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Body Image

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
The only thing is that in my minds-eye i'm ever so slightly taller, look slightly more like Orlando Bloom and my head is slightly less pin-like in comparison to the rest of my body.

Also my chin doesn't make Jay Leno do a double take.
 

briochick

half-nut member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
633
MBTI Type
eNFP
Enneagram
;)
Instinctual Variant
sx
(this is kind of long)
I've struggled with body image a lot. I'm going to summarize and say that as a girl who was always a little curvier (in high school I was at the top end of "normal" when the other girls were at the bottom) and with no one in school or media or at home to reflect positive body image I didn't even know what I was doing wrong. It didn't help that I was on and off half a dozen depression meds.

I've fluctuated several times in the last 12 years, between the low 160s and into the 200s but it finally occurred to me that I felt the fattest and the ugliest when I was smallest. Largely because it had taken months, sometimes a year, of abusing myself, starving myself, and berating myself in order to lose the weight. By the time I got close to my goal I literally wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I had no confidence left, couldn't stand for people to look at me at all, I couldn't take a compliment, I didn't want to make eye contact. Each time I got to the lower "overweight" weight I had taken to reading fat hate forums to "motivate myself." But hearing how "any woman over 130 should be shot in the head because they're such stupid disgusting cows" did not motivate me. I finally realized that what I was doing to myself was the psychological equivalent of cutting (which I had done as a teen and early 20 something) and that it was just as destructive. And, I surmised, maybe full of just as many lies. So I promised myself I'd stop the inner hurting too. It is far better to be sane than thin.

It took time, and I gained weight again, but at least as a (truly) bigger girl I was confident that when people liked me it was because I was actually likable, and not because I fit a social expectation.

Later I decided that my weight was uncomfortable, but I resolved in my head that I could not try to "lose weight" as I had before. So I began a journey, that I'm still on, of trying to learn to love myself in the way I would love someone else, to give them what is best. Though self-analysis I realized that no matter what my weight, I look the same in the mirror to myself, so if I did lose weight I couldn't expect to see someone different, and that part of that expectation had caused the old disillusionment. I started trying to like myself, even if I didn't, and resolved to be healthy. I stopped eating all sweeteners, not as a punishment but because I had come to the conviction that it's poison, yummy yummy poison, and things with added sweeteners but I made an effort to never leave myself feeling deprived.

I found a way to work out that I liked. And, I stopped shaving my legs, because I realized that for me the act of shaving my legs had become a ritual of reinforcing that I had to change what I was to be tolerable and likable.

My body has changed of it's own will. I've lost 31 pounds since I stopped eating added sweeteners. I still see the same person in the mirror, I still feel just as big as I did 31 pounds ago. I'm trying to like that person, so other people can like that person, and so other people can like who they see in the mirror too.
 

HongDou

navigating
Joined
Nov 23, 2012
Messages
5,191
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Before I came out to my parents, despite being out to literally everyone else, I was a little uncomfortable in my own skin. I really can't explain why, I just was. But after coming out junior year I was finally able to be who I really am all the time. It was as if something freed me. I look at the positive sides of my body image. I may be a little short for most Americans (5'8/9") but I want to be with a guy that's taller than me anyways. :newwink: I may be a little skinny but that's just part of being a "twink" LOL. Also the greatest thing for me was shaving. I really detest body hair on me and think it's gross. Shaving my legs/pits makes me feel even more liberated and comfortable in my own skin and not to mention makes me feel sexier in general. :D Also my friend told my recently that I have a good body apparently so that doesn't hurt!

I need to start exercising more, though. I may be skinny but I don't want to be a twig! I always exercise sporadically because I can never follow a schedule. I'm gonna need to start getting on that more. :mellow:
 

Chiharu

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2011
Messages
662
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
(this is kind of long)
I've struggled with body image a lot... I found a way to work out that I liked. And, I stopped shaving my legs, because I realized that for me the act of shaving my legs had become a ritual of reinforcing that I had to change what I was to be tolerable and likable.

My body has changed of it's own will. I've lost 31 pounds since I stopped eating added sweeteners. I still see the same person in the mirror, I still feel just as big as I did 31 pounds ago. I'm trying to like that person, so other people can like that person, and so other people can like who they see in the mirror too.

I'm so sorry that you struggle for so long <3 I'm glad you found a happy medium :)
 
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