• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Is it a personal offense for someone to question your type?

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
I'd like to rephrase and simplify my answer:

It's a personal offense for people to tell me I am something I am not. If I am perceived the wrong way and it's voiced, it can be terribly upsetting to me. I don't like publicly building myself up, so it's particularly difficult to handle being misunderstood in a negative light. This happened to me recently elsewhere and I actually just left the conversation and cried as I told my boyfriend about it. I didn't want to argue too much, lest I "prove" him right by being overly defensive, but it can be difficult to stay quiet sometimes.
 

Lady Lazarus

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 30, 2014
Messages
2,148
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
No. At some point, people thought I attached my identity to SFJ because my name was ESFJ though and I was just like..."Ok" because I don't care enough about things like that. But for reference, if you ever really want to see what I'm like when I'm attached to a type go look at my 200 type me threads on my old account. It's not pretty lol.

At this point, I've accepted myself enough that I don't need to justify my shortcomings as a person the way I used to. And I also realize I didn't want to be a 9 when I was younger because they were described as victims. Which is something I feared ever becoming and now refuse to be in any way. My issues got in the way, essentially.

Anyway, in terms of MBTI at least, I think the epistemic structure is just open enough that I don't think it's not valid for the sort of people (looking for answers, I think they are oversimplified into "identity seekers" or "people who have identity issues" but in reality people here more seem to be seeking justification for their personality in those identities more than seeking an identity itself) who tend to be drawn to personality systems to use it as a crutch on the way to healing. These things are tools, of course. So I suppose I am way past my "Why is everyone an INFJ nowadays" mentality at this point.
 

Stigmata

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 16, 2011
Messages
8,779
I'm kind of torn on this one: On one hand, I see how it could be offensive for someone to call you out publicly on your type without provocation, especially if you've never really interacted with that person and it's done in an aggressive manner.

On the other hand, I think there's something fundamentally wrong when someone is so invested in their type that they not only stop being receptive to the possibility of being something else, they also take it as a personal slight if someone were to merely make a suggestion to them being something else.

Really, a key aspect of this site is using typology systems as a means of learning more about one's self and perhaps achieving a certain level of personal growth, and the point at which you become so entrenched into one particular type is the point at which you begin to halt your own progress.

Also, while it's not so prevalent anymore, when I first joined here and the other place which shall not be named, I noticed a considerable amount of intuitive bias and freely spewed vitriol by frustrated intuitive towards sensors. While I don't think it's as big of a deal anymore, I still see some users take offense to the notion of being considered as possibly a sensor instead of an intuitive, clinging so tightly that they won't even consider it and would rather debate you as to why they are what they perceive they are.

I've always had somewhat of an admiration for those that self-identify here as sensors, simply because in most instances on these types of forum the classification comes generally comes attached with a negative connotation.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
The focus seems to be often pointed towards the person that denies others’ typings of them or seems to defend a particular self-typing, but my focus is usually split more evenly on both parties in the situation. Why is it SO important that someone be considered a particular type by others as it seems to be SO important for others to see why they think someone is of a different type (mistyped). Which party has more to lose if proven wrong? Let’s be honest, they’re both deeply entrenched in protecting their own world views at that point, and in that case, it’s no use talking to either. At least not yet.

To me, the point in talking about personality type, is not even always to talk about personality or some personal discovery. I’ve had many conversations with people on this site where, superficially, it may look like we’re talking about type, but in fact, we’re only using that topic as a vehicle to convey information on a parallel plane. Well...truthfully, I'm not sure if I’m always in sync with other people and if I think we’re talking about the same thing, we might not be. :shrug: But that’s what I get out of the discussions here. I don’t care so much about what type you see me as, what type some person identifies as, I typically believe their self-typing to be true enough for the time being, and I say time being because honestly, what sort of fruit loopy of a life is ever truly stagnant? I expect people will change their typing at some point, or even if they don’t, it’s something else about them that may change, so I by default leave a wide enough space between what I believe to be that person is (speaking more than just type) and the potential or “other” that that person may reveal to me as time goes on. We’re always in flux. Why put so much effort or persistence into trying to stop that natural flow of life, by placing some identifier on it and attaching it with certainty? If you’re the person denying someone else’s type, is it of more value that they fit the mold and perspective you see, or is it of more value that you leave you’re perspective open enough to change and flex as you see others constantly challenge what you once thought to be “true”? Who, in that case, is the one truly stunted in growth?

People can be passive aggressive AF on this site, I don’t think it’s all that inconspicuous, we all know some people dick around with others through type. Some people don’t, however. I’d say a good amount of people don’t in fact. It’s just that the few and the loud tend to garner the most attention. But do I think we have a systemic “problem” on our hands with type bullying or people being too sensitive? There are times I do see it as being a genuine, though isolated issue, but on the whole, again, it’s just the few and the loud, and nothing more.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Like some of the others, I am of two minds about this.

No, it is not offensive—or theoretically shouldn’t be—when people suggest another type. I’ve run into people who freak out if an alternate type is suggested—there was one prominent member here that I can recall, and one member I spoke to via PM who was crippled for days because I suggested she might be a 1 (as in, just a suggestion to consider; I had no firm opinion) because she was convinced I was calling her “judgemental”. I mean ffs. This is a typology forum, where people should feel free to explore types and bounce ideas off each other.

So I can agree with the OP to a certain extent.

However, there are other things that alter that. This isn’t a perfect world, and experience has shown that the types take on lives of their own in the cultures that form around these forums. In my own case, when I was new to typology, I seriously didn’t know what I was and just wanted honest feedback—I didn’t care.

Then I became jaded.

If I am honest, Typology Central is less bad about this than some other forums I have been on, but there are places out there where type is weaponized and used to pathologize and invalidate others. There are forums where exploring the types is seen as “deceiving others” and treated punitively; where people are accused of misrepresenting themselves to “hide” their true type; where it’s all some sort of foolish status game; where honest seekers are pathologized as “needing validation” for considering certain types (for some reason, usually 4, 5, or 8).

In 2012, I was on Personality Café, and I dealt with that then. In the extreme. Without going into too many details, Type 6 was seen as this “inferior” type (especially when counterphobic) and was often used to invalidate boardies who argued against…well, anything, but especially against being typed as 6. I was in a bad place in my life, and I am ashamed to say, in my moment of weakness, I succumbed to this thinking too. And when I figured out I wasn’t actually a 6, the entire forum tried to DICTATE than I be a 6 (which, unfortunately for them, I am simply not).

So with all due respect to the OP, I feel like often people take on contentious attitudes re: retyping, because they, in fact, perceive others as treating THEM with contention. My experience has shown this is sometimes true—there are people out there who want to win the argument with you, regardless of the truth of the matter.

Meanwhile, there are some types out there with strong senses of self, or truth, or rightness; when they have their type and people start nay-saying it, it feels as though others are attacking that sense of self/truth/rightness. It’s not all about having “issues” and “needing validation”. That’s the kind of thinking I ran into on Personality Café, actually, and why I hesitated to change type, and why it’s taken me half a decade to come out about it at all.

I can tell you, I have spent most of my life attacking the foundations of my own ego (“ego” in the enneagram sense). I have never sought validation through type—if anything, finding my true type has led to increased suffering and self-loathing. I am ashamed of it and disgusted by it. And because I have a very strong sense of truth, I am no longer going to let people dictate a goddamn type to me. It’s not a “badge”, it’s my own knowledge and years of work. It feels really fucking idiotic when someone poo-poos my self-typing because they have a list of stereotypes that I don’t conform to (whereas I have years research and journaling and taking classes/having consultations and doing inner work).

Luckily, I don’t like to talk about my core type much. It’s like survivors of the Inquisition or the Khmer Rouge…some things are never spoken of again. Keep your head down. Everything you say can and will be used against you. No one will listen. You’re not good enough. Just don’t talk about it.

It would sure be nice if we COULD talk about it in a non-judgemental, open-minded manner as per the OP’s suggestion; if I could just say what was on my mind without 200 voices telling me how I don’t fit my own type. It would be great if people could treat enneagram as a matter of science without forming cliques and dictating types and forming stereotypes and labelling others. But human nature being what it is, that’s not likely. Hence the status quo.

But I think if someone is willing to sit there and provide reasoning for why you DONT fit a type, serious well thought out reasoning, and then someone gets offended and that sort of thing is then seen as bullying or something- thats not right.

Just a note here. Not that calling it "bullying" isn't taking it to the extreme. It kind of is. But, in the case of enneagram especially, the core of the type is your entire psychological structure—your values, your self-image, your ideals, your entire sense of self. When someone sits there and rationally picks apart why you can’t be that type…actually, from experience, that can be really painful and insulting and even damaging. I would strongly caution against it. Unless you know the person irl, you’ve only got YOUR interpretation of what the person says and does online. That’s not the same thing as typing the person themselves from feeling their presence and seeing how they interact irl. Type isn’t something that can be reasoned out based on empirical data. (That’s why it is considered pseudo-science.) It is something you understand intuitively once you grasp the core structure of the types and how they work. And yes, many people could make suggestions based on their understanding of how the types work...but it seems that very few actually do.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
I really appreciate the perspective of [MENTION=18576]The Tsarevich[/MENTION] - You actually seem to be understanding what I have failed to effectively communicate. I especially resonated with the following:

... where honest seekers are pathologized as “needing validation” for considering certain types (for some reason, usually 4, 5, or 8)

There are 2 reasons I love personality typing systems:
1. It's a never-ending intellectual pursuit that supplies me with the brain candy I need to feel fulfilled. There is never a time where I am not heavily studying something, for my own pleasure.
2. It's a fascinating rabbit hole that I can dive into to secretly explore the inner worlds of others. I think I am a little bit of a sick fuck, but I almost feel as if this is what I was born to be. My purpose is to explore hidden terrains, interpret them, and share them when useful. When not useful, I just keep them to myself to expand upon my understanding of human behavior.

Sure, there was a time when I was seeking some sort of validation from typology, however, I was in an extremely painful place at that time, basically on the edge of giving up entirely. After spending years in relationships which preyed on my insecurities, I was broken down so badly that I was unrecognizable from myself. I didn't need something to trust in, I needed something to tell me I was okay.

Type 6 was seen as this “inferior” type (especially when counterphobic) and was often used to invalidate boardies who argued against…well, anything, but especially against being typed as 6.

Anytime I get reactive or defensive or argumentative, there is inevitably someone lacking an imagination who will swiftly stand up and shout "Six!" while aggressively pointing their finger my way. Then, the mob mentality sets in, and anyone who doesn't actually know Enneagram on a scholarly level looks around the room with uncertainty, and at the first head nod joins in with a "Yeah!! Six! Six! Six!" with pitchforks in hand. Ironically, this is the most 6-ish move of all.

... there are some types out there with strong senses of self, or truth, or rightness; when they have their type and people start nay-saying it, it feels as though others are attacking that sense of self/truth/rightness. It’s not all about having “issues” and “needing validation”.

I've had to work extremely hard to get to where I am today, and it's painful to hear that I am so far from where I want to be because people still don't see me. Who am I if I am not seen as myself?

.. if anything, finding my true type has led to increased suffering and self-loathing. I am ashamed of it and disgusted by it.

Now that you say this, I think that a sign that someone has found their actual type is an increase in struggling, because it indicates they are seeing their blind spots and being forced to acknowledge them. Sometimes I have moments where I hate typology because it's led to so much pain and self-loathing.

But, in the case of enneagram especially, the core of the type is your entire psychological structure—your values, your self-image, your ideals, your entire sense of self. When someone sits there and rationally picks apart why you can’t be that type…actually, from experience, that can be really painful and insulting and even damaging. I would strongly caution against it.


I realized something the other day: There is no other core 4 on this site that consistently (if ever) gets as much shit for not being a 4 as I do. And then it struck me that there aren't great examples here of what a 4 in such a situation would look like. Well, let me tell you something: It doesn't look like much after the initial image-sensitive reactive defense launches because the 4 will retreat to recover. Some of them will act like nothing happened at all. Some of them will spiral down the health levels a bit and become more insufferable. Some of them will just disappear for awhile and find sustenance in tears and the simpler hedonistic vices in life.

None of you can see that, but the people who do it can feel it in others.

That’s not the same thing as typing the person themselves from feeling their presence and seeing how they interact irl.

I find it amusing that so few of you realize that you, to some extent, project a persona online, and in reality for that matter. Peter Deadpan, although still me, is not an all-encompassing representation of who I am. Furthermore, the more I am rejected for who I actually am, the more I will resort to shallow representations of myself because there is less of a chance of rejection. Peter Deadpan is funny and likable, so I'm told, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. But, the more I observe PD, the more I low-key hate myself because obviously he's created a rift between my inner world and my outer world. If people think Peter Deadpan is a 6w7, but
_ _ _ _ is actually a 4w5 who uses the internet to get out of herself, then who the fuck am I really? And it's not that I don't necessarily know, it's just that I realize that I am not being seen, and it's my own fault.

At the end of the day, I do not want to be pitied for my struggles, so sticking with Peter Deadpan is probably easier and less painful than shoving my deficiencies in the faces of those around me, naked and ashamed of the cheapness of selling myself out for fake hugs.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
Joined
Jul 11, 2017
Messages
1,702
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
854
Ho, a personal offense? I, personally, wouldn't take it like that. I'll probably find it amusing.

We have specific types self-proclaiming archetypes patrols. He will challenge your ENTJ-ness (He's ESTJ, actually). She will challenge your ENFPness (She's ENFJ, actually). Let them sink in their self-induced psychosis. We show pity for these belligerent people for they can't forge an identity without such an apparatus, and have to validate themselves by projecting on others. Know that they will have to protect that identity by questioning yours, for in their crippled sense of self, if they can't see themselves in you, you are not what you claim to be. Give no fucks about them.

The second type is those who go imbibe typology books or articles and think that gives them the sanctimonious authority of an infallible opinion. No. Stand right there in the corner with your nose pushed as far into the wall crevice as possible, hands in the air, left foot in the air then switch to right foot in the air again and again until I call you for dinner. You've been naughty. Also, if you could sing 'Satan gave me a Taco' backwards, that would be nice.

*sigh*

I'm the same asshole whether IRL or IVL, but I realize a ton of people seem very different IRL.

People can seem *very* different irl than online - or even in a video than in text. What happens online is that people will read one post and jump to conclusions about someone's type. That can also be quite presumptuous.

Yep. Basically, the petty defenders with their "That sounded very *type you don't identify as* here".
---

There are people who know themselves better than others, and people who wouldn't trust you unless you're able to see them beyond the outlines. We all watch the same thing but can never see the same thing after all.

If I were to tell [MENTION=31348]Peter Deadpan[/MENTION] that she's an ISFJ, she'll probably cross her arms, pout, and tell me "Pffft, you know me better than that" before looking the other way in disaproval. Because damn her and her 458ness. Deep down that fucker knows I accept her with all I can and cannot see.

Another fool who would try the same thing out of a haughty and unsolicited perspective and he will probably have a hard time recovering from the humiliation he inflicted upon himself.



Coming back to the subject of my arrogant I, I don't identify as a type. If my day to day tendencies and the way I enterprise my people, my family, my business and life goals are goverened by ENTJ qualities, I don't care that much. I know better than coin the many insanities of my poised and ambitious self into mere four letters. The pretentious simpleton on the internet will try to psychoanalyze, and to my own entertainment, he will fall in the most transcendal paradoxes.

-Kim: I came to tell you that you are ExFJ.
-Me: Oh, interesting. Sit down, have some chips and tell me more.
-You just gave me chips which means you're giving.
-Shit man. I can't hide anything from you.
-You're also good with people, especially women. Only F people are good with people.
-Man. You, you are something. Continue.
-The other day you were laughing.
-Like right now? Hahahaha?
-Yes! You also make jokes!
-I should've known they were ESFJ jokes.
-Yes! They are!
-Did you know that I am one hell of a cook too?
-I wouldn't be surprised! That is so ESFJ!
-Ah, the things you don't know, man. The things you don't know.
-Remember that one time when you were comforting that woman?
-Don't tell me. That's also ESFJ?
-YES! It can't get anymore ESFJ than that!
-Oh yes, it can. I love my family.
-Oh my god! Congratulations!
-I NEED A HUG.

*sips tea*
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I really appreciate the perspective of [MENTION=18576]The Tsarevich[/MENTION] - You actually seem to be understanding what I have failed to effectively communicate.
Wow, thanks. I'll try not to dominate the conversation, but since you called me, there are a couple things I thought of.

There are 2 reasons I love personality typing systems:
1. It's a never-ending intellectual pursuit that supplies me with the brain candy I need to feel fulfilled. There is never a time where I am not heavily studying something, for my own pleasure.
2. It's a fascinating rabbit hole that I can dive into to secretly explore the inner worlds of others. I think I am a little bit of a sick fuck, but I almost feel as if this is what I was born to be. My purpose is to explore hidden terrains, interpret them, and share them when useful. When not useful, I just keep them to myself to expand upon my understanding of human behavior.
This is like the essence of the 458 tritype. Katherine called them the "intellectual giant"...which is how I knew I wasn't one lol. You're talking about motivations here, which is far more important than being feisty in one discussion lol.

Sure, there was a time when I was seeking some sort of validation from typology, however, I was in an extremely painful place at that time, basically on the edge of giving up entirely. After spending years in relationships which preyed on my insecurities, I was broken down so badly that I was unrecognizable from myself. I didn't need something to trust in, I needed something to tell me I was okay.
You know, I'm going to slightly take back *some* what I said before about validation and just say that at one point I was pretty sure my life had happened as it had because I wasn't powerful enough to stop it. I still am, actually. I got a lot of feedback as a kid about needing to assert myself more, be louder, stand up for myself, have more confidence (by people who didn't know me). So obviously this set me up for a few...complexes. I guess one part of me just wished someone could see me how I saw myself. They didn't, though. But that's what I mean when I said my "ego" has been slowly torn down throughout my life. People see me as the exact opposite of how I feel I should be. So. At one point I privately wished enneagram could validate my sense of self. And when I found my core type, it was just that much more tragic; rude shit that dumb people told me about myself paled in comparison to the truth.

Anytime I get reactive or defensive or argumentative, there is inevitably someone lacking an imagination who will swiftly stand up and shout "Six!" while aggressively pointing their finger my way. Then, the mob mentality sets in, and anyone who doesn't actually know Enneagram on a scholarly level looks around the room with uncertainty, and at the first head nod joins in with a "Yeah!! Six! Six! Six!" with pitchforks in hand. Ironically, this is the most 6-ish move of all.
I figured this out right away, and so spent years keeping my peace. It seemed like the only way to win. But actually, there is no way to win. Whole thing's rigged against you, except the joke's really on "the mob", although they'll never realize it. Sad.

Now that you say this, I think that a sign that someone has found their actual type is an increase in struggling, because it indicates they are seeing their blind spots and being forced to acknowledge them. Sometimes I have moments where I hate typology because it's led to so much pain and self-loathing.
I'd say it's more a sign that I (or anyone) am using the enneagram as intended--for personal growth and inner work. I have a long tormented relationship with typology myself, but yet I'm always compelled back to it. I sometimes wish I could erase my revelations, but then I'd be denying the truth, and I cannot do such a thing. But there are plenty of people who just hear about their type and are proud of someone explaining their personality to them.

I realized something the other day: There is no other core 4 on this site that consistently (if ever) gets as much shit for not being a 4 as I do. And then it struck me that there aren't great examples here of what a 4 in such a situation would look like. Well, let me tell you something: It doesn't look like much after the initial image-sensitive reactive defense launches because the 4 will retreat to recover. Some of them will act like nothing happened at all. Some of them will spiral down the health levels a bit and become more insufferable. Some of them will just disappear for awhile and find sustenance in tears and the simpler hedonistic vices in life.
I should have taken shit for not being a 4, but no one ever questioned it. I won't lie, when I first read some of your posts, I was like, Peter Deadpan is a 4w5?? And then I saw some thread about 4s and image and identity a couple months ago, where you were explaining image issues, and I was like, Damn, she is a 4. I never questioned it again. I am sorry, but if people ignore that in favour of a few online interactions, they're the ones who aren't understanding how enneagram actually works or how to define the mechanics of type.

There are many people--and again, Typology Central folks are better about this than other places, but there are some who seem to think it's like...tallying behavioural outputs. Like I have a friend who I've been talking to for 6 years who still hasn't figured my type...he thinks I'm a 4 because I "have bad self-esteem" and "am depressed". (He also doesn't realize that he IS a 4 himself). He doesn't get that it's not about behaviours or what you do when. Sure, we all start off that way, but you reach a point where you need to upgrade, idk.

I find it amusing that so few of you realize that you, to some extent, project a persona online, and in reality for that matter.
Part of the problem with "persona" discussions is that there seems to be a certain stigma associated with it--as though people are deliberately putting on facades to conform to some enneagram stereotype (the word "posers" comes to mind). I remember on PerC people were so hardcore into shitting on those they perceived as "creating personas" that I was afraid to truly express my more heartfelt sentiments--lest someone tell me my anger was constructed and I was a poser for expressing my fire. Thus forcing me to add another layer...and one they never picked up on, ironically, but used against me plenty of times. I've dealt with it less here.

There's a certain selection process people have to inherently undergo to express themselves, especially on a forum where words are the only medium. There's a certain way people wish to be seen (especially in the enneagram sense, there's an idealized self-image that controls a lot of what we express) and this also influences what and how we share of ourselves. It's actually one of the things enneagram teaches.

At the end of the day, I do not want to be pitied for my struggles, so sticking with Peter Deadpan is probably easier and less painful than shoving my deficiencies in the faces of those around me, naked and ashamed of the cheapness of selling myself out for fake hugs.
I've tried radical self-honesty on forums (and irl) before, and it's better not to. I think your strategies here, while painful, are also wiser.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
Staff member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
27,230
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've had to work extremely hard to get to where I am today, and it's painful to hear that I am so far from where I want to be because people still don't see me. Who am I if I am not seen as myself?
This is a question that goes far beyond any typology system: the difference between how others see me, how I see myself, and who I really am. Throughout my adult life I have received very little feedback about myself as a person, which has made that part of the puzzle elusive. I receive lots of feedback on what I do: my work, things I do as a volunteer, a kind deed I did for a friend or neighbor, etc. I can extrapolate some from that. Interestingly I have received more feedback online than in RL. Perhaps the anonymity of these spaces makes people feel more free to offer that feedback. Perhaps the nature of a forum like this encourages it as especially relevant.

Now that you say this, I think that a sign that someone has found their actual type is an increase in struggling, because it indicates they are seeing their blind spots and being forced to acknowledge them. Sometimes I have moments where I hate typology because it's led to so much pain and self-loathing.
When I finally understood my type I had two realizations: (1) this is actually an OK way to be, meaning there was nothing wrong with me, I just shared a less common set of preferences; and (2) here is this set of things, then, that I will likely always struggle with, and need to remain mindful of; it's actually part of me and won't go away. I still believe we get more out of developing our strengths than trying to fix our weaknesses, but we certainly do need to be aware of them so we can take them into account and compensate. My preferred method is to learn from and to team with others whose strengths are complementary.

I find it amusing that so few of you realize that you, to some extent, project a persona online, and in reality for that matter. Peter Deadpan, although still me, is not an all-encompassing representation of who I am. Furthermore, the more I am rejected for who I actually am, the more I will resort to shallow representations of myself because there is less of a chance of rejection. Peter Deadpan is funny and likable, so I'm told, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. But, the more I observe PD, the more I low-key hate myself because obviously he's created a rift between my inner world and my outer world. If people think Peter Deadpan is a 6w7, but _ _ _ _ is actually a 4w5 who uses the internet to get out of herself, then who the fuck am I really? And it's not that I don't necessarily know, it's just that I realize that I am not being seen, and it's my own fault.
I wonder about this, too - the difference between how we are in RL vs online. In some ways I feel I can be more myself online, as I am not subject to the RL constraints that sometimes lead me to hold my tongue, filter what I say, or project a different impression to get something I want. I suppose the fact that I even do these things and how I do them is also part of the "real me", but it is nice online not to have to bother.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
people kept telling me i'm a 4 and i probably am but for a long time i didn't want to believe it cuz i viewed 4s as blah blah i'm so unique *vomits all over the thread* where i just want to be geniune not unique. if my geniuness makes me unique ok if not then that's ok aswell. I dunno i guess i did take a little bit of offense to it.mostly because the stereotypes makes 4 sounds like wet slimy donkey assholes
 

Lib

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 3, 2017
Messages
577
I cannot take this thread seriously. You guys at least have your own identity, I get to be the dupe of sex offenders or other interesting individuals. I almost wanted to open a thread in the 'type me' section "Whose dupe do you think I am?"
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I find it amusing that so few of you realize that you, to some extent, project a persona online, and in reality for that matter. Peter Deadpan, although still me, is not an all-encompassing representation of who I am. Furthermore, the more I am rejected for who I actually am, the more I will resort to shallow representations of myself because there is less of a chance of rejection. Peter Deadpan is funny and likable, so I'm told, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. But, the more I observe PD, the more I low-key hate myself because obviously he's created a rift between my inner world and my outer world. If people think Peter Deadpan is a 6w7, but
_ _ _ _ is actually a 4w5 who uses the internet to get out of herself, then who the fuck am I really? And it's not that I don't necessarily know, it's just that I realize that I am not being seen, and it's my own fault.

At the end of the day, I do not want to be pitied for my struggles, so sticking with Peter Deadpan is probably easier and less painful than shoving my deficiencies in the faces of those around me, naked and ashamed of the cheapness of selling myself out for fake hugs.
I knew you were more vulnerable than you appeared when you were shit posting. It was reinforced during our discussions in the member pics thread and positively impacted on my opinion of you. I heard your self-searching.
 

Amberiat

Infinity
Joined
Mar 10, 2018
Messages
1,233
Viewing it as a personal offense simply means you are narrow-minded. Why not use the opportunity to view things in a way you may not have seen them before or even refused to do so (as is usually the case with people that have biases towards intuitives and they are confronted with the possibility of being a sensor).

The number one defense mechanism to protect the biases towards certain types have is this one sentence "You know yourself better than anyone else, so if you think that you are x or y, then you probably are right.", now why is this sentence so effective? Because it actually has some truth to it, but things aren't always so straightforward especially when it comes to cognition and behavior, more often than not it's actually easier for us to fool ourselves and know ourselves even less than other people do, which is why external perception is just as important as introspection when trying to know yourself better and is not a weakness in any way. External perception keeps you grounded in reality and facts about yourself, introspection figures out the how and why behind them.

As long as it's not done as a passive-aggressive act or something similar, we should actually be thankful if people willingly share their perception of us because if we do what we should do which is not dismissing any information because of biases and other factors and instead view things critically until we can tell if they have any validity or not then they have basically helped us know ourselves better, even if just a little.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've also seen some social dominance game playing in this regard, especially when people draw a lot of attention to questioning someone's type. Oftentimes the people who are always calling out others types tend to be the ones that don't really seem like their declared type to me and they are calling out other people of the same type. I don't mess with it by calling them out, but it does annoy me a lot.

Everyone has their own personal ideas about type - "I don't think you are an XYZP because my boyfriend is one and you are nothing like him." What's the point of that? Maybe their boyfriend is mistyped? Maybe two people of the same type can actually be really different? I can see the use of questioning type when it is done with some objectivity referencing what Jung describes or even referencing some of the other writers on the topic. Referencing mothers, boyfriends, exes as the definitive hallmark of a type and then telling strangers and acquaintances they are wrong about their identity based on that is an exercise in absurdity.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
Viewing it as a personal offense simply means you are narrow-minded. Why not use the opportunity to view things in a way you may not have seen them before or even refused to do so (as is usually the case with people that have biases towards intuitives and they are confronted with the possibility of being a sensor).

The number one defense mechanism to protect the biases towards certain types have is this one sentence "You know yourself better than anyone else, so if you think that you are x or y, then you probably are right.", now why is this sentence so effective? Because it actually has some truth to it, but things aren't always so straightforward especially when it comes to cognition and behavior, more often than not it's actually easier for us to fool ourselves and know ourselves even less than other people do, which is why external perception is just as important as introspection when trying to know yourself better and is not a weakness in any way. External perception keeps you grounded in reality and facts about yourself, introspection figures out the how and why behind them.

As long as it's not done as a passive-aggressive act or something similar, we should actually be thankful if people willingly share their perception of us because if we do what we should do which is not dismissing any information because of biases and other factors and instead view things critically until we can tell if they have any validity or not then they have basically helped us know ourselves better, even if just a little.

To assume that every person who gets reactive or defensive about a different typing hasn't objectively explored every possible option open-mindedly is
narrow-minded.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
I've also seen some social dominance game playing in this regard, especially when people draw a lot of attention to questioning someone's type. Oftentimes the people who are always calling out others types tend to be the ones that don't really seem like their declared type to me and they are calling out other people of the same type. I don't mess with it by calling them out, but it does annoy me a lot.

Everyone has their own personal ideas about type - "I don't think you are an XYZP because my boyfriend is one and you are nothing like him." What's the point of that? Maybe their boyfriend is mistyped? Maybe two people of the same type can actually be really different? I can see the use of questioning type when it is done with some objectivity referencing what Jung describes or even referencing some of the other writers on the topic. Referencing mothers, boyfriends, exes as the definitive hallmark of a type and then telling strangers and acquaintances they are wrong about their identity based on that is an exercise in absurdity.

Most people here type on behavior or vibes while neglecting to realize that they aren't skilled at identifying internal motivations of others. It shouldn't be an easy thing to do and you'd have to intensively study both systems and the individual at hand.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
Most people here type on behavior or vibes while neglecting to realize that they aren't skilled at identifying internal motivations of others. It shouldn't be an easy thing to do and you'd have to intensively study both systems and the individual at hand.

Personally this bit doesn't bother me so much as long as typing others through vibes or whatever gray fluff magic they're working with is taken simply at face value and not as some perceived "truth". Many members have fun typing others and celebrities haphazardly and to me it's not the clumsy approach that can put me off, it's when that voodoo magic IS perceived as truth by the person wielding it and they take it far beyond a simple typing. Repping or PMing others that they can no way in Hell be this type or that is NOT OK on any level and at that point, my eyes are squarely pointed towards the assailant, not the seemingly over defensive one.

Typology isn't always just some casual hobby like anything else. It often can be. But people have to realize that some come onto this site hoping to fix their lives in whatever capacity possible, and coming onto a forum where your identity and being is put into question when you're in such a low state, can be highly damaging to that individual, and we're all supposed to believe "they're just being too sensitive"??
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
12,667
Instinctual Variant
sp
I still think that if you are THAT offended by “not being understood” because someone doesnt see you as the type you see yourself as is a bit... well. Its a bit unreasonable and it DOES make me question why you would NEED others to see you in a certain way. Its a type. Its who you are yes, but so is every action that you do. I dont walk around demaning people see me as creative or nice or intelligent- people are free to have their own perceptions of me and thats ok.

If they are wrong they are wrong, I can know that- who cares what other people think if your identity is TRULY about being yourself. If you are something, in my opinion, it will just show. You shouldnt have to tell people “im really creative” if you ARE truly creative. It will just show. You shouldnt have to tell people “im really honest” if you are- again, patterns of behavior will just show this. The “truly something” people... dont usually need to force it upon others- for any reason. Insecurity, validation, understanding- ect. If you want to be understood for who you are- you shouldnt be afraid of just being yourself- and not having to prove that you are somehing/anything more. Wanting to be understood as a certain type, or having a certain quality, is not the same as wanting to be understood as yourself imo.

Then again, Im not an image type. Irl I dont really care all that much about people seeing me a certain way. Maybe this IS something that is more centralized around image types. I dunno.
 

Lady Lazarus

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 30, 2014
Messages
2,148
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I just get tired of being told I'm an IxFP 4 because that's the easiest way to describe it and for some reason occam's razor is the way people like typing me.

It only pissed me off when people kept saying I was an obvious ISFP. That's so insensitive and missed the point of all this, attempting to understand others. No one is obvious. There can be honesty and sraightforwardness about someone. These must be incorporated into an understanding of someone. But that doesn't make their entire person or personality obvious.

Ridiculous. That level of ignorance with undue arrogance and lack of self-awareness is just ridiculous. But when nothing is your fault and you resort to pettiness/transparent manipulation/delusional interpretations of events to save your ego there is just no way it's going to be anything but lacking in self-awareness, I suppose.

At this point I don't care what I am and I feel like it's always the imperceptive that continue to try to get a reaction out of me with ISFP. It's disgusting when people do that just for fun. I only did that to someone I found insensitive and in order to get them to stop acting that way toward certain people. But I have never done that just for fun and I never will, some people here are obviously not in places where that would be a good idea. Coincidentally the two people who have done that are narcissists who believe people are obvious, so, it makes perfect sense that they would underestimate things like my self control and ability to perceive weaknesses in myself then subsequently adapt to minimize them. One of them seriously thought I was monosyllabic and talk. like. this. The entire time they didn't even realize I was me and they interacted with me sometimes.

But I suppose that stuff is really all my fault for trying to show people who were/are outcasts compassion and understanding. It will not deter me in the future though, not everyone who is different is so horrible.
 

Amberiat

Infinity
Joined
Mar 10, 2018
Messages
1,233
To assume that every person who gets reactive or defensive about a different typing hasn't objectively explored every possible option open-mindedly is
narrow-minded.

It's true, after all, if you have indeed explored different possibilities thoroughly then you don't need to act like a crybaby right? All you have to do is calmly explain your thought process, which should be simple, even natural if you had actually thought about it. Otherwise it's just lashing out caused by denial and lack of insight.
 
Top