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  1. #21
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    This is probably going to sound really ignorant but I'm going for it anyways. What is it like to have an overwhelmingly negative body image (in terms of perhaps health or shape)? Also what do you think would be the best way to support one who has these feelings?

    I'm trying to support a family member with a very poor body image (ie. she thinks she's fat and ugly but she's pretty average/perhaps slightly underweight), but every time I try to be supportive or rationalize this I end up coming off abrupt or not providing feedback that is meaningful. My empathy is typically a bit better than this but this is somewhat a blind spot of mine it appears...

    (Also sorry if this is in the wrong section, I was debating on putting this in the advice section but it's kind of health related so idk).
    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    Folks, real or imagined, your poor body image is probably a blessing in disguise, so embrace your granny panties and your baggy jeans. For those who attain the perfect body and flaunt it, there’s a hard lesson to be learned in an irony that I’d liken to a lonely rich man realizing his money will neither buy him true love, nor real friends.

    I think if one doesn’t have realistic expectations and a realistic view of themselves to begin with, a superficial effort to attain physical perfection will likely render an unrewarding and unfulfilling outcome that’s as disappointing and superficial as the people one will likely attract.
    This is not on topic. RadicalDoubt asked what it's like to have negative body image. And for help in making someone else feel better. You lack understanding of the entire situation, and your response is not helpful at all. It's unsympathetic and condescending.

    Do you have any idea what it's like to feel like you aren't good enough to be loved or liked or wanted? Do you really think that people who feel this way are really only being superficial and seeking perfection? There's a lot of shame associated with this topic, and you coming here to tell people that they should feel thankful for having that shame is just a slap in the face.
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  2. #22
    Talk to me. Merced's Avatar
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    I think of it as like... a logical discrepancy. If I was physically attractive, I would actively be attracting more people. I don't know how I get myself out of that funk, but rationalizing it and letting it pass is the best method I can think of.

    Also buying clothes that make me feel good. Take her shopping maybe?

    Trans Rights are Human Rights.
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  3. #23
    Moderator Yuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    This is not on topic. RadicalDoubt asked what it's like to have negative body image. And for help in making someone else feel better. You lack understanding of the entire situation, and your response is not helpful at all. It's unsympathetic and condescending.

    Do you have any idea what it's like to feel like you aren't good enough to be loved or liked or wanted? Do you really think that people who feel this way are really only being superficial and seeking perfection? There's a lot of shame associated with this topic, and you coming here to tell people that they should feel thankful for having that shame is just a slap in the face.

    I am not trying for perfection. I want to look like your average 35 yr old woman, not some horrific hybrid of angry old man and pug dog.
    I want to look good enough that I can actually particpate in selfies and photoshoots like everyone else. Good enough that going to get my luscence renewed is not a harrowing ordeal.
    When I was a young teenager my grandmother found me in the bathroom standing in front of the mirror at 3 am, flicking the lightswitch on and saying “ adorable” ( with the lights off) “ hideous” ( lights on) that isn’t exactly buffalo bill but iI’m pretty sure in unhealthy behavior.

    The wors5 part is the truth behind this; in very low light I can see the gorgeous woman I should have been and I love her. With the lghts on I can see every wrinkle, every extra curve or lump in my face ( from a lack of collegen) but no matte4 what I will never be her, no matter how much make up I use ir how well I dress.

    On a related rant; a freind of mine was just given full time status at FB. I could recieve ALL of his benifits by merely signing a puece of paper. One of those benifits is that all surgeries are covered, including gender reassignment. But it does not include an eyelid lift. For me it is the same issue. Yes, it is hard to see with my eyes constantly less than half-ldded but it is also a form of dysmorphia and t isn’t taken seriously.
    “ they’re on our left, they’re on our right, they’re in front of us, they’re behind us…they can’t get away this time”

    "These voices scream at me "Let it go!"
    (never let go)
    This time I'm screaming back "No! No! No!"
    (Go on say no)
    My mind's made up, yeah my fear is gone
    Open my eyes now here I come: Oblivion."
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  4. #24
    RooibosKrayfish RadicalDoubt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yuu View Post
    Unfortunately then, this is very little anyone can do. Many people misunderstand "Dys" to mean "bad" but it has more to do with specifically "wrong" "different" or "out of order"

    So the "Dys" In dysmorphia means that a person feels they are in the wrong body.

    It doesn't matter if that body is objectively "good" or "Bad". You can tell someone with dysmorphia that they "Look good." but even if you can convince them of this ( good luck with that) it wont matter. She could look like a model and it would not matter because she feels like it is not her body.
    It isn't how she is meant to look. She is walking around in a shell that she does not feel represent her as a person.
    Does this make any sense?
    Explaining it like that actually does make a lot of sense and actually sounds like an incredibly unpleasant experience. It definitely makes the dynamic make a bit more sense to me overall, especially with her own efforts as well as my own having little effect on her overall feeling, especially if this ends up being an accurate descriptor for her. Thank you for this descriptor in particular.
    - 6w5 3w4 1w9 - sp/so - INTP -
    “My deplorable mania for analysis exhausts me. I doubt everything, even my doubt.” Gustave Flaubert


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  5. #25
    Senior Member StrawberryBoots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    This is not on topic. RadicalDoubt asked what it's like to have negative body image. And for help in making someone else feel better. You lack understanding of the entire situation, and your response is not helpful at all. It's unsympathetic and condescending.

    Do you have any idea what it's like to feel like you aren't good enough to be loved or liked or wanted? Do you really think that people who feel this way are really only being superficial and seeking perfection? There's a lot of shame associated with this topic, and you coming here to tell people that they should feel thankful for having that shame is just a slap in the face.
    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to be offended, skewing other's intentions and posts just to be offended.

    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to focus on the worst in themselves and others and chronically complain about it.

    I have zero sympathy for perpetual victims, complainers, and pouters.

  6. #26
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to be offended, skewing other's intentions and posts just to be offended.

    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to focus on the worst in themselves and others and chronically complain about it.

    I have zero sympathy for perpetual victims, complainers, and pouters.
    Well, that's your choice.

    It's ignorant to think that people choose of their own free will to think there is something so innately wrong with them that they aren't lovable. Why would anyone choose that if it were easy to be happy and feel better about themselves? Eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder are medical disorders. Not something someone just chooses to have.

    Even if someone's issues don't reach that level, there is tremendous pain involved in feeling that one isn't good enough or correct in some way in the eyes of others, or one's self.

    I have little sympathy for people who are condescending, unempathetic, judgmental, and unwilling to engage in a dialogue to better understand other people.

    *Edited to add: As you edited your post while I was writing my post, I'll add that I'm glad you were able to move beyond feeling bad and into happiness.

    I'll also add that the idea that people suffering from negative body image just need to turn to God is a way of brushing the real issues aside.
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  7. #27
    Senior Member StrawberryBoots's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    Well, that's your choice.

    It's ignorant to think that people choose of their own free will to think there is something so innately wrong with them that they aren't lovable. Why would anyone choose that if it were easy to be happy and feel better about themselves? Eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder are medical disorders. Not something someone just chooses to have.

    Even if someone's issues don't reach that level, there is tremendous pain involved in feeling that one isn't good enough or correct in some way in the eyes of others, or one's self.

    I have little sympathy for people who are condescending, unempathetic, judgmental, and unwilling to engage in a dialogue to better understand other people.

    *Edited to add: As you edited your post while I was writing my post, I'll add that I'm glad you were able to move beyond feeling bad and into happiness.

    I'll also add that the idea that people suffering from negative body image just need to turn to God is a way of brushing the real issues aside.
    We are our own worst enemy. (:

    I know what it feels like to be bullied, to feel despair, to feel ugly, to feel fat, to feel unloved, to feel lonely, to hide, and all of that because I'm human, but I didn't stay stuck like that. I set my heart free by forgiving people and forgiving myself. Then, I made the necessary changes in my life for my confidence, well-being, and overall health & happiness. I've worked hard in honoring my commitments to myself and can smile frequently now regardless of the troubles around me.

    When I feel like I can't overcome an obstacle on my own, God gives me the strength and the courage to do it.

    I'm not perfect, nor do I desire to put too much emphasis on being perfect, which is why my light-hearted humor in embracing your granny panties because if you can't even love you for you, then how can you expect others to love you for you, or for you to love others.

    I'd encourage folks with a poor image of themselves to start working on themselves from within: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Make an action plan, then take constructive action, following through. I know it's hard at first, but you can do it. It's amazing what the mind and the body can do.

  8. #28
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    I'd encourage folks with a poor image of themselves to start working on themselves from within: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Make an action plan, then take constructive action, following through. I know it's hard at first, but you can do it. It's amazing what the mind and the body can do.
    That I totally agree with. Though some people need help in figuring out where to begin, or even in acknowledging they have a disorder in the first place.
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  9. #29
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    We are our own worst enemy. (:

    I know what it feels like to be bullied, to feel despair, to feel ugly, to feel fat, to feel unloved, to feel lonely, to hide, and all of that because I'm human, but I didn't stay stuck like that. I set my heart free by forgiving people and forgiving myself. Then, I made the necessary changes in my life for my confidence, well-being, and overall health & happiness. I've worked hard in honoring my commitments to myself and can smile frequently now regardless of the troubles around me.

    When I feel like I can't overcome an obstacle on my own, God gives me the strength and the courage to do it.

    I'm not perfect, nor do I desire to put too much emphasis on being perfect, which is why my light-hearted humor in embracing your granny panties because if you can't even love you for you, then how can you expect others to love you for you, or for you to love others.

    I'd encourage folks with a poor image of themselves to start working on themselves from within: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Make an action plan, then take constructive action, following through. I know it's hard at first, but you can do it. It's amazing what the mind and the body can do.
    Are you even like... gaining anything from being a member of a personality forum?
    Not everything is about you, and reality doesn't exist through only your lens.
    '“Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel.
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    Just lesser versions of what I've already felt.

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  10. #30
    Moderator Yuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    Explaining it like that actually does make a lot of sense and actually sounds like an incredibly unpleasant experience. It definitely makes the dynamic make a bit more sense to me overall, especially with her own efforts as well as my own having little effect on her overall feeling, especially if this ends up being an accurate descriptor for her. Thank you for this descriptor in particular.
    You are very welcome. I'm glad I could be of some help and I wish it were more hopeful in nature.
    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to be offended, skewing other's intentions and posts just to be offended.

    I have zero sympathy for people who, by their own free will, choose to focus on the worst in themselves and others and chronically complain about it.

    I have zero sympathy for perpetual victims, complainers, and pouters.
    It's funny because I sure as hell do not have sympathy for any of these either but that is not at all relevant to the topic.

    It is absolutely NOT a choice.

    No one is placing blame on anyone else for feeling this way, it is no one's fault. Therefore, no one is playing the victim.

    No one in this thread is whining or complaining, only answer questions and offering advice to the OP.

    Quote Originally Posted by StrawberryBoots View Post
    We are our own worst enemy. (:

    I know what it feels like to be bullied, to feel despair, to feel ugly, to feel fat, to feel unloved, to feel lonely, to hide, and all of that because I'm human, but I didn't stay stuck like that. I set my heart free by forgiving people and forgiving myself. Then, I made the necessary changes in my life for my confidence, well-being, and overall health & happiness. I've worked hard in honoring my commitments to myself and can smile frequently now regardless of the troubles around me.

    When I feel like I can't overcome an obstacle on my own, God gives me the strength and the courage to do it.

    I'm not perfect, nor do I desire to put too much emphasis on being perfect, which is why my light-hearted humor in embracing your granny panties because if you can't even love you for you, then how can you expect others to love you for you, or for you to love others.

    I'd encourage folks with a poor image of themselves to start working on themselves from within: mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Make an action plan, then take constructive action, following through. I know it's hard at first, but you can do it. It's amazing what the mind and the body can do.
    Everything you've said only proves your ignorance on the subject. As PD already said; this isn't about you. Thus your feelings aren't helpful here.

    When people find out about my disdain for my own appearance they find it hard to believe I usually respond with laughter-like most everything- because I realize "it must seem absurd for someone as confident as myself."
    I guarantee that I have laughed at situations that would destroy you. I am quite certain I have a better sense of fashion than you, and most of all, I earned it all myself without the help of any "God."

    This deformed ( actually, not hyperbole) and fairly useless body does not even remotely do justice to the greatness that is myself. It does not represent who I am as a person and I am not victim as it no one's fault.
    “ they’re on our left, they’re on our right, they’re in front of us, they’re behind us…they can’t get away this time”

    "These voices scream at me "Let it go!"
    (never let go)
    This time I'm screaming back "No! No! No!"
    (Go on say no)
    My mind's made up, yeah my fear is gone
    Open my eyes now here I come: Oblivion."

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