Repeating your own words back to you

[Lark]

I was going to post this in relationships but then I thought it was perhaps more appropriate to general psychology.

What do you think is going on when someone repeats your own words back to you? Either online or offline, I've encountered it in both settings, one of the instances in which it happened the individual was pretty sketchy and shady (to put it mildly) and I believe it was mainly in order to avoid revealing anything about themselves, while seeming to engage in conversation/dialogue.

I've spoken to at least one person who was psychologically trained who has said they dont believe there is any purpose to analyzing people like this as they are just predatory or dangerous types who the best you can hope for is to reduce or prevent the harm they may do to others.

However, I wonder if there's more than one sort of this kind of thing. Also if its a way to spot an AI or bot when it occurs online. There is also the possibility that certain ideas or phrases or wording just gets passed on as memes, become fashionable or begin trending. There are a lot of online cultures which do their communicating in memes so I figure its possible that memes or trends could be an explanation.

There's also the possibility that someone who is using multiple accounts is regurgitating what has been said to one account when using another account, if so, do you think that's something which could become transferable to offline behaviour?

Its weird when I have a conversation some place else, other than here, but online, only to encounter the same phrases and content here on this forum. I've even contacted mods or other posters on occasion to ask if they've noticed this or if anything is known about a particular account.

Or it could be as simple as this is some kind of NLP or PUA trope or tactic? Personally I'm always surprised and disappointed by the extent to which people are just attempting to manipulate others, even distinguish themselves as talented at manipulation, rather than being a good communicator or persuasive, in fact, for a lot of people I've met the two things are totally conflated and undifferentiated. There was a time I thought this was a maturity thing, some of the examples that would have sprung to mind of individuals who did act out the in manner I'm describing were totally broke and I would have imagined were not representative but its begun to trend I think.

It is something that I've tried notice more about others when I think its a possibility.

 

[prplchknz]

I repeat words back to people, not to manipulate them, but rather to make sure I heard correctly. because sometimes i hear things that make no sense and it's like wait is that what they said? I better check. But honestly never given it much thought,

 

[Lark]

I repeat words back to people, not to manipulate them, but rather to make sure I heard correctly. because sometimes i hear things that make no sense and it's like wait is that what they said? I better check. But honestly never given it much thought,

Yeah, that's totally fine, I know plenty of people who do that and its actually a good idea. On some occasions, like if things are highly charged or I've had to tell someone they did not want to hear and I've had to be clear they understood I might ask them to tell me in their own words what I said, which usually solicits some kind of interesting results, you probably can imagine.

No, this is more like if you told someone an anecdote from your day and five minutes later you asked the other person what way their day had been and they told you the same story and you had just told them but with a single detail changed perhaps, say, the colour of a bus or a dog or something. Maybe not five minutes but the next day or something. What is for sure is that you are talking to someone and what they have just said has the serious ring of familiarity. Sometimes its easier to spot people recycling stuff like this on forums but I've seen it online and offline too.

Its something I remember from primary school that kids would do too, like if a two or three children were telling stories about playing football and another child tries to join the conversation but does not play football but tells a story which is totally phony.

Its something different but I've seen people do this and when they've established rapport solicit and shape opinion from others about a third party, that one is in Eric Berne's book Games People Play and its called something like "lets you and I hate them", I've seen it played a lot. Online drama is composed of it almost entirely.

 

[ceecee]

I was always under the impression repeating words back to a person was a positive listening technique, not something nefarious.

The Echo Effect: How Repeating People's Words Improves Social Interaction

 

[Lark]

I was always under the impression repeating words back to a person was a positive listening technique, not something nefarious.

The Echo Effect: How Repeating People's Words Improves Social Interaction

Echo effect?

I'm hopeful this doesnt segway into something about echo chambers...

 

[ceecee]

Echo effect?

I'm hopeful this doesnt segway into something about echo chambers...

 

[Coriolis]

I was always under the impression repeating words back to a person was a positive listening technique, not something nefarious.

I, too, have often seen this advice. I don't consider it nefarious, but it can be annoying and inefficient. I prefer the other person tell me what they think, not parrot back what I think. I don't learn anything that way.

 

[Lark]

I, too, have often seen this advice. I don't consider it nefarious, but it can be annoying and inefficient. I prefer the other person tell me what they think, not parrot back what I think. I don't learn anything that way.

I've heard of this in terms of "mirroring", like if who you are with takes a drink then you take a drink etc.

Like what Prp said about repeating things to clarify them it seems legit what you're talking about, what I'm talking about is a little different.

Edit: Then again it could fall within the lexicon of manipulation, it depends, I could see "mirroring" being included with "negging" in some PUA guide, I dont know for sure though.

 

[Coriolis]

I've heard of this in terms of "mirroring", like if who you are with takes a drink then you take a drink etc.

Like what Prp said about repeating things to clarify them it seems legit what you're talking about, what I'm talking about is a little different.

I prefer just to ask if I am not sure I understood the other person correctly, or to have them point out that I appear to have misunderstood them. Then we can address the issue specifically, clear it up and move on.

 

[Lark]

I prefer just to ask if I am not sure I understood the other person correctly, or to have them point out that I appear to have misunderstood them. Then we can address the issue specifically, clear it up and move on.

That's not exactly what I'm talking about, its not about a possible misunderstanding. It would be interesting if you simply dealt with it by asking about or pointing it out.

Its more like if you were to tell me an anecdote today which I would repeat to you as my anecdote tomorrow. It might be something associated with gas lighting too.

 

[prplchknz]

so do you mean when people try to catch you in a lie not realizing that details of memories change i can't tell you people's color of their shirts in any of my memories so if you ask me that i'm not gonna know and could be accused of lying. which is bullshit.

 

[Lark]

so do you mean when people try to catch you in a lie not realizing that details of memories change i can't tell you people's color of their shirts in any of my memories so if you ask me that i'm not gonna know and could be accused of lying. which is bullshit.

It is within that range, rather than trying to catch you in a lie, its a form of lying, at the very least deceit.

There's a lot of real next level deceit that I've only begun to comprehend on the part of a small number of people that I've been acquainted with for years, I'm finding all this out way to late, to be honest, but I've noticed similar things taking place online as to what I've seen offline. Sometimes its more obvious online. I dont think they are directly related (but in the past I remember messaging Highlander and other mods about it and when I think about that now I cringe because its bound to have appeared lunacy). However, I think its more a case of similar personality traits in the people involved.

Edit: I've also become more interested in linguistic analysis lately too, the way in which people use particular words, the use of pronouns and absolutes.

 

[Luminous]

I was always under the impression repeating words back to a person was a positive listening technique, not something nefarious.

The Echo Effect: How Repeating People's Words Improves Social Interaction

I, too, have often seen this advice. I don't consider it nefarious, but it can be annoying and inefficient. I prefer the other person tell me what they think, not parrot back what I think. I don't learn anything that way.

I prefer just to ask if I am not sure I understood the other person correctly, or to have them point out that I appear to have misunderstood them. Then we can address the issue specifically, clear it up and move on.

Repeating as a positive listening technique can be in effort to show the person that you are actually listening to them, not just thinking about what you're going to say or what you think. It works to make the other person feel heard. And it can work to clarify whether you understood them correctly. It's a way of asking that... "The sky is yellow." "The sky is yellow?" It may be of a more indirect style than you use, but it's still the same question.

That's not exactly what I'm talking about, its not about a possible misunderstanding. It would be interesting if you simply dealt with it by asking about or pointing it out.

Its more like if you were to tell me an anecdote today which I would repeat to you as my anecdote tomorrow. It might be something associated with gas lighting too.

Lark is asking about people repeating your own stories back to you, as if they were their own. Like:

He told Sam that he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb bass, and then when he stopped for gas on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $100,000.
Tomorrow, when he asks how Sam is, Sam tells him he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb cod, and then on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $95,000.

I would assume sarcasm, gas lighting, obnoxiousness, or not being all there mentally...

 

[Coriolis]

That's not exactly what I'm talking about, its not about a possible misunderstanding. It would be interesting if you simply dealt with it by asking about or pointing it out.

Its more like if you were to tell me an anecdote today which I would repeat to you as my anecdote tomorrow. It might be something associated with gas lighting too.

Yes, that is quite different from what I had in mind. It seems like the informal version of plagiarism, at least if one doesn't identify the original source: "Hey, guys - my friend Lark had the strangest thing happen to him yesterday . . . "

Repeating as a positive listening technique can be in effort to show the person that you are actually listening to them, not just thinking about what you're going to say or what you think. It works to make the other person feel heard. And it can work to clarify whether you understood them correctly. It's a way of asking that... "The sky is yellow." "The sky is yellow?" It may be of a more indirect style than you use, but it's still the same question.

Yes, I don't do this prefer others don't do it to me. If I am not sure I understood the person correctly, I will tell them so, and point out what seems to be the confusing part and ask them to clarify. If my own words are parroted back in question form like your example, I am tempted to reply: "No, of course it isn't. That's why I said it was yellow." Why would I say it if I didn't think it was true and a worthwhile thing to say? The question seems redundant at best, insulting at worst as it almost seems to question whether I meant what I said.

 

[Luminous]

Yes, I don't do this prefer others don't do it to me. If I am not sure I understood the person correctly, I will tell them so, and point out what seems to be the confusing part and ask them to clarify. If my own words are parroted back in question form like your example, I am tempted to reply: "No, of course it isn't. That's why I said it was yellow." Why would I say it if I didn't think it was true and a worthwhile thing to say? The question seems redundant at best, insulting at worst as it almost seems to question whether I meant what I said.

It's likely, if I were to ask you this, that I would actually mean, I must have heard you incorrectly-"The sky is yellow?" Or Why is the sky yellow? Could you elaborate? It's a way of asking without so many words, more efficiently.

 

[Coriolis]

It's likely, if I were to ask you this, that I would actually mean, I must have heard you incorrectly-"The sky is yellow?" Or Why is the sky yellow? Could you elaborate? It's a way of asking without so many words, more efficiently.

Not if it confuses me and results in a request for clarification, which you must then address before getting the reply you originally wanted. I see no substitute for saying what you actually mean. It cuts down on much misunderstanding.

 

[prplchknz]

He told Sam that he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb bass, and then when he stopped for gas on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $100,000.
Tomorrow, when he asks how Sam is, Sam tells him he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb cod, and then on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $95,000.

I would assume sarcasm, gas lighting, obnoxiousness, or not being all there mentally...

thank you! so oral plagerism yeah that's bullshit well it's not bullshit but the fact people do that is bullshit.

 

[Luminous]

Not if it confuses me and results in a request for clarification, which you must then address before getting the reply you originally wanted. I see no substitute for saying what you actually mean. It cuts down on much misunderstanding.

Ah, but see, it is what I actually mean. I'm trying to highlight the different communication styles here. Both of us are saying what we actually mean. It's a difference of directing vs informing styles of communication. And yes, being careful to elaborate is important for all of us to be able to understand each other.

 

[Coriolis]

Ah, but see, it is what I actually mean. I'm trying to highlight the different communication styles here. Both of us are saying what we actually mean. It's a difference of directing vs informing styles of communication. And yes, being careful to elaborate is important for all of us to be able to understand each other.

If it were what you actually mean, you would not have needed to specify that in the quote below:

It's likely, if I were to ask you this, that I would actually mean, I must have heard you incorrectly-"The sky is yellow?" Or Why is the sky yellow? Could you elaborate? It's a way of asking without so many words, more efficiently.

The second quote suggests that what you actually meant was something other than what you originally said.

 

[Luminous]

If it were what you actually mean, you would not have needed to specify that in the quote below:

The second quote suggests that what you actually meant was something other than what you originally said.

I may be misunderstanding you here, but I'll respond as if I'm not.

No, I would have meant exactly what I originally said, but you, with a different communication style, would have heard it in a different way than I meant it.

It's likely that someone else with an informing style would have understood what I was asking without me elaborating, similarly to how someone else with a direct style would have asked the question in a way where you immediately understood them.

The website I want to refer to is down (401 Unauthorized), so this will have to do: MBTI Communication: Informing vs. Directing – Andrew Thomasson

If there was no milk left, someone with a directing communication style would say, “Would you buy some milk while you’re out?” Someone with the informing communication style would say something like, “We’re out of milk.”

The theory is that NJ’s and ST’s used the directing communication style while NP’s and SF’s used the informing communication style.