Touch

[Mole]

The haptic sense is the sense of touch.

Print has privileged the eye, while the electronic media democratise the senses.

So the haptic sense is coming into our awaremess. For instance I am using my sense of touch to operate this iphone. And everywhere we find massage parlours, which we could call haptic parlours.

 

[Mole]

It's interesting how narcissists are only aware of how touch affects them personally.

 

[1487610420]

 

[Metis]

 

[Luminous]

I recently had a weird interaction I wish I could do over. I work with someone that I have a great deal of respect for. He’s been patting me on the back for a while to show he appreciates me as well. One day, after a long meeting, he was coming into an office and I was heading out and I kind of spun around to close the door and it must have seemed like I was flinching because I caught him mid-reach going for a pat and now things are little awkward. I’m not really sure how to recover that. I’d also say that touch is a language I can read a lot better than I can speak.

Perhaps pat him on the back or the arm at an appropriate time, to indicate that is still something you would like to do/receive?

I'm not as touchy-feely offline as I am here. I love hugging particular people, very much, and enjoy hugging friends. I love being curled up with my so. But I don't initiate hugs when I'm unsure if the other person wants to hug or not... sometimes I will ask, sometimes I let it slide, it depends on the circumstances. Even when there was a large beetle in my niece's hair, I asked before I removed it.

I do like when someone I like touches me, like when a child relative chose to give me a hug last time I saw her, or when a good friend put his hand on my back as we walked somewhere. As far as strangers go, there are instances where it might be okay, if it was done for an appropriate reason, in an appropriate way.

I really don't get as much touch in my life from other people as I would like. But that's largely because I'm a hermit.

 

[mgbradsh]

I guess I just don't worry about things like this. I'm not sure what this kind of "awkward" would look like. In general if I think some sort of social hiccup might have happened, I just carry on as normal. I rely on that to provide reassurance that nothing has really changed.

In general, if you are not my husband or a very close friend/relative, the most you can expect is a handshake. I will step away from other attempts at touch. I don't care what it looks like, or how the attempted toucher wants to interpret it. I will make the occasional exception, as when several years ago a good acquaintance asked if he could hug me. The fact that he respected my boundaries enough to ask was a big factor in my agreeing.

Please see quote under my username.

For me, touch is mostly romantic/sexual, or a display of affection for my children or someone in pain.

Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a child, idk.

These two together made me chuckle a little bit. When I see most of my aunts and uncles we usually greet each other with a firm handshake. My wife almost died the first time she saw that because her family is so affectionate. The exception is my favourite uncle and we almost always hug. I think I’ve hugged him more time than both my parents together over the course of my life (to Peter Deadpan’s point about not being hugged enough as a child).

The haptic idea is interesting. I definitely enjoy the sense of touch, especially when it comes to cats and dogs, it’s very calming.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Everything about my body language and facial expression screams don’t touch me. It’s actually a form of communication I appreciate though. A warm pat on the back or arm touch can be really expressive without using very many words. It’s also a way someone can tell me (or I can tell them) that they see through my icy exterior and are willing to be affectionate with me.

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts about it?

I recently had a weird interaction I wish I could do over. I work with someone that I have a great deal of respect for. He’s been patting me on the back for a while to show he appreciates me as well. One day, after a long meeting, he was coming into an office and I was heading out and I kind of spun around to close the door and it must have seemed like I was flinching because I caught him mid-reach going for a pat and now things are little awkward. I’m not really sure how to recover that. I’d also say that touch is a language I can read a lot better than I can speak.

To me touch is good, but only in the case of familiarity. I get very irritated at as much as complete strangers taping me on the back to get my attention, even if it was for a good reason. I've certainly alienated some folks who weren't even strangers by not responding well to friendly touches. Maybe that's why I like cats so much. They're so particular about when and how they want to be touched.

I will say that touch is my most overlooked sense, by a great deal.

 

[ceecee]

I ask before I hug anyone, outside of husband/kids. Because it's not always ok and this is a lesson I wish more people would learn. It would be very nice to be asked instead of grabbed by someone saying "you look like you need a hug".

 

[Yuurei]

Hm. I am reminded of a time where it was quite unwanted and I was I left thinking " Who DOES that!?"

We were playing this incredibly hilarious and awkward adult game. (I don't recall the title but it was basically "Dare( sans " Truth")
I was judging and the dare was " In slow motion, act out a reanimated Pterodactyl who is hearing that it's species has been wiped out."

This guy-who was already quite forward about his open marriage to a wife was in turn quite open about her previous job as sex worker who had done scat porn and blood play, just walked up and started biting me. I got it, he was being a dinosaur but I'd known him for all of 20 minutes and, well, who does that!?

It was one of those moments were I was very aware of how...inconsistent my limits must have seemed. I flashed everyone ( with a bra on, but would have done it without if I thought everyone else was okay with itt) but DO NOT BITE ME...without permission.

 

[Luminous]

Hm. I am reminded of a time where it was quite unwanted and I was I left thinking " Who DOES that!?"

We were playing this incredibly hilarious and awkward adult game. (I don't recall the title but it was basically "Dare( sans " Truth")
I was judging and the dare was " In slow motion, act out a reanimated Pterodactyl who is hearing that it's species has been wiped out."

This guy-who was already quite forward about his open marriage to a wife was in turn quite open about her previous job as sex worker who had done scat porn and blood play, just walked up and started biting me. I got it, he was being a dinosaur but I'd known him for all of 20 minutes and, well, who does that!?

It was one of those moments were I was very aware of how...inconsistent my limits must have seemed. I flashed everyone ( with a bra on, but would have done it without if I thought everyone else was okay with itt) but DO NOT BITE ME...without permission.

Seeing/showing is far different from touching...

 

[Metis]

Perhaps pat him on the back or the arm at an appropriate time, to indicate that is still something you would like to do/receive?

I'm not as touchy-feely offline as I am here. I love hugging particular people, very much, and enjoy hugging friends. I love being curled up with my so. But I don't initiate hugs when I'm unsure if the other person wants to hug or not... sometimes I will ask, sometimes I let it slide, it depends on the circumstances. Even when there was a large beetle in my niece's hair, I asked before I removed it.

I do like when someone I like touches me, like when a child relative chose to give me a hug last time I saw her, or when a good friend put his hand on my back as we walked somewhere. As far as strangers go, there are instances where it might be okay, if it was done for an appropriate reason, in an appropriate way.

I really don't get as much touch in my life from other people as I would like. But that's largely because I'm a hermit.

My cousin's little toddler waddled over and kissed me once. Now he's a big grown up with a traumatic brain injury he got as a teenager.

 

[Forever]

Oh I’m just a spectacle waiting to be touched, whoring myself now as I type.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

 

[Mole]

These two together made me chuckle a little bit. When I see most of my aunts and uncles we usually greet each other with a firm handshake. My wife almost died the first time she saw that because her family is so affectionate. The exception is my favourite uncle and we almost always hug. I think I’ve hugged him more time than both my parents together over the course of my life (to Peter Deadpan’s point about not being hugged enough as a child).

The haptic idea is interesting. I definitely enjoy the sense of touch, especially when it comes to cats and dogs, it’s very calming.

Yeah, baby massage is lovely for everyone including the baby, and once we start massaging, we can't stop, and once we learn how massage works, we even massage our pets, who love it.

 

[Stigmata]

I'm not completely averse to touch but it's definitely an area out of my comfort zone. I can tolerate, albeit begrudgingly, when a distant relative initiates a hug, simply because who wants to be the guy hollering stranger danger as you push your great aunt Beatrice into the dessert table at the family reunion. Yet anything more intimate than that, unless involving my partner, makes me feel uneasy -- seeing someone in distress, I know that a gentle embrace can be comforting, yet oftentimes the idea of doing so makes me nervous and invokes a strong sense of "I'm not sure what to do with my hands..."

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Being held is the thing I need and crave whenever I am experiencing intense negative emotions. It makes everything better.

My mother used to say that I was always hugging my boyfriend because my father basically never hugged me so I felt the void of affection from a Male figure in my life.

I love touch, but not from random strangers or anything.

 

[cascadeco]

Being held is the thing I need and crave whenever I am experiencing intense negative emotions. It makes everything better.

My mother used to say that I was always hugging my boyfriend because my father basically never hugged me so I felt the void of affection from a Male figure in my life.

I love touch, but not from random strangers or anything.

To be honest I crave it too, in that sense, but it's been years so I quash those desires and don't think about it.

 

[1487610420]

i touch my kbd&mous erryday

 

[oxyjen]

I'm not completely averse to touch but it's definitely an area out of my comfort zone. I can tolerate, albeit begrudgingly, when a distant relative initiates a hug, simply because who wants to be the guy hollering stranger danger as you push your great aunt Beatrice into the dessert table at the family reunion. Yet anything more intimate than that, unless involving my partner, makes me feel uneasy -- seeing someone in distress, I know that a gentle embrace can be comforting, yet oftentimes the idea of doing so makes me nervous and invokes a strong sense of "I'm not sure what to do with my hands..."

INTP in the wild consoling someone:

I'm not going to touch anyone unless I know them pretty well. I've gotten steadily more comfortable with it as a social ritual so I no longer hate them. Only a certain small group (spouse, kids, other very close friends/family) do I actually enjoy hugging and would initiate even if it wasn't expected social protocol.

Maybe I did some touching when I was dating but that was definitely calculated as a flirtation so I'm not sure if this even fits the bill.

There's certain types of people, usually women, who give acquaintances hugs as a routine act of saying hello or goodbye. Who lives that kind of life? Hug sluts

Casual touch of an arm--ok. I don't mind this
Back pat or shoulder pat--I always associate this with people treating me as though I'm subordinate in some way. Comes off as patronizing in the workplace.

 

[Mole]

I have noticed when a woman likes me, she gently touches my arm. I think this is natural and unconscious and revealing.

Yesterday I had a lovely conversation which ended with multiple touches on my arm and back. A lovely warm gesture.