Am I really heavily obese???

[Athenian200]

Aaaaand he said it again. "I think you have thyroid problems because your fat in an ugly way." Then I asked him what he wanted me to look like. He didn't explain it, he just threw a tantrum. So I have to eat even less? And I am already constantly starving!

Actually, I've heard that cutting back too much on food causes your body to go into starvation mode, which actually causes you to GAIN weight. So not eating enough could actually be your problem if you're still gaining weight.

The body was designed to deal with famine, not abundance of food, avoiding temptation, and idealizing an overly skinny appearance. In some cultures, I believe that being too skinny is actually considered a sign of poverty rather than beauty.

 

[Queen Kat]

Actually, I've heard that cutting back too much on food causes your body to go into starvation mode, which actually causes you to GAIN weight. So not eating enough could actually be your problem if you're still gaining weight.

The body was designed to deal with famine, not abundance of food, avoiding temptation, and idealizing an overly skinny appearance. In some cultures, I believe that being too skinny is actually considered a sign of poverty rather than beauty.

Well, I know that. When I eat, I usually make sure my parents won't notice. Most of the time I just go to the school cafetaria, but I don't eat much there either, usually just some yoghurt with cereal. I really think there's something wrong with my father. "You're simply FAT!" Okay, I guess this thread proves differently. Anyways, I didn't tell him I'm not planning to lose any weight, because he'd probably just throw another tantrum. I think he has autism or something. I wish I could just eat again, enjoy my life a bit, not feeling like I need to be some unsexy catwalk model.

 

[syndatha]

So you still live with your parents? Maybe you should consider moving? They treat you like a child - or worse, they treat you as an object at their command. Their obsession with your weight is abnormal, you're a grown up now, and your weight is clearly none of their business. I think you need to put up som boundaries.

You do ask for opinions about your body however, and I think you could do with some work out to be more toned. My body is similar, and I personally would prefer to be a little more fit. But I'm also thinking that you ask for opinions because you think other people have the right to have opinions about your body. Which they don't, of course. If you're happy with the way you look - stop listening to other people

 

[Queen Kat]

So you still live with your parents? Maybe you should consider moving? They treat you like a child - or worse, they treat you as an object at their command. Their obsession with your weight is abnormal, you're a grown up now, and your weight is clearly none of their business. I think you need to put up som boundaries.

You do ask for opinions about your body however, and I think you could do with some work out to be more toned. My body is similar, and I personally would prefer to be a little more fit. But I'm also thinking that you ask for opinions because you think other people have the right to have opinions about your body. Which they don't, of course. If you're happy with the way you look - stop listening to other people

I wanted to move out a year ago, but I wasn't allowed to. They said that if I'd move out, they wouldn't ever support me if I ever got in financial trouble and I didn't want to take that risk (most students get in financial problems). I nearly considered the harsh approach of faking an eating disorder, but I read that things like that are a sign of psychopathy and I really don't feel like going to a psychiatric hospital. Or maybe it is a good idea, but then I shouldn't do it way too extreme. I just nead to eat significantly less during dinner, pretend I have some obsession with my weight, shaking things up and making them face that they've might have done something wrong. Believe me, if they had a kid who would have been prone to eating disorders, it would have died of one a long time ago.

 

[syndatha]

I understand. They seem to have some serious control issues. If it's impossible to move, try to listen as little as possible, and study fast
Eating disorders are not indications of psychopathy btw, but can be connected with OCD. Also, it's often an indication of a person being totally invaded upon, and thus controlling what little is left to control, like for instance eating.

 

[Queen Kat]

I understand. They seem to have some serious control issues. If it's impossible to move, try to listen as little as possible, and study fast
Eating disorders are not indications of psychopathy btw, but can be connected with OCD. Also, it's often an indication of a person being totally invaded upon, and thus controlling what little is left to control, like for instance eating.

I've been checking when I could move away. Turns out I'm stuck here for at least two more years. Then I'd like to get my master somewhere abroad. But it's insane how much of my life I've been hiding from my parents. They don't know I'm here, for instance and my father doesn't know I spend lots of time writing on my big fat writing project and that I've written 153 pages of fiction since December 18. In fact, I believe that at least two third of my life is hidden from at least one of my parents. It's insane.
PRETENDING to have an eating disorder IS a sign of psychopathy, not the disorder itself. Anorexics are usually extreme perfectionists, so OCD would indeed be logical. I once browsed through some of those pro-ana sites, seriously, those people are NUTS! They actually talk about themself the way my father talks about me. But most of the time eating disorders occur when girls (and boys) feel like they don't have any control over their life. That doesn't take away the fact that they're totally nuts.

 

[syndatha]

Well, in your case, I don't think faking an eating disorder would be considered psychopathy. More like self defense, or a survival strategy IMO

 

[Phantonym]

That doesn't take away the fact that they're totally nuts.

Thanks.



In regards to your situation with your parents. Have you considered applying for some student exchange programmes? Like the Erasmus Programme, for example. There are others as well. Depending on the programme, you could spend an entire academic year abroad and pay no extra tuition fee. There are also grants available to cover for the additional expenses. Look into what options your university offers, you don't have to limit yourself to such an extent in your life, it might just turn you into a...nut.

 

[Queen Kat]

In regards to your situation with your parents. Have you considered applying for some student exchange programmes? Like the Erasmus Programme, for example. There are others as well. Depending on the programme, you could spend an entire academic year abroad and pay no extra tuition fee. There are also grants available to cover for the additional expenses. Look into what options your university offers, you don't have to limit yourself to such an extent in your life, it might just turn you into a...nut.

I've been checking out those programs, but if I'd really want to follow them I need to wait at least until September 2012. I'm already quite nuts, if you haven't noticed it yet. Turns out being as secretive as I am is actually a disease (my professor told me so).

 

[prplchknz]

I know this won't solve your parents insanity, but have you thought about talking to a therapist about this, maybe they can help you develop tools and just have a place to rant and vent your frustrations in order to deal with your parents more effectiantly, I wish there was a way to get them to see a professional, because what they're saying is damaging, and it sounds like they would benefit from counseling. Because more than likely they have issues that they need to work out themselves.

 

[ScorpioINTP]

Do you have any other symptoms of thryoid deficiency? (lethargy, fatigue, dry skin, constant thirst, hair loss etc.?) I have been on thryoid meds for a few yrs and I was gaining weight too and never had any issues with weight in my life. It's worth checking, but it might be unusual at your age....I only say that because you say you don't eat much and gained 1.5" in 5 mos.

Your parents definitely sound controlling an manipulative. I am familiar with that. I wasn't equipped to move out at your age either, but if you can find a way, you might want to do that. Call their bluff, if you can swing it. They will still support you if you were in dire straights. You are their daughter. They will always love you (despite acting they way they do). A control freak isn't just going to let go that easy. I'm twice your age and my dad still tries to manipulate me and offer me unwanted help/advice. Are you an only child?

You could find faults with them and give them a taste of their own medicine and see how they react if you feel devilish.

 

[Oberon]

I wanted to move out a year ago, but I wasn't allowed to. They said that if I'd move out, they wouldn't ever support me if I ever got in financial trouble and I didn't want to take that risk (most students get in financial problems).

I hope you don't object to me saying so, Kat, but this looks to me like downright predatory behavior. This is controlling at a psycho level. It's like the leverage a kidnapper would use against his victim: "If you ever try to escape, I'll do X..."

Want instant independence from your family? Enlist in the military. You won't have to worry about where to sleep or what to eat for the term of your enlistment, and if you work it out right they'll pay you to go to university. You can send your family postcards of your skinny self in a camo bikini.

 

[Queen Kat]

I know this won't solve your parents insanity, but have you thought about talking to a therapist about this, maybe they can help you develop tools and just have a place to rant and vent your frustrations in order to deal with your parents more effectiantly, I wish there was a way to get them to see a professional, because what they're saying is damaging, and it sounds like they would benefit from counseling. Because more than likely they have issues that they need to work out themselves.

I've visitted a therapist a few months ago because of my ADD and I don't feel like visitting them again because of something else. I usually try to lose my frustrations by writing about them (they complain so much about my weight I had to turn my main character into someone who was actually overweight). I know my parents wouldn't visit a therapist. My father hates therapists and my mother doesn't dare to visit one because of that reason (I kept my visit a secret too, but I have more secrets anyway). I know that my mother has extremely low self-esteem and my father just seems a bit obsessive compulsive or autistic, so yes, they probably have issues too.

Do you have any other symptoms of thryoid deficiency? (lethargy, fatigue, dry skin, constant thirst, hair loss etc.?) I have been on thryoid meds for a few yrs and I was gaining weight too and never had any issues with weight in my life. It's worth checking, but it might be unusual at your age....I only say that because you say you don't eat much and gained 1.5" in 5 mos.

Your parents definitely sound controlling an manipulative. I am familiar with that. I wasn't equipped to move out at your age either, but if you can find a way, you might want to do that. Call their bluff, if you can swing it. They will still support you if you were in dire straights. You are their daughter. They will always love you (despite acting they way they do). A control freak isn't just going to let go that easy. I'm twice your age and my dad still tries to manipulate me and offer me unwanted help/advice. Are you an only child?

You could find faults with them and give them a taste of their own medicine and see how they react if you feel devilish.

My hair is okay, I'm rarely really thirsty, just when I'm tired or in summer (but maybe because I drink a lot of tea and coffee because I can think better when I drink these things), I only have skin problems in summer (eczema and pigmentless stains), I usually have a lot of energy (except, indeed, in summer), so it seems that I only have thyroid problems in summer. I only gained weight because I lost my measuring tape and I just don't have any control of my body without it. I'm indeed an only child and I actually gave up on moving out the next few years. I just have to wait until I can follow a master study abroad, but somewhere I speak the local language fluently (that would be Belgium, Suriname or some English speaking country). Maybe I could work on the little French I already speak and study in a French speaking country.

I hope you don't object to me saying so, Kat, but this looks to me like downright predatory behavior. This is controlling at a psycho level. It's like the leverage a kidnapper would use against his victim: "If you ever try to escape, I'll do X..."

Want instant independence from your family? Enlist in the military. You won't have to worry about where to sleep or what to eat for the term of your enlistment, and if you work it out right they'll pay you to go to university. You can send your family postcards of your skinny self in a camo bikini.

And I thought I was just being a drama queen for thinking this wasn't normal behaviour. But I don't want to enlist in the military. I like being in college too much (even though my life isn't exactly the true college life ).

 

[INTP]

im really bad at seeing that from photos, but it looks like you are at pretty normal weight, but on the heavy side of normal. exercise and eat healthier if you want to, it doesent only help with losing weight, but also your mind works better since your body creates all hormones and builds your brains and all from what you eat. not to mention that its nice not to die if you need to run 100 meters to bus as fast as you can.

and this:

All that matters is how you feel about your own body. Forget about everyone elses opinion.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Now I want to see a picture of your mum. The woman must look like an XKCD refugee, with lipstick.

 

[INTP]

Y'know I have to add... It wasn't until the past few years that I began to realize how much most men actually don't like really skinny women. Turns out a LOT of them like butts and hips and boobs and some squishy/jiggly bits.

i have noticed that younger men like skinny girls more and as men get older they start to like more something that they can grab

 

[skylights]

i think your body is lovely, and you look far from obese. you were very cute at 14 but lanky, as teens of course usually are. now you have a balanced hourglass figure and beautiful curves.

i am a bit biased, though, i think women look better when they are average (which i believe you are - nothing about your body says "overly heavy" to me) or a bit thicker than the "skinny" many people tend to idealize. scientifically speaking, we are made to bear and nurture children; we are meant to be a bit more padded. and if your body leans that way naturally, then all the more reasonable to allow it to be like that if you feel happy and healthy as you are.

if you want to work on your ratios, you should be able to find some exercises to tone particular areas. working on your pecs can make your chest a bit more prominent, and i think there are certain exercises you can do for your obliques for making your waist smaller. then doing certain glut exercises can make your hips wider.

other than that, i'm sorry your parents are so obsessed with your body image. they sound like the unhealthy ones. perhaps you could go to a thinner doctor and get clearance from them?

 

[Quinlan]

Sounds like your parents have serious issues.

Like you said when you gain weight it improves your hip to waist ratio so according to about the most objective measure you can get, your making yourself more beautiful when you gain weight.

Pretty much throughout history in pretty much all cultures figures like yours (and larger) were celebrated as the pinnacle of beauty. This is the natural ideal of female beauty, men are supposed to be lean and muscular and women are supposed to be soft and curvy. Being "toned" is modern nonsense, embrace your softness. A lot of men pay lip service to the thin ideal to conform to society but that's where you get these grotesque stick figures with massive fake boobs and bum implants, there's a kind of cognitive dissonance there where their minds will concede pretty much all the fat off a women's body to the cultural ideal of thinness but their bodies will refuse to give up the most cherished feminine fat stores (the boobs and bum).

As for the health side of the argument, even if you were overweight (which you aren't), being overweight isn't even that bad, this:

http://www.nutritionj.com/content/pdf/1475-2891-10-9.pdf

pretty much debunks everything.

 

[Oberon]

And I thought I was just being a drama queen for thinking this wasn't normal behaviour. But I don't want to enlist in the military. I like being in college too much (even though my life isn't exactly the true college life ).

Take your folks to the next Rubens exhibition. Surely it's not hard to find paintings by the Dutch master artists of the Renaissance in the Netherlands?

 

[kyuuei]

Im not gonna lie, I thought you were fishing for compliments at first so I passed this thread up. But then I figured you haven't been the type so far, so I came back to it.

No. You are not obese. I think that the only way to stop the nagging of your parents is to tell them to stfu. Seriously, a stern, "I like my body the way it is. If I wanted to change it, I would have by now. I'm not going to date, kiss, cuddle, and have sex with any of you. So your opinion of how I look doesn't really mean shit. Gtfo my nuts or stop talking to me altogether" speech would cut that shit out, and if it doesn't, I'd consider pulling away from them more and stop talking to them until they can learn to hold a conversation without this topic.. it has obviously done some damage to your self image to even consider changing yourself for people you aren't ever going to date or interact with on an intimate level.