despise socializing but I still enjoy physical touch. I want to create too but I also feel like all my juice is gone and the places where they lived before have all dried up like running or writing. I can't find the juices flowing down my chin. So now I drink wine , eat an embarrassing amount of pizza and watch foreign films. It's like eat pray love with out all the happy parts lol.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I hear you on this . It's almost like slamming into a wall. Its like I can't grasp anything solid for long I am constantly on uneven footing, I almost despise socializing but I still enjoy physical touch. I want to create too but I also feel like all my juice is gone and the places where they lived before have all dried up like running or writing. I can't find the juices flowing down my chin. So now I drink wine , eat an embarrassing amount of pizza and watch foreign films. It's like eat pray love with out all the happy parts lol.

Same but definitely without the praying. (Haven't seen the movie)

Adulting is stupid.

 

[Abcdenfp]

Same but definitely without the praying. (Haven't seen the movie)

Adulting is stupid.

Adulting is so fucking stupid. Like is this seriously it? I demand a fucking refund.

 

[1487610420]

 

[Luminous]

If your adulting includes a yacht and villa, you need to invite us all over for those parties!

 

[1487610420]

If your adulting includes a yacht and villa, you need to invite us all over for those parties!

I'm a simple man.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm a simple man.

We know.

 

[highlander]

Maybe you've already thought of this, but would you consider taking a class in a subject area that interests you? I know that can get expensive, but it would be a way to get out of the house, engage your interests, and may also be a low-pressure way to meet new people.

That's a great idea

 

[1487610420]

volunteer to help the needy

 

[Peter Deadpan]

volunteer to help the needy

Let me guess: Myself.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I still want to start studying for my real estate license, but there is that part of me that's standing in the corner, leaning up against a wall with arms casually crossed, for some reason there is a piece of straw hanging out of my mouth that I'm chewing on even though I'm very clearly a well-dressed and highly successful business man, and that me says to the other me "you're never gonna make it because you have zero contacts to leverage for networking, and your anxious withdrawn nature will eat you alive. Plus, you'll have to delete your Facebook because you'll be a public name and face, and you're a fucking asshole, dude".

 

[Peter Deadpan]

[MENTION=29287]Obfuscate[/MENTION] - No, I think it's more relatable than you suspect. Especially your very first statement and the general oscillating, which varies in pace from person to person but I think is a somewhat universally human thing. I just woke up and don't have time to delve deeper, but wanted to say that.

 

[anticlimatic]

I'm stubborn in that I find excuses not to try something different.

Found the problem.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Found the problem.

That was specifically in reference to consuming alcohol, but clearly you want a sticker so here you go:

 

[anticlimatic]

That was specifically in reference to consuming alcohol

And here I thought it was a cornerstone of your personality.