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Short Rant- people telling people they're too skinny

Lark

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When I eat too many calories, I gain weight. When I cut back, I lose. Personally, I hated being over weight, so that motivates me to keep my weight under control. It's weird because growing up I was so insecure about being underweight, to the point that I would wear clothes that covered my thin body. Thankfully now, I am more comfortable with my body, but I don't think I'll ever be 100% secure with myself.

I hate being overweight and obese, I've lost a lot of weight and I'm on a good trajectory to losing more and diversifying my fitness training and routines.

Being overweight is physically restrictive, you can not physically perform anything as you should be able to, its not just vanity or modern conceits about appearences. You cant lift, move or anything else as you should be able to when you are overweight.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
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I haven't been keeping up with this thread, but I'd also like to point out that us humans can become fat very easily in today's society. Being skinny is somewhat "difficult" compared to being fat, so people are likely to be surprised when they come across skinny people. But I don't think it's right to hate on obese people either. Our brains are wired to love food. So really the obese shouldn't be shamed. Some people resist addiction better than others. Unfortunately, everyone is just fatter nowadays because the food we love is now more readily available.

My God, I have no idea what I'm trying to say. Epic fail.
 

greenfairy

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I haven't been keeping up with this thread, but I'd also like to point out that us humans can become fat very easily in today's society. Being skinny is somewhat "difficult" compared to being fat, so people are likely to be surprised when they come across skinny people. But I don't think it's right to hate on obese people either. Our brains are wired to love food. So really the obese shouldn't be shamed. Some people resist addiction better than others. Unfortunately, everyone is just fatter nowadays because the food we love is now more readily available.

My God, I have no idea what I'm trying to say. Epic fail.

It's ok, I know what you mean. I would argue though that it is partly as you say, but mostly due to the low quality of processed food combined with a sedentary lifestyle. And I agree it is hard to do otherwise; I myself have a hard time finding the time to really exercise being busy with school and work and sleep (and ADHD) and such- I just get creative, like parking far from class and jogging to and from the car. Healthy food can get expensive, but I get creative and clever with that too (and I am fortunate to be able to eat healthy food nearly 100% of the time). It's not as though with my body constitution I would ever become overweight, but I like to be as healthy as possible, and I acknowledge I'd be a hypocrite if I were to hold other people to standards to which I didn't hold myself.


INFJ's always know what you mean! lol Unless they make assumptions due to Ni+Fe which result in misunderstandings.
 

UniqueMixture

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Tell them: "I'm a perfectly healthy weight for my size. Are you?"
 

StephMC

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Yeah, I agree with the OP. I hate getting comments about being too skinny. My new response is: "Yeah, it runs in my family -- we're all pretty small." I deflect the attention from myself to my genes, and alter the negative sounding word "skinny" to "small". Usually people drop it after that.
 
G

garbage

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Do they mean "you're too skinny" as a compliment wrapped up in some pokin' fun? If not, that's definitely bad news. If so, it might still not be the right thing to do, but at least the intentions are sound. ("Well, I might have just had my hand chopped off, but at least I'm also not on fire.")


I'll gladly welcome unsolicited feedback from family members and close friends, since they know 'the context'--that is, me. But nobody appreciates a meddler.

Some neighbors gave me shit for smoking and told me that I should quit.

.. But I used an e-cigarette. Which contained no nicotine or tobacco. And expelled water vapor. So their advice was 'duly noted' and filed in the appropriate mental bin.
 

Nocapszy

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this is the correct response:
"you ain't my doctor, asshole"

unless it really is your doctor, in which case, you may be best off taking his advice.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
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It's ok, I know what you mean. I would argue though that it is partly as you say, but mostly due to the low quality of processed food combined with a sedentary lifestyle. And I agree it is hard to do otherwise; I myself have a hard time finding the time to really exercise being busy with school and work and sleep (and ADHD) and such- I just get creative, like parking far from class and jogging to and from the car. Healthy food can get expensive, but I get creative and clever with that too (and I am fortunate to be able to eat healthy food nearly 100% of the time). It's not as though with my body constitution I would ever become overweight, but I like to be as healthy as possible, and I acknowledge I'd be a hypocrite if I were to hold other people to standards to which I didn't hold myself.


INFJ's always know what you mean! lol Unless they make assumptions due to Ni+Fe which result in misunderstandings.

Ahh...it's good you got what I was trying to say! :p I'd just like to add that I was going to say something along the lines of the bolded part as well, but I seem to have fogotten.

:)
 

Lexicon

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I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th
 
G

Ginkgo

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Ain't nobody got time f'that.

156648_10151203970569861_630104823_n.jpg
 

Ivy

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I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.
 

ptgatsby

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It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.

Although I agree with you fundamentally, my experience is that American (western) culture is actually better than most other cultures. Asian, especially Japan/Korea/China are utterly brutal in terms of criticism*. (I have examples if you are curious about the differences). OTOH, both south asian and south pacific are not like this, as far as I can tell.

It's also true in large parts of Europe, mostly Eastern Europe. Northern Europe differs too much, AFAIK, although I don't have much experience there. What I do hear is that places like Denmark are a lot "darker" and harsher, compared to Finland and Sweden in which there is more personal space around people.

---

I don't think STFU and MYOB works. I wish it did. The problem is that these are social pressures, punishing social defectors, meaning anything outside of the norm is ridiculed.

I believe that the only solution is to use a social rebuke for people who are critical, effectively using the same method. In small groups, a question like "why do you think it is acceptable to criticise others?" can be quite painful. If enough people do that, a new social norm replaces the old.


---

* One odd thing that comes up in Asian cultures is the criticism comes with support to become 'normal', or will easily integrate good and bad traits together. What is fundamentally different in Western (and namely American) culture is the overlying belief that we are fully responsible individuals, and hence something is wrong with us whenever we defect. That attacks self worth differently than a lot of other more vocally critical cultures.
 

LEGERdeMAIN

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I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th

As more and more people cross the overweight and obese thresholds, it'll be more common for people to say that skinny people are too skinny or gross, even people who (used to be) normal weight. I'm back up to about 140 but people still tell me I'm too skinny. I always wondered "too skinny for what?". All I'm saying is that you should get used to it, "you're too fat" is out and "your too skinny" is in. The only other option is to start a thin-fascist movement.
 
G

Ginkgo

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As more and more people cross the overweight and obese thresholds, it'll be more common for people to say that skinny people are too skinny or gross, even people who (used to be) normal weight. I'm back up to about 140 but people still tell me I'm too skinny. I always wondered "too skinny for what?". All I'm saying is that you should get used to it, "you're too fat" is out and "your too skinny" is in. The only other option is to start a thin-fascist movement.

Hitler was a vegetarian.

/common knowledge
 

Viridian

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I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th

Apparently, losing weight is the only reason for eating healthily, too... (õ_o)

This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.

If I could put a Hallelujah chorus in .gif form, I would, Ivy. :D
 

xenaprincess

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I haven't read this entire thread but....I've always understood that one shouldn't make remarks about someone else's appearance, unless that someone else brings it up.

I might ask whether someone had gotten a haircut, but that's as far as I'd go.

I wasn't brought up this way, I've been influenced by people around me. What if someone is losing weight because they are ill? There is zero reason to bring up someone's weight, whether they are losing or gaining. It's just not polite (in my world).

This one woman at my office makes remarks about whether someone is losing or gaining weight, or whether they are eating in a healthy manner, and it kills me every time. It is simply rude.

I've said stuff to her about it, which probably makes me rude, too, but it does not stick. The woman is made of teflon.
 

greenfairy

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I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''
Haha, good response. I'll remember this one.
This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.
Yeah I hate this too! I totally agree. Women's magazines spend so much time trying to tell women to love their bodies, but the tabloids are filled with negative body criticisms. And if people are really concerned, the fashion industry should have more regular sized women on catwalks. The argument is that clothes look better on thin people; but really they look best on healthy, well proportioned people. And there isn't much point in designing clothes that aren't meant to be worn by real people; it's turned into using people to be part of a sadistic art project.

I believe that the only solution is to use a social rebuke for people who are critical, effectively using the same method. In small groups, a question like "why do you think it is acceptable to criticise others?" can be quite painful. If enough people do that, a new social norm replaces the old.
This is a good response too. Very interesting how it differs by country and region. I heard that in Japan anorexia is really prevalent.
 

skylights

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Apparently, women are always either too skinny or too fat (For what? Existing? Feasting other people's eyes? Who knows?).

THIS. THANK YOU.

Anyone's comments about your body are basically always about how your body makes them feel, which is totally their issue, not yours. Last time someone gave me an unwanted comment, I tried to be nice, but he kept pushing and I gave him a long lecture (on body teasing and image issues and why he should shut his mouth). Loudly. In public.

:shrug:
 
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