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Children's Future. What is the future of our youth?

LightSun

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#9
"I have a saying, "Parents are as mini-gods or sculptors. Their children they raise are a product of the words they use in communicating with their children. If the parents shower unconditional regard and love upon a child and give complimentary and validating comments to their children, then the parents in essence sculpt on their sculpting pottery wheel a strong, straight and beautiful vase. Such a child raised in these conditions is much more likely to develop a strong sense of self along with good self esteem.

However the reverse is true. If the parents have issues and take these issues out unto their children with name calling and denigration the vase on the pottery wheel representing the child will be made stunted and warped. Such a child will more than likely develop a poor sense of self and poor self esteem."
 

LightSun

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"My analogy is we are all as tree seeds. We have all the necessary ingredients to come into our own innately inborn in us. All it takes is for the child, the seedling to be planted in a garden and raised by our parents with love, safety and proper guidelines. In such an environment we would grow as straight as an oak tree reaching up towards the sun and our innate potential. The ingredients of safety and proper guidelines is the fertilizer and the love of the parent is as the sunlight of the sun. The problem arises when parents put their own expectations upon the child.

The child thus never discovers their true self but must unravel parental and societal demands ll the while crying out for authenticity and to be able to realize their own innate gifts. The child or for this purpose the metaphor of the oak tree thus grows crooked in an endeavor of pleasing 'conditional love' and the expectations projected unto them as children. Realistic goals with the elements of safety, love and basic guidelines is warranted.

What is not warranted and is unfair to the child is if the parent have unrealistic perfectionist expectations all of which are conditional in order for the child to receive the parents love and attention. The child learns that if he or she is to be loved they must first perform in order to receive love as a commodity. Love has to be earned and is not a healthy unconditional love. What is more harmful is the young child will develop unhealthy cognitive schema's. Once in the subconscious belief system, these old tapes are hard to eradicate. The child grows up into an adult and then must struggle trying to both being authentic to themselves and trying to listen to their own inner voice.

This is in conflict with trying to live up to parental, societal and peer expectations. The child is in no man's land. Not truly authentic nor not quite realizing the external expectations placed upon them in their formative early development. Once a child grows up in such an environment they will constantly seek to straighten out the crooked branches of their childhood. The child when becoming an adult will spend a lifetime trying to straighten out the branches of their individuality in order to find their own voice."
 

LightSun

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#9
"I can envision a society where verbal negativity, is a sure sign of mental illness. Verbal abuse is a crime. It is a crime against the soul, especially to children. I'll say that again, verbal abuse is a crime against everyone, but especially to children. Children are our most profoundly prized, precious gift. For us to abuse a child is a crime. Words spoken in the most profound Ignorance can condemn a child, now an adult to crime, substance abuse and mental illness if they as children did not receive enough of the 40 developmental assets in their formative years to help instill resilient qualities."

- - - Updated - - -

"If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

'When children live...they learn'
When children live with criticism They learn to condemn.
When children live with hostility, ...They learn to fight.
When children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy.
When children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty.
When children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient.
When children live with encouragement, They learn to have faith.
When children live with fairness, They learn confidence.
When children live with security, They learn justice.
When children live with praise, They learn to appreciate.
When children live with approval, They learn to like themselves.
When children live with acceptance and friendship, They learn to find love in the world." St. Isidore

'When children live...they learn'
When children live with criticism They learn to condemn.
When children live with hostility, ...They learn to fight.

When children live with ridicule, They learn to be shy.
When children live with shame, They learn to feel guilty.
When children live with tolerance, They learn to be patient.

When children live with encouragement, They learn to have faith.
When children live with fairness, They learn confidence.
When children live with security, They learn justice.

When children live with praise, They learn to appreciate.
When children live with approval, They learn to like themselves.
When children live with acceptance and friendship, They learn to find love in the world." St. Isidore
 

misfortuneteller

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The future for children is no discipline and heaps of technology. Parenting will be a thing of the past. #NeverlandAwaits
 

Virtual ghost

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That remains to be seen, however my bet is that the trends will not continue since the trends are unsustainable. Because mass mental illnesses inevitably leads to this path.
So the only real question is will there be a radical change in this or the car will indeed fly of the cliff. Everything else are details.
 

Maou

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f74b1cfab8265f0c6d3c30e7699bc4a7.jpg
 

Yuurei

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A lot if this sounds accurate. My Father is in his sixties and still calls to brag about his acheivements while not wanting to hear about any of mine.

But when I step back and think of him not as my Father, but my Grandfather’s son, it makes a lot of sense and seems almost normal.
 

LightSun

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"In the Montessori and Waldorf school systems the teachers are facilitators and help the child discover their interests and guide them along in pursuit of their potential and individuality.This is the aim of the Montessori and Waldorf school system. The child already at birth has hidden wisdom locked away within. These school systems allow the developing child to come into their own by helping facilitate and develop the young child's latent gift's and talent's. This is the way parents are supposed to be. Parents should act as custodians, guardians, protectors and role models but never pushing their own agenda and unrealistic personal expectations on top of the child and thereby suffocating the spirit of their children becoming an independent and unique being."
 

LightSun

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“Carl Rogers opposes behaviorists with their use of rewards and punishments to shape behavior. Rogers argues reinforcements may lead to conditions of worth, wherein a child believe his worth depends on his displaying "right" and "proper" attitudes and behaviors. Children need the approval of others, positive regard, and will distort perceptions and deny real feelings to conform to outside standards of behavior. Negative evaluations lead to a negative self -concept. A person begins to doubt his self, his abilities and his worth in the world, excessive "punishment" indeed.

Negative self- concepts, emotional disturbance and mental disorders are products of conditional positive regard. The person becomes maladjusted and in-congruent as he loses touch with the self-inside. His behaviors on the outside are in-congruent with his feelings on the inside. Humanistic therapies center on assisting the person's honest Self- exploration in an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, acceptance, respect and empathy in hopes the person can rediscover the self.

Rogers believes that in a climate of trust and unconditional positive regard, people can begin to drop their masks, facades, and ego defenses and become increasingly real and congruent. When they begin to rediscover their real authentic self the self- actualizing tendency will allow them to grow toward realization of their full potential, a flowering of their sacred unique self. Parental criticism and punishment thwarts the developing self and stunts natural growth. The child now must channel natural growth energies toward defense mechanisms. He learns to withdraw from, fight or accept the criticism. Any method he chooses damages his sense of self- worth.

He uses elaborate defense mechanisms to defend against the hurt, anxiety, and tension. Instead of being genuine the child learns to hide behind masks and play roles or to simply withhold true feelings.Rogers theorizes that the child may even in time lose is or her sense of self, conforming and adapting to the prescriptions of behaviors called conditions of worth to win external acceptance. Given unconditional positive regard during development the child develops into a fully functioning person who is spontaneous, open, flexible, creative and loving.

Fully functioning persons are congruent, freely expressing their true feelings. Their outside behaviors are congruent with their inside feelings so they are honest and genuine in their approach to the world. Unfortunately the growth process is often thwarted. Instead of receiving unconditional positive regard the child experiences conditional positive regard. Instead of acceptance, the developing self -experiences conditions of worth, ways a child must behave to behave to obtain approval. In Rogers personality theory conditional positive regard is the cause of poor self- image and maladjustment."
 

LightSun

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"Wouldn't it be great that as children we were allowed to develop our gifts? Wouldn't it be great if we were tested as children to discover our natural gifts? Wouldn't it be great for parents to allow children to come into their own and not try to change or control the child's natural river bed of growth & development? A parent to me should be a steward and protector but not a controller. This stifles independent thought as well as a free and independent spirit. This stifles self-actualization. More so it is stifling of the human spirit. A parent to me should be a steward and protector but not a controller.

This stifles independent thought as well as a free and independent spirit. This stifles self-actualization. More so it is stifling of the human spirit. Are our present day 'triggered' emotions created now or are they a re-cycling and rehashing of emotions which were experienced in childhood and not properly processed and therefore healed? I believe that if we were raised as children and our emotional conflicts as children were processed properly, then we would be a more well adjusted society.

I believe that if we were raised as children and our emotional conflicts as children were processed properly, then we would be able to develop our individual unique gift's which lies as a seedling in each small boy and small girl. In developing our latent gift's we require love, nurture, boundaries and a feeling of safety. Parents can stunt their children out of ignorance. To many tines parents seek to change, control, or alter a child's natural development. This upsets 'flow' and upsets balance. This upsets the natural order of things. This is why I am for parental training as well as child development courses to be implemented.

We don't give credit or credence to a child's remarkable ability to process and properly digest negative emotions. If at a moment of crises or conflict the parent takes the time to reason with and help the child understand the situation then the turbulent emotions can be properly processed. We have not learned this as a society. Moreover, not enough time is even to the developing child. Therefore, we have a society as we have it today. Parents can stunt their children's development out of profound ignorance. I am for nurturing flow in children and adults. Subconsciously children will pick up on the distorted actions and behaviors of their parenting. This is why as adults we do many of the behaviors of our parents, almost against our wills.

We mimicked what we saw. Even if a parent wishes to be a good parent and seek to rectify the mistakes of their own upbringing, they still will be subconsciously affected. Resiliency studies conducted say only one out of three will survive and overcome a dysfunctional household. To me to heal a society, it starts with the children. To me, some of the most pivotal influences on childhood are child rearing and education. Ultimately, we must make and take responsibility for our own lives regardless of what happened. Besides our parentage reflects the pains and demons that our parents must have endured. It is our only choice to move forward. Violence begets violence, somewhere the cycle must be broken, and it happens that it starts with me."
 

Metis

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“Carl Rogers opposes behaviorists with their use of rewards and punishments to shape behavior. Rogers argues reinforcements may lead to conditions of worth, wherein a child believe his worth depends on his displaying "right" and "proper" attitudes and behaviors. Children need the approval of others, positive regard, and will distort perceptions and deny real feelings to conform to outside standards of behavior. Negative evaluations lead to a negative self -concept. A person begins to doubt his self, his abilities and his worth in the world, excessive "punishment" indeed.

Negative self- concepts, emotional disturbance and mental disorders are products of conditional positive regard. The person becomes maladjusted and in-congruent as he loses touch with the self-inside. His behaviors on the outside are in-congruent with his feelings on the inside. Humanistic therapies center on assisting the person's honest Self- exploration in an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, acceptance, respect and empathy in hopes the person can rediscover the self.

Rogers believes that in a climate of trust and unconditional positive regard, people can begin to drop their masks, facades, and ego defenses and become increasingly real and congruent. When they begin to rediscover their real authentic self the self- actualizing tendency will allow them to grow toward realization of their full potential, a flowering of their sacred unique self. Parental criticism and punishment thwarts the developing self and stunts natural growth. The child now must channel natural growth energies toward defense mechanisms. He learns to withdraw from, fight or accept the criticism. Any method he chooses damages his sense of self- worth.

He uses elaborate defense mechanisms to defend against the hurt, anxiety, and tension. Instead of being genuine the child learns to hide behind masks and play roles or to simply withhold true feelings.Rogers theorizes that the child may even in time lose is or her sense of self, conforming and adapting to the prescriptions of behaviors called conditions of worth to win external acceptance. Given unconditional positive regard during development the child develops into a fully functioning person who is spontaneous, open, flexible, creative and loving.

Fully functioning persons are congruent, freely expressing their true feelings. Their outside behaviors are congruent with their inside feelings so they are honest and genuine in their approach to the world. Unfortunately the growth process is often thwarted. Instead of receiving unconditional positive regard the child experiences conditional positive regard. Instead of acceptance, the developing self -experiences conditions of worth, ways a child must behave to behave to obtain approval. In Rogers personality theory conditional positive regard is the cause of poor self- image and maladjustment."

I'm reading a book right now called Punished by Rewards, by Alfie Kohn / 1993. It's interesting.

I remember that I always felt resentful when one of my parents would try to bribe me with what that person viewed as rewards. I didn't know how to explain it, and the person would be confused as to why I'd decide that I didn't want whatever I was being bribed with. It was like someone dangling a dollar bill in front of your face, trying to make you do a lap dance. It was dirty.

The other one could get me to do stuff through example. I looked up to them both, so all either had to do was set the right example, and I'd try to be like them.
 

LightSun

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I'm reading a book right now called Punished by Rewards, by Alfie Kohn / 1993. It's interesting.

I remember that I always felt resentful when one of my parents would try to bribe me with what that person viewed as rewards. I didn't know how to explain it, and the person would be confused as to why I'd decide that I didn't want whatever I was being bribed with. It was like someone dangling a dollar bill in front of your face, trying to make you do a lap dance. It was dirty.

The other one could get me to do stuff through example. I looked up to them both, so all either had to do was set the right example, and I'd try to be like them.

This is the parent making their love conditional. Metis, I've Note's about parenting, resiliency, developmental assets and Cognitive Schema's which are developed in our belief system if one grew up under adverse condition's.
 

Metis

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This is the parent making their love conditional. Metis, I've Note's about parenting, resiliency, developmental assets and Cognitive Schema's which are developed in our belief system if one grew up under adverse condition's.

I never took it as being about love, either positively or negatively. It was just demeaning.
 

LightSun

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I never took it as being about love, either positively or negatively. It was just demeaning.

Exactly love with condition's is not real love shown. My own father had unrealistic perfectionist expectations of me. When I live up to meet his expectation's I was belittled. In my home life I went the freeze route, rather than fight or flight. The reason being nothing I did ever was good enough. If I performed something, well I was expected to do it anyhow. Thus I never received positive reinforcement.
 

Metis

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Exactly love with condition's is not real love shown. My own father had unrealistic perfectionist expectations of me. When I live up to meet his expectation's I was belittled. In my home life I went the freeze route, rather than fight or flight. The reason being nothing I did ever was good enough. If I performed something, well I was expected to do it anyhow. Thus I never received positive reinforcement.

Oh, the same one that would try to bribe me would also blow a lot of sunshine up my ass, so I received a lot of "positive" reinforcement. Flattery is poison.

Here's a conversation I heard once between two older ladies:

JOYCE (50/60ish): I always tried to give my daughter positive reinforcement by telling her that she was pretty. I didn't want her to have a poor self-image about how she looked.

BETTY (85): Oh, I never commented on my kids' appearances, and I had as few mirrors around the house as possible. Just the one in the bathroom that all 10 kids shared. That's why my kids all grew up without body image issues.

I think Betty was right. I didn't have my ass kissed about my appearance; it was about something else, but definitely harmful.

Are you sure that your lack of positive reinforcement was the problem? Without the negative reinforcement, it might never have crossed your mind to want positive reinforcement to balance it out. Maybe it would be a non-issue.
 

Yuurei

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“Carl Rogers opposes behaviorists with their use of rewards and punishments to shape behavior. Rogers argues reinforcements may lead to conditions of worth, wherein a child believe his worth depends on his displaying "right" and "proper" attitudes and behaviors. Children need the approval of others, positive regard, and will distort perceptions and deny real feelings to conform to outside standards of behavior. Negative evaluations lead to a negative self -concept. A person begins to doubt his self, his abilities and his worth in the world, excessive "punishment" indeed.

Negative self- concepts, emotional disturbance and mental disorders are products of conditional positive regard. The person becomes maladjusted and in-congruent as he loses touch with the self-inside. His behaviors on the outside are in-congruent with his feelings on the inside. Humanistic therapies center on assisting the person's honest Self- exploration in an atmosphere of unconditional positive regard, acceptance, respect and empathy in hopes the person can rediscover the self.

Rogers believes that in a climate of trust and unconditional positive regard, people can begin to drop their masks, facades, and ego defenses and become increasingly real and congruent. When they begin to rediscover their real authentic self the self- actualizing tendency will allow them to grow toward realization of their full potential, a flowering of their sacred unique self. Parental criticism and punishment thwarts the developing self and stunts natural growth. The child now must channel natural growth energies toward defense mechanisms. He learns to withdraw from, fight or accept the criticism. Any method he chooses damages his sense of self- worth.

He uses elaborate defense mechanisms to defend against the hurt, anxiety, and tension. Instead of being genuine the child learns to hide behind masks and play roles or to simply withhold true feelings.Rogers theorizes that the child may even in time lose is or her sense of self, conforming and adapting to the prescriptions of behaviors called conditions of worth to win external acceptance. Given unconditional positive regard during development the child develops into a fully functioning person who is spontaneous, open, flexible, creative and loving.

Fully functioning persons are congruent, freely expressing their true feelings. Their outside behaviors are congruent with their inside feelings so they are honest and genuine in their approach to the world. Unfortunately the growth process is often thwarted. Instead of receiving unconditional positive regard the child experiences conditional positive regard. Instead of acceptance, the developing self -experiences conditions of worth, ways a child must behave to behave to obtain approval. In Rogers personality theory conditional positive regard is the cause of poor self- image and maladjustment."

:yes: I can relate to a lot of this.

It makes sense.
 

rav3n

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"In the Montessori and Waldorf school systems the teachers are facilitators and help the child discover their interests and guide them along in pursuit of their potential and individuality.This is the aim of the Montessori and Waldorf school system. The child already at birth has hidden wisdom locked away within. These school systems allow the developing child to come into their own by helping facilitate and develop the young child's latent gift's and talent's. This is the way parents are supposed to be. Parents should act as custodians, guardians, protectors and role models but never pushing their own agenda and unrealistic personal expectations on top of the child and thereby suffocating the spirit of their children becoming an independent and unique being."
I'd love to see a study on Montessori v. public school, relative to the mental health differences (if any) in their graduates.
 
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