Moods

[nolla]

Eh, I am jumping back in but I do agree that thoughts precede feelings for the most part, in line with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Oh, yeah, you are right and now that I think about it again, I can recall situations where it went the other way around. I think I believe it works both ways.

My biggest concern is if I cut off from my feelings I'll cut off from being able to be creative.

This is true for me. If I am just happy or content, I am not creative at all. Or maybe I should say I don't have the desire to be creative. I can basically paint a painting right now, but it wouldn't be me spontaneously wanting to paint it.

Yep, I understand what you're saying. The thing is not to avoid by pushing it out of your mind but rather acknowledge it and decide if it's worth getting upset over, my feelings are it usually isn't, if someone around me is being offensive I choose to either challenge them or chalk them down as a tool who isn't worth the effort, either way my thoughts and feelings will result in an action and become effective not simmer inside and upset me. It's about what result you want, generally it works like this; you display anger you receive more anger, you display frustration you receive more frustration etc...

For me it goes a little differently. I continue my previous scenario:

- I have been waiting to go to a party tonight to meet some friends I haven't seen for a while
- I go there and it's great until
- Some guy who I don't know very well
- He's so drunk he is talking all night about something he hates
- At this moment I can't have fun anymore
- I think about what could be done
- I can't stop listening to his rambling
- I feel my stress level going up and am getting annoyed
- I check out if there's good reasons to stay there
- If I don't see anything particularly special (like some friend i haven't seen in year or something), I will probably leave

So to me it is more like a calculation of is it worth staying there and sucking it up.

By that I mean I'm happy to reply I just won't try to convince anyone

ok, that's great. I am interested in opinions and views, not in being convinced.

 

[Kasper]

This is true for me. If I am just happy or content, I am not creative at all. Or maybe I should say I don't have the desire to be creative. I can basically paint a painting right now, but it wouldn't be me spontaneously wanting to paint it.

Creativity needs passion and that comes from emotion

For me it goes a little differently. I continue my previous scenario:

- I have been waiting to go to a party tonight to meet some friends I haven't seen for a while
- I go there and it's great until
- Some guy who I don't know very well
- He's so drunk he is talking all night about something he hates
- At this moment I can't have fun anymore
- I think about what could be done
- I can't stop listening to his rambling
- I feel my stress level going up and am getting annoyed
- I check out if there's good reasons to stay there
- If I don't see anything particularly special (like some friend i haven't seen in year or something), I will probably leave

So to me it is more like a calculation of is it worth staying there and sucking it up.

Firstly WTH are you doing at a party, what the hell kinda social INFP are ya *raises eyebrow accusingly*

Mkay so sure, one of the ways to deal with people who shit you is to limit your exposure to them but I wouldn't suggest you have to leave/avoid in order to have a good time. People can be all sorts of ignorant and annoying and of course there are many different ways to try to change the situation in order to get the guy to stfu but it's your reaction that can be controlled not him.

"At this moment I can't have fun anymore" <-- that's a decision, if you say you can't have fun anymore than quite simply you won’t, I wouldn’t suggest it's an easy thing to stop the stress levels and frustration but they are controlled by you not the drunk.

I’d change the two highlighted points to;
- At this moment I am aware I'm not having fun and decide how to change that so my night isn't ruined.
- I feel my stress level going up and am getting annoyed and make a decision to step away from the situation mentally to get perspective.

Yes, you're annoyed, you may be validated in that but your annoyance probably won’t bother that guy, certainly not as much as it bothers you anyway so what's the point. Too often people allow that feeling to snowball and let it ruin experiences rather than deciding to stop and change their perspective.

For me it comes down to who owns your frustration, anyone who believes the other person does will never need take responsibility for their reactions and will probably have many experiences ruined by other peoples actions, those who accept they own it can learn to stop being controlled by their emotions despite other peoples actions.

 

[ygolo]

I am actually quite moody, but most people (in real life anyway) can't tell because I tend to have the same demeanor all the time (which people say is calm, aloof, and a little sarcastic).

 

[wolfy]

I am actually quite moody, but most people (in real life anyway) can't tell because I tend to have the same demeanor all the time (which people say is calm, aloof, and a little sarcastic).

I'm a little jealous. Most people stop at "Your so.." Leaves me wondering what was left out.

 

[phoenix13]

How moody are you? I've noticed I can be quite moody. Sometimes quiet and reserved. Sometimes high on attention, needing it. A need to perform.
I'm interested in how moody everybody is. Lets talk.

I'm so moody that my mom once thought I was mildly bipolar. I think it's due to an oscillation between Ne-dom and Fi-dom. The former is the chipper enthusiastic "high," and the latter the angsty melancholic "low." Horray for moodiness!

 

[Anja]

Your comment, nolla, reminded me about the connection between the creative process and mood.

I suppose that's a thread all by itself.

 

[nolla]

Firstly WTH are you doing at a party, what the hell kinda social INFP are ya *raises eyebrow accusingly*

I try to not let my type choose what I do But yeah, I rarely go to parties where I don't know I have my people around. It feels too awkward.

"At this moment I can't have fun anymore" <-- that's a decision, if you say you can't have fun anymore than quite simply you won’t, I wouldn’t suggest it's an easy thing to stop the stress levels and frustration but they are controlled by you not the drunk.

Yeah sure, he doesn't realize he's being an ass. If it is a decision for me, it isn't the ordinary kind of decision, I would maybe call it a reaction rather than decision (or a decision of the unconscious), and to control my reactions I would need to change my usual perspective. This is a big change and I would like to think that whenever I tolerate annoying behavior, I am shifting my perspective in the desired direction.

For me it comes down to who owns your frustration, anyone who believes the other person does will never need take responsibility for their reactions and will probably have many experiences ruined by other peoples actions, those who accept they own it can learn to stop being controlled by their emotions despite other peoples actions.

Word. Very Zen. I would like to know what happens when someone does something you see like an outrageous break of your moral code. (Because there must be a line after which the zen attitude is cast aside)

 

[INFJ*]

I'm quite moody, but I keep it to myself.

 

[millerm277]

Internally, my moods are constantly changing. However, externally, I am pretty much always calm, and have a reputation as being level-headed. When becoming very annoyed/angry, you can see a bit of it in my eyes, but that's it. (It's just for a second, but one friend of mine has learned to notice it, no one else I know has.)

 

[wolfy]

Word. Very Zen. I would like to know what happens when someone does something you see like an outrageous break of your moral code. (Because there must be a line after which the zen attitude is cast aside)

How to maintain equanimity in lifes battles. I'd be interested in peoples ideas too. Everybody's posts have been great. Great insights.

Miyamoto Musashi

* In strategy your spiritual bearing must not be any different from normal. Both in fighting and in everyday life you should be determined though calm. Meet the situation without tenseness yet not recklessly, your spirit settled yet unbiased. Even when your spirit is calm do not let your body relax, and when your body is relaxed do not let your spirit slacken.

* Be neither insufficiently spirited nor over spirited. An elevated spirit is weak and a low spirit is weak. Do not let the enemy see your spirit.

* With your spirit open and unconstricted, look at things from a high point of view. You must cultivate your wisdom and spirit. Polish your wisdom: learn public justice, distinguish between good and evil, study the Ways of different arts one by one. When you cannot be deceived by men you will have realised the wisdom of strategy.

 

[Kasper]

Word. Very Zen. I would like to know what happens when someone does something you see like an outrageous break of your moral code. (Because there must be a line after which the zen attitude is cast aside)

I promise you I don't live in a state of zen I just put things in perspective and determine if they're worth getting upset over. Like you say reactions can often seem to come from an unnoticed/unconscious place and most people just flow with that, I’ve been making a point to actively recognise my negative reactions as soon as they happen for a long time now so it's become second nature to realise I'm getting antsy as soon as it happens and take a step back. The result is when I see something of great concern I get less upset than I used to and for a shorter period, my moods are pretty even under the surface.

 

[Anja]

Remember the film "Meatballs?"

Bill Murray is the leader of the "losers" group. They are failing at their attempts to win games. He gets them all together in a cabin and they start chanting this silly chant over and over.

"It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!"

Silly, but sometimes true. It's been my experience that many things which have bothered me in my life ultimately haven't mattered one whit in the larger view.

Live in the moment, but don't dwell in it!

 

[nolla]

To me this idea of being able to put things in perspective is admirable and a good goal but it also has some negative sides in it. Say I put everything in perspective. Nothing matters really. It gets close to cynicism. I feel it's not the same, but still... thinking from that perspective, someone beats me up or a girl dumps me or I am humiliated in front of someone I care or anything like that. If I am good at seeing it from that perspective it doesn't matter. And then I would have to ask myself if it matters to me to be respected by my friends or if my feelings for that girl meant anything or does it matter to me to feel safe when walking on the street. Where do I stop? I really despise cynicism and if there is a way that brings me closer to being a cynic, I don't wanna go there.

 

[Anja]

Maybe instead of using the word "cynical" you could substitute "realistic."

I heard a neat quote by Ernest Hemmingway on the radio this morning.

It echoes Neitsche's remark that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Hemingway said something to the effect that life breaks all men and that some of those men are strong in their broken places.

 

[nolla]

Maybe instead of using the word "cynical" you could substitute "realistic."

No. Those are very different words. You can be realistic and happy at the same time. Can't be happy cynic. What I was saying was that I might accidentally kill all of my feelings, not only the bad ones. How can I be realistic about my moods or my future or my past, anyway..? There is no realism when we talk about my reactions to annoying people, or people in general. Either I care or I don't. So.. it would be like a spectrum of attitudes with one end in cynicism and one end in hate and love and all that. Which way do I want to be?

I don't know maybe I'm out of topic. It just seems like this very simple looking question keeps getting bigger.

Hemingway said something to the effect that life breaks all men and that some of those men are strong in their broken places.

Yeah, I tend to think this way.

 

[Kasper]

To me this idea of being able to put things in perspective is admirable and a good goal but it also has some negative sides in it. Say I put everything in perspective. Nothing matters really. It gets close to cynicism. I feel it's not the same, but still... thinking from that perspective, someone beats me up or a girl dumps me or I am humiliated in front of someone I care or anything like that. If I am good at seeing it from that perspective it doesn't matter. And then I would have to ask myself if it matters to me to be respected by my friends or if my feelings for that girl meant anything or does it matter to me to feel safe when walking on the street. Where do I stop? I really despise cynicism and if there is a way that brings me closer to being a cynic, I don't wanna go there.

Cynical isn't a good thing.

I love passion and passionate people and don't suggest apathy is a healthy option, caring is good, I'm simply suggesting not reacting too quickly without considering the outcome of your reaction. Feel moved to anger about a situation, ok, rather than imploding or exploding and allowing it to control you, take those feelings/thoughts and let them dissipate into something productive.

 

[Synarch]

Maybe instead of using the word "cynical" you could substitute "realistic."

I heard a neat quote by Ernest Hemmingway on the radio this morning.

It echoes Neitsche's remark that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Hemingway said something to the effect that life breaks all men and that some of those men are strong in their broken places.

Yea, but Hemingway blew his brains out and Nietzsche went crazy and died of syphilis, so take what they say with a grain of salt. There's a fine line between being philosophical and being a drama queen (them, not you).

 

[Anja]

As I typed, I thought of the irony that those particular people were not able to live by their good ideas. But people's despair does not necessarily negate the verity of their words. The mentally ill can have useful ideas as their lives proved.

There's the difference between feeling and acting, I think.

nolla, often your responses are initially contrary, although I hear the interest behind the words. Perhaps you have developed a habit of thinking from a negative point of view?

 

[nolla]

nolla, often your responses are initially contrary, although I hear the interest behind the words. Perhaps you have developed a habit of thinking from a negative point of view?

Contrary of what?

Thinking negatively... hmm... I can't see it myself (but that's no wonder) but if I am, then it could be because problems are something worth thinking about. Whenever I feel fine about something, it's nice and I don't have to think.

 

[lane777]

My highs and lows never get extreme, I won't have a cryathon if I'm sad and I won't get obnoxious if I'm happy. If I'm experiencing either of those emotions, you might just have to ask me to know cuz I'm not the most expressive gal. But don't be fooled by my cool exterior, I feel deeply.