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  1. #1
    ϚᗩᑎᑕTᑌᗩᖇY Luminous's Avatar
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    Default How do you balance your ideals with reality?

    I'm especially looking for those who are idealists to answer, like NFs and enneagram 1s.

    How do you balance wanting to attain or fulfill an ideal with the reality of life? Especially when few things are certain in life? When do you decide to settle for good enough? What is good enough?
    There is a crack in everything
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  2. #2
    Complex paradigm Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    I'm especially looking for those who are idealists to answer, like NFs and enneagram 1s.

    How do you balance wanting to attain or fulfill an ideal with the reality of life? Especially when few things are certain in life? When do you decide to settle for good enough? What is good enough?

    I know that this is probably too Te heavy answer but ...

    First, "only a few things are certain in life" is true only until someone doesn't make it otherwise.
    On the other hand this highly depends on what your ideals actually are. Therefore if you are expecting that you will fulfill the ideal just by going straight for it you will probably end up disappointed. Instead, you will probably need to take more of a indirect route and make alliances/friends on your journey. Especially since they are vital in boosting certainty.


    What is good enough ? I suppose it is everything that makes you closer to your end goal. The more the better.
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  3. #3

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    I don't think I even know how to. I suppose my answer would be "practice gratitude and living in the moment". The latter can be near impossible for NFs, so things like meditation, art, or observing nature are necessary breaks from our mental wanderings.

  4. #4
    shooting vultures Earl Grey's Avatar
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    I was going to say more or less what Virtual ghost said above, but I may add, while putting it in a more F language perhaps:


    Hope fuels ideals, but turns to frustration when expectations get put in to the mix. I assume that this is the issue you are referring to in your OP.

    In that it is important not to get lost in the failures and disappointments in whatever expectations you have ended up creating and keep your eyes on the ultimate vision (expectations are not bad. They show you that there is a solid checkpoint you'd like to arrive at). Have wisdom, see where your ideals might not hold and either find a way to make it do so or adapt (an easy example of one that can be adapted is idealizing something futile- like another person- because people cannot be controlled).

    The interaction of yourself and your environment will not always go smoothly, so to have (possibly) extremely rigid expectations of certain things may slow down or even halt the process in realizing your ideal, because not everything can go 100%, no matter how much planning we do. Realize that you are envisioning what others might not- and just because of that, they may disagree. Just because there is a negative interaction between you and your environment, it does not necessarily mean that the ideal in itself is invalid- maybe your environment is not right, or maybe you lack resources.

    Realize that it's not the ideals, necessarily, that have to be balanced, but maybe your own approach. Realize that just because the methods may be wrong, the ideals may not be- this applies especially to high ideals such as world peace and kindness. Realize that every little step you take with it in mind is a move in accordance with and towards that ideal. Realize that at the end that is what matters most, more than one or two failures or mistaken methods you may have used in achieving them.
    Vallite King

    . . . for truth and peace you fight
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  5. #5
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    This sounds incredibly ridiculous but I just followed my "gut", hoping for the best. If I can just hold on a little longer, my company may land some major business deals and open up a 3rd location in the next few months
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  6. #6
    ornery ornithologist captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    Well..I have a history of alcohol misuse, suspicious and bitter thinking, and overcompensating in other areas of my life- to which much of the forum can attest...but I don't think that's what the OP is asking for.
    Jarlaxle/Mane: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

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  7. #7
    𝓛ιкєтнє𝓓єνi lмαу PumpkinMayCare's Avatar
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    Well, actually I don't balance my ideals that often with reality. Sounds like my life is quite the mess, but actually it's not. Let me explain.
    I am aware I have high standards and what is good enough for others is often not good enough for me. So you could say I'm a perfectionist and in some ways I am, but when I thought about me as a perfectionist, it never really felt right. That's because there was a time I questioned my ideals and thought 'are they really that unattainable and impractical?' Analazying what I truly tried to achieve showed me which ideals were unrealistic. Some were, some weren't. Some ideals do need time to be made into a reality and I've made it a habit to weigh if I got the time to achieve them or if it's even worth putting time and effort in order to make certain things happen or not.

    So, that's why I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, but just ambitious and definitely an idealist.

    I don't see a problem with being ambitious and wanting certain things but you need to apply some critical thinking and common sense instead of letting it run wild. See, I've met idealists who over the years let go of their ideals or at least watered them down or let them become watered down by various harsh life experiences. If any idealist wants to let go of their ideals because they find them too overbearing, that's okay. Do your thing. But like I said, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious and having certain standards if you apply some common sense to it. There are some ideals that will, over time, become clear to you, that they're just too hard to mantain or even hindering you from going as a person or whatever. It actually comes down to personal experience. I'm still learning which ideals are worth keeping and which one better get tossed.

    Now, there are certain things I have no control over and can not make them happen because they lay in someone else's hands. Let's say friendships and how I'd like them to be. Over the last years I questioned my ideals a lot and found what it comes down to is what I'm willing to put up with and which behaviours certainly don't go. That is a thing we all actually have to discern, whether you're an idealist or not. We all need boundaries and we all need to set a certain standard in our friendships. Learning which boundaries are doing you good and which not can be quite a messy journey, but over the time I figured it out and came out of the jungle with a clearer perspective on things. And I learned to be cautious about asking for certain ideals to be met because as idealists we do tend to be harsher towards other people. Correct me on that if I'm wrong, it's just, from what I've seen, idealists are judging other people's behaviour very harshly at times, and they mean it. But NT's, I've found, often use harsher words but don't mean it that way, and don't really hold grudges so much, I find. Anyway, this is just my experience and I don't wanna act like I know what all idealists or NT's are like, it's just my experience.

    Now, to be frank, I personally find it not that hard to call myself out when I'm in that 'judging people too harshly and expecting unrealistic things from people'-phase, because all I find I need to do is, sit back and relax. And I think in terms of typology, what happens is, I let my Ne take over. And Ne is super helpful with balancing my harsh standards and telling me to seek communication, talking it out, instead of canceling someone because of an arguments or difference in opinion. So, that's what I can do to put my ideals into place when they are about to take over.

    See, that's why I said in the beginning, I don't really balance my ideals with reality. Because after evaluating if it's worth the time and effort, I'm still working on turning some ideals into a reality. Because if it's possible to achieve something and you got the resources for it, why not go for it?

    Side-Note: I've just realized I forgot to talk about the motivation for having certain ideals. I do always see potential in the environment around me, that's the kind of person I've always been. And it's fun and an adventure to meet a certain goal. That in itself is totally fine. It's just when I think about having ideals when it comes to people, our reason for having certain standards aren't always good for us. I personally haven't, but I met people who based their ideals on unrealistic expectations they have taken from movies or what not. And that will ultimately make you stumble and fall. Take a close look at your motivations, intentions and if it makes sense to have a certain ideal, or if it's hindering to you.

    I wish we were all rose-colored too
    My rose-colored boy

    You say, "We gotta look on the bright side"
    I say, "Well, maybe if you wanna go blind"
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  8. #8
    Turmoil Dareyth's Avatar
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    If you can see it happening in your lifetime, it is "good enough" or worth pursuing. Anything beyond that doesn't really matter, unless your shooting for world peace, but thats literally impossible because humans suck.
    4w5/5w6/8w9
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Madboot's Avatar
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    I try to make I don't project my ideals onto others. I fail at this sometimes, but I've gotten better over the years. The world at large isn't a very idealistic place though, so I have become something of a cynic.
    The strong manly ones in life are those who understand the meaning of the word patience. Patience means restraining one's inclinations. There are seven emotions: joy, anger, anxiety, adoration, grief, fear, and hate, and if a man does not give way to these he can be called patient. I am not as strong as I might be, but I have long known and practiced patience. And if my descendants wish to be as I am, they must study patience.

    Ieyasu Tokugawa
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  10. #10
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madboot View Post
    I try to make I don't project my ideals onto others. I fail at this sometimes, but I've gotten better over the years. The world at large isn't a very idealistic place though, so I have become something of a cynic.
    This. But I have also realized that if you have an ideal that others, even small amounts of people, share, you can make it a reality. I changed a career, a direction and a place in about a year's time. I'm also cynical enough to know that I did this at the right time for myself personally and the environment we're currently living in so it wasn't just chance.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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