Narcissism?

[Kaiser]

Hello evrryone. I have some personal issues that is destroying my relationships with other people. I am aware I have a lot to work on to become a better person, and I am not proud of the personality traits I possess.

My parents split up when I was about 2 years old. My father became an alcoholic and my mother met a narcissist, so I haven't had good father figures in my life.

In present time, I have found out these things about myself:

Extremely selfish

Pessimistic

Anger issues, I'm frustrated 24/7

I have a all or nothing personality

I'm impossible to motivate.

I lie a lot. Even about unnecessary things.

Low amount of empathy (but I have it. I care deeply about those who are close to me)

I want everything to be done my way or I will get so angry I'll do or say anything to make it happen. If it still doesn't go my way I will get cranky and sad.

I'm extremely afraid of being controlled by others.

I am excellent at first impressions. I have been described as charming and kind. Small talk is easy.

Low self esteem, I don't deserve anything and I always assume I'm the worst. I usually try to avoid being at the centre of attention.

I take everything personally and get really defensive. I know criticism is important but I still can't respond well to it.

My father has called my a psychopath, which I'm not. My girlfriend has called me a sadist, which I'm not either. She thinks I enjoy picking a fight and gain pleasure from it. She also says I abuse her emotionally. It is never my intention, I never purposefully try to hurt her. (Just to be clear, I never hurt her physically).

I have for a long time thought she was the issue, that she is A nagging, uptight freak but in reality I was the problem all along why our relationship is as bad as it is. I'm impossible to deal with, and no matter what she does I'm not happy. I'm not thankful for anything she does. But I do care about her, and I really feel I'd do anything to make her happy.

I have applied to see a pshychologist, but its like a 6 month waiting period. So I'm asking you guys; what's wrong with me? Am I just a troubled young adult that is searching for his identity or is it something wrong with me? I'm tired of feeling, thinking and behaving the way I do and no matter how hard I try I end up behaving the exact same way again.

I know my behaviour is childish and bad so I don't need to hear it. I just want to get better. Identify the problem and work on it. I appreciate all your help.

 

[Maou]

Sounds like you've had a shitty life. But you've already made the first step to self awareness. Many people don't realize their flaws. So good work.

The first step to self improvement is acceptance, but with a grain of salt. Try to understand WHY you are this way. Try to alter these behaviors consciously. Remind yourself constantly that you do not want to be X. Recognize you cannot change everything about yourself as well. Meditate on reasons why. Recall the past, think of how you could have done things differently. Draw comparisons to the present, and do those differences. Be patient with yourself. Be forgiving. But also be vigilent. You only fail when you give up completely.

I dont know if helpful, as Im bad at that. But best of luck!

 

[Forever]

I've heard that narcissism is getting more accepted, and not really an "offensive" name as much as it used to be.

But if you usually accuse yourself as being one, you're likely not one, as real narcissists can't understand that part of themselves.

It was funny I used to think I was one, it's just mind games/projection from others. Give them no heed.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

How old are you?

It is possible to be narcissistic and be aware of it, just uncommon, at least on a pathological level. Getting help is an enormous step and you should feel good about doing so. I don't think narcissism is at the core of your issues though and focusing on the root of your anger would be wise. You also may be chronically depressed and just ego-centric, which can make for some really unsavory breakdowns and blow-ups.

Also, be kind to yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but you are probably projecting your perfectionism and subsequent disappointment in yourself onto others.

 

[Seymour]

I've heard that narcissism is getting more accepted, and not really an "offensive" name as much as it used to be.

But if you usually accuse yourself as being one, you're likely not one, as real narcissists can't understand that part of themselves.

It was funny I used to think I was one, it's just mind games/projection from others. Give them no heed.

In practice it seems that narcissists actually admit and embrace being narcissistic (or at least having narcissistic qualities).

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Regardless of anything, I respect the fact that you come seeking external perspectives instead of dismissing them. It suggests you are not a narcissist. This (from the article above) is more or less what my narcissistic father does and it is like talking to someone delusional, also why he has ended up alone:

Perhaps narcissists assume that others are just failing to realize how awesome they really are. They may think that people are just "too dim to recognize their brilliance." Another possibility is that narcissists may think critics are "jealous of them." They may take in negative feedback but then think to themselves: those haters are just jealous!

I could never imagine my father possessing the ability to perceive the harm he does to others as valid required to make a post like this. I could never imagine him understanding that everyone else is not mispercieving him or even seeing a need to change this way.

I don't think ignoring negative things is the solution at all, but to go through them and understand even when they are difficult as to reach a well-earned, substantial positive. So, I hope you find the answers you need in order to lead a better life.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Hello evrryone. I have some personal issues that is destroying my relationships with other people. I am aware I have a lot to work on to become a better person, and I am not proud of the personality traits I possess.

My parents split up when I was about 2 years old. My father became an alcoholic and my mother met a narcissist, so I haven't had good father figures in my life.

In present time, I have found out these things about myself:

Extremely selfish

Pessimistic

Anger issues, I'm frustrated 24/7

I have a all or nothing personality

I'm impossible to motivate.

I lie a lot. Even about unnecessary things.

Low amount of empathy (but I have it. I care deeply about those who are close to me)

I want everything to be done my way or I will get so angry I'll do or say anything to make it happen. If it still doesn't go my way I will get cranky and sad.

I'm extremely afraid of being controlled by others.

I am excellent at first impressions. I have been described as charming and kind. Small talk is easy.

Low self esteem, I don't deserve anything and I always assume I'm the worst. I usually try to avoid being at the centre of attention.

I take everything personally and get really defensive. I know criticism is important but I still can't respond well to it.

My father has called my a psychopath, which I'm not. My girlfriend has called me a sadist, which I'm not either. She thinks I enjoy picking a fight and gain pleasure from it. She also says I abuse her emotionally. It is never my intention, I never purposefully try to hurt her. (Just to be clear, I never hurt her physically).

I have for a long time thought she was the issue, that she is A nagging, uptight freak but in reality I was the problem all along why our relationship is as bad as it is. I'm impossible to deal with, and no matter what she does I'm not happy. I'm not thankful for anything she does. But I do care about her, and I really feel I'd do anything to make her happy.

I have applied to see a pshychologist, but its like a 6 month waiting period. So I'm asking you guys; what's wrong with me? Am I just a troubled young adult that is searching for his identity or is it something wrong with me? I'm tired of feeling, thinking and behaving the way I do and no matter how hard I try I end up behaving the exact same way again.

I know my behaviour is childish and bad so I don't need to hear it. I just want to get better. Identify the problem and work on it. I appreciate all your help.

You're far from being harmful.

You have deep insecurity issues and often feel cornered, which is why you unsheathe your fangs to keep control and others at bay. You might've been perceived as selfish while you're actually trying too hard to ensure your survival and protect your image in your own desperate way of coping.


The others will take it from here and let you know what do to change that, if not already done.

 

[Forever]

In practice it seems that narcissists actually admit and embrace being narcissistic (or at least having narcissistic qualities).

Please read the bolded.

I've heard that narcissism is getting more accepted, and not really an "offensive" name as much as it used to be.


But if you usually accuse yourself as being one, you're likely not one, as real narcissists can't understand that part of themselves.


It was funny I used to think I was one, it's just mind games/projection from others. Give them no heed.

Of course, it's also possible that narcissists are fully aware of the meaning of narcissism and the negative impact they have on others, but just don't care as long as it doesn't get in the way of their goals.The researchers also found that new acquaintances viewed narcissists more positively than well-acquainted others. Those who just met the narcissists did tend to have a favorable impression of those individuals, whereas those who knew them much longer tended to have a much more negative impression.
Again, the narcissists in their sample were fully aware of this.

 

[Kaiser]

How old are you? It is possible to be narcissistic and be aware of it, just uncommon, at least on a pathological level. Getting help is an enormous step and you should feel good about doing so. I don't think narcissism is at the core of your issues though and focusing on the root of your anger would be wise. You also may be chronically depressed and just ego-centric, which can make for some really unsavory breakdowns and blow-ups. Also, be kind to yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but you are probably projecting your perfectionism and subsequent disappointment in yourself onto others.

I'm 20 years old.
The anger is the worst and I can admit one of my biggest worries. Everything kinda turns black when I'm in rage, and afterwards I have trouble remembering what I said or did during that state. The root of my anger is up to the pshychologist to find out I guess.
The title of the thread is Narcissism because i relate to a lot of the symptoms except a grandiose view of myself. I have also considered bipolar, depression and asbergers. I just want to get to the bottom of the issue and solve it, and it make frustrated because I know it won't be easy.

 

[Kaiser]

I've heard that narcissism is getting more accepted, and not really an "offensive" name as much as it used to be. But if you usually accuse yourself as being one, you're likely not one, as real narcissists can't understand that part of themselves. It was funny I used to think I was one, it's just mind games/projection from others. Give them no heed.

Yeah I may not be one. I have considered other possibilities too, but its likely just insecurity issues mixed with rage. It's crazy that narcissism has gotten a better rep over the years.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm 20 years old.
The anger is the worst and I can admit one of my biggest worries. Everything kinda turns black when I'm in rage, and afterwards I have trouble remembering what I said or did during that state. The root of my anger is up to the pshychologist to find out I guess.
The title of the thread is Narcissism because i relate to a lot of the symptoms except a grandiose view of myself. I have also considered bipolar, depression and asbergers. I just want to get to the bottom of the issue and solve it, and it make frustrated because I know it won't be easy.

Bipolar could very well be it.
Commit to treatment and you'll get to a better place, regardless of the source. You've got your whole life ahead of your for improvement.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

Like others, I am also disinclined to think that you have a personality disorder like NPD - from what you've revealed here. Personality disorders are serious stuff. I have mixed feelings towards psychology myself, but I would encourage you to reach out to a counselor in your area to at least get some perspective into the issue. You might just need to tell this stuff to someone who's an objective third party. Meds can also help; I've heard that lamictal is a good medication for stabilizing mood. Anyway, all I'm saying is that talk therapy works for some, but not all. And you may just need a good mood stabilizer, which could help you with your relationships.

 

[prplchknz]

Talk to a therapist none of us can dx you but i doubt you're a narcissist.

 

[Red Memories]

Psychologists can diagnose you

MUCH better than amateurs on the interwebs. go.

 

[Kaiser]

Psychologists can diagnose you MUCH better than amateurs on the interwebs. go.

I agree. I have applied but I will have to wait a while for my appointment. That's why I thought in the meantime I would seek advice from you guys. You don't know me personally and it's nice to tell someone how I feel without consequences.
Thanks everone for your help. I'll let you know how it turns out.

 

[rav3n]

Have you tried this dark triad test? It's not an official diagnosis but might help to provide you with a ballpark, as long as you answer the questions honestly.

Dark Triad Personality Test