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  1. #1
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Default Don't Let Me Down

    How much of your behavior is motivated by coming through for someone else?

    How do you select which people matter in this regard, or are they selected for you somehow?

    Is it because you care about them, or is it a product of pride and ego?

    Do extroverted feelers have a wider net than introverted feelers in this regard?

    Why is this such a potent force/construct, or is it just me? I always find it incredibly moving in stories, and it seems to be a common theme.


  2. #2
    Digital ambition Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    That depends on what do you mean by "coming though".


    If you want someone to cry with then I am not your guy. However if you need meds in a snowstorm, get something organized or done, if you need some smaller amounts of money .... then I am your guy. I have helped my family, my friends and I even give stuff to the poor people constantly. I am willing to help everyone if I will not clearly suffer in the process.

  3. #3
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    That depends on what do you mean by "coming though".


    If you want someone to cry with then I am not your guy. However if you need meds in a snowstorm, get something organized or done, if you need some smaller amounts of money .... then I am your guy. I have helped my family, my friends and I even give stuff to the poor people constantly. I am willing to help everyone if I will not clearly suffer in the process.
    Meeting their expectations. And I think we all set the expectations others have for us. Why do we let some people have them and not others, and why the specific expectations we choose?

  4. #4
    必然 Exolvuntur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    Meeting their expectations. And I think we all set the expectations others have for us. Why do we let some people have them and not others, and why the specific expectations we choose?
    Truthfully, cost benefit analysis that disguises itself as emotions. You invest, because you think you will get it in return. So when things go awry, you feel like you were stolen from.
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  5. #5
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I'm imagining E2's are going to have a strong connection to this. All relationships are abut a little give and take, they are mutual exchanges. If you are often the taker because circumstances and then get into a position where you can really help someone back they you will feel the reward.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  6. #6
    Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    How much of your behavior is motivated by coming through for someone else?
    This gets tricky because...

    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    How do you select which people matter in this regard, or are they selected for you somehow?

    Is it because you care about them, or is it a product of pride and ego?
    I am most motivated to come through for people I care about strongly, and also people who've come through for me in the past. Because I care about them, it isn't just about them when I come through for them, it's also about me and what I value (them) and doing what is right. So in some sense, when I come through for them, I'm also coming through for myself.

    Anyway, that hair splitting aside, I guess I spend a substantial amount coming through for others, whether just in terms of time, emotional energy, physically, uprooting my life and habits, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    Meeting their expectations. And I think we all set the expectations others have for us. Why do we let some people have them and not others, and why the specific expectations we choose?
    I completely disagree with the bolded. Other people's expectations are their own. I may influence them, I may even outright tell them what to expect, but what they actually do expect also depends on who they are, what they think about whatever the situation is, how well they know me, etc. There are plenty of misunderstandings in the world where person A thinks person B means something they don't, which creates expectations in person A's mind in regard to person B, which person B never intended.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    I completely disagree with the bolded. Other people's expectations are their own. I may influence them, I may even outright tell them what to expect, but what they actually do expect also depends on who they are, what they think about whatever the situation is, how well they know me, etc. There are plenty of misunderstandings in the world where person A thinks person B means something they don't, which creates expectations in person A's mind in regard to person B, which person B never intended.
    I agree with you here initially, but don't expectations work themselves after repetition? If you meet someone who never answers their phone (and you don't know it yet), you might expect them to answer the first few times, but if he continues to deny you the expectation that he will answer, eventually you will adjust your expectations to reality, no?

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