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What is the worst thing

Frosty

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That has ever happened to you

(If you are comfortable enough to share)

And how has it shaped you?
 

Peter Deadpan

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Intentional strategic long-term dissecting of my self-esteem and grasp on reality (covert psychological abuse in marriage).
Other things too, but most of you who matter probably already know all of that anyway.

Overall, I still consider myself pretty lucky in many ways because of all the things I haven't experienced that many have.
 

Maou

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I have a long list, so Ill share the one that affected me the most

When I was 13-14, I got kidnapped by my cousin and older sister (who was living with her at the time). They brought me 2 states away to my real fathers house. I went willingly because I hated my mom, and my step dad at the time. So it wasn't bad at all, and I started a new life there. Going from zero freedom, to max freedom. It was jarring, but exciting. I actually had friends, and we hung out a lot. I would say it was the best year of my entire life. I had one friend in particular that I had a crush on. He was a dedicated and loyal friend who I later found out also had a crush on me. But as summer vacation started, my real mom came to "visit", and this is where it started to go down hill. My brothers agreed to lgo back to my mom's house for the summer. I didn't want to, so they left ahead of me. My mom didn't give up, and I finally agreed to visit for 2 weeks. This was probably the biggest regret ive had. I said goodbye to my friends, and promised Id be back. We traded valueable objects as a show of that promise. My friend gave me his gameboy, and I gave him my rc car. And said see you in two weeks.

The moment I got back to my mothers house, I knew they never planned on letting me go back. My mom began bribing me with money, and seemed to tone down the abusive behavior, but it eventually went back to the same old shit. I kept writing letters to my friend, but he eventually moved and we lost contact. I actually had intense nightmares about going back, and not finding him. I was so angry at my mothers betrayal, and devistated I was never able to see my friend again. Still to this day. But I did find him on FB, and we talked...but too much time had passed. I cant help but think how much better my life would have been if I didn't go back.

It was probably then that I got a very callous heart, and pessimistic view on life. As well as destroying my ability to trust, which was abused many times more in the future by my mother. I began to be fueled by spite, and struggled to remain in control of my future from then on.
 

Wunjo

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I don't really know if this is the "worst". But general consensus from what I sense would deem it so.

Mm... being raised by a conniving, malignant narcissist father and a passive mother. Not a good mix.

Thanks to my father and the genes from his side of the family, I carry a complete monster within me that I try to keep at bay, sometimes poorly. Actively volunteering in deeds that can sublimate this, or balance this does help, from what I have seen. My monstrosity is hereditary, and being self-aware about it did help, and didn't help from time to time, because self-aware evil, from what I have seen, can be the most destructive form of evil, it lacks the banality of the blind evil that most people act upon from time to time, or maybe I am just being vainglorious. Anyway, this situation left huge anger issues and a long-term lack of empathy and my struggle with being a sneaky son of a gun consciously, or unconsciously. I was raised in an atmosphere that if I was not cunning, I'd be controlled. If I didn't push, I'd be pushed. I had an interesting childhood, mixing constant, subtle power struggles with two near-death experiences and a countryside bourgeoise family can create odd consequences. In one of them, my heart stopped but luckily the doctors electriced me back to life. In the other, my father who I came throat to throat during my lifetime saved me. Do I hate him? I used to think I did, but now, I am very indifferent about him. His life ended up in ruin, all his power and money faded away, and he is cursed to exist with my grandfather that he hates.

Hereditary, indeed.

I had a villainous, selfish and destructive mindset for a long time and it took some events for me to steer to neutral zone. That mindset, I can still hear its whisper, if I listen closely, and I think, I should always listen closely, lest I might choose to act upon it.

Everything is better now, from some perspectives.
 

Lady Lazarus

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Essentially, taught me that in "love" there is a power dynamic wherein one is either the abused or abuser.

But now, I am ready to love at last. With vulnerability and openness. I have understood how wrong I once was to be who I once was.
 

Maou

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I don't really know if this is the "worst". But general consensus from what I sense would deem it so.

Mm... being raised by a conniving, malignant narcissist father and a passive mother. Not a good mix.

Thanks to my father and the genes from his side of the family, I carry a complete monster within me that I try to keep at bay, sometimes poorly. Actively volunteering in deeds that can sublimate this, or balance this does help, from what I have seen. My monstrosity is hereditary, and being self-aware about it did help, and didn't help from time to time, because self-aware evil, from what I have seen, can be the most destructive form of evil, it lacks the banality of the blind evil that most people act upon from time to time, or maybe I am just being vainglorious. Anyway, this situation left huge anger issues and a long-term lack of empathy and my struggle with being a sneaky son of a gun consciously, or unconsciously. I was raised in an atmosphere that if I was not cunning, I'd be controlled. If I didn't push, I'd be pushed. I had an interesting childhood, mixing constant, subtle power struggles with two near-death experiences and a countryside bourgeoise family can create odd consequences. In one of them, my heart stopped but luckily the doctors electriced me back to life. In the other, my father who I came throat to throat during my lifetime saved me. Do I hate him? I used to think I did, but now, I am very indifferent about him. His life ended up in ruin, all his power and money faded away, and he is cursed to exist with my grandfather that he hates.

Hereditary, indeed.

I had a villainous, selfish and destructive mindset for a long time and it took some events for me to steer to neutral zone. That mindset, I can still hear its whisper, if I listen closely, and I think, I should always listen closely, lest I might choose to act upon it.

Everything is better now, from some perspectives.

I can relate a lot to this.

When you fight monsters long enough, you become a monster yourself I suppose.

I'm glad you managed to take a more neutral approach, just gotta make sure you don't cross those certain lines, or you'll find your self father past them than you meant to be.
 

Qlip

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When I was very little, I was born. It was a horrible event. I've been stuck in this meat cage ever since. It shaped me into kind of like a loaf of spam with hot dogs shoved into it at different angles.
 

Mole

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The worst thing has already happened, so we can relax.
 

Obfuscate

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i am not certain i can rank things like this, as i am not sure which events in particular had the most lasting impact... i can say that whatever it was happened between the ages of 13-17... i do think the things that were most damaging to me on a personal level were the things that happened to people i cared about in my presence, but i am not sure if that exactly qualifies because i wasn't experiencing what they were directly (at least not at those times)... it's an interesting subject to me, but analyzing it in the past didn't produce an awnser i can accept today...

it may be an easy out to say the way i have internalized aspects of my past warped me, but i can't think of anything else to say about how it shaped me, or this subject at present...
 

Norexan

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I cannot count it. From diseases when I as 3 years old ,mental and psychical violence by idiots... :cry:
 

Siúil a Rúin

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Being kidnapped by family, raised in poverty, told the other parts of my family were trying to kill and harm us, and then learning it was all a lie/delusion, and we could have had a life of love and plenty, except now everyone involved is dying/dead and lost their money, so back to square one, except now we don't have to run from imaginary murderers, so there's that. On the bright side, I was raised by the female version of Peewee Herman, so we had some good times on the run.
:wtf:
 

Lark

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I'm not sure that my mind admits into consciousness the worst thing that's happened to me, I've been in some pretty traumatic circumstances.

When I see threads like these at random online too I always suspect that posting in them would only provide some sort of kick for those responsible for the same too.

Or, crazy as it may sound, a vacarious kick. I always wondered about all the "tragic life stories" publishing markets too because people dont realise those books are very popular with the actual perpetrators of abuse and not just the general reader that the authors may have had in mind when they composed a tale of the human spirit overcoming adversity or bad circumstances.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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I don't know, maybe having an adult threaten to cut my tongue out as a 4 year old child. That gave me trust issues.
 

Forever

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What I guess what is the worst single event that has happened to me?

Someone holding a knife to my throat and only telling me religion is his only reason why he wouldn't kill me right now.

But what are the worse things in combination?

But I don't carry the pain I carry because of that. I think it's good that I forget a lot actually, because had I remember everything, I'd probably kill myself, so my body is looking out for me.

I tend to forget a lot when my mind starts heading toward suicide.


Being highly sensitive and too empathizing (yes you can empathize too much), to understanding everyone how they would feel in that situation and taking care of them so they don't have to suffer the pain, which either I do or it goes unrecognized (both often times), however it is a thankless job because they're saved in a sense that they don't receive the guilt or suffering had I just let them take their course.

I've been used by strangers when they perceive my high awareness and conscientiousness to their feelings as somehow I'm their god-given bitch. It's an odd phenomenon, where you see someone helping you in every way possible that is exactly what you need.. and then the desire to control is activated.


My indecision has largely been made manifest by deciding to do a 2 year mission and staying through with it (enduring to the end as you might say) and coming off from happy and psychologically healthy, ambitious, optimistic to paranoid, oversensitive, feeling completely alone and everyone has abandoned you. And that the subconscious/universe has now registered that those feelings do come to your reality. People do now see me as below them this was around 2014-2016.


What I've done in managing this great pain because of what allegiance I had to the collective feelings of everyone around me was numbing myself to hurtful remarks by others. I simply just do not attach to certain people anymore. But it comes at a cost, the people who I do care deeply. It stabs like a high quality knife to my body, clean and through.

It's going to take some serious reprogramming of positive affirmations, consistent exercise, completing small goals everyday, and remembering seeing the worst of humanity is not all of humanity I have to remember. Sure I won't say I have seen the holocaust or been in a concentration camp. But being around 24/7 with terrible people because you have to, is both degrading and demoralizing. The worst thing is that people because they have not been in those shoes themselves, may quickly just dismiss it with "you could've just left".

2017 on and in greater amounts, I do allow to be very authentic to the public giving less what they think. But I end up hurting myself trying to impress the people I do care by somehow projecting onto them that they care about me deeply too.

It's both good and bad that people hold me in high respect without saying because I've learned to just adapt to how "good parents oughta raised their children" this way. It's mind-boggling because of the amount of self-hatred I held for the time till now after my mission.. I have to remember to self-love. But self-love can feel quite foreign, and of course people want a reason for their own comfort thinking.. that self-hatred must always mean it's that because the person is actually guilty of basefulness.

I suffer and I suffer inside. Wondering.. what's a life free of suffering that I see all the youth/adults around me?

Victims don't live normal lives. And please stop with the "what does normal mean anyway"? Because that leads people to think that everything you just went through is normal and people who treated you that way are excused.
 

anticlimatic

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Fell in love with no reservations. See also: best thing that's ever happened to me.
 
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