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Eating Disorders

prplchknz

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anyone have any experience with these? My room mate- I'm sure and as are my other two room mates has an eating disorder.
She admits to starving herself then when you ask why she's like "Sorry I don't want to weigh 300 lbs" She had to do a food diary for a wellness class and the teacher commented on it that she should get professional help and we were looking through it last night, and some days were nothing but water, coffee, vodka and then on the days she does eat it's like I feel guilty for eating. She has to know that she's killing herself. How do I and the other room mates convince her that she may have a problem and that her teacher isn't being an asshole but might actually be trying to help. So she has to talk to him, but she won't because she doesn't want to be left in a room alone so I'm going with her, but I don't understand. So I want to help, but I know I can't really force her to anything. I don't know what answers I'm looking for. Maybe an understanding of how any one could do this too themselves. She's also super skinny so I don't know. Oh and she's an alcoholic but that's another day, not that it doesn't terrify me that she starves herself then drinks heavily.
 

quietgirl

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Is there anything really chaotic going on in her life? Maybe you can focus on trying to help her with that instead of the actual disorder? She may be more receptive. I think I remember you saying you had an INFJ roommate. Is this the INFJ? If so, it could be similar to my experience - the feeling of other people's feelings (especially when the other people are out of control) definitely contributed to my eating disorder symptoms.

I'll admit, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder while in high school. The doctor thinks I had been exhibiting symptoms of it throughout my childhood, though - most likely starting around the time of my parent's divorce. I would stop eating, mentally count calories (the curse of being able to add in my head?), and pretty much just control every single morsel that went into my body. I would start to get physically sick over the thought of eating the fat in foods and other really nutty things.

Why? Because I had absolutely no control over anything going on in my life. It was a period of time when my parents couldn't keep it together and us kids were left to hold up the fort while they childishly fought. I also had a lot of negative feelings being thrown around & the people closest to me were a mess. My natural ability to feel the feelings of others made things a million times more chaotic for me. My younger brother started showing signs of OCD at this point (he's on medication for it now). I managed to keep my mind from falling apart with the rest of them, but I started getting really weird with food. Whenever someone would question why I kept losing significant amounts of weight (I entered college weighing less than 100lbs), I would get VERY defensive. The way I eventually got past it was by speaking with a therapist about the actual issues at hand & finding ways to gain control in healthy ways. Still to this day, though, when things get really chaotic, I tend to try and gain control through food - but the difference is that I'll catch myself and usually go back to my therapist to sort out what's really going on.
 

prplchknz

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yeah it is the INFJ one. She is a bit of control freak and perfectionist. I mean they can be good qualities, but it's too the point that it's not really healthy. Also she's talking about transferring to another school since this is an art school very limited in what you can major in. She wants to be music therapist, which is fine. I hope she finds what she wants to do. I know she's estranged from her father doesn't like her mother and is depressed.

She does count calories I was eating lipton noodles and she smelled them and then later I hadn't thrown away the package and she was inhaling the fumes from the seasoning, and was like "I wish this[smelling] could count as a meal." So yeah. And looked at the back the package to decide if whether or not their were too many calories for her to even try.

It's like she keeps everything bottled up and puts on this perfect image or what she perceives as perfect, then when she gets drunk we find out how she really feels about something.
 

wedekit

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Most people with eating disorders are perfectionists, and the motivation behind it usually isn't losing weight; it's more like having control of your life when you feel like you don't.

It was mentioned in the above post, but I just thought I would label it as an actual cause of disorders. I sat in on a panel of 3 Eating Disorders Counselors/Clinicians and I learned a LOT of valuable information from it. (<-- Psychology Major.)
 

Metamorphosis

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You should point out that not eating enough slows down her metabolism and reduces muscle tissue (which in turn, reduces fat burning) so she will put on weight faster upon eating normally if she continues to do so.
 

CzeCze

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Most people with eating disorders are perfectionists, and the motivation behind it usually isn't losing weight; it's more like having control of your life when you feel like you don't.

Bingo!

More than 'perfectionist' I would say they are filled with anxiety and this causes them to try to control what they eat but they'll never be at peace so it's a never ending cycle. Kinda like binge or compulsive eating, the emptiness or desire is emotional or basically NOT physical and cannot be filled with food.

It's also a cultural/American thing as I never really experienced it in the pathological sense until college. It was VERY common.

Unfortunately, you and your friends alone cannot turn around someone with an eating disorder. They really do need to see a professional. Your friend has probably lost the ability to actually "see" herself.

Other than an intervention and continuing support, maybe you can try to sneak her food so that at least her physical needs are being met with the professional tends to her mental/emotional?
 

prplchknz

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You should point out that not eating enough slows down her metabolism and reduces muscle tissue (which in turn, reduces fat burning) so she will put on weight faster upon eating normally if she continues to do so.

We' ve told her that but she won't listen.
 

Usehername

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You should point out that not eating enough slows down her metabolism and reduces muscle tissue (which in turn, reduces fat burning) so she will put on weight faster upon eating normally if she continues to do so.

THe thing about eating disorders is that they are not logical. Not in the slightest. So you can tell them facts, you can lay out bread crumbs of consequences for their actions...
hell, my friend who was(is?) anorexic is an INTJ! And still, the only thing that helped her was spending her summer in the hospital with professional help because of her eating disorder. Doesn't that suck.

none of it will help them. They need serious help from professionals.
 

pocket lint

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THe thing about eating disorders is that they are not logical. Not in the slightest. So you can tell them facts, you can lay out bread crumbs of consequences for their actions...
hell, my friend who was(is?) anorexic is an INTJ! And still, the only thing that helped her was spending her summer in the hospital with professional help because of her eating disorder. Doesn't that suck.

none of it will help them. They need serious help from professionals.

My INTJ friend is also anorexic. Over the past two years, she has been seeing therapists, nutritionists, and other professionals.... she said she is aware of how her behavior is not logical, but she can't help it. She gets irritated when people tell her that she doesn't need to starve herself to look pretty... that's not her motivation at all. She said that starving herself gives her a natural high, and that there is a great amount of satisfaction from having control over her body. She's still struggling with the problem, but luckily, her bf (INFP) is there for her also... LOL, I had them both take an MBTI test. I think love made things better for her, as corny as it sounds. Also, the doctor told her if she didn't get her period back soon, she would jeopardize her chances to get pregnant in the future. It sounded like that scared her enough for her to try and get back on track with a healthier diet.
 

prplchknz

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So I didn't actually go to the gym with her. She said that he wasn't going to be their until 5:30 and she had class at 6. So I don't know if she's gone and talked to the teacher or not. Not too mentioned she was shocked when I said I wanted to go to the gym. I then explained that the one person who was going to go with her had an interview, so couldn't go and I was taking her place. I also have no clue what I would have said so maybe that was a good thing. It's still hard for me to understand her motivation when she knows their are healthier ways to lose weight, maybe it is for control. She doesn't need to lose weight if anything she needs to gain. My one friend who is (was) bulemic(and I did nothing, now has a tube in her stomach from gaestroparisis hell I may have encouraged it) said that my room mate knows. That people with eating disorders usually know, but don't admit.
 

quietgirl

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So I didn't actually go to the gym with her. She said that he wasn't going to be their until 5:30 and she had class at 6. So I don't know if she's gone and talked to the teacher or not. Not too mentioned she was shocked when I said I wanted to go to the gym. I then explained that the one person who was going to go with her had an interview, so couldn't go and I was taking her place. I also have no clue what I would have said so maybe that was a good thing. It's still hard for me to understand her motivation when she knows their are healthier ways to lose weight, maybe it is for control. She doesn't need to lose weight if anything she needs to gain. My one friend who is (was) bulemic(and I did nothing, now has a tube in her stomach from gaestroparisis hell I may have encouraged it) said that my room mate knows. That people with eating disorders usually know, but don't admit.

It normally is to control something when everything is out of control. Since you said she is the INFJ (and I read that someone else had an INTJ friend with an eating disorder), think of what you've read about INFJ & INTJ perfectionism (and to an extent - control issues). Now think of that same perfectionism on turbo speed. That's really what keeps driving it. The losing weight is really just an after effect that has nothing much to do with it. People manifest their perfectionism problems in different ways - the straight A student who CANNOT get a B and MUST get into an Ivy League College, the girl who gets multiple plastic surgeries to have the perfect body, etc. None of it is healthy & the action is normally driven by something much deeper - a fear of failure or loss of control, most likely.
 

heykitten

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THe thing about eating disorders is that they are not logical. Not in the slightest. So you can tell them facts, you can lay out bread crumbs of consequences for their actions...
hell, my friend who was(is?) anorexic is an INTJ! And still, the only thing that helped her was spending her summer in the hospital with professional help because of her eating disorder. Doesn't that suck.

none of it will help them. They need serious help from professionals.
See, that's the thing, it is very, very, logical if you are eating disordered. Point A (calorie cutting etc) gets you to be Point B (weightloss etc) & the world is linear again, because most likely their world is otherwise in chaos. Physical effects does not deter the drive to get to Point B. Which seems warped in the mind of outsiders (understandably). It's hard to describe exactly because there are so many variables and reasons for one person, let alone the collective reasons for the eating disordered. It's upsets me when people simplify the reasons e.g. the media to the 'enlighten' the masses based on superficial rational of 'why'. There is no simplistic reason why.

I'm not sure if it has shed light on EDs or not/the illogical of it all. :blush:
 

faith

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I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I understand the attraction of it.

I'm not overweight, but I've found myself excessively counting calories and feeling sick at the thought of eating any fat. When things get really stressful, I sometimes skip meals and find a strange confort in ignoring my hunger. For me, it makes me feel strong--stronger than any physical problems: compensating for feeling very weak and out of control in other areas. It also feels a bit like I'm getting rid of excess nonsense that would "weigh me down". I know that doesn't make sense, I'm just trying to explain what it feels like. I also tend to lose my appetite under stress, and the thought of food feels yucky at times.

When I realize I'm doing this, I try to turn the whole thing on its head. I tell myself that I am strong enough to choose to eat. I remind myself that I am in charge of my body and responsible for keeping it fit, so I will take care of this problem by giving my body materials necessary for it to build health. I make it a point to recognize the source of the stress and speak firmly to myself for 'giving in' to the tendency to misplace the desire for control.

Explaining to her how she's damaging her body probably won't help her deep down inside. Inside, there are more important issues than just being healthy. She probably needs professional help. There are sites online for eating disorders. A friend of mine who used to be bulimic recommends the site somethingfishy.org
 

prplchknz

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Well good news she went to go see someone about her eating disorder today. She made the appointment and I went with her she tried to chicken out when we were at the door but I grabbed her and dragged her inside. She made me get up early (ok I don't sleep, but I had to get dressed) to go with her,
 
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