Psychosis and... Me?

[Betty Blue]

To be honest, I find motivational people tiresome. It seems too fake to me

I'm doing a joint major in English and Music. I've exams in both as well as an elective in Greek Tragedy coming up in 2 weeks. Still got a few assignments hanging over me as well.

Yes sorry prehaps that wasn't clear. I meant someone that you find motivational, that motivates you.
Ok, so what needs to be handed in/which exam is first? Specifically.

 

[Oeufa]

My first exam is a fortnight away, exactly. I have til wednesday to late-submit a musicology essay and I got a new formal analysis assignment yesterday but I've no idea when that's due Not for a while I'm guessing.


Someone inspiring? Hmmm you'll have to gimme a while to think of that.

 

[prplchknz]

ok so you can't drop or withdraw. still talk to them and tell them what's going on, the worst is you're still fail. the best is they'll be someone at your school that can make sure you don't get kicked out and won't lose funding.

 

[Betty Blue]

My first exam is a fortnight away, exactly. I have til wednesday to late-submit a musicology essay and I got a new formal analysis assignment yesterday but I've no idea when that's due Not for a while I'm guessing.


Someone inspiring? Hmmm you'll have to gimme a while to think of that.

Ok, so thats not too bad. You can work on the musicology essay now. Once handed in -revision for the exam, then work on the other assignment.
3 managable chunks ish.
What is the essay title? How many words etc... musicology is fairly broad.
Inspiration...yes! Thats what you need.
Do you like classical music? always helps my brain focus a little.


God, i hope i don't sound patronising here..*worries*

 

[Oeufa]

Musicology 2000words on the life and work of one major Renaissance composer of our choice basically.

With the exams though, I've 6 papers to sit in the space of a week. And an entire semester's worth of material to learn for each since I've done nothing all year. I was in the same position last semester and couldn't even bring myself to cram :/

I like all kinds of music, but it usually serves to distract. I'll listen for progressions and try to recreate them on whatever instrument I have to hand. It's not helpful


*sigh* My mum keeps looking up intern jobs on the web, but I can't bring myself to apply for any of them. They'll want copies of my academic results and they'll dismiss me straight away thanks to all my fails. And the hole gets bigger....

 

[prplchknz]

I've been in a very simular situation that you are now, I was failing classes but refused to drop because I'd be kicked out of the dorms and no place to live. Take my advice so you don't end up in the same situation I did talk to your teachers if they won't listen talk to some one higher up keep talking til some one listens. don't give up, I'm wait listed to see a counselor currently luckily the head of student affairs is involved and making sure I don't fall to far. I know talking to people sucks it's scary I have a hard time doing it. But remember there is always a way to get what you need, it might not be conventional. And no, I don't mean by stepping on others, just figure what reasources are available to you. I got kicked out of school even.

 

[Oeufa]

I've been in a very simular situation that you are now, I was failing classes but refused to drop because I'd be kicked out of the dorms and no place to live. Take my advice so you don't end up in the same situation I did talk to your teachers if they won't listen talk to some one higher up keep talking til some one listens. don't give up, I'm wait listed to see a counselor currently luckily the head of student affairs is involved and making sure I don't fall to far. I know talking to people sucks it's scary I have a hard time doing it. But remember there is always a way to get what you need, it might not be conventional. And no, I don't mean by stepping on others, just figure what reasources are available to you. I got kicked out of school even.

I don't know who I'd even speak to... My courses are both huge so I don't know my lecturers, and since I've been to maybe 1 tutorial of each class I can't exactly talk to a tutor either. Besides now that the teaching term is over I don't think they hold office hours anymore. There are student advisors and programme officers and that kind of thing, but since I'd only be going in to say, "Yeah I did absolutely NOTHING this year at all, can you wave a magic wand and not have me pay €1000s in repeat fees??" I can imagine where I'll be told to go....

 

[prplchknz]

not if you explain whats going on. fine talk to your advisor, that's a good place to start. say that you went to counseling services but you were wait listed, believe me you are not the first person or the last person to do something like this. And people who are actually lazy and i'm guessing, correct me if i'm wrong you're not getting your work done because you keep thinking I don't know what to say, I'm going to fail, I'm a failure, I'm stupid, I use to be smart, why can't I get this, I should be able to get this.

 

[Oeufa]

I know I sound like I'm dismissing everything said here, but I'm really not. I take everyone's words on board, and I really appreciate it, so thanks

And people who are actually lazy and i'm guessing, correct me if i'm wrong you're not getting your work done because you keep thinking I don't know what to say, I'm going to fail, I'm a failure, I'm stupid, I use to be smart, why can't I get this, I should be able to get this.

Not entirely true. Like I said earlier in the thread, I was lazy in 2nd level too. I'd not hand up homework etc and the teachers never really reprimanded me cause I was smart and still did well in tests. They laughed it off as disorganisation for the most part. The fact that they liked me helped . Anyway, it did nothing to help me get into a work habit, and now I'm just, well, lazy. I don't bother to do the work, but now there IS consequences for it (ie, brings down my grade). I just can't make myself do stuff, so I don't bother to do stuff, and now I'm a big fucking failure. It's the end of the semester now and I got absolutely nothing done despite all my resolutions at the start... It's not cause I don't know what to do or say, it's because I don't bother doing it. And it's all my own damn fault, which is the annoying thing


So, bearing all that in mind, what is a student adviser or programme officer gonna tell me? Either drop out, swap course or just suck it up and do the fucking work. Since I already know these are my only options, what use is there in going to speak to one? They can't exactly magic this year away for me.

 

[prplchknz]

so was I so was I, well the equivlent of 2nd level

 

[Oeufa]

High school, I'm guessing?

 

[prplchknz]

yup

 

[Oeufa]

I dunno, I really can't think of anything at all they'd be able to do for me . But I'll consider it.

 

[prplchknz]

good

 

[Oeufa]

I'm just wondering whether I should try to get a consultation with the school psychiatrist. Does any of the stuff I mentioned in my OP (that's affecting me now, not my past) warrant this?

 

[prplchknz]

I'd say so.

 

[Numbers]

From what i've read it really sounds like you have OCD and maybe depression. A lot of people think of OCD as hand-washing, ritualistic type behavior, but there is another kind as well called Pure obsessional OCD.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD

"The nature and type of Purely Obsessional OCD varies greatly, but the central theme for all sufferers is the emergence of a disturbing intrusive thought or question, an unwanted/inappropriate mental image, or a frightening impulse that causes the person extreme anxiety because it is antithetical to closely-held religious beliefs, morals, or societal mores.[3] While those without Purely Obsessional OCD might instinctively respond to bizarre intrusive thoughts or impulses as insignificant and part of a normal variance in the human mind, someone with Purely Obsessional OCD will respond with profound alarm followed by an intense attempt to neutralize the thought or avoid having the thought again. The person begins to ask themselves constantly "Am I really capable of something like that?" or "Could that really happen?" or "Is that really me?" (even though they usually realize that their fear is irrational, which causes them further distress)[4] and puts tremendous effort into escaping or resolving the unwanted thought. They then end up in a vicious cycle of mentally searching for reassurance and trying to get a definitive answer.[2][5]"

Read the whole article that is just a snipplet.

I really think you should go in and get checked though, just to rule out other possibilities. It's really impossible to diagnose someone over the internet, especially if you lack the proper qualifications (like everyone here )

Anyway, good luck!

 

[Oeufa]

A lot of that does seem familiar, in that it was how I was about my deusphobia a few years ago. Nowadays though I do get inappropriate sexual images in my head that I find distressing and try to push out of my head. I never considered that might be unusual .


Anyway, I don't think I can directly make an appointment to see the psychiatrist (have to be referred as far as I can tell) so still a bit lost at the moment. Not sure what to do...

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm just wondering whether I should try to get a consultation with the school psychiatrist. Does any of the stuff I mentioned in my OP (that's affecting me now, not my past) warrant this?

Yes, and i think you already know that. If you can get an appointment quicker with a psych then do it.

 

[Oeufa]

I know you guys are gonna read this and think I'm just making excuses, but I'm not. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I am my own problem .

Basically, I believe more so than anything in the power of the human mind. It's phenomenal. I honestly believe that every person alive is the person they've molded themselves to be. It begins with a mental image of yourself, the person you believe you are, and slowly but surely you become that person. You fall into the role. (it's like, if I know I'm an INTP I might start answering typology quizzes based on what the INTP answer is rather than the Oeufa answer. I might start acting more like an INTP in everyday life than I would otherwise). I know all this is nothing new or innovative on my part, but I'm putting it down here anyway.

See, the thing is, I've been selling myself a very negative image of myself. I've been telling myself I'm the fat loner with no friends for so long that I'm becoming that fat loner with no friends. I've been telling myself I hate my course and slowly but surely I'm becoming more and more disinterested with it (I wasn't nearly this bad for assignments or exams last year). I've been telling myself I'm a mediocre musician and I am one (though that's not necessarily cause of my mental power ). I've been telling myself no one will ever hire me, so I haven't been trying. Basically, I'm the root of all my problems.

So, I doubt I actually have any mental illnesses besides terminal negativity . I just need to snap myself out of my defeatist mindset. Think happy, be happy, and all that jazz. Ever since I started this thread I've been moping about more, getting even less done than usual and basically being a bum. All cause I thought I was mentally ill. Which is bullcrap when you think about it.