Listening Skills: Why are active listening skills crucial in understanding?

[LightSun]

'Active Listening Skills'

"Why is communication skills so important with the art of active listening? I've known people who hear you but don't listen, validate or reflect. I also know people who speak but do not communicate. They instead are so focused on their own message that you may as well be talking into one ear and out the other. The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. For this to transpire active listening skills are essential. This incorporates both feedback and validation using an empathetic approach. Why are active listening skills crucial in helping overcome human differences as well as deescalating conflict?”

“I try to learn from someone more enlightened than myself. But, if I am further on the path, I still can learn from others who may not be so far on the path but still have lessons to impart provided their is mutual dialogue with shown mutual respect. This is why, with an angry individual I still strive to find some truth in their statement. I will then dialogue with that person. We will communicate on that element of truth or reason. Thus dialogues, communication, possibly respect and even friendship can be established. Hopefully, the other can learn from me and so I help a fellow sojourner on the path.

Apparently On our journey's we need two types. We will meet others of similar mind sent to inspire us, as well as perceived adversaries that only make us stronger. Type one that reinforces us, rejuvenates us, and inspires us. We must also deal with unpleasant experiences that force us to examine our core beliefs and either strengthen them or modify the position we hold. But ideally it takes two intelligent and rational people willing to learn. It takes at least one individual willing to keep the door open for communication to occur. I have witnessed useless argumentative wars because egos were not strong enough to listen and process, as well as use critical thinking.

Along the path we will find those that try our patience and fortitude of spirit. Yet, I believe there is the possibility of synergy here and hopefully we both grow. If a person on the path is very dissimilar, then we don't fight them, and try to either change or mold or clone them into a carbon replica of ourselves, nor force them unto our journey. If a person is on a dissimilar journey then they have lessons to learn which are different from yours. We are all unique individuals.

If possible, we let them go on their way. They must learn from life experience. We let them go on their way and predestined chosen path. We must concentrate and remain true to our path and learn the lessons of life to be imparted to us. We should be cognizant of this and not judge. For he or she who judges, only fools self which is a tragedy. Why is it a tragedy? We are so blind searching for the light and when we judge we only lengthen our journey. Anything else does contribute to the ignorance & as well the folly in what is the world. I like it in Hinduism there is a saying that there are many roads to the top of the mountain. We are all different. We need different approaches to reaching ourselves and our true potential.

What is right for one is definitely not right for another person. We must each make our individual Journey. Each must walk an individual path. It is not lonely for on the way one meets a soul group. A group of extraordinary individuals, who each has something important to share and for us to learn. This is if we keep an open mind, and seek to expand our minds and understanding thus increasing our conscious awareness. Sometimes our paths are parallel and at other times, we must walk the path alone. However, at the end of the journey is a reunion, of those who came before you successfully.

There is a saying by the ancient ones. We have two ears and one mouth, therefore we should listen twice as much as speak. I think this is a very wise saying indeed. I would think it would benefit the world if we could but be taught this most rudimentary and basic of human interaction skills. An important tool in human dialogue and learning is the art of true human communication. It is practicing active listening skills and learning to reflect to the other party their message before speaking. The practice of active listening skills with validation, reflection and feedback is sorely missing.

This is of essential importance for peace, and having a more rational as well loving attitude when communicating with other human beings. If we as a society learned to communicate more effectively it would solve a lot of interpersonal strife. People generally have a desire to feel validated and understood. It seems our ego's and defense mechanisms get in the way and these kick in automatically before we even have a basic understanding of where the other person is truly coming from. We all have truths to share. We just need to learn to listen with an attitude of patience."

 

[LightSun]

True communication involves active listening skills along with trying to convey your message.

I. Listening skills involve these elements.

A. The disarming technique: You find some truth in what the other person is saying. I have a saying that everyone may see an element or angle of the truth. This is true unless the message is filled with cognitive distortions.

B. There is both thought empathy and feeling empathy used in communicating.

B.1 Thought empathy: You paraphrase the other person's words. This shows that you are actively listening. It opens a bridge of communication and understanding. What is more you are validating some part of the other person's message and thus validating the individual.

B.2 Feeling empathy: You acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling. This involves getting out of your self. It also means entering the other person's phenomenological inner universe and putting yourself in his or her shoes.

C. Inquiry: You ask gentle, non-judgmental probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. In order to understand the other party as well follow along with their reasoning seek to ask probing questions for clarification. It serves also to see if you are on the right track in your understanding.

II. Self-expression skills involve these elements.

D. Use "I feel" statements such as "I feel upset" rather than "you" statements such as "you're wrong" or "you're making me furious." In this way you take personal ownership and responsibility for your own emotions. You are not seeking to blame. When you use "you" statements you are in an attacking mode. This only causes division and is a barrier to communication. It is a stumbling block.

E. Stroking: If you find something genuinely positive to say to the other person, even in an argument. You convey an attitude of shown respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person. This involves getting outside one's ego. One must have a strong foundation of self as well knowing who you are. If you are holding unto dogmatic beliefs, closed minded and not willing to use reason then you will shut yourself off from understanding others and their viewpoints.

What's more you will have closed yourself off from further learning new concepts and ideas. This is not knowing your true self but rather having a false ego. This kind of ego can be easily triggered. If triggered you are that much less likely to process the information imparted to you or understanding it."

 

[Lark]

Besides speed reading, memory and a bunch of physical skills and ability active listening is the thing I want to develop the most.

 

[LightSun]

Besides speed reading, memory and a bunch of physical skills and ability active listening is the thing I want to develop the most.

Lark wrote, (1) "...active listening is the thing I want to develop the most."

"Developing listening skills might be a crucial element in solving many of the world's problems. The problem is most people 'talk at you,' or 'about you.' True communication is a two way street. Two people meet in mutual dialogue and 'talk with' one another. First one must be coming from a place of utilizing reason. If the other party is using glaring distortions of thought or utilizing an attacking mode filled with subjective language laden with negative overtones, then there isn't much chance of finding common ground. I find it very disturbing that our highest elected officials in Washington DC. don't practice effective listening skills in their dialogue. They just as the common lay person 'talk at' the other party. They show no skill at effective listening."

 

[Lark]

Lark wrote, (1) "...active listening is the thing I want to develop the most."

"Developing listening skills might be a crucial element in solving many of the world's problems. The problem is most people 'talk at you,' or 'about you.' True communication is a two way street. Two people meet in mutual dialogue and 'talk with' one another. First one must be coming from a place of utilizing reason. If the other party is using glaring distortions of thought or utilizing an attacking mode filled with subjective language laden with negative overtones, then there isn't much chance of finding common ground. I find it very disturbing that our highest elected officials in Washington DC. don't practice effective listening skills in their dialogue. They just as the common lay person 'talk at' the other party. They show no skill at effective listening."

This relates to some stuff that came up in another thread.

Lots of other threads actually.