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  1. #11
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    What do you do when the person expects you to talk about yourself? s_s

  2. #12
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    That's the problem, though, if it's even fair to call it that. I don't have an interest in most people, most of the time. I don't care about their son, or their job, or what kind of coffee they like. Sure, I can fake it, but it feels fake and is fake. I am pretending to be someone I am not. When I do take an interest in someone, it is because I think they can help me somehow, or I can help them. There is a purpose to it, and an obvious way one or both of us might benefit. This can include learning about a topic I don't know much about, getting (or giving) advice about something, offering to pitch in when there is something I can do, etc. The rest is idle chatter with little benefit to anyone.
    Sure sometimes that does happen Its about chemistry. Perhaps I am more easily entertained . I like making one on one connections with people and open dialogue. Most people are passionate about some things in their life and it's easy to get them to talk about those things. As an SX, I crave the intensity of connection. If there is no depth or someone stays closed off, I can get bored.

    I try to find areas of common interest and ask them questions about things I'm curious about. As the listener, you can direct the conversation. One person the other night started talking about personality type . I latched onto that because I had been guessing she was an INTP or INFP and she confirmed she tested as both and wasn't sure.

  3. #13
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever View Post
    What do you do when the person expects you to talk about yourself? s_s
    That's easy. You just do it. Don't you like talking about yourself? I do. I enjoy it more when it's two way. Most people probably do. I think in general, people like stories.

  4. #14
    Pyromanic tea Earl Grey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    That's the problem, though, if it's even fair to call it that. I don't have an interest in most people, most of the time. I don't care about their son, or their job, or what kind of coffee they like. Sure, I can fake it, but it feels fake and is fake. I am pretending to be someone I am not.

    When I do take an interest in someone, it is because I think they can help me somehow, or I can help them. There is a purpose to it, and an obvious way one or both of us might benefit. This can include learning about a topic I don't know much about, getting (or giving) advice about something, offering to pitch in when there is something I can do, etc. The rest is idle chatter with little benefit to anyone.
    Neither do I, but I had to learn, so I learnt enough to know how to do it, so at least if I needed that skill I could use it.

    I tend to need a reason to talk, but I also have moments I purely just want to socialize.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    That's easy. You just do it. Don't you like talking about yourself? I do. I enjoy it more when it's two way. Most people probably do. I think in general, people like stories.
    I find it easier to talk about myself when there is some use. Usually when I enter a conversation I have an idea of what I want, sometimes idle chatter just paves the way to it. But otherwise I tend to not say much about myself and remain distant (a habit I'm trying to break).
    Non mi snudare senza ragione.
    Non mi impugnare senza valore.

  5. #15
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    That's easy. You just do it. Don't you like talking about yourself? I do. I enjoy it more when it's two way. Most people probably do. I think in general, people like stories.
    I do not enjoy telling random strangers much about myself. It is none of their business. I keep my cards close to the chest, and give out information generally on a need to know basis. I can be quite good at deflecting such inquiries in ways that appear innocuous.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ixaerus View Post
    Neither do I, but I had to learn, so I learnt enough to know how to do it, so at least if I needed that skill I could use it.
    Why did you have to learn?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes lightsun liked this post

  6. #16
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I do not enjoy telling random strangers much about myself. It is none of their business. I keep my cards close to the chest, and give out information generally on a need to know basis. I can be quite good at deflecting such inquiries in ways that appear innocuous.
    I understand. Why be so secretive though? What's the point?

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    That's easy. You just do it. Don't you like talking about yourself? I do. I enjoy it more when it's two way. Most people probably do. I think in general, people like stories.
    I mean I can talk about myself following patterns, what advice works for me, or general attitudes about things pretty well. But most people expect who want me to talk about myself expect more concrete objects and since I really don’t focus on specific things to identify with.

    Examples with my thought processes to go along with it:

    What’s your favorite color? It changes from day to day, and I haven’t really thought today what my favorite color was. But here’s a color that intrigued me recently.

    What’s your favorite movie: I guess to go with a mainstream and recognizable movie: Lord of the Rings, but you probably love Star Wars more so because I’m not that interested in Star Wars and I don’t want to offend you by listing my favorite trilogy that has been popularized and listed by many as boring, I’ll just say some random Netflix movie to hopefully convince you I sound cool and original while it may have only resonated with my feelings at the time, but I mean it could go up there, only you never heard of it and will probably forget when you get home.

    What’s your favorite music? Well my life has actually been defined by genres within a specific time period and... (I think you already get the point by my first two)

    Odd thing is when I’m actually straightforward, everyone I meet seems to go “oh.” And the conversation is dead.

    I find that I can’t satisfy many strangers well by talking about myself so I avoid it if I can. Which with some people you can’t.

  8. #18
    Pyromanic tea Earl Grey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Why did you have to learn?
    I was too much of a recluse, to the point I actually hated speaking to people in entirely.
    It was really bad, as in, 'not participating or taking interest in your surroundings'-bad.
    Being too quiet gave me more trouble than learning how to speak.
    Also, I figure it is a useful skill.
    Non mi snudare senza ragione.
    Non mi impugnare senza valore.
    Likes Sung Jin-Woo liked this post

  9. #19
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I have always approached socializing from almost a professional perspective, even when I was still growing up and in school. By this I mean that, when engaging with someone, I always had a clear idea of what I wanted out of the interaction, and it was usually something like information, help with a project, for them to show me how to do something, etc. Or, I could be offering to help them or share what I know. In any case, focusing on this made me more comfortable and confident in the exchange, and reassured me that I wouldn't be wasting their time, or mine. Sure - now and then the person didn't have what I was looking for, but sometimes we ended up chatting anyway, and they might point me toward someone who did. I guess the bottom line is that most of my socializing looks like professional networking or collaboration. Occasionally it does lead to more informal interactions and even friendships.
    Hmm, this does sound like a very IxxJ way to go about things, so I should get it, but I don't. I don't know what sort of thing I would want to get from someone that would drive me to pursue an interaction. I've mostly been the passive recipient of friendships (I think) and the focus is just on being friends. With people I'm not already friends with I don't really talk to them. (internet socialising is a whole other thing though, and I just talk when I have something relevant to chime in with, or I talk in chats out of boredom or an interesting topic, or whatever else (including wanting something, I s'pose))

    So I gotta like... think of things I want from people, or something?

  10. #20
    Senior Member wolfnara's Avatar
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    This might surprise you, but I improved my social skills by talking to people!

    Sarcasm aside, I just got better overtime because I had to make those phone calls and approach people when I had to. No one else was going to do it for me. Experience is basically it. You can improve on anything really. I've been living by myself for a year now and phone calls don't bother me anymore, and I easily get it out the way. Small talk is still a tough one, probably the thing I need to improve on the most, but the best thing to do is ask the other person questions, and keep doing until it seems natural (or comes naturally to you even)
    Likes Metis liked this post

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