Repeating your own words back to you

[rav3n]

If you're concerned when people repeat things back to you, why not ask them in a non-confrontational manner?

'Hey, I noticed that you repeat my words back to me which makes me curious why this happens.'

 

[Lark]

Repeating as a positive listening technique can be in effort to show the person that you are actually listening to them, not just thinking about what you're going to say or what you think. It works to make the other person feel heard. And it can work to clarify whether you understood them correctly. It's a way of asking that... "The sky is yellow." "The sky is yellow?" It may be of a more indirect style than you use, but it's still the same question.



Lark is asking about people repeating your own stories back to you, as if they were their own. Like:

He told Sam that he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb bass, and then when he stopped for gas on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $100,000.
Tomorrow, when he asks how Sam is, Sam tells him he went fishing yesterday and caught a 100lb cod, and then on the way home, he bought a lotto ticket and won $95,000.

I would assume sarcasm, gas lighting, obnoxiousness, or not being all there mentally...

The difference I think is that in the first instance, when its active listening, its obvious to the person being listened to what is happening but in the second case something else is happening. It can simply be a sort of strange test of the persons attention or what they are liable to notice and then a check on if they do notice this what way do they react, what do they do when they notice it and whether or not they do nothing. I've seen it associated with a whole bunch of different things which is part of the reason why I mention it to see if anyone else has encountered it too. Like whether its a PUA thing or NLP thing or something more sinister.

 

[Lark]

Yes, that is quite different from what I had in mind. It seems like the informal version of plagiarism, at least if one doesn't identify the original source: "Hey, guys - my friend Lark had the strangest thing happen to him yesterday . . . "


Yes, I don't do this prefer others don't do it to me. If I am not sure I understood the person correctly, I will tell them so, and point out what seems to be the confusing part and ask them to clarify. If my own words are parroted back in question form like your example, I am tempted to reply: "No, of course it isn't. That's why I said it was yellow." Why would I say it if I didn't think it was true and a worthwhile thing to say? The question seems redundant at best, insulting at worst as it almost seems to question whether I meant what I said.

Well, there's that but there's also "Hey, Lark - I had the strangest thing happen to me yesterday . . . " and you're thinking to yourself, wait, that's a bit familiar, WTF, that's what I told you happened to me yesterday, what the hell are you on about?

 

[Frosty]

I did this often when I worked in food service jobs. It annoyed some people but, caused a lot less problems than messing up someones order would have.

So I get repeating in certain circumstances.

 

[Coriolis]

I did this often when I worked in food service jobs. It annoyed some people but, caused a lot less problems than messing up someones order would have.

So I get repeating in certain circumstances.

It is not unreasonable to repeat back information when it concerns an order like this, or payment information, or nurses administering meds, or something else where it is important that exact details be transmitted.

I may be misunderstanding you here, but I'll respond as if I'm not.

No, I would have meant exactly what I originally said, but you, with a different communication style, would have heard it in a different way than I meant it.

It's likely that someone else with an informing style would have understood what I was asking without me elaborating, similarly to how someone else with a direct style would have asked the question in a way where you immediately understood them.

The example in your spoiler is classic. I think it highlights how what you are calling "directing communication style" is overall much clearer. I am assuming that both people in the example would like the other person to buy milk.

The directive person expresses exactly that: the desire that the other person buy milk. The informative person expresses that there is no more milk. The desire is assumed, not stated. This easily results in minor disconnects like this, when another person tries to read between the lines.

I: We're out of milk.
D: Would you like me to pick some up while I am out?
I: No, I'll get it myself tomorrow. I want to try a different kind but have to see them to know which one.

My INTP communicates very much in this informing style. When I want to tease him, I will respond to statements like "we're out of milk" with something like "That's too bad".

 

[Maou]

I ask people to repeat themselves because I'm deaf. No one ever repeats what I say, so I assume they are not listening or understand half the time.

I have seen bullies repeat stuff back in a mocking format, but I don't think that is the same as this topic.

 

[LittleCat]

I usually don’t tell people about what’s going on in my life, so I’ve fortunately not had to put up with hearing variations of my own anecdote from others. I’d find it disconcerting - are they trying to fit in? Are they compulsive liars? Are they straight up jerks or someone without a life of their own? Whatever the answer is, they’re clearly not worth your time or trouble.

 

[Obfuscate]

The Echo Effect: How Repeating People's Words Improves Social Interaction

it has an effect when it happens verbally...

Mirroring Body Language: 4 Steps To Successfully Mirror Others

it also has an effect when done physically...

there is some of this that happens subconciously, though some people use it intentionally... sometimes people do it fishing for information or to clear up a misunderstanding... if it happens excessively, it is a good idea to dedicate a little more effort into analyzing them and their intentions... building an awareness of these types of techniques is worthwhile so you have an idea of when they are deployed... not everyone who uses them has bad intentions... there are plenty of normal people who get nervous and look for any edge to make something go right... *shrugs*