Emotional over aging pets.

[Gloriana]

Wasn't sure where else to post this, hope I picked the relevant forum.

I'm living with my mother at the moment, and I have a young cat who is strictly mine. We have two family cats that turned 10 years old this past February. They're still very much 'alive', but the signs of aging are starting to show. Their fur is getting grayer now, they're slower than they used to be, they're much more finicky about their food, etc.

I don't know why, but I'm constantly feeling very aware of their age these days. They've gotten 'mouthier' in their old age too, we joke that they're at that age where they just don't give a crap about what anyone thinks and they're going to speak their mind. Sometimes they meow and meow seemingly just to do it (meaning, they have food, they have water, they've been played with and given lots of petting, etc). This can be annoying at times but I feel guilty if I even THINK of saying 'Shhh!". I always think "They might not be here much longer" and I'm basically just constantly thinking of making them happy.

There was a third sister to these two cats, she was always sickly and small from the time they were kittens. She was 'my' cat. She started getting constant seizures, and I had to finally have her put down in March 2009. It was the first time I'd ever had to do anything like that, and at the time my ex-husband had pretty much just left a few months before so it was hard to deal with emotionally. I think maybe all the grief I didn't let myself feel last year is sort of manifesting in how I think of her sisters?

I try to be logic and tell myself "If all you do is think about how they're not going to be here one day, you'll ruin the time you have left with them", but emotionally this sadness keeps coming over me pretty regularly. I'll hold them a little while longer, I'll give them more treats than usual, I'll get them the best catnip. Sometimes I break down and just cry.

On the one hand, I've always had a tendency for this sort of thing, even when I was a young child. Even when I was nine years old I'd be having a great time with a friend and I'd be like "I wish this moment would be forever, don't you ever wish it could?". I was so painfully aware that so much in life is fleeting, I am not 100% sure why.

On the other hand, I really have learned to become much better at letting those thoughts go and start enjoying the moment while I have it rather than ruining it by thinking about how it is fleeting. I'm still good about most other things, but the cats getting older is this one thing that is constantly getting to me. I wonder if it's some kind emotional thing connected to the death of my marriage AND the death of their sister cat in such close proximity or something?

Just wondering if any of you had ever experienced anything like this? Anything that helped you out? Any feedback is appreciated! Thanks in advance

 

[man]

I know my Chihuahua I got in 6th grades fur is getting grayer I'm so sad

 

[Amargith]

Ime, these things tend to take care of themselves if you just let them be and indulge in them. I tend to enjoy these kinda bittersweet emotions and moments, as they make me dig deeper into what life's about and what I truly appreciate in life, what's really precious.

Being gloomy and sad, nostalgic and melancholic has its perks. It's beautiful in its own way..more importantly, it exists because it has a purpose, which is making you deal with the past and present so you can prepare and deal better with the future when it arrives.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Gloriana, I hear what you are saying and I think it's quite normal to feel as you do. It does inhibit the enjoyment of the present, but sometimes these thoughts are difficult to keep out of your mind moment to moment.

Our cat turned 19 this year. (She is similarly mouthy and at 5 am and it can be less than charming! ) Indoor cats can have a long life span, so think - do you want to worry for the next 9 years this exact same thought? That they haven't much "time" left?

It does sound to me like you have had to process a lot of emotional situations in the last year, and naturally you would feel more poignant about loss in that context. Don't worry, just let yourself be there, and use your Se to notice life in all its abundance around you.

 

[Aquarelle]

It's tough. Pets are part of the family. I love my dog to pieces, and he's only 3 so he's got a lot of time ahead of him (God willing!!) but sometimes I get to thinking what I will feel like when he dies, and it can literally bring me to tears, even though it's years away.

The dog I grew up with had to be put to sleep after I'd graduated high school. I loved him to pieces too, and it was really sad, but he had a tumor and his quality of life had become very poor, so we felt that the humane thing to do was to put him down and release him from his pain.

My parents and brother didn't want to be present when he was actually put down, but I stayed with him and held him in my arms while he died. I wanted him to die in my arms instead of alone. It was really sad and difficult to watch, of course, but the vet was very compassionate and explained everything that would happen. And it helped me to know that his pain had come to an end. If there's a Heaven, I do believe that all dogs go there (terrible movie, though ).

Anyway, I don't have much advice except to love them, and when the time comes for their lives to end (whether it is of natural causes or whether the choice is made to put them down), that they had good lives, were loved, and that their pain is over. Hang in there!!

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

Oh honey... If those cats are anything like mine they've got a long time ahead of them. Mine turned 22 this year and even with a tumor in her jaw (that's leaving her with 6 months) she acts like a kitten! I'm crazy emotional over the thought of her dying. She's been with me since I was 11 and I'm turning 29 in August! She's been my best friend since middle school. I've been preparing myself for her death...at least I thought I was...for over six years now. I never dreamed a cat would live beyond 10 years...let alone 20 years... And yet, when I heard the news about her tumor and having six months, I still bawled my eyes out. And as I sit here and type this out, I am still teary eyed! I'm not sure I'll ever be prepared for it!

 

[Gloriana]

Thanks all of you for sharing! Just hearing you guys have cats so much older makes me feel better.

@Kymbirleigh, I totally understand! *hugs*

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

Thanks! It's so rough... I mean... I had been telling myself for YEARS that this day was coming.... And yet, I still cried all day when I was given an estimated time line! My current hope is that she passes in her sleep. I don't want to have to make the decision to put her down.

I'm sure your kitties have many good years ahead of them!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I love my animals as my friends. I've had two die over the past two years, and currently we have two dogs who are aging. I worry about the dogs getting sick and passing because we are so connected to them.

My siamese cat that died originally belonged to my mother. When my mother got cancer, i took her two siamese cats because scratches and litterboxes can be problematic when you are on chemo and have times when your immune system disintegrates.

I was able to be with my mom during her surgeries, but not helping on a daily basis, so it meant lot to me to care for her cats. The smaller one had internal growths and died soon after I took him, but Koko lived for a number of years. I loved her greatly and she saw me through a lot of difficult things in my life from my mother's cancer to my divorce. Her kidneys started shutting down about the time I got a divorce, so I had her on saline injections so she could get enough fluids to keep her system clean. I gave her those treatments for about a year. We traveled alone across the US together to our new home with my now fiance' whom she loved quickly. I had a meeting one night and didn't get home until 9:00pm on her last day. She had stopped eating, and I held her for two hours while her body shut down. I wanted to help her. It was loving, but also painful because I couldn't help her. She was a unique cat, and she saw me through all my worst pain in my life, but she was there until I was okay. I miss her.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

^^ I pray that's how it is with me and my Bengal. I was so afraid to go on vacation for a week for fear that her condition would worsen and I wouldn't be there for her passing.

 

[Tiltyred]

My cat is only 3 and I worry about her getting older and what I will feel when she dies. I would like to retire outside the US in 15 years, but I won't leave until after she passes, which to me is kind of a big decision to make based on a pet, but if it means I'm here another 20 years, then so be it (assuming I live that long!).

I try to make myself realize that my loved ones will die, too, trying to desensitize myself in my mind so it won't be so bad when it happens. It helped a little in the case of my grandfather. I know exactly what you mean about wishing something could last forever. I make what I think of as mental snapshots of those moments and keep them in my head to review whenever I miss them. So if doing that is crazy, at least you're not crazy all by yourself.

I've read several accounts of older kitties being mouthy and one friend's vet suggested, after ruling everything else out, that the cat was suffering some senile dementia, and that made sense to me. I don't know if it helps. For some reason, once it made sense to me, I was not so upset on my friend's behalf or so tortured by wondering what her cat wanted with all that howling.

I'm sorry for your losses. It's hard to let go sometimes so be gentle with yourself about it.

 

[stringstheory]

I'm going through this right now, too..or at least I was more a few months ago.

I have a 13 year old blue point siamese named Sophia. I've had her since i was in high school and we adopted her from an organization that rescued her from a cat mill. i brought her to college with me after my first year in the dorms and I've had her ever since.

For a while she was barely eating and had very low energy levels, even for an older cat. she had a seizure at one point and her vision became worse (Siamese already have pretty poor vision compared to other breeds of cats)..it was eating at me because i didn't and still don't know how I'm going to be able to handle her passing...i think it would really kill me inside. a lot of it has to do with the fact that she was abused for a majority of her life, i think. After this period was over, i decided that pretty soon i'm gonna get some of her little paw prints on paper to keep in case I decide to turn them into a memorial tattoo.

Reading toonia's post made me feel some very strong emotions and brought me to tears.

recently though, her appetite has grown considerably and she has a lot more energy or at least as much energy as a 13 y/o cat can have. It's settled my mind but it's really hard to not think about it from time to time...I just give her as much love as I can, because she had a rough 7 years of her life so it's my job to make sure that she spends more of her lifespan being a happy kitty

 

[Walking Tourist]

We have two cats, both of whom are ten years old. One of them still races around in circles, chasing her tail. She also likes to steal my seat. As soon as I get up, she's taken my seat! She makes a lot of noise. It's sort of like singing. Well, I guess that it is singing. She likes to perform in mid-morning. I call it her mid morning meow session. She just wants attention. She is a bit of a diva.
The other cat is a big, long haired male. He wants constant attention from humans. He likes to sit on laps and kiss people. Sometimes, he washes the other cat. She'll tolerate it for a little while and then she'll hiss at him!!! Or she'll chase him out of the room!!! The two like to play chase games.
Unfortunately, the big boy likes to meow in the middle of the night! He goes on and on! Arrgh!
The cats are middle aged now, but they are healthy and act young. I think that they will be around for quite some time.

 

[Ivy]

This is very timely for me because my dog's health is uncertain right now. He's at least 10 (we got him as an adult rescue 8 years ago and the vet said he was probably about 2-3 at that time) and a large breed, so he's pretty old anyway. But up until this year he pretty much still acted like a puppy. Lately he's been showing his age, and in the past two weeks has had some close calls. We're still not sure what's going on with him but he might have a nasal tumor.

He's my first dog. He's also really more my husband's dog than mine, but now that his health is in flux I'm finding out that I really do love the mutt.

 

[Gloriana]

I'm getting teary-eyed reading all these. Not in a bad way though, I relate to all your feelings so much.

*massive pet loving hugs*

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

*hugs*

Sigh... My cat is going to be the death of me! Last night I had managed to convince myself that her health was fading even faster because she didn't eat much all day yesterday.... So I ended up with about four hours of sleep after crying myself to sleep. My poor fiance, all he can do right now is tell me he loves me and hold me. He doesn't know what else to say or do. It's fine. That's really all I need.... So I bawl my eyes out and wake up this morning to hear her bitching at my mom for food. When I come through she's already eaten half her food and then as I was leaving for work she had her face in the bowl eating the rest of it. I guess she's a lot stronger than I give her credit for!

 

[mmhmm]

please don't grow up so fast.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

When I took my cat to the vet, it was pretty cute. One woman looks over at us and says "Is she a kitten?" I kind of chuckled and said, "Far from it, she's in her 20s." The woman's jaw hit the ground. I think she assumed she was a kitten because of her size. She only weighs about 6 lbs. She's always been smaller than most cats.

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

Update... We put my oldest down yesterday. I know she's in a better place now... Hopefully she's met up with former furry buddies that passed before her. I'm sure they missed her.