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How rare is being a good conversationalist?

j.c.t.

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Lovely weather, isn't it?
 

The Cat

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Its a dwi dling art though id not go as far to call it a dying art. Communications quality ebbs and flows like the tides with the ebb and flow of civilization. We have dark ages and renaissances. Nothing last forever but the band plays on.

- - - Updated - - -

The movement comes to an end but the symphony goes on...
 

Virtual ghost

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That depends on how do you define "good conversationalist", since this is very subjective term.
Many people prize certain people as very good conversationalists but I don't find myself impressed at all.
 

Mole

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A good conversation is reciprocal.

First one. then the other, turn and turn about, as we set up a conversational rhythm between us, that is not one nor the other, but transcends each, we step outside the taken for granted of ourself, and enter the ecstasy of something larger and more mysterious than either of us. We are conversing.

However if we are too afraid to let go of the self, we are locked out of the conversation.
 

Coriolis

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That depends on how do you define "good conversationalist", since this is very subjective term.
Many people prize certain people as very good conversationalists but I don't find myself impressed at all.
On the most basic level, I define it as someone who converses in such a way that the other person genuinely enjoys conversing with them.
 

ThoughtBubbles

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so i had a quasi "date" (maybe? maybe not? i just hung out with him casually at dinner at the only bar nearby us) with a guy who previously asked me very intelligent, well thought out questions. it seemed like he had really paid attention to me before and i even thought i noticed him watching me a few times in the past.

however, at this dinner, he completely monopolized the conversation and then he'd almost like insist on me asking him about his past and medical/mental health stuff. apparently my boss says he doesn't open up to anyone about his medical stuff and past but it seemed like he was practically begging for me to ask about him and only him. it was weird. what the fuck would cause this behavior???

normally conversational narcissism is a dealbreaker for me because i attract it SO often with new potential friends/flames... but this seemed really unusual. i guessed maybe he just trusted me and really did have stuff weighing on his mind? but i thought he might've liked me too? i think he is an INxP 5 btw. also, he's kind of a supervisor at my job but my job has the world's most casual hierarchy ever. like i told my boss he had a small cock the other day as a joke, that's how casual it is.
 

Earl Grey

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Sometimes, I think it's not necessarily possessing certain 'conversational skills' as much as being able to match your style of conversation to your audience or partner in a way that facilitates conversational flow. Some are quieter listeners but ask brilliant questions at the right time, people who need to talk lots and enjoy those kinds of quieter partners- while some cannot stand the passivity those individuals display, even if they are truly engaged. So, whatever works, for the person you are conversing with / are looking to converse with.

That being said, it being rare or not depends on context- if the person is a therapist or public speaker, different conversational skills will be valued in each field, as well as different demands on how 'professional' and/or knowledgable the individual is, and on what subjects.
 

Coriolis

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Sometimes, I think it's not necessarily possessing certain 'conversational skills' as much as being able to match your style of conversation to your audience or partner in a way that facilitates conversational flow.
Do you really think this is necessary for good conversation? It is something I find hard to do and very draining. There must be a very good reason for it. Now tailoring your style to the occasion is a bit easier, say a formal presentation vs. a casual discussion vs. a business transaction over the phone.
 

Earl Grey

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Do you really think this is necessary for good conversation? It is something I find hard to do and very draining. There must be a very good reason for it. Now tailoring your style to the occasion is a bit easier, say a formal presentation vs. a casual discussion vs. a business transaction over the phone.

Sorry, that was not what I meant to say. I meant being in an occasion or environment in which you meet a conversational partner or situation that matches your own style is when people can see you as a good conversationalist- not purposefully and consciously altering your style for others.

Now that you mention it, I think being able to adapt like that can make for being a good conversationalist, but not a genuine one (like salesmen).
 

Yuurei

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In my experience; yes.

I have ended friendships for only "speaking in memes".
 

Mole

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Most of us are good conversationalists on the telephone because the phone doesn't work if only one person is talking without reply.

Yes, on the phone we talk and listen, turn and turn about.

And we used to cure neurotic children by speaking to them on the telephone and they automatically responded.

Are you a good conversationalist on the telephone? Or do you hate the telephone? Is the hatred of the telephone a sign of neurosis?
 

Yuurei

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Most of us are good conversationalists on the telephone because the phone doesn't work if only one person is talking without reply.

Yes, on the phone we talk and listen, turn and turn about.

And we used to cure neurotic children by speaking to them on the telephone and they automatically responded.

Are you a good conversationalist on the telephone? Or do you hate the telephone? Is the hatred of the telephone a sign of neurosis?

Except that people don't even speak on phones anymore. They just text...sometimes. Most of the time that's too much to ask.

Everyone just leaves messages on Discord for people to eventually gt around to in the next few days.


I think it's a sign of...something. In almost every group of friends I've had I have been the designated phone public speaker. Every one one of my friends was too afraid to call anyone not close to them; customer service, ordering a pizza ect.

These were the same people who refused to go up to the counter and order for themselves at fast-food places.
I honestly found it really pathetic. I know that some people have legitimate anxiety of strangers but none of these people did.
Hell, I think I had more a of a reason. I don''t understand why it seems that the majority of people are so terrified of interacting with others.
 

Mole

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Except that people don't even speak on phones anymore. They just text...sometimes. Most of the time that's too much to ask. Everyone just leaves messages on Discord for people to eventually gt around to in the next few days. I think it's a sign of...something. In almost every group of friends I've had I have been the designated phone public speaker. Every one one of my friends was too afraid to call anyone not close to them; customer service, ordering a pizza ect. These were the same people who refused to go up to the counter and order for themselves at fast-food places. I honestly found it really pathetic. I know that some people have legitimate anxiety of strangers but none of these people did. Hell, I think I had more a of a reason. I don''t understand why it seems that the majority of people are so terrified of interacting with others.

Yes, we are now emotionally exposed to a diverse range of people. To some degree we have all left home and we are surrounded by people not like us who may not like us, and how we want them to press the 'like' button.

Still, how I love conversing.
 

Pionart

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Most of us are good conversationalists on the telephone because the phone doesn't work if only one person is talking without reply.

Yes, on the phone we talk and listen, turn and turn about.

And we used to cure neurotic children by speaking to them on the telephone and they automatically responded.

Are you a good conversationalist on the telephone? Or do you hate the telephone? Is the hatred of the telephone a sign of neurosis?

In person, I barely talk, and on the phone I also barely talk. I'll occassionally interject with a comment but it's mostly "yeah... m'hm".

So, yes, on the phone I mostly just listen.
 

Coriolis

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Most of us are good conversationalists on the telephone because the phone doesn't work if only one person is talking without reply.

Yes, on the phone we talk and listen, turn and turn about.

And we used to cure neurotic children by speaking to them on the telephone and they automatically responded.

Are you a good conversationalist on the telephone? Or do you hate the telephone? Is the hatred of the telephone a sign of neurosis?
I despise the phone. And no, I don't text on one instead of talking. I have no problem speaking to someone in person, but if that is impractical, I prefer email. It doesn't intrude. I can write it when it is convenient for me, and the other person can read it when it is convenient for them, take some time to consider my message, and then reply. No rush. Plenty of time to think before you type.
 

LucieCat

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It varies from person to person and from situation to situation. I know people who are lively and witty in conversation in some environments and can barely say anything in others.

It's also a skill that has to be developed and practiced. At least it's that way for me.

Some people just have a gift of communicating well with others albeit.
 

Drapeaux

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Rare enough that I can't find anyone to offset my lack of skills.
 
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