User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 85

  1. #1
    Primal evil Sung Jin-Woo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/so
    Socionics
    ILE Ti
    Posts
    3,413

    Default Introverts! How have you developed your social skills overtime?

    This might come as a weird question to ask, as introverts usually do not socialize well enough or are selective about their socialization. But, what would happen if an introvert needed to get good at socializing, or simply by choice of not wanting to be terrible at it? If an introvert accepts that they need to develop their people skills, how would they go about it? What do they think is the best approach? What was the best approach? Introverts, lets hear your answer.

    “An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
    Charles Bukowski

  2. #2
    Liberator Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    24,426

    Default

    I have always approached socializing from almost a professional perspective, even when I was still growing up and in school. By this I mean that, when engaging with someone, I always had a clear idea of what I wanted out of the interaction, and it was usually something like information, help with a project, for them to show me how to do something, etc. Or, I could be offering to help them or share what I know. In any case, focusing on this made me more comfortable and confident in the exchange, and reassured me that I wouldn't be wasting their time, or mine. Sure - now and then the person didn't have what I was looking for, but sometimes we ended up chatting anyway, and they might point me toward someone who did. I guess the bottom line is that most of my socializing looks like professional networking or collaboration. Occasionally it does lead to more informal interactions and even friendships.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes Sung Jin-Woo, lightsun, Tengri liked this post

  3. #3
    H Y P E R B E A M Earl Grey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    MBTI
    IIII
    Enneagram
    555 sp
    Posts
    3,209

    Default

    Professionally: Literally learnt like I was reading from a manual. This is honestly the easiest unless you are in sales, because you already know what to ask the customer. I'm a good listener though, so I use that to my advantage in conversation. Basically, a conversation still happens, I just don't have to talk too much.

    With friends: Find what you like, find what they like, exchange opinions. BOOM

    With strangers: WING IT. Literally, just wing it. Don't think about being shy, don't think about shame. Most of the time, people will just start talking on their own if you open properly. W5 1H (Who, Why, What, When, Where, How) questions are my go-to if I have no idea what to say, and I need to make small talk for some reason.

    If you want to go a step ahead, master small talk (I honestly hate this though). If you have the guts to talk to strangers, you'd have even more guts talking to friends.
    Focus on who they might be, and ask.

    See a mom at the school? Ask about their son. See a guy in an office? Ask if he works there, how's the job? The cashier in starbucks? What's your favourite coffee? You'll get better at knowing what to ask beyond "How's the weather?" questions the more you do this, which makes people feel like you're genuinely interested and will be more open to talking. A very umbrella question that generally works for all: "What's your favourite ___?"

    If they don't speak much, then congratulations! They're an introvert like you! Now chacha real smooth away and enjoy both your alone time in mutual understanding.



    A lot of the time, if you're still starting out, you might see yourself getting talked over. You might not know how to join a conversation that is already going on. These are what I see are the biggest problems introverts face; the solution is to take it one step at a time.

    1) Say hello: I began by simply saying hello to everyone I see. People remember that, and would be more likely to notice your presence the next time you are there.
    2) You're not on stage: There is no right or wrong thing to say. If they shit on you real fast, then you know it's bad company. Look elsewhere.
    3) Voice: Make sure you're speaking loudly enough. Trick: Pretend you're talking out loud to yourself.
    4) Keep trying: This is a skill that needs practice. Good luck.
    S K Y K I N G
    I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was

  4. #4
    H Y P E R B E A M Earl Grey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    MBTI
    IIII
    Enneagram
    555 sp
    Posts
    3,209

    Default

    To add: I missed your spoiler. How did I miss it IX, please go to bed

    If you want to maintain your authenticity and integrity though, then, you can do so with friends.
    People who have been with you long enough to notice your patterns, to understand what you are saying.

    Here's the key: You don't have to please anyone, but it remains that you have to stand by the consequences of whatever you do or say.
    At least, that's my consideration when I think about whether I should 'be myself' or 'be authentic', and I think is a sensible one.

    If your 'authentic' self causes damage and bites back at you, then maybe you want to consider improving yourself, not just for others, but your own well being; so you can healthily relate to others and forge genuine bonds. That, or accept that your type of personality is a type that is difficult to get along with.

    Which outcome do you desire more? Go for that.

    You're still young, and there's still room for a lot of trial and error. Again, good luck.
    S K Y K I N G
    I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was
    Likes Luminous, Sung Jin-Woo, lightsun liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member mgbradsh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    318

    Default

    Two things happened in university: the first was that I was forced to get a job in retail. I almost threw up when I had to talk to my first customer, but after a while my confidence grew and I was able to work with people and read them and become pretty effective at sales.

    The second was having group of friends that were way less introverted than I was. When we were all together I had to fight to get a word in edgewise, so I became a lot more aggressive conversationally. I learned to advocate for my ideas and be heard, which was really difficult for me to do. As I’ve gotten older the resoluteness of my ideas have solidified and it’s gotten easier to speak with more confidence.

    I guess the trick, as an introvert, is lots of practice. Thoughts don’t always flow as easily out of our mouths as they do for extroverts so by talking things through in an environment that forces it you learn to process things a bit faster.
    Likes Sung Jin-Woo, chickpea liked this post

  6. #6
    Non-Oblivion Lady Lazarus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    2,167

    Default

    I'm a 9 so I believe my value is earned and I have always been almost too eager to do things like destroy myself in order to improve or change. Thus, pushing myself and making myself uncomfortable has come easily for most of my life. Although it seems you can't tell at all online. But that is in all likelihood a product of how little time I can invest here at this point in my life. That said, I am still not perfect in terms of being quite withdrawn and solitary in inclinations. But I am very confident and unafraid when speaking to or engaging with others. I am not afraid to initiate either. Which is extremely different from the way my sensitive and overwhelmed childhood self was. Sure, I was agressive, but I wasn't confident the way I am now. I am certain that I can handle anything and bear just as much. When something hurts or is uncomfortable, I struggle and I fight because I hate weakness. It is just the same with people, the real difficulty has been seeing others not as enemies but as friends. I am still working on that.

    「」
    Likes The Cat liked this post

  7. #7
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    21,920

    Default

    I read a book called how to win friends and influence people when I was a teenager and basically tried to do the things in the book. I don't really treat work vs personal functions any different. An example was this last week. I had a four hour long client dinner. I really only knew one of the fourteen people in attendance. I spent a half hour talking to one guy. Then after we sat down I spent an hour talking to the woman on my right. Then I spent two hours taking to the two women on my left. I don't approach these things with any kind of objective in mind. I have found the best thing is to be truly interested in other people and get them talking about themselves. I left the evening having thoroughly enjoyed the conversations and having learned some new things. I found out a couple days later that one of the people I talked to is the buyer and it's good to make a connection with her. People buy from people after all. If nothing happens from a business perspective, that's fine. I had the enjoyment of speaking to this really interesting person for two hours.
    Likes The Cat, Sung Jin-Woo liked this post

  8. #8
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    11,593

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I read a book called how to win friends and influence people when I was a teenager and basically tried to do the things in the book. I don't really treat work vs personal functions any different. An example was this last week. I had a four hour long client dinner. I really only knew one of the fourteen people in attendance. I spent a half hour talking to one guy. Then after we sat down I spent an hour talking to the woman on my right. Then I spent two hours taking to the two women on my left. I don't approach these things with any kind of objective in mind. I have found the best thing is to be truly interested in other people and get them talking about themselves. I left the evening having thoroughly enjoyed the conversations and having learned some new things. I found out a couple days later that one of the people I talked to is the buyer and it's good to make a connection with her. People buy from people after all. If nothing happens from a business perspective, that's fine. I had the enjoyment of speaking to this really interesting person for two hours.
    This. It's the easiest and best way I know to socialize and I usually end up enjoying one on one or small groups like what you described. Being married to a ENFJ 9 likely helped too.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes The Cat, RadicalDoubt liked this post

  9. #9
    Liberator Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    24,426

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ixaerus View Post
    If you want to go a step ahead, master small talk (I honestly hate this though). If you have the guts to talk to strangers, you'd have even more guts talking to friends.
    Focus on who they might be, and ask.

    See a mom at the school? Ask about their son. See a guy in an office? Ask if he works there, how's the job? The cashier in starbucks? What's your favourite coffee? You'll get better at knowing what to ask beyond "How's the weather?" questions the more you do this, which makes people feel like you're genuinely interested and will be more open to talking. A very umbrella question that generally works for all: "What's your favourite ___?"
    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I have found the best thing is to be truly interested in other people and get them talking about themselves.
    That's the problem, though, if it's even fair to call it that. I don't have an interest in most people, most of the time. I don't care about their son, or their job, or what kind of coffee they like. Sure, I can fake it, but it feels fake and is fake. I am pretending to be someone I am not.

    When I do take an interest in someone, it is because I think they can help me somehow, or I can help them. There is a purpose to it, and an obvious way one or both of us might benefit. This can include learning about a topic I don't know much about, getting (or giving) advice about something, offering to pitch in when there is something I can do, etc. The rest is idle chatter with little benefit to anyone.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes lightsun liked this post

  10. #10
    ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚* Luminous's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    MBTI
    Infp
    Enneagram
    925 sx/sp
    Socionics
    🐼 Fi
    Posts
    6,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    That's the problem, though, if it's even fair to call it that. I don't have an interest in most people, most of the time. I don't care about their son, or their job, or what kind of coffee they like. Sure, I can fake it, but it feels fake and is fake. I am pretending to be someone I am not.

    When I do take an interest in someone, it is because I think they can help me somehow, or I can help them. There is a purpose to it, and an obvious way one or both of us might benefit. This can include learning about a topic I don't know much about, getting (or giving) advice about something, offering to pitch in when there is something I can do, etc. The rest is idle chatter with little benefit to anyone.
    It may be so, for you, and for some others. But for others, it may benefit them, even if it doesn't benefit you.
    ✦ᏖᏒᎥᎮ ค ℓιɬɬℓɛ Ꮭıɠɧɬ ʄคŋɬคʂɬıƈ✦ -: ✦ :- ƒ O ᖇ G E ᗪ I ᑎ ƒ I ᖇ E ❋-: ✦ :-★ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴇʟꜱ★
    * ・゚ ・゚ * ⊱9w1✶S✶2w1✶X✶5w6⊰ * ・゚ ・゚ *
    ✦Շђєяє คяє ๓σяє тнιηﻭѕ ιη нєανєη αη∂ єαятн Շђαη คяє ∂яєαмт σƒ ιη уσυя ρнιℓσѕσρну.✦
    Likes highlander, SD45T-2 liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. How have you become more aware of your positive characteristics?
    By Generalist in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 02-12-2018, 03:52 PM
  2. Have you developed your tertiary function? Look at your enneagram.
    By Kensei in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-06-2015, 01:47 PM
  3. [Fe] What have you modeled your Fe or diplomatic skills after?
    By KLessard in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 09-08-2010, 10:41 PM
  4. [Ne] INFPs, how have you better developed your Ne?
    By TheEmeraldCanopy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 05-15-2010, 07:08 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO