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Gossip: What is the reasoning for gossip, pro and con?

Lark

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Well to be fair these are limiting times for the forum. Now I'm not saying that the queen bees have anything to do with it per se, but I do know that every time I've tried asking about what queen bees even are, people suddenly get very quiet and suspicious.

In what sense is that meant? I dont think there is anyone with "seniority" amongst moderators for instance but I get the sense that is not what you are referring to, plus its in the context of gossip so is it that gossip indicates there are "queen bees" or that "queen bees" generate gossip or take advantage of gossip?

I dont believe that gossip is ever a good thing at all, its like the development of cliches which then act to develop in-groups and out-groups, engage in different sorts of social policing, play manipulative games and score points of others reactions/responses.

Some of that I've seen on this forum, some of it I've seen on other forums and in other internet contexts too, its entirely negative but I have seen it occuring offline too and its also negative, often more serious too, and I've also see a sort of back and forth reinforcement of each by each. This is apart from what I would describe as trolling, which is frequently an individual in isolation. This is something else and it possibly more "territorial".
 

Zhaylin

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I don't participate in negative gossip. "Boy she's putting on weight!" or "did you hear so and so is having an affair?"
Not my business, not my place.
But if people want to build someone up or there is genuine concern, I'll participate.
"So and so has been putting on (or losing weight). I hope her sugar is okay (or she's not sick)." Is something I'll listen to and chime in over- usually offering some hindsight or suggestion to help.
Or, if someone wants to point out how proud they are of someone, I'll join in... so long as it doesn't turn into passive/aggressive bashing. "He has been DOING so well in school. I'm really proud of him. (Now, if only I could get him to push the bottle away.)"

I think gossip has it's place, so long as it's not used as a weapon.
 

Lark

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I don't participate in negative gossip. "Boy she's putting on weight!" or "did you hear so and so is having an affair?"
Not my business, not my place.
But if people want to build someone up or there is genuine concern, I'll participate.
"So and so has been putting on (or losing weight). I hope her sugar is okay (or she's not sick)." Is something I'll listen to and chime in over- usually offering some hindsight or suggestion to help.
Or, if someone wants to point out how proud they are of someone, I'll join in... so long as it doesn't turn into passive/aggressive bashing. "He has been DOING so well in school. I'm really proud of him. (Now, if only I could get him to push the bottle away.)"

I think gossip has it's place, so long as it's not used as a weapon.

I think its one of the most weaponised things I can think of.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events and great minds talk about ideas, or something like that, but I think that's the difference between discussion and gossip.
 

Coriolis

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That was always a risk considering that the meaning/ context behind this thread's initial mention of "queen bees" escaped me entirely.
There is an obvious way to dispel any confusion on the matter, assuming of course you wish for it to be dispelled.
 

Sacrophagus

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I always held people who gossip in low regards. In the unlikely event I happened to be sitting with someone with such tendencies, sometimes I would get confrontational and tell them "Did you tell them this in their face?" and shut them down. I despise that kind of gossip in which one is trying to polish their image by dismantling someone else, or worse, insidious, manipulative and cunning hypocrites.
 

Coriolis

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I always held people who gossip in low regards. In the unlikely event I happened to be sitting with someone with such tendencies, sometimes I would get confrontational and tell them "Did you tell them this in their face?" and shut them down. I despise that kind of gossip in which one is trying to polish their image by dismantling someone else, or worse, insidious, manipulative and cunning hypocrites.
I have done this as well. I had an office mate in grad school who had some disagreement with another student and was trying to get me to take her part. She would carry on at me about things "Jane" had done - situations I had nothing to do with and did not observe - and try to get me to agree that she was a horrible person. I would always tell her to take it up with Jane directly. I believe this is at the root of why she stopped being friends with me. I never had any trouble with Jane. Good riddance.
 

Earl Grey

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I have done this as well. I had an office mate in grad school who had some disagreement with another student and was trying to get me to take her part. She would carry on at me about things "Jane" had done - situations I had nothing to do with and did not observe - and try to get me to agree that she was a horrible person. I would always tell her to take it up with Jane directly. I believe this is at the root of why she stopped being friends with me. I never had any trouble with Jane. Good riddance.

I call it the trash taking itself out. The funny part is the person doing such a thing are probably also insecure and are looking for backing, validation- dogs that bark louder only in packs. So it is mildly hilarious to see them blow up or feel 'betrayed' (terrible basis for feeling so, really) if they see me talking to the person they were railing against. It's extremely difficult for me to just shape my view of a person purely based off the accounts of other people around them- let alone just 1-2 people. Other than needing the courage, companionship or validation, I have no idea how the people who do so can somehow believe that their personal accounts can dictate and form how someone else chooses to take action, or that they hold some kind of absolute credence.

I'd say my stance stems from extreme degrees of IDC and aloofness, though.
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

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People are treating "gossip" like it's all about personal cattiness, but it can also be simply an exchange of information. "Did you hear about So-and-So's daughter? She was involved in a horrible accident..."

In our hunter-gatherer days, this could be a valuable survival tool. It helps us survive when we know if a tribe is likely to be hostile when we move through their territory, if there is any water in the direction we're headed, if this guy is a jerk, or if there's a man-eating lion at the watering hole.

I assume when humans gossip, it is rooted in that survival need.
 

Jaguar

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gos·sip

noun
1.
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
"He became the subject of much local gossip"
synonyms: rumor (s), whispers, stories, tales, canards, tidbits; idle talk, scandal, hearsay; malicious gossip, whispering campaign, smear campaign
 

Mole

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We relate to others face to face, by gossiping about them to others, and by imagining talking to them.

So a relationship has three elements, including gossip.

But what is interesting is the three elements are kept secret from each other, and when we discover that what we say face to face, is not what we say when we gossip, and not what we say to them in our imagination.

So a normal relationship includes systematic deception, or we can use the weasel words of 'being tactful'.
 
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chickpea

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In recent years, research on the positive effects of gossip has proliferated. Rather than just a means to humiliate people and make them cry in the bathroom, gossip is now being considered by scientists as a way to learn about cultural norms, bond with others, promote cooperation, and even, as one recent study found, allow individuals to gauge their own success and social standing.

Dunbar’s theory is that as humans were fruitful and multiplied, we began to live in larger groups and it became hard to keep track of what everybody was up to just by observing them. And so, we needed language. Language allows us to know what other people have been doing, even if we weren’t there to witness it.

When a person chooses to share a story about someone else, it’s because they think that story is significant in some way. It might just be scandal or the thrill of some out-of-the-ordinary news. But researchers wrote in a 2004 study in the Review of General Psychology: “In many cases defamation of the target’s character is not the primary goal, and may even be irrelevant.”

Whisper network - Wikipedia
 

Mole

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I live in the political Capital of continent, and I can tell you gossip is political. Gossip is one way of gaining political power.
 

Lark

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Just to change up the discussion a little, maybe, what role do you think gossip plays in the forum? Is it what draws people to the forum in the first place? Is it what makes people stay? Does it account for the popularity of the fluff threads? Or single sentence posting? What role do you think Discord or similar peripherals play in it?
 

Luminous

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Just to change up the discussion a little, maybe, what role do you think gossip plays in the forum?

Gossip, if we mean talking about someone behind their back for reasons unrelated to concern about their wellbeing, so as a largely negative thing, I think is probably the source of some drama, or fuel for that drama.

Is it what draws people to the forum in the first place?

No. People aren't that interested in people they don't know. An interest in typology and relationship issues are my guesses for what draws most people here. Has gossip ever drawn you anywhere?

Is it what makes people stay?

Not if they're like me.

Does it account for the popularity of the fluff threads?

What does gossip have to do with the fluff threads at all? Honestly? Do you think people are speaking in code or something? Where is the gossip you speak of? Give examples.

Or single sentence posting?

Same response as above. What?

What role do you think Discord or similar peripherals play in it?

Not the TypoC server for the most part, no. There's probably a bit of gossip there, but it's mostly not gossip and is people conversing with each other, mostly talking about themselves.
 

Venus Rose

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I don't mean to cast a subtype in a negative light, but I have noticed that Social types can be concerned with "what's going on with whom, and between this and this person, and..." you get the gist. They seem quite invested in that, since they want to be able to belong. They may be more prone to "gossip" perhaps because of their need to know what's going on with people around them.

I personally do not "gossip" more so just talk about what I am actually bothered by; so the only reason I will mention someone else, while speaking with someone else is...is when I need to talk about that. I am not "gossiping" and I am not usually interested in that all that much

sometimes people are also excessively image-concerned and they want to drag someone down or something; it's "nasty" as my brother calls it. I was not aware of these things until recently since it seems like i saw the best in people
 

Mole

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We relate to others face to face, by gossiping about them to others, and by imagining talking to them.

So a relationship has three elements, including gossip.

But what is interesting is the three elements are kept secret from each other, and when we discover that what we say face to face, is not what we say when we gossip, and not what we say to them in our imagination.

So a normal relationship includes systematic deception, or we can use the weasel words of 'being tactful'.
 

Polka

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Lower cerebral primitive reasons. I think some personalities naturally tend to gravitate towards certain behaviors more than others. Small-mindedness is associated with character deficit disorders like Narcissism, and it's hosts of other psychopathilogies.
 

MyINFJness

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Gossip: a great way to show the world what an empty shell of a person you are. Although I do in fact love everyone, I feel a great sense of disappointment when I observe this behavior in others. Like my fellow human being is really letting me-and all the rest of us-down. Perhaps a symptom of some true despair and misery in one's life. So very sad . . .
 
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